Homeschooling Through Disruption ~ Written by Melissa Camara Wilkins
I thrive on peace and calm and intention and purpose. I like to meet needs and meet goals, to make progress and make things work. Our days are fluid, but there’s “fluid” and then there’s “melted into a pile of goo.” I prefer the former.
Disruption, in other words, is not my favorite thing.
Last year, when we were trying to move to a new house in the middle of the school year, I mostly wanted to hide until the whole thing was over.
We live in an area where the housing market could best be described as “utterly insane.” Every morning we would open an app to look for new dots representing homes in our area, then send virtual messages begging to see those houses before anyone else did.
The whole thing seemed a lot like playing the worst video game ever, and when you won, you would get the joy of complete life upheaval. So that was great.
We don’t hope to move often, but life throws plenty of other disruptions at us all the time, doesn’t it? Here’s what helps us cope with ours.
1. Remember the awesome.
Our homeschooling lifestyle gave us flexibility so that if we needed to, we could:
- Take time off
- Make life changes in the middle of the year, not only over the summer
- Switch school districts without disrupting our kids’ daily lives
- Let the kids focus on processing life changes before leaping back into book learning
Truly, moving to a new city mid-year could have been way more disruptive to our kids than it was. When we were living out of boxes and wondering if we would ever get back to “normal,” remembering to be thankful gave us more peace.
2. Schedule time to listen to the kids’ feelings. (And our own.)
So, it turns out that we are not emotionless robots. Even good change can be hard, and we all need time to process our feelings. It might have been more efficient to spend every minute packing and unpacking, but we needed to plan some time for sorting out our emotions, too.
I don’t know about you, but when I just keep moving without thinking about how I feel—giving myself space to grieve what’s left behind and to look forward to what’s ahead—I end up frazzled and anxious and weird.
Multiply that times how many people there are in our family (EIGHT) and it was worth it to take time out to process instead of just powering through.
3. Ask for specific, useful help.
We wanted to keep our kids’ excitement factor for the move high while keeping the boredom factor low. When people asked how they could pitch in with the moving efforts, we suggested they help us with that.
We asked others to do things like:
- Read stories to the kids while the grownups packed.
- Take the kids on a long walk around the old neighborhood or the new one.
- Drop by with a surprise snack delivery. (It’s hard to remember to take snack breaks, and without them, we get cranky!)
- Let the kids give you a tour of the new house, even if you’ve already seen it.
- Send mail addressed to the children at the new house.
We also suggested that faraway relatives who wanted to help could send the kids a small iTunes or Amazon gift card. We used those for new movies and audiobooks so the kids could have some downtime even in an unsettled space.
We weren’t pushy, but when people asked how they could help, we tried to answer as specifically as possible.
4. Say no.
Because people are wonderful, they might offer to help in ways that would be helpful to them if they were in your situation—but that aren’t necessarily helpful to you.
Remember that you don’t have to say yes just because someone offered.
If it’s not helpful—and especially if it will make more work for you!—say no thank you. People will understand. (Or maybe they will not understand, but at least you haven’t made your life harder by inviting unhelpful help. What else can you do, really?)
5. Notice the life lessons in the disruption.
From moving, our kids learned a ton about … moving. They learned about choosing a neighborhood, about furniture that doesn’t work in new spaces, about forwarding the mail and changing the utilities and coordinating all the logistics.
They learned life skills, like how to plan for meals when your pots and pans are packed, and how to meet new people, and why not to overfill boxes with hardback books.
They also learned about handling stress, and about conflict resolution, and about trying new things, and trying again if those new things don’t quite work.
The older kids learned more about helping the younger kids to be safe and busy and happy. They learned to have compassion for each other, because change is hard.
They learned how strong and capable their bodies are, and how they can lift and carry and build things. They learned how to work as a team, and when to work alone. They learned about priorities and flexibility and compromise.
We tried to point out what they were learning as these new things came up, and to recap them again at the end of each day. We wanted to be intentional about showing the kids (and ourselves) that they were learning and growing even while surrounded by a web of wrapping paper and packing tape. And they were!
Eventually the boxes did get unpacked. The furniture was reassembled. Art was mounted on the walls. We opened history books and math supplies and notepads again.
Things did get back to normal, or as normal as they ever are.
And all that life learning the kids absorbed is so important to me that I would almost be willing to move again just for that.
ALMOST.
What are your best tips for thriving in times of disruption? I’d love to hear!
This post is part of our Hardest Part of my Homeschool Year series.
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We’ve had upheaval, too.
Boy, do I understand.
And thanks for your posts on your own blog. I continue to savor the writing and wisdom of each one.
Anne’s latest post: A Week, Briefly (#5)
Thank you so much, Anne. Upheaval just keeps coming around, doesn’t it? Change is so often good, but getting to the good is so often messy!
Melissa Camara Wilkins’s latest post: How to deal with the in-between times
I get the moving thing. We are in ministry and have moved more than I can count. The kids are use to it and love getting into new spaces. But, the disruption of the routine is never easy, no matter how many times it has happened before. Our last move, I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with two little in tow. I had never thought about requesting Amazon cards to get different movies and apps! That will be a must when and if we ever move again! I hope you are enjoying your new home!
Thank you, Chelsey. Our new home is great for us, in so many ways, and I always do love the possibility that comes with new spaces and places! The transition, though–embracing that is a discipline I have not yet mastered. 😉
Melissa Camara Wilkins’s latest post: How to deal with the in-between times
We moved last year and it was WAY more disruptive than anything else we’ve encountered while homeschooling (new baby, one child in public school, etc.). My husband told me to let go of my guilt for all but dropping “school” for the 2+ months we were in the trenches. Unfortunately we couldn’t “make it up” in the summer because our summers are really too busy. You are right, a lot of lessons were learned, and our boys got a much closer relationship with their baby sister because they “watched” her so frequently so I could get the big stuff done.
The good news is, we’ve started our new year and the boys are still on an awesome trajectory of learning, despite our “break”. Plus we have a wonderful new home and “homestead” where so much amazing learning will happen that we wouldn’t have had a chance to do before!
My best advice is to let go of the guilt, and try to get as much sleep as possible. Keeping everyone healthy is essential in times of disruption…
Letting go of guilt is such good advice, Alison! Always, always. And oh, how I struggle to come to a complete stop at the end of the day to get some rest. In the moment, it seems like such a good idea to get one more thing done… and one more… until I’m collapsing into bed, beyond exhausted. Not actually a good idea. 😉 Sleep is better.
Melissa Camara Wilkins’s latest post: How to deal with the in-between times
Taking time to process our emotions is a huge one around here. When we leave this out we are left with a grumpy family and incredibly diminished productivity.
Steph’s latest post: When You Feel Paralyzed by the World Around You
Yes! I find that it’s hard to think about other things when I’m basically a giant, walking-around ball of feelings. Which happens not infrequently. 😉 Taking time out to process seems counterintuitive, but I think it’s really important.
Melissa Camara Wilkins’s latest post: How to deal with the in-between times
Tomorrow we will be in our new house a total of three weeks, so this post certainly resonated with me. The life lessons and family reconnecting have been amazing…everything else stressful. It is definitely true we need to give ourselves space and grace. I did not think we would be able to start our learning again until mid September, but then I realized we didn’t have to do it all at once. In fact, it would serve us better if we took it easy. Entering our third week of school we are reading, doing history and science, a little math, but have yet to start up out grammar and more writing. We really needed this time to get back in to good habits and bigger schedule.
Space and grace: yes, this! Start slow, ease back into “normal” life, and no worries about the rest. That is a great plan. And may your new home feel homey in no time at all. 🙂
Melissa Camara Wilkins’s latest post: How to deal with the in-between times
I love ALL of this. We moved twice…to different states…within a 6 month period. That was a year ago, thankfully, but it was a very difficult time in our lives. I was VERY GRATEFUL for all the lessons we learned. But mostly I was grateful we had decided to homeschool. I felt like the transition was easier to these new places because (once we were finally settled) the kids didn’t have to worry about another transition into school and making friends immediately. We still had our little family unit with our routines, and I felt like that made us all feel safe.
Katie Laws’s latest post: Using TV to Teach
Home is where my family is. It’s just that sometimes it’s a more settled home than other times… 😉
I so agree, being able to keep our same family routines was crucial to our sanity and security. But oh man, Katie, two moves to two states in six months: you are a warrior. 🙂
Melissa Camara Wilkins’s latest post: How to deal with the in-between times
Wonderful perspective and tips! Packing our second pod this week, staying with friends next week, and moving in the new house the following week, all while trying to homeschool! It’s always good to hear that others have done it too and survived!
Amy’s latest post: Gypsy Blood
Survival is good. 😀 And it’s funny how quickly the new thing becomes the normal thing, don’t you think?
Best of luck, Amy!
Melissa Camara Wilkins’s latest post: How to deal with the in-between times
I can totally relate to this! We moved last summer – to live temporarily with my parents, which turned into a whole year with them. It was nuts to try and do life as our own family unit with home schooling and home entertaining happening on 2 different levels. But what we learned (what I learned) about being fluid and flexible, about loving and living well in the moment and not waiting until we have “space” and are “settled” has been far more valuable than if we had stayed put in our (mostly) nice and neat first home.
We are now where we are meant to be, and much better off for learning through the bumps along the way.
Cara@TheHomeLearner’s latest post: In Search of a Twaddle Free Childhood
This is beautiful, Cara!
I always wish I could just get all my life lessons without having to actually, you know, learn them. Could we just upload an understanding of loving and living well right into my heart and mind, a la The Matrix? I would really appreciate that. But no, I always seem to have to live through them first. 😉
Melissa Camara Wilkins’s latest post: How to deal with the in-between times
Oh man we were playing the world’s worst video game this summer too (love that analogy!). We’re in that place where we’ve won the game and the prize is MAJOR LIFE UPHEAVAL! Ugh. For us that means a move AND a six-week road trip while we are between houses. So grateful for homeschooling and grace during this time.
In this video game, I think you just leveled up, Annie. 😀
And yes! I am so thankful, too, that there is always grace for the road ahead, both literal and figurative. Even if sometimes I’d rather hide from the adventures I am presented with. 😉
Melissa Camara Wilkins’s latest post: How to deal with the in-between times
Yes! This is a great post!
We moved in May, with kids 6, 4, 2, and 4 months. It was (still is) crazy, even with major support from family and friends. My best advice: set a bedtime for yourself. It is so tempting to try to get everything done after the kids are in bed, but no sleep makes a dragon mommy. You will be a better wife/mom/teacher during the hours that you are with your people if you have rested yourself appropriately. Having a time limit helped me to work diligently in regular, small increments.
Also, take a break from school, but don’t wait until you feel like everything is “done” before you start up again. It will be a while before I feel like we are all unpacked, but we started school activities back up in June (on a year-round schedule). Now I can take organizing the house in small chunks, while we do school in small chunks. It’s better for my family that way, because I’m not ignoring them for huge stretches of time while I “fix our house”.
Just slow down, and give yourself and your family lots of grace. You are creating new systems and routines in a new space that is probably very different from your old space. It takes time to figure out what will work!
Thank you, Susan!
This is great advice! Sleep is so important. I don’t want to be a dragon mommy–plus, when I’m not getting enough sleep, things fall through the cracks. I miss details. We’re so much happier if we take things in slow, small chunks. Do I remember this in the moment? Well… ahem… you know… 😉
Melissa Camara Wilkins’s latest post: How to deal with the in-between times
This move, I have tried to take it as “life skills” homeschooling, it is still hard, but I remind myself: packing a box helps math spatial understanding, so does arranging furniture. Figuring out how to move heavy boxes: science and physics. I still have to remind myself that it will all come in time. Kids lose so much details and stuff can be caught up when they are older (who remembers all the grammar rules they learned in second grade?) Still I worry that spelling and writing are not being kept up….it will come, to everything there is a season…Thanks so much for your lovely post, I needed that…..and my wooden spoons, and the bar soap…..
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! Boundaries around expectations of behavior, boundaries around the use of time, boundaries around the use of space, boundaries around how devices can be used, boundaries around when and how people can contact or otherwise interrupt you. Everything else comes afterward.
Berin Kinsman’s latest post: Are We Desensitized By Shopping?
Becoming minimalists sure helped with our last move. It’s so much easier to find the wooden spoon if you don’t have so much “stuff we might use someday” to sort through.
I stumbled upon this tonight and it was a timely post! We didn’t see this coming, but we are in the midst of having put a contract on a house and hoping ours will sell FAST all in the midst of me just starting homeschool with my kindergartener. I am trying to relax in the midst of chaos as it seems impossible to pull too much out for school as we could have a showing at any moment. Thanks for the insightful points that you mentioned.