Written by Misha Thompson of The Offense of Joy
I read an article recently that made me want to jump up and down and shout and smile! It was written by the fabulous writer Anne Lamott about the decisions we face in life.
“..At 80,” Anne says about the students she is teaching, “will they be proud that they spent their lives keeping their houses cleaner than anyone else in the family did, except for mad Aunt Beth, who had the vapors? Or that they kept their car polished to a high sheen that made the neighbors quiver with jealousy? Or worked their fingers to the bone providing a high quality of life, but maybe accidentally forgot to be deeply and truly present for their kids, and now their grandchildren? …What fills us is real, sweet, dopey, funny life.”
I come from a background of a lot of busyness – and all for very good reasons. When I got married and had my first baby I carried over that sense of needing to say yes to worthy requests and being available for beautiful opportunities – especially for people. I really love people. What I neglected to calculate into that was who I am. Or even more so: who my children are and their capacity.
My husband introduced the radical concept to me of choice. He lives in the realm of freedom and possibility. Don’t laugh – although I know I deserve it – it had never dawned on me that it was okay for me to choose things based on how I wanted my life to be. Or on how much I could realistically do without it costing our family a bit too much.
Okay, maybe freedom of choice was something I was aware of in the broad sense. But I still lived with a constant sense of letting people down, feeling guilty, trying to do it all or withdrawing because I felt I couldn’t handle most of it.
That didn’t work out very well for me.
Photo by Michael Thompson
A couple years ago I started thinking about living by priorities versus pressure. I started thinking about the difference between being busy and being full. My life is still very full, but now I am on a daily journey of rejecting the pull of being busy.
These are the differences I have noticed in choosing to be full over being busy:
1. Being full is based on intentional choices.
Being full is purposeful because it took the time to prioritize.
Being busy is reactionary and chooses out of exhaustion, out of the pressure of finding my identity externally and what other people think. Or worse, out of a false sense of it all depending on me. Being full looks at life and prioritizes based on an honest accounting of what I can accomplish and how I want that to look.
These days I am technically not very “busy” at all. At least not busy as I would define it. Most of what I do involves being at home, holding my children and reading to them, explaining and re-explaining patiently, re-doing the same laundry over and over again ad nauseum, listening to piano music being practised slowly or to the same knock-knock joke being told to me countless times. It is a lot of being available, a lot of root-building, a lot of moments of exactly the opposite of the activities I would naturally prefer.
Many days I would rather choose the lack of conflict teaching requires, sleep, an uninterrupted adult conversation, a clean house. But I have realized that underneath all of that, what I want most is not to get to the end of my life and have regrets. So I learned I have to choose my priorities.
Photo by Michael Thompson
2. Being full is saying yes.
Yes to giving, yes to being available. Being full is having enough. Busy is at a loss, is out of control. Being busy is full of saying no, I’m tired, I can’t, I wish and maybe when this season is over. Full has time.
I have found that not being busy means letting go. Letting go of control. Letting go of being in charge. Letting go of certain security and fears. Letting it all go so that I have a lot more space to be full. Full of things others can feast on. It is saying yes to enjoyment, grace, gentle words, patience, laughter – as a lifestyle.
Photo by Lionel Thompson
3. Being full is being filled.
Busy runs on empty. Full has found a way to be filled up in order to give. Full is the opposite of vacant – it is together. Full gives and keeps on giving because it has been on the receiving end, too, and it is grateful.
Being full is still exhausting and sometimes, honestly, busy is preferable – busy has so much more to show for it. Full is not devoid of sacrifice. It is sacrifice. Full can easily be misinterpreted or misunderstood. Full can still be exhausting, it can still feel like too much on some days, but it is the right kind of much.
It is choosing to be 100% completely myself and allowing – catalyzing – others to be the same.
Photo by Michael Thompson
Summer is a perfect time to recalibrate. What are your priorities? How are you doing living by them?
I think “being full” in the sense of this post has a lot to do with knowing what the individuals purpose is, and having a direction to serve this purpose.
Problem is, that most either do not bother to get clear about their purpose, or, if they have found it, don’t attribute enough time to it (for example by thinking they need a job, instead of thinking “how can I make a business opportunity out of being full?”
PerryP@How to lose weight’s latest post: Never Feel Full- What You Can Do When You Never Feel Full
Every body understands that men’s life seems to be not very cheap, nevertheless we require money for various issues and not every person earns big sums money. So to get some credit loans or just car loan would be a proper way out.
I’m a big fan of one’s writing, mind if I add your RSS feed to my reader?
I love this! Full vs. busy is a very useful way to think about the activities and such that we allow into our lives. It’s also easier to say no to things when I think of our life as being full instead of too busy. It’s abundance, not chaos. Good stuff.
Annie Reneau’s latest post: Make the Call. Pooh Says.