Written by Jamie Martin, editor of Simple Homeschool and writer at Steady Mom
I often write that homeschooling is not for the faint of heart–it always takes courage to choose a different direction from the majority. And though there are serious benefits to the lifestyle we’ve chosen, there are also sacrifices we make when we decide to home educate.
Recently Weiyun Lee asked this question on my Facebook page:
“Has anybody ever felt that homeschooling can sometimes be a lonely route to take? This is our first year, and overall I have to say it’s been a rewarding and exciting journey.
But every once in a while, it does feel like the path less taken and we as parents need to shake it off, pray for strength and persevere on.”
Our experience of whether or not homeschooling feels lonely could depend on a variety of factors: our personality type, the homeschooling support in our neck of the woods, our location, the relationships in our life or our kids’ lives, and so on. What has your experience been like?
That’s our question for the day:
Have you found homeschooling to be a lonely lifestyle? How do you deal with the loneliness and challenges? Any advice for Weiyun Lee or others who may feel like her?
I haven’t started homeschooling yet but I was homeschooled for 1st through 8th grade (back when a lot fewer people were choosing to educated at home). I would agree with Weiyun that it’s a mix: sometimes is very exciting and there are other times it can be a bit lonely. Thankfully there are a lot of ways (especially now) you can reach out and find people to connect with.
Steph’s latest post: An Open Letter to Introverts in the Church
I think homeschooling has the potential to isolate you or your family unless you’re intentional about fostering relationships with those outside your own home. We have such fun schooling at home, and that fun takes up a lot of time – it’s great time, but it doesn’t always leave us with time to connect (or reconnect) with others. We have to put energy into getting with other people, whether through a homeschool support group, co-op, small group, etc. For instance, when we take field trips to local parks for nature programs, will I make the effort to talk to other moms whose kids are playing with my son? I might make a new friend, or have a chance to be a friend to someone else. This is relatively easy to do, but requires a bit of forethought and a little risk. But, it’s worth it!
I think it can be lonely, and sometimes I like that it lets us be alone (which is not the same thing as lonely). But I think maybe ‘isolated’ is a better word, especially when you live in a place where there aren’t many other homeschoolers, or the homeschoolers that *are* around don’t mix with your particular philosophy.
Having grow up as a public schooler, myself, though, well that was extremely lonely, too. As they say, you can be in the middle of a crowd without feeling a part of it. I wonder how many homeschool parents are introverts?
For those who are (myself, included!), forcing yourself to just GET OUT THERE can be difficult, but when you do, you begin to realize you aren’t as secluded as you might think (at least that’s been the case for us).
And don’t you love how awesome the online communities for homeschool are? 🙂
Angela’s latest post: Homeschool Parents: A Question.
I will raise my hand here and say I’m an introvert! I have thought about this too, and I think it makes a huge difference! Good point.
shelli : mamaofletters’s latest post: Losing a Canine Companion
I agree with the above comments. It is difficult to force myself to look for friends, when most of the time my family is sufficient for me. As my oldest become teenagers, however, I have noticed how much they need a little more social activity. We work hard to connect often with their friends even when the conflict between homeschool schedule and public school schedule makes this difficult. This helps us to keep a balance between alone and lonely.
Jen@anothergranolamom’s latest post: 3 Great Places for Young Artists
I don’t think it’s lonely for my children at all (they are 5 and 3 and this is our first “official” year of homeschooling). They are involved in lots of activities and classes and see friends and community members all the time in daily life (i.e, the library, friends’ birthday parties, etc.). It can, however, feel lonely for ME. I think this is because going against the grain (in any arena) can feel lonely, since you’re walking an independent path. Plus, a lot of my friends don’t really “get” homeschooling. They don’t really seem to understand what goes into homeschooling and I think many just see me as a glorified housewife or something, which is obviously demoralizing. But I do have other friends who are supportive and I am optimistic that as my family continues along our journey, I will find more and more people in my area who are homeschoolers/like-minded. (Additionally, I think it’s worth pointing out that I think many people our age–just in this phase of life with young children–would point out things can get lonely whether they’re homeschoolers or not, working moms or stay-at-home moms. It’s just plain hard to make friends at this life stage. A recent article in the NYT by Alex Williams called “Friends of a Certain Age” http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all illuminates this idea further. So we should be careful not to confuse homeschooling lonliness with just plain mid-life loneliness, know what I mean?)
I agree with the above comments, too. I have to be very intentional about making sure my girls are involved in outside activities. It was easier when they were younger. Now that they are 8th & 11th grade, they don’t always have an interest in field trips or social gatherings. Fortunately, one is on our worship team at church and the other volunteers at a marine aquarium with a group several times a month. I do think our family is very close knit because of homeschooling. I have friends who have 16 year olds who are never home. We like being at home together!
I think loneliness for me came more when I became a stay-at-home-mom. I didn’t know a lot of other moms, and the friends I had were not moms, but by homeschooling and trying to meet friends for my kids, I have slowly begun to meet other mothers with similar interests and that helps a lot. And getting out into community classes with the kids has been great too.
I have always been the kind of person who has taken the road less traveled, and though it hasn’t been easy at all, I guess it has made me thick-skinned when it comes to homeschooling.
It remains to be seen how I’ll feel in the future, especially as I watch my boys and want them to create meaningful relationships with other people. If we have trouble with that, then everything will change. But so far, so good!
shelli : mamaofletters’s latest post: Losing a Canine Companion
I have found it can be lonely but we are also a large family, 10 of us total, so that plays a big part in feeling like an outsider. We have a couple close friends that we hang out with regularly but for the most part we tend to stick to ourselves. We do have a homeschool co-op in our area but for personal reasons have withdrawn from it.
Elizabeth’s latest post: Peach Tea
I think this time of year particularly it feels a bit lonely. I keep running out for butter or milk, and see all these moms back to school shopping with their kids, and even if the moms are stressed and the kids are acting up, it still seems like a silly little thing we’re missing out on. I look back to MY mom, homeschooling back in the day before internet, and think she must have felt quite isolated. But she powered through! At the moment, my 12 year old is lonely, but I think she would be in public school, too. She’s a tomboy and doesn’t seem to make friends easily. We’re excited to start the new school year next year, and join up with some new groups. Maybe her best friend is in there, waiting for her. 🙂
melyssa’s latest post: Conservatively Liberal
Yes it can be. The aspect of going against the stream is one piece that’s made it feel a little lonely for me. I have had moments of stunned awe as I realized I was the one making decisions about what we study and no one else. It takes a certain amount of confidence and independence to be comfortable with doing things differently. We also homeschooled for 18 months before we connected with other homeschoolers in our town. That was tough. Thankfully there are quite a few homeschoolers in our town and we all just persisted in getting connected, so now we have a new active group. WHile I waited for a local group, connecting online with people really helped me.
Becca’s latest post: Thankful Thursday – August 30
I am about to enter my third year of homeschooling my son, an only child. We live in an urban area with many activities nearby. However… My son came to us through adoption, later in our life, so he is the only young child in our extended family. We also live miles away from extended family (meaning no cousins, no grandparents nearby). The kids in our neighbourhood all attend school. I work 20 hours per week in addition to homeschooling, and due to child care needs must work on Fridays, when most local homeschooling support groups meet. Although I’m convinced that homeschooling has been best for our son so far, I do find it lonely. My son is very social, and I find myself often falling short of the energy to supply his social needs. He is not an extrovert or a loner, and craves constant interaction with people. We attend church, got to local parks and rec centres often, are members of the YMCA and have my son enrolled in enrichment classes and community camps. But he is missing the regular interaction and long-term relationship building skills (including conflict resolution) that comes with seeing the same kids over and over (either through school, cousins, etc.). Sunday School and other activities are structured and leader-led, and often are just too short to provide the relational skills practice that my son could really benefit from. I have tried reaching out to other homeschooling families I know, but they have more than one child and are so busy attending to the needs of their families that it falls to me to pursue playdates, etc. with them and feels very one-sided. So in all honesty, homeschooling (even with all of the wonderful benefits and even if it’s the right choice for your child) can be very lonely even if one is doing all they can to provide social activities for their child. I am thankful for homeschooling blogs, which help me feel connected to a broader homeschooling community.
Your response to homeschooling an only child Is s true! I also homeschool my “only”. He is nine and very energetic. He wakes up and usually his first question is: ‘Mom, what are we doing today?’ We also know other homeschooling families but hey have many children and I have the ‘same chasing them down’ here too.
I’m often at a loss to fill our days. He gets bored and often, the only way I get five minutes peace, is let him have screen time. With no siblings to play with our days can be lonely and long! There are a whole set of challenges homeschooling our only children. *sigh* I wish I had more to say other than simple agreement – but I get your world mama!
Kim,
I homeschool my son who is 8 and when i meet parents who homeschool they ask, is he your only? I had never heard the term “my only” its so cute! I do find that there are few with only one and homeschooling one has its good and challenging times as well. Some parents dont think it’s as hard schooling only one, but for all the reasons you stated it has its own challenges. We are starting up with a couple of new groups this fall, but are there groups for families that homeschool one that you know of?
We recently moved and I homeschool my two middle schoolers. It’s EXTREMELY hard to connect with other kids at this age. It’s usually very awkward and uncomfortable and most kids this age aren’t interested in being forced with strangers to be “friends”. Even with a co-op it isn’t any better. They see the kids a couple hours, one day a week. It’s not nearly enough time to really get to know each other. They shy away from evening activities because all of the other kids know each other from school. In the neighborhood all of the other kids are busy with school friends at these ages. I do love a lot of things about homeschooling but I often feel like I’m robbing my kids of natural every day social opportunities. They never get beyond “acquaintances” in homeschooling and at their ages they are too old for meeting at the park. Often we meet families who aren’t interested or don’t have time to meet up. These are the things homeschoolers don’t tell you. I worry that they’re missing out on being a part of a community of families, teachers, etc. We will more than likely put them in school next year. I want them to learn how to have every day friendships that aren’t awkward and forced
Anita,
Your experience sounds so much like mine. My son is very outgoing as well. He asks before bedtime “What are we doing tomorrow?”
I am homeschooling now for the second year. I would not change it. It’s a blessing. I find that I have to work to keep him busy. If he had siblings they could keep each other occupied. I do find that we both value relationships and don’t want to just have lots of aquatinces, but deep friendships.
What are some of the blogs you recommend? It would be great if there were groups for homeschoolers with one child, so we could meet other families.
I think I’m very blessed. Because I don’t feel lonely at all. I have a great church and lots of amazing friends, many of whom homeschool also. We get together often, with kids and without. And my boys have many, many great friends also. I know it might not always be this way, so we try and enjoy it now. I will admit, I’m a introvert too. 🙂 So that may color my perspective bit. Still, I feel I have lots of support, encouragement, and friendship.
I know that some people thrive on a busy schedule and really enjoy being out and about most days. Being an introvert, I actually prefer being at home most of the time. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy getting out. I just find it exhausting rather than energizing.
I go to the local homeschool support group that meets once a month at the library. For me, that’s perfect! But if you are an extrovert, you will probably need to find a way to have contact with other adults (besides your husband!) more often.
I go grocery shopping and run errands about three times a month. When I do that, the kids stay home with their dad. It’s as much about me getting out of the house and having a few hours alone as it is picking up diapers and milk!
I guess my advice is to figure out what YOU need. Maybe a once-a-month group meeting and grocery shopping alone will work, or maybe you need to get out and interact with some friends at least once a week. These things are important for homeschooling Moms. Taking time to refresh and recharge will help you all have a better school year!
Teish’s latest post: Back-to-School Organization
When I was homeschooled, I was very lonely. I was an extrovert with an extremely introverted mother, so she didn’t understand my need for people. I swore I would never do the same thing to my kids. Now that my oldest is in 1st grade, I am making an effort to go on field trips with other homeschoolers, have crafting days, etc. My BFF and I are even discussing starting a co-op. Homeschooling is becoming increasingly widespread, so if you ask me, there is no reason to feel like you’re doing it alone. You just have to make the effort.
Jennifer Campbell’s latest post: Knobby Crochet Gnome Baby Hat (6-9 Months, Multi Fall Colors) by PlainOldUnromantic
Absolutely! The area I live in has plenty of homeschool groups. Unfortunately they are exclusively christian based. They do not welcome outsiders, I even attended a meeting of one group and was informed I was not welcome. I have attempted to connect with a few other homeschool mothers to discover there seems to be a divisive nature to them. There are K-12ers, curriculum buyers, purists who create their own curriculum, and unschoolers. In my experience most have nothing good to say about the others 🙁 It’s very sad. We should all be working together to maintain our right to teach our children at home instead of fighting over the “right” way to teach at home.
Just starting this road, and I haven’t as yet been lonely. We go do lots of stuff with friends from meetup.com and with other moms who send their kids to school. (DC area) I too am having a tough time trying to find the homeschoolers who aren’t on a Christian path, and the groups I’ve found don’t want me because I don’t believe in God. First week under my belt, and I’m feeling like this is definitely what my family needs.
My style leaves me in a strange limbo when defining the kind of homeschooler I am. I’m use curriculums to give me ideas, but I also wing a lot and prefer the learning from life style. I visited with a mother last summer for pointers before I started. She laughed at me a bit and said she thought unschooling would be best for me. It was a bit of an insult the way she said it. I started looking for groups then. I found one secular group that was defunct. So, I looked into more extracurriculars to fill the gap. Soccer was a great source of social time for me as well as my oldest, but we moved in February (from one suburb to another, but far enough away it was inconvenient to drive to our old league area 3 times a week). We were unable to join the spring league here. The last 6 months have been especially lonely us, but with fall soccer about to start I’m hoping it will turn around. It appears our only hope are friends that do conventional school.
I do feel lonely sometimes because almost all co-ops either are religious or are held in a church and I want my children to go to a co-op but I don’t want others involved in teaching my children religion or having to explain the statues and things that they see around them.
I wouldn’t mind going to churches with my kids, but I am very open about different religions with my children. I don’t want them indoctrinated by my incredibly christian family so I have already introduced my 6 year old to many of the world’s religions and explained all are viewed as true to those who believe in them and no one has the right to say anyone is wrong. The only truth she needs to think about is what she feels in her heart and to not allow anyone to tell her what she should believe even if it is family. I think children deserve the right to discover a religion that speaks to them as they grow. I have met many people that feel tremendous amounts of guilt when they realize they do not believe in the religion they were preprogrammed for by their parents.
I think I do find it a lonely prospect at times. The other homeschoolers that I have managed to find in our area, school at home for religious reasons so they all go to the same churches, and participate in the Friday co-op that is very religiously based. We do not feel comfortable having our kids participate in the co-op. And my one daughter would probably refuse since the uniform does not allow skirts and that is all she wears! 🙂 I am trying to find other opportunities for them and me.
They don’t allow skirts?? On what grounds? How very strange. Do they allow dresses? That would knock us out too since my girls prefer dresses to anything else.
Like life in every situation, it is what you make of it. I certainly think it can be lonely, but it doesn’t have to be. I live in an area where there is a large homeschooling community. Well, let me qualify that. There are several homeschooling sub-communities within the larger community as a whole. When people raise the socialization flag I cringe. It’s not about socialization, it’s about being social. What people are really asking is, “Won’t the kids get lonely being isolated?” Kids?! Hardly. It’s the adults who get left behind in the frenzy of available homeschool activities.
For the homeschool parents, there is nothing wrong with planning a weekly or monthly a Mom’s Night Out or Parents’ Night Out. Put together a booklist and start a monthly mom’s bookclub with your friends if the local homeschool group does not already have one. It gives YOU some much needed mom time. You cannot spend all your time with your children and not expect to go insane, lol!
That said, there are other ways a homeschooler might be isolated. Many of the families in my community are Christian homeschoolers and are members of Christian homeschool groups. Even then, some of the Christian groups are more exclusive – granting membership only if you are affiliated with a church or a specific church, or if your faith is in agreement with their mission statement (which you have to sign) and so on. Not fitting the requisite can definitely get lonely.
There is also a significant number of secular homeschoolers in my area. They call themselves secular, not because they are not Christian, some of them definitely are, but because they are either not homeschooling for religious reasons or somehow otherwise do not fit/meet the criteria for the other, more exclusive groups. There are also several groups based on locale – neighborhood, city, county. Some are small and do not get much mention, but others are quite large and create a sort of spider web of support.
Neither type of group is inherently better; they both fill a need within the community. Some families I know are members of more than one group (that used to be me) to fill their own needs. We were in one group because of scouting, another group because of co-op, and yet another group because it was closer to home. Well, we’re not doing Boy Scouts or co-op anymore, so we are no longer members of those groups. I could have continued, but they were further than I wanted to travel, and they were no longer filling a need. While, I am willing to drive 15-20 miles to attend social events for my children, I’d rather not and am glad I don’t always have to. We remain friends with some of the members, so if nothing else the friendships are still in place. I don’t have to pay membership dues to maintain a friendship.
If you can find another homeschool family in your area, you might consider starting your own group. Chances are you are not alone and soon your small group will grow. It can begin with something as simple as a weekly park day meet up.
I started out homeschooling in a relatively big city (100 000) that had a well established support network, and zero oversight/restrictions from the provincial government. it was a great place to start and i felt soo supported *by other homeschoolers*.
Then we moved to small prairie towns – three in total over the next nine years. Those were survival homeschooling years. In every town there was at least one other homeschooler, but two families does not a homeschool or a culture make. it just makes it a little easier to endure.
Then last year we moved to another relatively big city (100 000), which is hugely Christian (so are we), which has a huge amount of homeschoolers – especially our church, where all families with school aged children (except for one family) homeschools. (That family sent their children to the Christian school, where my husband is the principal!). It feels so nice to be surrounded by people who *get* the homeschooling, who *get* the large family (i have eight children, other families have 7-8-9). I know it for the luxury it is – and i am so used to being insular and doing it myself that i even have trouble uncurling and making time for other homeschoolers, but i do make it a priority and i am so grateful.
So for me, it’s been mostly geography that’s contributed to the loneliness…
If I didn’t have the parents in our homeschool co-op I think I’d feel quite lonely. I do feel a little out of sorts when summer’s over and so many of our friends return to school and are unavailable most of the week.
When I’m plagued by fears and doubts my local homeschooling community is a true gift.
Rachel @ 6512 and growing’s latest post: science espeerment
If it weren’t for Classical Conversations I might feel lonely. But because they are so awesome, I have a community of accepting mom’s and my kids have a weekly class and field trips. It’s the best of both worlds for me. If anything, I need to plan time to be alone! haha
I do sympathize though; it’s tough to have all your friends freed up to have lunch etc and you’re at home with the kids cause you value home education. I have felt that with mom’s I know outside CC. It’s a tension that will always exist, so I’m on the search for that balance emotionally when I see them.
Lana Wilkens’s latest post: What is art?
I love this discussion, because I was literally just thinking about this subject yesterday. What a blessing to wake up and see this topic being addressed and hear from so many other moms about how they handle the challenges, as well as the blessed & rewarding “other side” of the coin, which is the valuable time you spend with your family.
Since we started homeschooling in 2010, I’ve been involved in a local homeschool group that offers a few limited “co-op” opportunities, as well as field trips, monthly moms support meetings, and more. I am so thankful that I started out with this network of support from amazing Godly and wise women who could reassure me during those transitional growing pains that we all face when we make the switch to a homeschooling lifestyle from a traditional school schedule!
I think there are SO MANY more amazing opportunities for most homeschoolers to find resources in their communities to get their kids plugged in: Compared to when I was a homeschooled high schooler in the late 80s, the landscape has surely changed for the better when it comes to co-op classes, homeschool sports, and more. But I agree with the moms who say that the loneliness is mostly for mom: Even if I am attending all these activities for my three girls, I don’t always get the social time I really need with other women — and I think I still need completely “unplugged” time with women that has nothing to do with our kids’ extracurricular activities.
I remember reading a blog post once about a mom who intentionally set out to cure the mama isolation with a planned coffee date with just the moms she knew who were homeschooling. I thought back then that I know I personally would LOVE that, but the biggest struggle I have faced in trying to plan such an activity is that most homeschooling moms do have challenges getting away on their own without the kiddos. I would love to hear more ideas from any moms who have been able to successfully create a support time for just the moms — how do you pull it off? I know I need more quality mama time WITHOUT my three girls… to develop those deep friendships we all need. Ideas anyone?
Renee Gotcher’s latest post: Because there will be days that challenge us…
I have to say that being a stay at home mom and a homeschooling family that this is the best time ever!! We have a great homeschooling community and I have 3 best friends 2 of us home school and 2 of us don’t and we do some awesome things and have such a great time! There is so much that can be considered homeschooling besides just bookwork which we do . Our daughter who is now nine felt more alone in public school and now that she is homeschooled she is much happier and less stressed and able to be outside where she wants to be!
I live in a community with many homeschoolers and have plenty of friends that homeschool. I found that homeschooling for me is lonely because of the choices I have to make. To go to the gym and work out for an hour and leave not stopping for coffee or to talk because getting home at the right time is essential to the flow of our day. Same with missing activities that regularly interfere with our nap/ quiet time. Lunch or brunch with girlfriends is regularly off the table because the kids are not at school but with me. This is where I am self aware that my loneliness stems from mourning the loss of that part of my life. The relationships I am building with my children are defiantly more important and the benefits of homeschooling outweigh the negative. That however, does not mean there are not days I do not mourn the loss of drinking a coffee in silence or having a quiet lunch with a girlfriend and when that happens homeschooling can feel lonely for me.
I feel this also and I know many homeschool parents feel the same. I think for my family (I include my husband because he feels it too) it is really easy to forget to go out because you caught up in homeschooling/living we live in a city with a lot of home schoolers but, we all tend to keep to ourselves except for school or church. We have to be intentional about getting out of the house together or separate. I try to get out with my friends once a week some weeks twice. The same goes for my husband if he needs to get out he can. One huge thing for our family is that our friends don’t have to be the same as us. Most of our family friends are older than us but, have younger kids or their kids go to public school. Our kids don’t notice. Its working so far hopefully it continues!
I was a little worried that it would be kind of lonely, but so far it has been great. I too live in an area where the few homeschooling groups available were strongly Christian based, and since my family is not Christian, it wasn’t a good fit for us. I decided to start my own secular (or rather not based on a faith) group and it has been wonderful! We are now 15 families strong and it happened that most of us have kids the same age (all around the K age) so we can do a lot together. The best part has been doing play dates where the kids just play in the yard or playroom and all the mommies sit around and chat! We also have a group of friends who are not homeschoolers, but good friends who meet every Friday for dinner and games. This has been a great outlet for my husband and I and something we look forward to every week 🙂
We are embarking on our second year of homeschooling in a couple of days and my kiddos are 8 and 12. Even though my 12 year old is a natural introvert (and so am I) it has been somewhat lonely at times throughout the past year. What we have both learned though is that “putting yourself out there” while very scary the first time gets much easier the second, third and so on and so it’s been just recently that we’ve connected with other families in our area. My 8 year old being the complete opposite of us is a total extrovert and actually helps me connect with other moms even when that fear of “putting myself out there” creeps in.
It’s so ironic because I was inspired by friends around me who assured us that homeschooling was the best thing to do. While they were right, today all my friends who did homeschool, stopped, moved or somehow disappeared on us.. I feel like I’m the only one left. Homeschooling became my top priority, call it a passion, for I love seeing my kids succeed.. just that I have no one to share it with, really. It is indeed easy to get “lonely” since our school is to the most part at home and I feel most comfy at home, so once school is over all I want to do is relax, and not go out and “socialize”. While I don’t mind being alone, I am always on the look out for my boys to have company. They do make friends easily, on the playground, park etc. what is missing I think is friends they can see on a regular basis. We are not originally from the states and just recently moved so I also miss having my long term friends that all would have kids now.. (on the other side of the world) My boys go to school once a week and I did start talking to other parents, and will definitely make effort to maybe meet so the boys can enjoy some playtime. Time will tell.. This is our 3rd year, I have s 7, almost 5 and 3 year old.
Myriam’s latest post: Some Thoughts about Homeschooling
This is my second year homeschooling and yes, I feel lonely sometimes. My daughter enjoys being homeschooled, but I worry that she doesn’t have “enough” friends… This is our second year going to a once a week family started and run community homeschool co-op, which really helps combat loneliness, and is a great place to have fellowship with other parents, and other kids for my kids!
Debbye’s latest post: Why Newborn Babies Are Fussy In The Evening (Besides Colic)
Yes!! We are in our 4th year (ages 10, 8, 6). My mother lived with us for 6 years and since she has moved to assisted living I can’t believe how lonely I am. I am concerned less for my kids since they are involved in a co-op, a church, and have several neighborhood friends who home school. Lately, the issue has been with me. I have made a list of my besties and have made a promise to myself to arrange something each week with a friend; just for me, not a get together for my kids. They’ll have to come along, of course, but I need the adult conversation. 🙂
Im
Hi I am a 5th grader who has been homeschooled since 2nd grade and to answer your question yes, it is extremely lonely. My dad travels a lot so my mom won’t let me go to public school. And my only friend is Michelle she’s in 7th grade and she’s my cousin who lives in a different state but we don’t visit all that often. And 80 percent of the time I want to commit suicide. I’ve recently talked to my mom about visiting Michelle more but she won’t make any promises and I’ve also talked to her about going to public school but she said no. And I honest to God don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if I should talk to my dad about it too and try to work something out or talk about visiting Michelle more OR commit suicide. And if your not homeschooled you won’t understand the feeling of loneliness. So can I have some advice?
I don’t suggest homeschooling.
And I’m also not getting enough education. Because I physically won’t make myself do school I need my mom to make me go to public school, I know it will help me a lot. Like I said I’m in 5th grade (I’m 11 years old) and I don’t know my times tables because I slacked off a lot in 3rd grade. And my mom thinks that if I go back to school I’ll go back to 3rd grade and she could be right but that’s not all MY fault. I want my mom to ask me what I want for a change. I’ve also asked if we could take me to a therapist but she said no, my whole family needs a therapist really. And I’ve starved myself for 2 days and my mom hasn’t noticed, and I have a feeling if I started cutting myself she wouldn’t notice either but she might. She also could say Michelle is a bad influence because she cut once but if I’m going to cut you can blame it on me not her. I seriously wish my mom would just listen to me. I want a normal life, because right now I feel like I don’t have a life. But just to let everybody know, I’m going to ruin my life. I’m going to start cutting, take a bunch of random pills, and try to commit suicide. And I don’t know if that will help or make it worse but it’s worth a shot. And I’m probably going to end up going to Hell too. But that’s my choice, because right now I feel like I’m going through hell.
Are you okay? Have things changed? I’m very worried and concerned about you.
Last year, I was part of a small (three families) homeschool co-op and homeschooling didn’t feel lonely to me. This year, however, there is no one else in my city homeschooling, and no one that I know with children over the age of 3 at home (my kids are 2, 4, and 6). We live overseas, and the expat community is small enough that I’m pretty sure I would be able to find anyone else who didn’t have their kids in school.
School days here are pretty long (even kindergartners aren’t home until close to 4 most days because of the long bus rides), so it’s very difficult for us to see anyone else during the week – by the time other kids are getting home from school it’s almost time for me to start dinner prep!
We’re coping with this in the short term by scheduling a two-month trip back to the States to visit friends and family, but once we return in November reality is going to sink in. I think it will be hardest for my eldest, since he was the only one in the co-op last year. I don’t know exactly how we’ll make it work, especially since I’m due with #4 around Christmas, I’m guessing we’ll just have to do more things on the weekends.
For me, for this year, homeschooling does mean that I’m a bit lonely.
For me myself I am lonely whether I homeschool or not. My son has autism and that further complicates my loneliness because it affects my whole life. I live far out of the way so many ppl won’t come over, and I can’t reciprocate by coming to their home because my son is a runner and will throw tantrums. My daughter is neurotypical, and a few ppl, even homeschoolers, have suggested I place her in school since my social situation is hard. But I have listened to ppl before, ppl, including homeschoolers, who had reasons why my son should not homeschool, and now, going into 2nd grade, I had to go thru the difficult phase of pulling him out and questioning myself for what I was doing. I personally see things a little differently. Autistic children are part of the real world as are adults on the spectrum, we are her family. Her most important social lesson will be accepting that we are unique and not treating us the way many neurotypicals do without realizing it. It takes time to find friends, but in the mean time, I can keep hosting play dates with neighborhood kids after school or on weekends. If I do not homeschool just because no one else does, no one ever will around here. If you remain strong in what you do and can demonstrate that it has a way of working for you, the person with the depressed, bullied child might be tempted to reach out to you. When my daughter is my age, she will not have any of these playmates around, she will be faced with the fact that her brother is autistic.
Secondly my husband’s native language is Spanish and I can speak a very decent amount of it, I can hold a conversation. Being overwhelmed and not thinking it thru I spoke only English to my daughter her first 3 years, and then suddenly got a hard time from everyone on her lack of Spanish. So now I am painstakingly learning more Spanish and teaching it to her. Since she and I are both dominant in English and my husband, who has to be reminded to speak works quite a bit, I began to realize homeschooling would give her an advantage, even over Hispanic children in school, because they soon come to understand Spanish but not speak it as well, because they live in an English speaking world. I want my daughter to speak both languages well, and teaching languages is a very important factor in the richness of your social life. As a teen I spent hours memorizing Spanish verbs, and now as an adult I am able to communicate with ppl I otherwise would not be able to communicate with.
Finally I hold myself to the fact that it takes time to find friends and if anyone dislikes me for homeschooling he or she is not a real friend. Unless someone takes the time to research my point of view then certainly his or her opinion is not worth a penny of my time. You cannot please people regardless of what you do, so why sell yourself short just because other ppl do not agree with you?
Hi, I have only flicked through a couple of previous comments so I apologise if I seem argumentative but I came across this site as I was googling loneliness for homeschool children, the comments I’ve looked at around talking about the parents loneliness, is anyone considering the child’s loneliness, I ask this as I am such child however I’m no longer a child I am now 33, but the loneliness I felt back then still stings and has effected my whole life, I have zero friends am socially retarded and struggle daily with trust issues! I truly wish homeschooling was banned and traditional school made legally required for all! It is a very lonely existence and while some go on to university good jobs plenty of money so the parents can sit back an feel proud there are the others like myself who as soon as able to escape an enroll in college go to college but skip most lessons because being with people becomes the most important thing, float for years not knowing what they want to do, and realise years later that that thing their parents did TO THEM not FOR THEM was more about what the parent wanted, how the parent felt and had absolutely nothing to do with the child, how the child felt and how the child ends up because by then the parent can sit back and say, I gave that child the best start possible it’s up to her now what she does with it!! Well no its not, the psychological damage done effects and continues to effect long after your job is Done!!
Well, me myself as the student, I’m 14 years old and I’ve now been homeschooled for almost a year. I do feel lonely sometimes, but it’s not that bad when my family are at my side.
I like doing my work alone though, because back when I was in school I would just be distracted, bullied, told off for nothing etc, so I got to the point when I just didn’t want to go anymore. Most of the time, teachers didn’t really solve anything as it kept going on and on. I’m glad my parents took me out for those particular reasons, because I have now also discovered that I had no real friends or support at all. So overall it can be lonely sometimes, but I don’t really mind as long as my education is fine and I can finally be myself without judgements.
My younger brother is also homeschooled and has been for over 2 years, due to bullying in 4 different schools.
Overall, me and my brother are happier.
Hi my name is Noah I’m in 10th grade and I would like to say first off is that I am happy and I Love my family we are missionaries in Canada witch is mostly catholic there are no societies or homeschooling groups I am one of three brothers and frankly I struggle with
Homeschooling my parents are all in the ministry working . i am an extrovert and wish that I could actually meet people with school and i struggle seeing realatives have relationships and friends and I get jealous but I am in my bible and I know he will get me through th challenging times of horrible yet sweet homeschooling
Like my cousins witch are Christian schooled
Noah’s latest post: FREE BOOKS! Today’s best Kindle freebies for your family