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Beyond Stereotypes: The New Face of Homeschooling

ByMisha

Written by Misha Thompson of Kind Birds and The Thompson Story

A note from Jamie: Trying to conquer our homeschooling fears means we have to also overcome negative stereotypes and limiting beliefs. The discussion in the comments on Monday reminded me of this encouraging post, written and published last February by Misha.

Recently I posted a question on my Facebook page. Can you tell me honestly, I asked, all the reasons you would never homeschool your kids?

Within less than a day I had over 50 strong opinions posted and some even stronger ones in my private in-box.

“Before I started homeschooling,” one friend said, “I was frightened I would lose my sense of humor–and start wearing jumpers.”

“I would never have enough patience. – I’m not organized enough. – I’m not smart enough. – I don’t think I’d have enough energy. – I am an introvert. – I would be too lonely.”

“I want to have a career. – I would never be able to make friends. – My kids need socializing.”

We have all have felt these worries and many of us have had them spoken from friends or family members.

Here are three things to remember as you consider homeschooling:

1. There may be many good reasons not to homeschool. But stereotypes should not be one of them.

The new face of homeschooling does not look anything like it did thirty years ago. In fact it looks nothing like it did even just five years ago. The new face of homeschool is as varied and modern and beautiful as mothers and fathers and children and all of their needs are.

The new face of homeschooling is inner city, rural, suburban, hip, trendy, multilingual, simple, crafty, classic, apprenticeship-based, nature walking, take-out eating, conservative, liberal, intentional, frugal, community based and neighborhood connected.

In short, it is everything you are.

Whoever you are, whatever your values are, the way your family loves and lives life – that is exactly what kind of homeschooler you will be.

I am still learning who we are as a family, what we love and who we can become. I am being educated right alongside my children and that is one of my favorite things about homeschooling. I never planned to live this life. But I have found that every single stereotype I had heard (or even believed) was totally wrong.

2. For every one of those aforementioned concerns, there is a family out there making them a moot point.

I ‘ve seen a single mom juggling a handful of kids without an organized surface in site and enjoy it sincerely, exhausting though it may be. I have seen a mom with thirteen kids, and a mom with a newborn and two young ones, both teach their kids and still deal with the laundry. I have seen moms who juggle full time careers and trade off with dads. I have seen both parents who get their kids up early enough to homeschool them before they go to work and I have seen parents discover their careers though homeschooling.

There are now a myriad of families homeschooling in cultures all around the world. There are professors watching for them in universities because they have learned that homeschooled kids can be remarkable initiative takers, confident and poised communicators. There are countless studies out there about all the reasons homeschooling is a positive choice.

Photo by Misha Thompson

3. Homeschooling is a mosaic made up of millions of unique lifestyles and faces. Be confident to be yourself! 

I have found that what I teach my kids has less to do with what we do together and more to do with who I am as their mama. That has been hard to face. It’s easier to teach than be. It’s easier to stereotype than be confident.

So although in our home we love books and researching, polka dot umbrella walks and dancing to piano practice before dinner time, our greatest work is in trying to embrace life and enjoyment in such a way that it will color our children’s days with joy and fearlessness and allow them to do the same.

“The point is…what makes our children thrive,” I had a friend write to me recently, “what gives them the opportunity to be their best selves.”

We are not stereotypes, we are all beautifully able to be as individual as the children we are raising and teaching.

What are some stereotypes you had about homeschooling before you got started?

96 Comments

  1. I LOVE what you had to say about this. LOVE LOVE LOVE. (sorry, I can’t help it.) Over the last couple of months I’ve realized that a lot of how I was homeschooling was based on other people and not who I am as a mom and who my kids are. It’s my first year and I hadn’t quite figured it out. Once I realized I was doing that, everything changed. I felt like I had to be the stereotypical homeschool mom, juggling everything, doing everything “by the book.” People even give me surprised looks when I say I homeschool because I guess I don’t “look” like a homeschool mom. What does one look like, exactly? 🙂 To read this post is so refreshing and encouraging to know that I can be me and that it’s OK. I think we do our kids and ourselves a disservice if we try to be anything but that. Thank you for sharing. You’ve inspired me today.
    .-= Gina’s last blog: L-O-V-E =-.

    1. Thank you so much, Gina. And I couldn’t agree with you more! I too have had some raised eyebrows at me when I say I homeschool. (I think it’s those big red sunglasses. 🙂 ) I am so impressed with people like you that are breaking that stereotype mold. You inspire me!
      .-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.

  2. I love this post! You are absolutely right on. I’d say if there’s one thing homeschooling families share (and there may not be even one thing) it’s the confidence that there’s something important in our way of life that we want to share with our children. Whatever that way of life may be.
    .-= leah’s last blog: he shall not live on bread alone =-.

    1. Leah, I think this is such a beautiful thought and you put it so well. “…there’s something important in our way of life that we want to share with our children.” That is so well said. I completely agree and I have to admit it gave me a lump in my throat. I think that is a big part of our motivation in our home for sure.
      .-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.

  3. Thank you for posting this!! We’ve decided to start homeschooling our oldest daughter in the Fall, when she starts Kindergarten. I’m so nervous! I’m not scared about teaching her, I’m just nervously trying to beef MYSELF up before our decision becomes widely known in our families and the questions come in. I’ll be watching to hear what everyone else says 🙂
    .-= Myrnie’s last blog: Stocking the Pantry =-.

    1. Myrnie, I so relate. It took me eight months to even be able to admit it to myself that I was going to homeschool – primarily because I knew I would get some very tricky questions (and those illusive eyebrows raised.) The very, very best advise I ever got about this was to ask questions back.

      So if someone says “Well, how are you going to handle the socialization issue?” to respond by saying “What socialization issue do you mean? What do you feel concerned about?”

      It puts the onus on the question asker to express the validity of their concerns rather than on you to prove it’s not an issue. (Even if it isn’t.) And it also allows them to clarify, too. “Oh, aren’t you worried that they will be socially deprived and that they will never get to go to prom?” Then you know what their specific question is.

      And then you can address just those issues (if you want to.) Asking questions back has saved me so many times from being put on the defensive and given me a chance to catch my breath and choose my response while they are still explaining their question.

      I hope that helps you a little bit.
      .-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.

  4. Great post. Love it. SO SO true. I still get “the look” when folks find out we homeschool. I still get the “WHY would you DO THIS to your kids?”…you know, as if I am torturing them or depriving them. But I will say that more and more I get the “oh how I wish I could” or the “thats wonderful” (my fave)!!! Im glad that the “face” of homeschool families is becoming more accepted. I know its hard to find your own “look” as a homeschooler. But once you do…its incredible! 🙂

      1. I agree with Jamie. And I have been seeing this, too, Brandi. I honestly think the many communities online have helped tremendously with representing the vast diversity and creativity (and validity) of all of our faces.
        .-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.

  5. Misha, This is wonderful! You are speaking my language friend. And I just lOVe that photo of your family. I had quite a few misconceptions when starting out years ago. But it has been such a pleasure to meet, in person and on-line, people who blew those stereotypes out of the water and encouraged me to just be me in homeschooling my kiddos.

    1. Thanks, Renee. From one spunky, short-haired mama to another you have been a great encouragement to so many of us! Thank you. 🙂
      .-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.

  6. Fabulous insight, Misha.

    “Whoever you are, whatever your values are, the way your family loves and lives life – that is exactly what kind of homeschooler you will be.”

    I think that is one of the most important things a new homeschooler (and even many veterans) need to hear. Homeschooling is as varied as the families who persue it as a lifestyle.
    .-= Heidi @ Mt Hope’s last blog: To Love =-.

    1. Thank you, Heidi. It’s funny because one of the things I was critiqued for was my classical approach initially. You made it look so beautiful and anything but “weird” and gave me someone to point to as a great example of what I wanted to be doing. And then I fell in love with Shapespeare and my six year old’s giggles when we read him and grew in confidence myself. 🙂
      .-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.

  7. Shannon J says:

    We are officially homeschooling yet. Our little ones are 4yo and would start K a year from Aug. (Our older two are in public school (7th and 4th) but are from my first marriage and I don’t have any options to pull them out – tried that already.) I really want to hs the little ones and while my husband is for it on some levels and very disappointed with the education the older kids have gotten (in quality and inspiration), he also has strong views that homeschoolers are ‘weird’ and doesn’t want our kids to be. I have 1.5 yrs to ‘figure it out’ in order to secure his approval. His views are still very traditional and he worries what the boys are missing out on by not going to preschool. He told me recently he’d like to know I’m covering all the topics they’d be getting in preschool, that I have a PLAN to teach them whatever they need to know so in case they do go to public school they won’t start behind. Unfortunately he and I have different views of ‘education’ for 4yos and I have to figure out how to balance my desires for the kids with his.
    I’ve started getting involved in the large homeschooling community here but haven’t found a group we really click with yet.

    1. I am totally in your boat!

      1. Shannon and Jen, I hear you. I am working on addressing this issue in an upcoming post. The long and the short of it is I think community is the way to go. The more support you have and the more examples partners can see of well-adjusted, thriving families that are doing this, the more I think it helps. Also, I think the more joy we experience in it and the more we find genuine enjoyment in teaching our kids, the more catalytic that is to our whole family.

        And then there is also asking the questions I mentioned in reply to Myrnie’s comment above. Asking what they are most concerned about may open the door to a comprimise. Is it being a part of sports? Being around groups of kids? There are lots of ways we have found to do both/and.

        My kids take some classes in areas I am not as good as teaching (i.e. music) and I make sure they can be with groups of kids their age in other ways. Mostly, though, as the front-line considerers of homeschooling and researching it all, we have the benefit of seeing so many thriving, happy kids that are homeschooled. Exposing people to that does wonders for breaking those stereotypes of “weird.”
        .-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.

  8. I am grateful to learn all of this insight from people who are more experienced. I am doing a co-op homeschool preschool with 4 other friends (we rotate who teaches each week, and it is great), but I am nervous for when it is just me, teaching my kids. I think my concerns are learning how to balance being the teacher and being the mom…or do you differentiate? Right now, our “preschool” has set up lessons plans ready to go, but I am worried about when it is me doing everything. What kind of resources are out there that show what they should be learning at certain grade levels and such? (it seems to be constantly changing). I don’t want my children to worry about the competitive aspect of public school, but I do want them to excel and be on the same page as other children their age. I love this blog and I am grateful for those contributors and people leaving comments. It is helping me a lot to prepare for the coming years.

    1. Sarah,

      There are lots of books and websites out there about what your state requires each grade level to have learned. If you have a good book store in your area they should be able to point you to some wonderful resources. You could also call your local school and ask what websites their teachers use to make sure they are staying on track with state requirements.

      As far as wearing the two hats of mama and teacher, I think it’s trickier with younger kids and at preschool age especially. Don’t be afraid of still beng mama and even holding your child on your lap as you teach a larger group. I did that with one of my kids in a team-teaching scenario and it helped them realize they were still my favourite and feel more secure. 🙂

      As kids get older they seem to get into the groove more of seeing you in both roles. This would be an excellent question to ask some of the more experienced homeschoolers here on our site, though.
      .-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.

  9. Love this! Thanks for the encouragement. When I taught middle school and high school some days I had to remind myself that the answers were in the back of the book. Some homeschooling days are like that too. You don’t have to know every thing!
    .-= Sandra’s last blog: Our Family Rules! =-.

    1. I agree, Sandra! I have friends that say you only need to stay one day ahead of your kid. You can read the material the night before and learn right along with them. 🙂
      .-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.

  10. Lovely article– I particularly appreciate the point you made that there may be reasons not to homeschool but stereotypes are not one of them.
    I have three little ones at home right now (one being an infant a week old!) and am open/curious about the possibility of homeschooling but often wish there was some helpful guidance on how to determine if homeschooling is right for you or your children (like a list of ideas/thoughts/considerations to ponder on the nature of your child and his best interest as you prayerfully consider it).
    Of course I know these actual reasons would be as many as families who homeschool– but I’d love to hear more about the discernment process, from families who chose and chose not to homeschool.

    1. Congratulations on your new little one, Lisa! I think that is a great point you bring up, and maybe we can address those concerns in some future posts about how to determine if homeschooling is the right choice for your family.

      Thanks for the idea!

      1. In regard to discerning whether or not hs is a good option for your family, I found the articles on the Sonlight curriculum website to be helpful.
        http://www.sonlight.com/right-for-my-family.html

        I finally (nervously!) jumped into hs this year. Looking back, I am SO glad I had the courage to try it! It has been a huge blessing to my family and I am so thankful I have been able to spend this year with my son at home with us. To anyone who is unsure, I would encourage them to simply try it for a year….the worst case scenario is that you will decide it isn’t right for your family, and then put your child into another form of schooling the following year. I am very glad I gave it a chance and didn’t let my worries/fears make the decision for me 🙂

  11. Oh how my heart needed to hear this today and to hear the responses from other women here as well! Thank you Misha!
    .-= Kristen’s last blog: Beautiful Blogs =-.

    1. Thanks, Kristen! I feel so encouraged reading comments from such thoughtful people, too. I feel honoured to be in such great company.
      .-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.

  12. The most important thing to remember when making the decision to homeschool is that it’s not a permanent decision. You can change your mind! We re-evaluate every year what our kids need to learn and how best they can learn that. My teens are now in FT college, 2/3 homeschooled and 1/3 homeschooled, based on their preferences and needs.

    For those of you worried about keeping up with schooled peers, don’t worry. We don’t have national standards, so a child who moves from one local school district to another is likely to be ahead in subjects and behind in other subjects. (Believe me. I did this many times.) If the schools themselves don’t care what other schools are doing, why should you? Take as much time as you need, don’t dwell on re-learning things you already know, and I can guarantee you your kids will be ahead of their conventionally-schooled peers no matter what curriculum you choose (or none!)
    .-= Princess Mom’s last blog: Cymatics: Sound and Creation =-.

    1. I think that is such a good point, Princess Mom.

      Homeschooling doesn’t mean a forever decision–we can change and evaluate everyone’s needs as we go. I think approaching it that way also makes it less intimidating!
      .-= Jamie’s last blog: Beyond Stereotypes: The New Face of Homeschooling =-.

      1. Princess Mom – I was thinking about your comment again this morning while I was running and felt like it was important to come back and say how much I agree with your point.

        We – regardless of how or where our children are educated – take our kids’ education one year at a time. There is no way of knowing what their unique needs will be ahead of time. And that flexibilty allows for be open to changes that suit who they are and what their current educational priorities are.

        It also takes a heap of pressure off of me to take it one year at a time.

        Thank you for saying what you did!
        .-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.

        1. I totally agree! I was nervous about starting homeschooling this year (could NOT commit myself to homeschooling my 3 young children for the next 20 years!) But I decided I could take it a year at a time…and evaluate each year what the best educational route was for each of my children. It took a lot of the pressure off when I viewed it as something to review & consider annually. I knew that I could homeschool for the next 10 months…and beyond that, time would tell.

  14. Loved this post. As a homeschool graduate, married to a homeschool graduate, and now a mom getting ready to homeschool (officially) in a few years, I am keenly aware of all the stereotypes. But the fact is, it isn’t about the blue jean jumpers, or the tie die, or making models of the solar system. It’s about fostering the love of learning and the love of family ~ and the love of family learning together.
    .-= Natalie @ Naddy’s Blog’s last blog: New Header 🙂 =-.

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  16. Oh where have you been!!! What a great post!!! I love that “homeschoolers are a mosaic”… we are not all dressing our children in smocks, made from organic hemp, harvested at four in the morning before they got on with five hours of latin translation and…” I could go on!!! I guess it is true of all aspects of life, no one likes to be fitted into a box!
    .-= se7en’s last blog: How To Keep Se7en + 1 Kids Busy All Day… =-.

  17. I came to homeschooling (and even motherhood) somewhat reluctantly. Once I realized that it was the best way to preserve my kids’ boundless love of learning, I embraced it. I love learning alongside them (and, sometimes, trying to keep up!). It isn’t a walk in the park every day, and I could sure use a break right about now after a rather long winter indoors, but I really can’t imagine our life without homeschooling now.

    Looking forward to reading more of your posts!

  18. Amen to the article and all the comments! I have been doing preschool at home w/ my 4 year old and we will start a homeschooling hybrid program for Kindergarten next year (1 day a week at a Classical school where I currently teach, the other 4 at home). I think one of the most important things in ALL of motherhood, homeschooling included, is being CONFIDENT and INTENTIONAL in what we do.

    I recently had someone tell me that I shouldn’t homeschool my daughters because they would be *too smart* for public school if I ever had to send them. I just had to laugh : )

    1. Oh that’s funny about your daughters being too smart. Haha – like that’s a bad thing or something? Most college students have no idea how to write, do research, or study for that matter. If you give your daughters those skills, they will certainly be much better off than most!
      .-= sarah’s last blog: Oh the things I could do… =-.

  19. Misha,

    Loved this article. I am a second generation homeschooler- you so hit the nail on the head! It never fails to surprise me some of the responses I get when I mention that I was homeschooled and am now homeschooling my own children. I like breaking their stereotype “boxes”.

    I wish I could tell moms not to stress so much. I get asked constantly if my mom ever changed my curriculum and how I felt about it- they are so very worried about ‘gaps’ and academic achievement. I love seeing the relief on their faces as I tell my story and they realize that as long as they are doing what works for their family and their children, the rest of it will fall into place.
    .-= Joy’s last blog: Love Story: Redemption… =-.

    1. Joy, That is beautiful. One of the beauties and benefits of homeschooling is being able to make “course adjustments” that make what I am teaching most applicable and beneficial to my two very dynamic learners. They change and grow and I can shift what I teach them accordingly.
      .-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.

  20. Incredible. Absolutely what I needed to read as we tread the waters of HSing. Definitely going to share this with my husband who was HS’d 20+ yrs ago. Times have changed! 🙂 Thanks Misha!

  21. Yes, I have to agree this is perfect timing. My husband and I have been discussing homeschooling my daughter next year, and after her conference today, we decided that public school is not going to meet her needs. His biggest concern though, was that I will still be teaching public school part-time next year, and how could she learn if I was not at home every day? Your point that school can happen at anytime helped to reassure him. School does not have to happen between 8 and 3:00 (and I’m also fortunate to have my mom there for her when I am not!)
    .-= Casey M’s last blog: Wow =-.

    1. Casey – My kids were thrilled to hear that even our president was homeschooled for a time by his mother. Albeit in very unconventional hours (early, early morning before she went to work) but he was educated by his mother nonetheless. I think you are doing something beautiful by making it work for your family.
      .-= Misha’s last blog: Stereotypes And Joy =-.

  22. I was homeschooled myself, so I came into homeschooling my children without the usual stereotypes. BUT, I have had to struggle with doing things differently than my mother did and that’s hard! I was raised that a schedule is vital, we worked on school until it was done, even if that meant going from 8am to bedtime some days when things were hard. My mother was all about textbooks, workbooks and hated the very idea of phonics.

    With my oldest son, we’ve just started into school. I’m using phonics, which my mom is still against, but we’ve had wonderful success so far. I incorporate a lot of play into school (well, my son is four, but still) and he is learning while having fun. Every morning, he gets up and is eager for school . . . he LOVES it! That right there shows me that I’m doing the right thing. My son is eager to show off his new knowledge and skills to his papa and brother and he is having a blast and, to tell you the truth, so am I. So I guess my stereotype was that school had to be strict and not fun at all.
    .-= Expat Mom’s last blog: Special Days =-.

  23. Love this article, and I love that the stereotypes are slowly disappearing!

    We’re one of those “atypical” families (if there is such a thing anymore!). I work from home full time, and next month my husband will be making the transition to being a stay-at-home dad. We’ll homeschool together, (hopefully) balancing out each other’s strengths and weaknesses along the way.
    .-= Mandi @ Organizing Your Way ‘s last blog: Affiliate Marketing, Disclosures & Earning an Income from Your Blog =-.

  24. Half of my siblings were homeschooled and now I homeschool. My dad has commented how fortunate we are to have such a large HS community, and very regular opportunities to get together/learn together (weekly skating & swimming; writing workshops; bowling; pottery classes…) – all these things my mom and younger siblings didn’t have. Not to mention all the resources at our disposal. My mom had to order most of her materials from the States (we’re in Canada) and didn’t have inter-library loan. Anyways, times really have changed, for the better in many (but not all) ways. I do think that modern homeschool families have to guard against burnout, though, b/c we are apt to want to have it all/do it all which is not always best for the homefront or family relationships.

  25. Such great points, Misha, and beautifully written. I am proud to be able to break the jumpers and road kill dissecting sterotypes alongside you.
    .-= daffodil_lane’s last blog: Happy Valentine’s Day =-.

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