I want to homeschool, but I don’t want the responsibility.
Written by Jamie C. Martin of Simple Homeschool
Often I take a look in Google Analytics to see what brings people to Simple Homeschool. Many readers arrive after an online search, on the hunt for information about a certain topic. Common searches that bring readers here include simple homeschooling, homeschool encouragement blog, waldorf homeschooling, and making the first homeschool day special.
But my heart dropped a little when I read that a few people found this blog after typing in “I want to homeschool, but I don’t want the responsibility.”
Fear of responsibility on the homeschooling path isn’t uncommon. After all, so our thoughts tease, if we send the kids to school and things aren’t going well, there’s someone else to blame. But if we grasp this calling fully by the reins, we know in whose direction fingers will point if results aren’t in line with the norm.
Would you prefer to listen to this post?
Even typing that makes me anxious, so I know that for others just starting out, the feelings come with even more intensity.
Homeschooling isn’t for cowards, you know.
I want to homeschool, but I don’t want the responsibility.
There’s no magic formula for anything in life, including home education. Here are a few thoughts to remember when you get frightened by the enormity of the task ahead.
1. Just take responsibility for loving your child–today.
Childhood experts generally agree that parents are the ones who know what is best for their toddlers–little ones need love and security above all else. That need doesn’t change just because a child turns five.
The foundation for a strong learning experience is relationship. That’s why so many children don’t get the education they deserve–relationships, in the classroom or at home, are in turmoil.
Most people feel confident that they can love their child, but question whether they can educate their child.
In reality, they are one and the same.
Thinking about all the years from age four to high school graduation is enough to make any mom swoon. That’s why I only ask myself what I should do today.
So don’t research a physics curriculum if your child is seven. The future only offers fear. Start with today’s responsibility–it’s simple.
2. Question the system.
Most of those reading this post grew up within the traditional school system. As such, we’ve accepted certain beliefs about education that may not even be true–beliefs we never were encouraged to question.
This is especially true for those who have just started considering homeschooling and haven’t had time to research alternative educational philosophies.
Some of the things we may believe:
- “Experts” are required to teach children.
- I’m not qualified to do this.
- I haven’t learned something until “they” agree that I have.
- School has to be boring.
- There are just certain things that must be learned, whether you like it or not.
- This (curriculum, style, philosophy, etc.) is just the way education is.
The educational blueprint that is standard today did not even exist two hundred years ago. What is now the norm wasn’t always.
This doesn’t mean that the system is always the enemy, never has successes, or never does anything positive. It just means that it isn’t the only way. Learning doesn’t have to be this complicated. For those just beginning to question the system, I highly recommend the book Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto.
Photo by Rebecca Wilson
3. Your children’s education is your responsibility no matter where they go to school.
Homeschooling is absolutely not right for every family, in every situation, every year. But your child’s education most certainly is your responsibility every moment of every day–no matter where she studies.
This was impressed on me when I first began learning about British educational reformer Charlotte Mason. She took issue not only with poor parents who sent their children to work too early, but also with rich families who hired governesses and then considered their job “done.”
Mason rightly believed that the goal of education was not to merely fill a child’s mind with certain facts. I found myself giving her an internal standing ovation as I read these words:
“The question is not, –how much does the youth know? when he has finished his education–but how much does he care? and about how many orders of things does he care? In fact, how large is the room in which he finds his feet set? and, therefore, how full is the life he has before him?”
4. Accept (& even embrace) that there will be gaps.
Was your education perfect?
Nope, mine either. Though most of us graduated from traditional schools without knowing all, many homeschooling parents deeply fear that they won’t be able to cover everything.
Let me put it to you straight – you won’t.
Are we trying to raise intelligent robots–or children who discover their passions and purposes in life? In spite of No Child Left Behind, children are being left behind in vast numbers each and every day.
Your responsibility, Mom and Dad, is not to produce perfection.
Your responsibility, as a homeschooling parent, is simply this: to nurture, love, forgive, believe, pray for patience, deliver grace, spread the feast, feel the fear, act in courage, get up tomorrow, and do it again.
How have you been able to embrace the responsibility of taking on your children’s education?
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Jamie!
This post is a home run on all counts! No wonder you call this space Simple Home school. You hit on most key points for homeschooling families just starting out and those who have been at it a while and still have doubts from time to time. The most obvious one… homeschooling or not parents are still responsible!
I loved it!
Debbie ( creatively homeschooling for 13 years )
That is so encouraging, Debbie. Thank you so much.
Thank you for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Jamie, that last sentence brought a tear to my eye. Thank you.
I went to private school, public school and was home schooled. I can honestly say that my home school year was the most memorable, foundational year of my education.
I never thought I would home school…seem like too much work and I have 2 little girls and a boy on the way. However, I am learning that it does not have to be as daunting as it seems. It is encouraging to see moms who can do this with multiple children. I just hope I can still stay on top of the house and be there for the husband when he gets home too.
That’s amazing that you had such a pivotal year while homeschooling. You’re right, change always seems daunting–but the reality is not nearly as frightening as the overwhelming thoughts make it out to be.
You can make it work for you and your family!
I have the same thoughts…. and only have one 5 yr old gir. (I have a step daughter whom I must re-teach the public school day everyday b/c she didn’t grasp any of it due to a class of 31/1 & the breakdown of discipline of this age.) I was homeschooled but have a more demanding / stressful life situation than my mother. I feel overwhelmed at times with being able to stay on top the house, and still giving hubs time while also exercising and cooking and finding “calm down” time for “me”. God is showing me though, if I’ll stop trying to plan/control it in the natural, that He will accomplish it all in the spiritual.
This post was excellent. Many days I tell myself don’t look beyond this week. Yes have goals for the future, but don’t like you said worry about calculus before it’s time for my 7 year olds.
I’m crying as I read all the comments (I rarely read comments). In my heart I need to homeschool my daughter (going to kindergarten in the fall) but I’m so scared and my husband is worried about me burning out (we have a 20 month old and 8 week old too). My daughter talks about going to school with enthusiasm. Anyway I want to read this whole post + comments to my husband. Ugh! This decision is so difficult.
Kiasa, be encouraged!!! I was where you are years ago, and you DO burn out, just as if they went to a traditional school. You simply all take a break. To be honest, my children learn more in the breaks! Real life is a better teacher than any textbook or classroom. 🙂 We now have 6 children and are still at it. SUCH a blessing! Not always easy, but always worth it.
Kiasa, Don’t be scared, you can do this!! Just a couple of thoughts, my children have all had a pre-school/kindergarten experience and then we HS from there. Like you I did this because I always had very little ones and felt like if someone else could get them started, and they then had that point of reference, it was good for all of us. Than read!! Much of this journey is self education. Read about different educational methods, read about the history of education in America, read about our forefathers, and know that as their parents you and your husband should and will make all the right decisions for your family. Do not compare or put any stock in what “they” have to say, follow your heart and you will be just fine.
Kindergarten may be a blast for her especially with two very young ones at home. Let her try it…you can always change your mind and homeschool from there on out. With my youngest son we began homeschooling after third grade and are still at it four years later. With my oldest-he is in public school because by the time I figured out how behind he was it was too late to change his mind-so I just do a lot of at home tutoring with him. Take it all one day at a time and you will do a fine job no matter what you decide. Blessings-
Thank you very much for confirming my (and my husband’s) belief that our daughter’s education is OUR responsibility, not the school’s. We taught our daughter how to sign at 9 months, read to her every chance we got, and encouraged her curiosity in everything because of this belief. After two years of kindergarten and a year in conventional school, we decided to really live out our belief 24/7. We’re at the end of our first year and Helen (now 7) enjoys homeschooling so much she adamantly refuses to go back to conventional school! You’re so right about developing a strong relationship, it’s THE foundation for everything else. Have a good relationship with your child and everything else will easily fall into place. – Pia, a Filipino mom
The daunting responsibility worries me endlessly, but the proof is in my children. I brought my children home two years ago and no matter how much I question what I do, it has been the best thing I have ever done for them. It’s not perfect. I am forever scrutinizing and altering our methods, but the kids are thriving and happy. The one who has the most to learn is me. I have to learn to trust and relax into this. Thank you for posting on this subject.
Thanks for this post! This is my first year homeschooling and I was definitely fearful of “failing”. I’m so glad I surged ahead despite my fears. Point #4 really hit home.
As we approach highschool with our oldest and still have five others, I have seen an increase in my panic and self-doubt. Thank you for this timely reminder! Seriously necessary!
I wanted to add something encouraging to this conversation from the perspective of someone who is a bit further down the home school road. I have been homeschooling my eight children (8 t0 29, currently) now for over twenty three years and there have been many hard times when I just wanted to quit. However, I haven’t because this road has been the obvious best one for my family despite all the trials. Home school has continued through marriage and church problems, health and emotional problems, elder parent issues and deaths, three miscarriages, one bout of cancer, and several stray animals brought home by hopeful children. And as I continue on my journey I have come to know that the journey was never about how competent I am in any subject or what I covered but my relationship with my children, my husband, and my God. Period. If those are a priority everything else will work out. My oldest son is one of my favorite examples of how it never was about how good a teacher I could be although I do try. Despite my personal trials during his high school time (health and personal), and in spite of me never doing any kind of formal science (lots of younger siblings), my son found his passion for biology in college (local community and state). He studied hard; he networked with teachers. He was offered full graduate school scholarships to MIT, Harvard, etc. He found his way. So did my other children in their college and in their job paths. I know this is not a checklist of how to do it but I hope there is some encouragement in knowing that it can all work out with our priorities firmly set before our eyes. Jamie did a very nice job in summing this up at the end of her writing.
It is nice to hear others have the same concern. I am always questioning myself. I decided to not look at it as a lack of confidence but instead a way to evaluate if what we are doing in school is in line with our values and goals for our children. I often feel overwhelmed with day to day responsibilities. I have four children and am homeschooling them. They are 8,6,4, and 2. I have to admit as we are in the middle of our third year it is getting easier. I think it is a combination of me feeling more and more confident and the kids getting older. I think when you have little babies you need to bite off smaller chunks and do shorter time periods of school. Anything is better than none. And some days I definitely feel that way. Hope that helps anyone who is discouraged or is considering homeschooling.
Hi Juliette!
I’m homeschooling my first grader. I have 4 kids ages 7, 4, 2 and 4months. I could really use some advice as to how to schedule my day. I’m struggling with time management right now and feel like I’m not doing enough for my 7 year old right now. Any suggestions?
One thing that really helped me was an article I read about the vast difference there is in what children learn in public school. Everyone learns reading, ‘riting, and ‘rithmetic, but beyond that it varies greatly by state and even by district and school. No one is getting a “perfect” education no matter where they go (or don’t go). Everyone’s experience is different. So whether you use public, private, or homeschool – every parent needs to be active and responsible for their child’s education. Homeschool seems alot less scary after that.
There should be a blog article about THIS VERY THING – so true and SO UNDER the radar!!!
You are so very right. Even as a classroom teacher I have fear that I will miss something important. It’s every teacher’s fear, not just the homeschooling teacher.
I hadn’t thought of it like that before, Amy Lynne. That makes perfect sense that classroom teachers would feel the same way. Thanks so much for sharing!
You are so right about the gaps. If we keep the joy and spark of learning we will always know our children will learn….
AND that they will naturally accept responsibility for their own learning which is what gives that lifetime love of learning in my opinion.
Great article and how sad we’re so stressed or disconnected that we can’t trust we can do something we want to do for/with our children.
Honey
Thank you for this encouraging post. I struggle with knowing if I am doing the right thing, teaching the right stuff…and yes, it is not in how much we know but in how much we care. And yes, the days I slack (academically) are the days we learn life.
I am encouraged today to carry on tomorrow.
I have home schooled for 15 years and I have never seen our responsibility stated as well as you have in the last sentence! Enjoy your journey…
What a compliment, Suzie – thank you!
You must have a wealth of experience on the journey you’ve taken. Bless you and your family!
Thank you so much Jamie – I have been home educating my family for the past 8 years and I still feel like a newbie at times. I will be marking this article to read when I need to put my journey back in perspective. Thank you and keep up the good work.
And I would add to the parents’ responsibility (beside the word forgive): ‘ask for forgiveness’.
Encouraging piece!
Thanks,
Yevette
My two eldest go to public school (K and 3rd), and we have a 3-year-old as well. My husband and I have thought many times about homeschooling, but I am very nervous about the prospect. I am not worried about my and my husband’s ability to teach, but that my teaching will be dry as dust, that I won’t have the necessary patience, that I won’t be able to inspire them, and that they will feel they are missing something by not being at school with lots of kids their own age. But there are things I really want to teach them (like how to draw using Mona Brookes’ excellent book Drawing with Children), but where do I find the time? They don’t return from school until 4:00, then there is homework, sports or other commitments, dinner, baths and family time. Plus, I can’t expect them to sit down and learn something new from me when they have already spent an entire day at school. I am so conflicted ….
My girls are finishing 1st and 4th grade at public school this year and we are homeschooling next year. I have the same concerns as you but feel like we are called to step out on faith and bring our girls home. We also have a daughter who will graduate public school in December and I know her education has big holes in it so I sure can’t do worse if I love my girls and try my best to teach them how to live well.
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I will begin my homeschooling journey next year with my 5 year old son. i constantly worry about ‘gaps’ in his education, but now I see how ridiculous that is. I have huge gaps in my own education, mainly music and history, but I have always considered myself smart and well schooled. I also have a love of learning and I can educate myself in those areas if I care to.
This is excellent. Thank you so much. 🙂
As a public school teacher who is all for homeschooling. First off I have nightmares about not teaching your kids well enough!! And I’m not as in control of what and how I teach your kids as you would be. I also get sad that I’m not able to give each child the attention and support then truly need because I’m one among 20. Seriously you all can do way way better then I can in all those areas!!
In a world that so likes to put “us” against “them” – no matter what the issue may be, thank you for such gracious and encouraging words, Stacie!
Thank you for your encouraging words. What caught my eye was that our responsibility is not to produce perfection. (I was on the nester blog.) As a mom of two graduates and one still in high school, our job is to love our children. With that responsibility, we all face many choices. When we decided to homeschool, it wasn’t as common as today. We felt that it was right for our family. Oh, but there were days. 🙂 A very wise friend told me, you will not be able to teach them everything by the time they graduate. Give them a solid foundation and love them. That comment kept us going when I wished the bus would stop and pick them up.
Moms, do not grow weary, in due season you shall reap. Those years of homeschooling are the most precious that I have.