I want to homeschool, but I don’t want the responsibility.
Written by Jamie C. Martin of Simple Homeschool
Often I take a look in Google Analytics to see what brings people to Simple Homeschool. Many readers arrive after an online search, on the hunt for information about a certain topic. Common searches that bring readers here include simple homeschooling, homeschool encouragement blog, waldorf homeschooling, and making the first homeschool day special.
But my heart dropped a little when I read that a few people found this blog after typing in “I want to homeschool, but I don’t want the responsibility.”
Fear of responsibility on the homeschooling path isn’t uncommon. After all, so our thoughts tease, if we send the kids to school and things aren’t going well, there’s someone else to blame. But if we grasp this calling fully by the reins, we know in whose direction fingers will point if results aren’t in line with the norm.
Would you prefer to listen to this post?
Even typing that makes me anxious, so I know that for others just starting out, the feelings come with even more intensity.
Homeschooling isn’t for cowards, you know.
I want to homeschool, but I don’t want the responsibility.
There’s no magic formula for anything in life, including home education. Here are a few thoughts to remember when you get frightened by the enormity of the task ahead.
1. Just take responsibility for loving your child–today.
Childhood experts generally agree that parents are the ones who know what is best for their toddlers–little ones need love and security above all else. That need doesn’t change just because a child turns five.
The foundation for a strong learning experience is relationship. That’s why so many children don’t get the education they deserve–relationships, in the classroom or at home, are in turmoil.
Most people feel confident that they can love their child, but question whether they can educate their child.
In reality, they are one and the same.
Thinking about all the years from age four to high school graduation is enough to make any mom swoon. That’s why I only ask myself what I should do today.
So don’t research a physics curriculum if your child is seven. The future only offers fear. Start with today’s responsibility–it’s simple.
2. Question the system.
Most of those reading this post grew up within the traditional school system. As such, we’ve accepted certain beliefs about education that may not even be true–beliefs we never were encouraged to question.
This is especially true for those who have just started considering homeschooling and haven’t had time to research alternative educational philosophies.
Some of the things we may believe:
- “Experts” are required to teach children.
- I’m not qualified to do this.
- I haven’t learned something until “they” agree that I have.
- School has to be boring.
- There are just certain things that must be learned, whether you like it or not.
- This (curriculum, style, philosophy, etc.) is just the way education is.
The educational blueprint that is standard today did not even exist two hundred years ago. What is now the norm wasn’t always.
This doesn’t mean that the system is always the enemy, never has successes, or never does anything positive. It just means that it isn’t the only way. Learning doesn’t have to be this complicated. For those just beginning to question the system, I highly recommend the book Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto.
Photo by Rebecca Wilson
3. Your children’s education is your responsibility no matter where they go to school.
Homeschooling is absolutely not right for every family, in every situation, every year. But your child’s education most certainly is your responsibility every moment of every day–no matter where she studies.
This was impressed on me when I first began learning about British educational reformer Charlotte Mason. She took issue not only with poor parents who sent their children to work too early, but also with rich families who hired governesses and then considered their job “done.”
Mason rightly believed that the goal of education was not to merely fill a child’s mind with certain facts. I found myself giving her an internal standing ovation as I read these words:
“The question is not, –how much does the youth know? when he has finished his education–but how much does he care? and about how many orders of things does he care? In fact, how large is the room in which he finds his feet set? and, therefore, how full is the life he has before him?”
4. Accept (& even embrace) that there will be gaps.
Was your education perfect?
Nope, mine either. Though most of us graduated from traditional schools without knowing all, many homeschooling parents deeply fear that they won’t be able to cover everything.
Let me put it to you straight – you won’t.
Are we trying to raise intelligent robots–or children who discover their passions and purposes in life? In spite of No Child Left Behind, children are being left behind in vast numbers each and every day.
Your responsibility, Mom and Dad, is not to produce perfection.
Your responsibility, as a homeschooling parent, is simply this: to nurture, love, forgive, believe, pray for patience, deliver grace, spread the feast, feel the fear, act in courage, get up tomorrow, and do it again.
How have you been able to embrace the responsibility of taking on your children’s education?
What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive free personalized tips for organizing your homeschool based on what your personality needs most!
Jamie, adding my voice to the many already here. This was amazing my friend. So, so encouraging. As I take a morning off (because we just went winter backpacking and I have 4 loads of laundry to do, no dryer, a mess of gear all over my living floor) of “school” I needed to read this.
But I need to read this on many days that I feel so not up to this awesome responsibility. Like the days I wonder why my son isn’t confidently reading yet or feel bad that I can’t offer my daughter dance classes this year. When I feel I’m not covering all the bases and we are heavily skewed towards art and creativity.
Loved that last little paragraph… and get up and do it tomorrow – Amen sister.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Mother of 2 and one on the way and I feel so very heartbroken dropping my 7 year old off every morning, (to one of the “best schools” in the nation) imagine that 🙁 Even being a certified elem, teacher I am SO VERY intimidated about getting it all right and your piece today has helped tremendously ! ! ! I can and will help the best that I can every day and I suppose that is all I can really ask of myself and of my children, thanks for taking the lid off of the pressure cooker I had put myself in !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for this encouraging post! <3
I love, love, LOVE this! Yes, it is our responsibility {their education} no matter where they go to school – and that’s what I find most troublesome… I put a lot of time & thought into homeschooling our boys, but so many people put no thought into schooling choices AT ALL!
I know that some people do the thinking & make the choices and still arrive at public school, and that’s great! Homeschooling is definitely not for everyone. But I really wish people would take the time to consider their decision, and not just decide that since the child is 5, it’s time for public school kindergarten.
I feel the same way, Christi. I only began considering homeschooling because I felt I needed to consider ALL the options available to me.
I wish more people would keep an open mind and consider it as well.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.
I so needed to hear this today. We are in the midst of pulling our child from a school setting and it is stressful! We know that we (mom and dad) are intended to be her teachers, and feel that burden right now. Thanks for the reminder it wont ever be perfect, so we should aim for something different.
That must be incredibly stressful, Thayer. Blessings on your family as you take the steps that feel right for you all.
We pulled our son out of 1st grade this year, around Thanksgiving time, and it *was* stressful! I can assure you that when you are having your first homeschool morning and you find that you are not running around like crazy to get ready and out the door, you will be glad! Good luck to you and don’t let anyone at school bully you into betraying your ideals!
We aren’t homeschooling yet (kiddos are very little), but are currently reading Dumbing Us Down. We both work full time now – so are trying to figure out what the future looks like for us – and how to become one income, so we can take on the role of educating our children.
Wow, I’m totally blessed and humbled that so many of you have resonated with this post.
I think we all relate to the same fears and insecurities, but the fact that you are all continuing forward is proof of what the power of love for our kids leads us to do. You are all inspiring!
Wow… Totally awesome post… Amen and Amen!!!
Very encouraging post as I’m going to start homeschooling my daughter next year for KN. Thanks!
Thank you.
This was well-timed for me. We still have a few years before our daughter is ready for kindergarten, but we have already begun discussing it. Some days I feel so capable, and other days I can’t imagine bearing the full load of her education (in spite of the fact that sending her to school would also mean me headed to school as a teacher). It’s a great reminder to go one day at a time. Even with the “preschool homeschool” we’re doing now. Sometimes love is the only thing accomplished for a day, and you know what? That’s ok 🙂
We are only a few months into our homeschooling journey and I tell myself every single day that rome was not built in an hour, a day or a year even.
I found myself crying before and after school days for my son. Every day was a pep talk. You can do this sweetie, its ok you’ll be fine! I would miss him. When he got home he was stressed, tired and most days ” in trouble”. Socially anxious and dissolving from the inside out. We are taking one day at a time. He’s the happiest I’ve seen him in years, and even though this may sound selfish I no longer have to miss him.
I always fear that one day I will wake up and they will be all grown up. What if’s are on my mind day after day but at least I know he’s happy, healthy and we are both trying our best. I still think about resorting to outside resources to insure “the best” education. Ultimately it IS the responsibility of it all that scares me most. What if… what if…what if..???
My son was in public school kindergarten for about 6 weeks last year, and the experience for him was almost exactly like you described it for your son. Your description of him as “socially anxious” and “dissolving from the inside out” was precisely what we were seeing. It was absolutely heartbreaking. Taking him out of school was stressful, but he is so much happier and healthier at home. (And volunteering at the school while he was there was extremely helpful for me, as I got to see first-hand, how very little was being accomplished all day, and how the much-touted field trips I attended were mostly chaos and a complete waste of time.) Enjoy these precious days together–you will never regret it!
My parents worked to death to send me and my sibblings to a private school. I missed so much not having time with my talented and sweet mom who was so tired at the end of the day.
We have homeschooled since the beginning. We love it and it’s so worth it.
This is a great post. Everyone fears this. If I start to look at what it might look like two years from now or ten years from now I can’t handle it. So I take it day by day and year by year. Less scary to swallow, plus I can’t know what it will be like until I’m doing it.
Thank you for this. We’re relatively new to homeschooling (only a few months in after dropping out of 1st grade) and I’m still in that place where I *know* its the right thing to do in this moment, but still unsure of how it’s all going to work out.
What I needed to hear as we begin a new week. At times I am overwhelmed with the responsibility I feel for teaching my kids, (ages 9, 7 and 3). But in the end, the longing in my heart is to nurture, love and encourage them to be who they have been designed to be. So, I begin each day on my knees asking for the humility, patience, grace and discipline to take them there bit by bit.
I really like SimpleHomeschool, but I was really offended by the “Homeschooling isn’t for cowards” line. To me, it implied that if you send your child to a traditional school (no matter how involved you are), then you are a cowardly parent. I understand that is probably not how you intended the line, but it still irks me. I think it is wonderful that some parents choose to homeschool, but I don’t think that making a different choice would make me a coward. (My kids are 2 yrs old, and 9 months old, so we won’t be making any schooling choices any time soon.)
As someone who also isn’t homeschooling yet (my 4 and 3 year olds attend a wonderful preschool), I wasn’t offended by the line “Homeschooling isn’t for cowards.” To me, it didn’t imply anything on parents who choose a traditional path, but rather speaks directly to parents who choose a non-traditional path-homeschooling. For me, if I choose to homeschool I will have to do so against the advice of my mother (a public school teacher), most of my close friends (all public school teachers as that was my previous occupation), our neighbors, and society in general. My children’s daily lives, social skills, and academic acheivement will be looked at through a much larger magnifying glass than if I chose to send them to the traditional public school. Making the choice to homeschool would take a huge amount of courage on my part, but I equally feel that I would not be a coward if I end up educating my children in public school. On the contrary, I’m going to have to work up a large amount of courage to drop my baby off at a very large school, in the trust of a teacher I don’t know well.
You are always welcome to share your thoughts here, Rheagan–even if you don’t homeschool or if you disagree. I’m sorry you were offended, I most certainly do not think parents who choose traditional schooling are cowards in any way or form.
Parenting in general isn’t for cowards, it requires courage each and every day. And we all make the decisions we believe are best for us and our children.
All the best,
Jamie
I’ve been working on a post related to this topic & this galvanized me to finish it.
It’s called “It is good enough to be kind”
http://bit.ly/eeqDFC
cheers 🙂
I was never a big fan of homeschooling until I took it on for myself and my family. Now I really wonder how we ever got to a point (as a society) where we would willingly hand over our children to an institution and have almost no input into their education. Yes, it is a huge responsibility, but I am so darn glad to be able to take it on. I never would have envisioned myself here 6 years ago, but darn am I glad that it’s turned out the way that it has. I am so thankful for the “extra” time that I have with my child.
best thing that stuck out from our services this Sunday:
“We have a right to divine inspiration on behalf of those under our stewardship.”
In other words, we, as parents, will always be led and guided to what we need to do to care for our children. We have a right to those instincts, and a responsibility to listen to them.
I love this post! I only have an almost three year old and the pressure to put her in preschool is on! But I’m resisting. In a few years, I hope I can be brave enough to follow through what my heart is telling me to do. I feel like I have a lot of personal work to do, a lot of growing up before I can pull this off. But as you said, I can only love my child for today. Future does bring in the fear a bit but focusing on what I can do now to get there is also helpful.
Thanks, Jamie!
I don’t think saying “homeschooling isn’t for cowards” is derisive at all. There’s absolutely no way anyone could argue that it is an easier path to homeschool a child. Not to imply the alternate path is cowardly, but to describe homeschooling and the fact that this decision is without a doubt not for the faint of heart.
Thank you, Cat!
Before I read #3, I was mentally thinking “but you already ARE responsible!”
You handled this beautifully, addressing the fears well. I think I may not have been so gracious in responding.
Jamie, this was just what I needed today. We are in the process of transitioning our three out of public montessori school and into homeschool (starting last fall and hoping to end the transition this summer)- every day I keep vacillating about whether we’re making the right choice, whether I can ‘do it all’, etc. I think the responsibility of it all is what overwhelms me. Thank you for the encouragement to keep in mind what really matters.
That would take lots of courage, Mary Beth. God bless you all in the path you’re pursuing – you absolutely can do it! (You can’t “do it all” but you can do what matters most.)
Blessings to you and yours,
Jamie
beautifully written, made me tear up, I, like everyone else, especially loved #3. Thanks so much!!!