Written by Misha Thompson of Kind Birds and The Thompson Story
A note from Jamie: Trying to conquer our homeschooling fears means we have to also overcome negative stereotypes and limiting beliefs. The discussion in the comments on Monday reminded me of this encouraging post, written and published last February by Misha.
Recently I posted a question on my Facebook page. Can you tell me honestly, I asked, all the reasons you would never homeschool your kids?
Within less than a day I had over 50 strong opinions posted and some even stronger ones in my private in-box.
“Before I started homeschooling,” one friend said, “I was frightened I would lose my sense of humor–and start wearing jumpers.”
“I would never have enough patience. – I’m not organized enough. – I’m not smart enough. – I don’t think I’d have enough energy. – I am an introvert. – I would be too lonely.”
“I want to have a career. – I would never be able to make friends. – My kids need socializing.”
We have all have felt these worries and many of us have had them spoken from friends or family members.
Here are three things to remember as you consider homeschooling:
1. There may be many good reasons not to homeschool. But stereotypes should not be one of them.
The new face of homeschooling does not look anything like it did thirty years ago. In fact it looks nothing like it did even just five years ago. The new face of homeschool is as varied and modern and beautiful as mothers and fathers and children and all of their needs are.
The new face of homeschooling is inner city, rural, suburban, hip, trendy, multilingual, simple, crafty, classic, apprenticeship-based, nature walking, take-out eating, conservative, liberal, intentional, frugal, community based and neighborhood connected.
In short, it is everything you are.
Whoever you are, whatever your values are, the way your family loves and lives life – that is exactly what kind of homeschooler you will be.
I am still learning who we are as a family, what we love and who we can become. I am being educated right alongside my children and that is one of my favorite things about homeschooling. I never planned to live this life. But I have found that every single stereotype I had heard (or even believed) was totally wrong.
2. For every one of those aforementioned concerns, there is a family out there making them a moot point.
I ‘ve seen a single mom juggling a handful of kids without an organized surface in site and enjoy it sincerely, exhausting though it may be. I have seen a mom with thirteen kids, and a mom with a newborn and two young ones, both teach their kids and still deal with the laundry. I have seen moms who juggle full time careers and trade off with dads. I have seen both parents who get their kids up early enough to homeschool them before they go to work and I have seen parents discover their careers though homeschooling.
There are now a myriad of families homeschooling in cultures all around the world. There are professors watching for them in universities because they have learned that homeschooled kids can be remarkable initiative takers, confident and poised communicators. There are countless studies out there about all the reasons homeschooling is a positive choice.
Photo by Misha Thompson
3. Homeschooling is a mosaic made up of millions of unique lifestyles and faces. Be confident to be yourself!
I have found that what I teach my kids has less to do with what we do together and more to do with who I am as their mama. That has been hard to face. It’s easier to teach than be. It’s easier to stereotype than be confident.
So although in our home we love books and researching, polka dot umbrella walks and dancing to piano practice before dinner time, our greatest work is in trying to embrace life and enjoyment in such a way that it will color our children’s days with joy and fearlessness and allow them to do the same.
“The point is…what makes our children thrive,” I had a friend write to me recently, “what gives them the opportunity to be their best selves.”
We are not stereotypes, we are all beautifully able to be as individual as the children we are raising and teaching.
What are some stereotypes you had about homeschooling before you got started?
I fought homeschooling for so long. Mostly because of all the stereotypical reasons people give for being wary of homeschooling: I’m not patient enough. I’ll never have time for myself. I don’t want to wear a jumper. I can’t teach math.
We are still in our first year of homeschooling my 3rd grade daughter and we absolutely love it!! We love that we don’t have to fit into someone’s box and we can teach our kids to stay out of the box. There is such great freedom in homeschooling that I never realized before. I had always thought of it being restrictive and it is just the opposite.
I am printing this out and hanging it on my fridge. I just started homeschooling my 4th grader in January. Your post today is what I needed to hear.
Aimee
.-= Aimee’s last blog: Homeschool: Journey =-.
I am so glad, Aimee. Thank you for saying that!
.-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.
I am struggling with the decision to homeschool my oldest who will start kindergarten in the fall. My biggest concern is what do I do with the 2 year old who is into everything. Any suggestions?
There will be a post on this topic in March, so hang tight for some ideas! It will be about managing babies/toddlers while homeschooling.
Jamie
.-= Simple Homeschool~Jamie’s last blog: At the Heart of Homeschooling =-.
Misha ~ you are truly beautiful from the inside out. This is a gorgeous, never a truer word was spoken, piece.
I had never even heard of homeschooling a few years ago. Nobody I know (not that I know many people at all) does it, and it just honestly never occurred to me to do such a thing. I’ve read a few of the comments, and I’m amazed at how many people out there are interested in homeschooling! I mean, I think it’s wonderful, really – but I do still wonder why I would want to homeschool. Currently I am with my son 24-7, going on two years now. I would really, really, really like a break from being with him ALL THE TIME. Really, kudos to those moms who can stand no breaks whatsoever. I might be more for it if I got a few hours to oh, you know, go to the doctor, dentist, hair dresser… maybe even take a shower? (Not that I don’t enjoy being with him, really I do! Absolutely.) And making friends is an issue for me – where on earth would he meet other kids? I’m new to this area, so I don’t know anyone at all. I don’t think I’m the best example for him, to be honest! I can’t even keep my floors clean. 😉
.-= sarah’s last blog: Oh the things I could do… =-.
Hi Sarah. I don’t think that is a long-term strategy for successful homeschooling. It’s important for kids to have friends, and it’s important for Mom to have breaks!
One of the things my husband and I talked about when we were considering home education was how we could make it work for all of us–to avoid burnout in Mom especially. Many homeschooling parents do burnout, and often I think it’s because they didn’t come up with a plan at the start.
There are tons of homeschooling groups for kids out there, especially if you are in the US–so that is often an easy source for friends, field trips, sports, and so on.
So just know that none of us are supermoms, and that homeschooling can work if it’s right for your family!
All the best,
Jamie
.-= Simple Homeschool~Jamie’s last blog: At the Heart of Homeschooling =-.
No mom can stand not having a break:). I certainly can’t. Whether you homeschool or not, we all need a break at least occasionally from whatever the daily grind is. My oldest is in K, and I admit that sometimes I feel a little panicky when I think of the years stretching ahead. But, honestly, I feel panicky, too, when I think about how awful the district’s math curriculum is, or how bored my ridiculously early reader would get doing phonics again.
There’s lots of ways for kids to meet other kids. All those extra-curricular things that kids at public school get to do? Homeschooled kids can do them, too–ballet, soccer, baseball, rock climbing, swimming lessons, art classes…lots of kids there to meet. Will they become close friends? Who knows. Going to school doesn’t guarantee making close friends, either. Making friends is hard for me, too, so thank goodness I have kids who go up and talk to other kids at the park! Then it’s easy for me to talk to the other kids’ parents:).
Homeschooling obviously isn’t for everyone–but it’s not any more Super Mom than working outside the home and trying to keep the floors clean;).
I loved this article. I sent it to a few friends on facebook – and to my surprise they all know you!!! (Through YWAM) Our family is working at YWAM Costa Rica and we just started homeschooling our four boys (ages 7,4,2 and newborn) 5 weeks ago. It’s a new adventure, and I am really loving this new website, it’s very helpful – especially being away from any sort of community groups or support groups, I feel pretty much on my own in this, really don’t know what I’m doing and find a lot of support online. (Homeschooling is actually ILLEGAL in Costa Rica, so I keep it pretty hush hush that I’m doing this! People here do not understand the concept at all) Sometimes i feel totally lost, but I really appreciate being able to get online and get some advice from other moms out there. Thanks for your great article – I definitely have some fears about raising typical “homeschooled kids” those ones we all saw growing up that are just so WEIRD. But I read this and I think it’s true – there’s a new face to homeschool and I don’t think I need to fear those stereotypes!
.-= Leslie’s last blog: Some Thoughts on Behavior =-.
I hear what you are saying, Leslie. I tell people I can be weird and I was never homeschooled. 🙂 I think being online – as many have said – is an invaluable resource and encouragement! You sure have your hands full with four boys under seven – I hope you continue to feel really encouraged here.
.-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.
Love this point. The individuality, or rather the freedom to express it, is what we seek. Freedoms for our children that we may not have had. Well said. 🙂
Thoughts on ‘weird’ homeschool kids: I too have seen some HS kids that seem so awkward or socially inept but for the most part, the homeschoolers I know are not this way. Many are different, though, and this is what I want. They are sometimes quirky (ex. willing to express funky personal style in clothing), passionate (they know what they love; not peer-directed), many love words and great books (they’re not afraid to love classics or genres that their public-school peers would typically shun); they are respectful to adults (and children of different age groups) and can hold interesting conversations with you on a variety of topics. I don’t want my kids to be social misfits, it is true, but neither do I want them to look/talk/behave like the majority of kids I meet these days. I want them to know who THEY ARE and WHO THEY WANT TO BECOME and be willing to go against the grain where it is important for them to do so.
That is such a great point, Kika! “Comfortable in their own skin” is kind of how I think of it, and you’re right–I do hope it looks a little different to the “norm.”
Jamie
.-= Jamie’s last blog: At the Heart of Homeschooling =-.
I’m sorry if my comment came across too strong/wrong! By Weird, I just meant those children that are very socially awkward, withdrawn, have trouble making friends or relating to society – most likely relating to being overly sheltered or raised in a “bubble” so to speak. Recently I am seeing a total change – and more of what you are describing – which is the goal for our kids. I totally agree with your statement, “neither do I want them to look/talk/behave like the majority of kids I meet these days. I want them to know who they are and who they want to become and willing to go against the grain where it is important for them to do so.” Very true. This what I think we’re striving for! And also why i appreciated this article so much and shared it with several friends and family, hoping that they could get an understanding of how homeschool is changing.
.-= Leslie’s last blog: Some Thoughts on Behavior =-.
Just so you know, I wasn’t at all offended by your comment it just inspired me to share my thoughts on the topic 🙂
In my blog, I’ve actually been addressing the idea of homeschool archetypes, rather than stereotypes, that are present in secular homeschooling families. It’s partially tongue in cheek of course, as no person is ever fully an archetype, but stereotypes do tend to start somewhere — usually within personality archetypes, which are then negatively twisted.
.-= Smrt Mama’s last blog: Secular Homeschool Archetypes: The Organized Mom =-.
Great job, Meesh. This sounds like a lot of back and forth conversations you and I have had together. I do agree that it has changed so much; morphed into something very unique and free flowing, like any family or any child. Homeschooling has an identity all it’s own. Nicely said, as always.
.-= Tracie’s last blog: =-.
This is an interesting post. I started HSing my 2nd grader last fall, so this is our first year of officially homeschooling. When we started, I absolutely knew it would be the right thing for him academically, but wasn’t sure it would be the best for my sanity. I still have some issues to work out, such as making sure I get some alone time to recharge, and figuring out how to continue with my own career, which is important to me.
I have found myself fighting the stereotypes in my own mind and in the mind of others. We are fortunate that we live in an area with many homeschoolers and a friendly environment. One interesting side effect of that is that there are so MANY choices, it’s hard for me to pick what to emulate! We are in a deliberate year of experimentation as we figure out what will work for our family, and I feel so fortunate to be finding a community around me to learn from, to try different things and figure out what will work for us. The challenge is to be confident in what we are doing and not feel that because we don’t fit one of the other “methods” of homeschooling, we are not doing it “right.”
Jennifer, I love what you said about “a deliberate year of experimentation.” That is such a great perspective and so healthy. And I totally hear you about the luxury and difficulty of having so much to say no to and figuring out what to say yes to (with self care and a career.)
I had breakfast this morning with a mom who homeschools/ed seven – the oldest is is post-college, the youngest is 12. She was saying it’s a day by day dance, figuring it out for each season and child. And for each of us and our needs, too, I would imagine.
I think your perspective is so good already. And it was helpful to me to hear it. Thank you!
.-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.
I think it is quite a stereotyped subject! A lot seem to think it is a bad idea, but if you think about it, there are worse things going on lately like parents not spending any time with their kids cause of work etc…The presence of the parent in their childhood is oh so important.
.-= Kelly’s last blog: Top 5 Posing and Directing Photography Tips =-.
Growing up homeschooled, I’ve heard a lot of stereotypes about homeschooling. Friends, strangers and relatives make a lot of assumptions about homeschooling, here are some I’ve heard.
1. They’ll be unsocialized – Also known as social misfits, you knew this would be the first one didn’t you?
2. They’ll be sheltered
3. They won’t be able to adjust to college
4. They won’t fit in with society – Have you checked out society lately?
5. People only do it for religious reasons
6. They need to experience school things like proms, homecomings and recess – I know a lot of people whose lives would have been less “enlightened” had they not
You’re right, these are what people mostly think about homeschooling. Of course I’m not against it or anything, instead I salute those parents who have the time and patience and the knowledge to do this.
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This discussion is addressing some of the very things I have been mulling over. I always said I was not built for homeschooling, and yet now that one daughter is in full time school and one in part time (every other day K) I find I miss them! AND I feel completely out of control of their learning experience. So much of my day seems to be getting them up to go to school, doing school assignments with them, getting them to bed at a good hour to get sleep for school – and in between they are gone. So now I am left with what have always been my biggest objections for our family to homeschool
– public school exposes them to a lot of people and situations for growth that homeschooling would not. That is, I realize that homeschooling provides many opportunities and experiences, but perhaps what it does not do is force them to figure out how to deal with different types of people in close quarters?
-how would I maintain my ‘good mom’ status in the face of being around my four kids ALL day, every day? I’m a firm believer that a good break can make for a better mom! Honestly, I think the too much together time might be my biggest fear, at the same time more time together is one of my motivations for considering hs!
-we live rurally, so putting them in different classes etc. would require a lot of driving, and some months of the year it just isn’t a good idea.
Any advice to offer in any of these quarters? I’m all ears!
My biggest fear about compulsory schooling is that my kids time will be overscheduled! We homeschool, live rurally, and only sign up for a few things, we use an online curriculum which has been fun (yes, FUN!) for all of us, and we let the rest of the time unfold naturally and enjoy this short time we have together before they rush off to be whoever they will become. Swim lessons, a summer nature course, a few playdates, we keep it easy and fun. I have never been afraid to say no to plans if I didn’t feel up to it, or if the kids were worn out. What’s nice about hs is that you may go at your own pace so to speak. I say, try it and see what you think! You really won’t know what you think until you do. And there is NO SHAME in changing your mind later. See what happens. I have always said that if my kids tell me they want to attend regular school at some point, I will be open to that. Don’t plan the next ten years. Just go day by day. It keeps you more sane. 🙂
Sincere luck and love to you and yours.
I’d love to hear which online curriculum you use! Thanks for your comment 🙂
We use the k12 online school (you can google it). We missed open enrollment the first year, and so had to pay for the “iCademy” which is technically considered “private schooling” so we didn’t have to tell anyone we were doing the unHoly “HomeSchooling” at first!!! But the iCademy is the same as the regular k12 curriculum. We are pleasantly surprised by how long learning actually takes. Not as long as a full school day when you have a one teacher to two students ratio. That leaves us with TONS of time for hiking, grocery gathering together, visiting friends and relatives together, and just plain old playing.
As a side note, we have had to organize our days within the home so that I can have a few minutes to myself, and they can too. Quiet time as it were. But I find them to be wonderful about helping my husband and I with any chores, and they are especially aware that the messes they make were made by them and must be picked up by them. Mainstream be damned, we are raising sweet, smart and conscientious citizens of the world! It makes me proud. They will pull their own weight, and they are creative problem solvers.
And any playground we go to, they are immediately surrounded by friends. So I guess I don’t worry too much about socialization. They chat with me all day as well!
Hope this helps. Above all, do what you feel is right. You are the one who has to live it with them. Their fierce leader needs to be confident in her choices. {You could try Waldorf Schools if you find regular schooling to be lacking in the inspiration department, but are not yet ready for homeschooling. Waldorf schools pull creativity out of their children. Children will forever know how inspire themselves. 🙂 }
xo
Thank you for this well-written article, Misha. My oldest is nine and I’ve just now hit my stride. All is not perfect and we change things on a monthly basis but I’ve come to accept that as “okay.” I was inspired at our AZ homeschool convention where the speaker, Voddie Baucham, told everyone to “get off the plantation.” He meant that we often do things because we’ve always done it that way. He said that we are free to create our educational opportunities as we see fit for our family. We don’t have to fit into anyone else’s mold. I was so inspired by a lady I spoke with for computer support. She was a divorced mom. She told me that while I was talking to her, she had three children sitting on the floor of her office doing their lessons. Her company allows her to bring them to work with her so that she can help them in between calls. Where there is a will, there’s a way.
The best thing that ever happened to us was discovering that my 9yo has learning glitches. We were advised to take it easy and just do some brain cross-training exercises and reading and math. We ended up basically unschooling all last fall and just playing Legos and learning robotics and taking nature walks and playing with friends. My son made so much amazing progress after three months! His reading fluency and writing skills were much improved! Not from endless drills and practice and tears but from relaxing and letting him grow into his learning and using other means to achieve the goal. I’m such a relaxed homeschooler now that I don’t worry about anything – even though I want them to have their A.A.s when they graduate from homeschool high school and go on to Hillsdale College. ; ) They are learning all the skills they need to do that but learning to love learning and having fun along the way!! Happy Home Educating!!
What a wonderful overview!
I realize that the longer I homeschool, the wider my own homeschooling approach becomes. And I have met such diverse homeschoolers who do it differently for differnt reasons. When I started out, I had an idealistic and rather narrow definition of homeschooling and now that we have travelled along some scenic schooling paths, I percieve the wide range of motives, methods, principles and ideals that shape homeschooling.
While “nothing is cast in stone” in homeschooling, as long as it is all built on the Rock, we will love learning and grow and learn together.
I love this post. Thank you for sharing the thoughts so close to our hearts. Most of the time we are confident in what we are doing! The rest of the time, we bluff. Because, in the end, you are what you pretend to be. And we are happy. xo
LOL… jumpers and humor lost! Yes, there are stereotypes out there! Thank you for this fresh perspective and post. I agree completely that each homeschool journey is as unique as the family involved. It is important to support each other in the homeschool community, differences and all, because we (our children included) do get looked at and evaluated by others…. We need the confidence to be what we have been called to be, and live before an audience of ONE!
It’s amazing to me how far homeschooling has come! I AM one of the “stereotypical” HS moms…right down to the denim jumper. Honestly, I am the only person I know like this. I am so thankful for the diversity that we have come in contact with! My kids probably get enough of “my version” of HS at home and it is a relief to experience how others do school when we meet with others at co-ops, convention, etc. Oh, and since I love to see how the families are made up on lists like this, we have almost 4 children (6 yob, 2 yog, 11 mob, and baby gir due in July).
I have to say this is one of the most exciting times to homeschool! There is an overabundance of curriculum out there and lots of interesting families doing amazing things with their homeschools. What is incredibly exciting for me is how technology has brought all of us together so that as a community we can support one another and help each other succeed. It’s no longer accurate to say all homeschoolers are…(insert your own description). Instead, I am seeing more and more parents take control of their children’s education and teaching them to love learning which will benefit them so greatly in the long run.
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My family homeschooled during a time when there was not much internet interaction as you have now, so I agree this is a great time to start homeschooling.
The computer and the internet has improved the whole learning process for everyone, which can help learning become a life long process.
I’m looking for a little advice. I love your blog, it has really helped in our decision to want to homeschool.
My husband and I have been considering homeschooling our five year old who is due to start kindergarten this September. It’s something we both really believe in but due to family pressures (they all are convinced I will be ruining any chance she has at a normal life) I have been doubting myself and was having trouble making a final decision until this week. We decided that it was definitely what we wanted to do.
I found out from my daughter today that my mother has completely sold her on the idea of public school by telling her that it is lots of fun and that she will make lots of friends. Now my daughter is convinced that she absolutely wants to go and is quite upset that she won’t be. I realize this could change by September but I guess I’m just wondering, should I take this into consideration? If she still feels very strongly about it should she get a say even at 5 years old?
Also, any ideas on how I should deal with my mother. We are very close and I hate to jeopardize that. This is the only thing we disagree on and we just don’t discuss it.
I was also told by a friend that I shouldn’t homeschool because my daughter is an only child, any thoughts on this?
Thanks!
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I love this post. “For every one of those aforementioned concerns, there is a family out there making them a moot point.”
That is so true. I’m a single mom of 6 kidlets and I chose to homeschool them while trying to go back to school and working part time. People tell me all the time I’m crazy for not using the “free babysitter down the road” or that I must think I’m superwoman. In reality, it all boils down to priorities. We give up other things to be able to homeschool because I feel this way of education is the best choice for my family and education is important to me. You do what you have to do when you have to do it and the rest takes care of itself.
And I also love one of the comments made above “there’s something important in our way of life that we want to share with our children.”
i grew up surrounded by the denim-jumper-wearing homeschooling stereotype. i just figured it was something i’d never do because, like all those other families, we didn’t believe the phone was evil and there was a demon in the tv. moving overseas has made homeschooling a part of our lives, and i’m loving it so much. as we spend time overseas and in the states our kids will rotate being building school and homeschool (even when they go to building school overseas i’ll still supplement language arts in english at home), so i know it will always be a part of our lives. my daughter is on track to start building-kindergarten next year and i’m so excited for her but i’m already missing having her to myself all day to read books and explore things together! i’m looking forward to raising my kids with both experiences. hopefully we’ll all come out in one piece :).
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When my family homeschooled from K-12th grade many moons ago, I had to definitely learn not to take anything negatively or personally that anyone said or did. If I had, it definitely would have effected the outcome, because we confronted lots of strange reactions and shunning — even from neighbors and other family members.
But being that I had a negative school experience, myself, and in spite of that I graduated with a degree in Art education (but only substituted for a short while.)
However, having a degree or taught in a public school setting is not what was important — it was changing my attitude along with learning other new words…
Words like resiliency, perseverance and consistency were very important — amongst many others that we learned along the way. Also, what we found — the simpler the process got — the easier it was to learn.
My sons have graduated out into the workforce and become productive citizens, and that has been very gratifying. They are working in careers they enjoy and get along with all types of people. (People always, bring up the inability to socialize as a negative aspect of homeschooling, but I think that homeschooling allows for more opportunities to socialize.)
I do have to say that we had no idea how the transition from home into the workforce was going to be, and they didn’t know if they would be able to compete. But it turned out they had all the skills they needed and then some.
So homeschooling has been a great thing for my family, and I would recommend it to people as a way to ground and bond with your family.
Thanks!