Written by Jamie C. Martin of Simple Homeschool and Introverted Moms
A note from Jamie: Fellow introverted homeschool moms, are you craving more calm, less guilt, and a renewable source of joy for the new year? If so, I would LOVE to invite you to join my Introverted Moms’ Community, where you’ll find all of the above and much more! Membership is open through next Mon, Jan 11th, and you can find all the details here!
Only years after becoming a mother did I fully understand myself as an introvert. (afflink)
My comprehension came painfully, mostly by trial and error:
- I would say yes to that group playdate, only to find myself completely drained for hours afterwards.
- I loved people, but certain overwhelming, crowded situations didn’t seem fun at all–especially with excitable kids in tow.
- I needed, oh how I needed, to be home when nap time arrived each morning for my babies–none of this dragging them around so I could accomplish more.
Would you rather listen to this post?
These days not only do I know more about what being an introvert truly means, I celebrate it and the gifts it offers my family.
There’s a different brand of new year’s intentions for those of us introverted mamas, especially if we’re an introverted homeschool mom–who by the very nature of the calling we’ve chosen have decided to surround ourselves with demanding, (usually loud) people all day every day.
If that isn’t courageous, I don’t know what is.
Here they are, the new year’s resolutions for an introverted homeschool mom. Will you join me in taking them?
1. This year I will adhere to that famous quote by Socrates: “Know thyself!”
I will take a personality test and explore the results a bit. I will read more about what it means to be an introvert.
Photo by Susan Corpuz
2. I will focus more on my strengths than my weaknesses–because my introversion benefits my family in so many ways. I am thoughtful, intentional, deliberate, and a good listener.
3. This year I will examine each opportunity that comes my way and consider this question:
“Will this opportunity honor the person God created me to be? Will it replenish or deplete my inner resources?”
4. After examining the opportunity, I will know what to do and say yes or no accordingly.
5. When I say no, it will be without guilt. When I say yes, it will be with enthusiasm–because I’ll know I’m acting in my sweet spot.
6. Sometime this year I will say yes to something scary and out of my comfort zone, because if famous introverts like Lincoln, Gandhi, and Rosa Parks teach us anything, it’s that boldness and courage are not the realm of extroverts alone.
7. This year I will plan my homeschool days in ways that nourish the core of who I am.
Math time will not be more important than Mommy time–each will have their proper place, and I will not sacrifice the essence of who I am on a self-made altar of perfectionism.
8. This year I’ll remember that it is not selfish to need a break from my children, and I’ll pat them on the head on their way outside while I sit down for 15 minutes with a cup of tea and my thoughts.
Photo by Sam Howzit
9. I will retreat to the bathroom or basement (or anywhere else with a lock on the door) when things get loud and out of control.
I pledge to replenish my secret stash of dark chocolate in said location.
10. This year I’ll do my best to remember that productivity is not the be all and end all to my days.
Getting Things Done may make for a good book title, but it doesn’t necessarily make for a good life.
11. I will seek to understand the personality of the little ones under my care, as they blossom and bloom in front of me.
If I have extroverts, I will celebrate and nurture their exuberance. If I have introverts, I will teach them to value and honor their nature and I’ll enjoy the unique bond we share together.
12. This year I’ll make the effort to go out with close friends, even when I’m exhausted at the end of a long day of mothering…
…because I need to finish an uninterrupted conversation occasionally.
13. After a couple of hours with these wonderful friends, I will come home and happily get into my pajamas…and exhale.
And the times I choose to stay home it will be without guilt and with a book in hand.
Photo by Jaime Morrow
14. When I’ve had little sleep and/or little patience, I will declare it a “movie morning” – and put on something educational for the kids to watch.
We’ll call it school for the day, because it’s better for them to lose a day of phonics practice than for Mommy to completely lose it around them.
15. On the days when nothing works, when I completely screw up, feel totally drained by our schedule, and emotionally exhausted from the constant noise, I will forgive myself.
I will not hold myself responsible for all my kids’ issues. I will allow imperfection in my home, my homeschool, and myself.
I’ll go to bed early, get up, and try again tomorrow.
Because what my kids most need from their introverted homeschool mom this year is for me to be here…
… and that I resolve, with love, to do.
Download the calendar to see what’s coming this semester in Introverted Moms:
What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!
Weekend homeschool links: January 1st
I love this. I’ve recently discovered that I’m an introvert (you’ll love the book Quiet) even thought do really enjoy being around people. I like the notion of focusing on your strengths. I tend to see my introversion as a weakness (I’m not the life of the party, loud sustained noise from my kids is draining for me, etc) but there are so many wonderful facets of my introverted personality too. Thanks for sharing the list!
Jessica’s latest post: Meal Plan: January 13-17th
Thank you for writing this and for sending it out into the world.
I am an extrovert who married an introvert. How common worldwide a phenomenon!!!!
In the beginnings of our marriage i spent many a night crying out to the Lord to understand my husbands attitude….now I ask the Lord to help me be more like him in attitude. Iin other words, I have examined my extrovertedness and his introvertedness intimately for 13years and understand and now desire to develop a balanced approach to my life. I default to extrovertedness often, especially when I’m tired or overwhelmed. However I am learning to stroke my valuable introverted thoughts and responses. Our homeschooling ‘ success’ depends much on my diligence in this area of self awareness. Come to think of it: my marriage and relationships with all people God has placed in my life is definately dependent on such. Great article to help my journey..Thanks Jamie
Wonderful article, Jamie. I love your articles on this subject because I’m an introvert. Early on I realized I could not and would not feel guilty about letting my kids watch television part of the day because I have no other way to get some downtime. Fortunately, now they are a a little older and play by themselves a lot too!
shelli : mamaofletters’s latest post: 1st Grade Homeschool Reading
Truly amazing post!! I too am an introvert mom. This really hit home for me!
“Will this opportunity honor the person God created me to be? Will it replenish or deplete my inner resources?”
Oh, this is a great post! Thank you for writing it down and saving me the trouble.
I’m reading “Quiet” right now myself, and totally loving it. Finally, a book that celebrates my personality rather than making me feel like I got the inferior parts of how to interact with people.
I’m printing out your “Will this opportunity…?” quote and putting it on my wall. What a great way to judge the benefits of something.
Thank you, thank you. Truly splendid post.
I started reading quiet on your recommendation, and I’m loving it, thank you! I’ve really appreciated replacing in my head the word ‘people’ with ‘stimulation’. It’s heped me see why I love certain social situations and not others Why I love some far less since having children (hello, constant interruption and making sure they don’t break things!) and also helped me see that my extroverted 5 yr old doesn’t necessarily need more people when we begin homeschooling this year (the one thing that’s terrified me!) but more stimulation. We’ve been having more at-home dance parties, more music on while he’s colouring in, more teaching new skills (making a quilt together). It’s been great for both of us!
I just put Quiet on hold at the library (though I’m pretty far back in the line…) I struggle so much with 3 little kids around me. My 18 month old isn’t really able to communicate with words yet so he uses SCREAMS!!!! That with the 3-year-old whining (“please say that again in a pleasant voice” is something I say a lot!) makes me want to lock myself in my bedroom. Noise is really a trigger for me.
Trying to balance my need for quiet, though, with my 6 year old extrovert’s need for stimulation is probably the hardest thing about parenting for me. Her needs are very real, too, and they seem to be exactly the opposite of mine.
Thank you so much, Jamie. Not only does your family benefit from the strengths of your introverted nature – so do we! Thanks again for a wonderfully inspiring post. I’m printing these resolutions to hang up and review often.
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Thank you, Cara!
I am an extrovert that appreciates much of your point of view, so I am also going to keep this brief: Very healthy… very balanced. Thx 🙂
Hey Jamie, Just wanted to say thanks for the way you in which you consistently extend grace to yourself and your readers when it comes to TV. Your perspective is unconventional among the blogs I read and very refreshing. Screen time is the thing I feel the most guilt about in my parenting, but somehow the guilt seems to make me feel more defeated and therefore less likely to want to engage with my kids, hence more TV! So it’s really helpful to hear your reasonable choices, instead of just saying, “TV is terrible for your kid” and leaving it at that.
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So happy to hear that, Meghan. I’ve found that us moms carry enough guilty voices in our heads without anyone adding to them! So I try to be a voice for freedom and moderation, which I know is what I always need to hear.
Getting Things Done may make for a good book title, but it doesn’t necessarily make for a good life.
OH my goodness! Love it!
I’m an introverted extrovert or the other way around. Definitely more E but with strong I tendencies. And so it’s funny how much of what you say resonates with me. Honestly, who finds being with a bunch of rangy kids (think playdates) energizing (other than the kids?). I’m an extrovert and playdates don’t enthuse me either (past that stage though). I did them to hang out with other moms.
I’ve been wondering about this whole introvert/extrovert thing in myself because I LOVE and need quiet alone time every day. I am a thinker, a writer, and reader. I make the kids take their most noisest selves outside, etc… I don’t think the lines are so clear cut.
Either all of what you said is so good. Here’s to being exactly who we are, and loving our children for who they are. (I really think this is where it’s at.)
I love this. I LOVE this! Especially #14. I am finally starting to accept (and embrace!) my own introversion without feeling like I have to apologize for it. I’m happier that way, and I think other people respond well to it when I am being honest – authentic – not trying to pretend that I love “fun” settings where I really don’t. I get the feeling that there are more of us than we realize! About #11 – the book “The Child Whisperer” by Carol Tuttle has been a total game-changer in our home for understanding our children’s personalities, needs, and how to interact with them in a way that actually reaches them. It might seem a little…hmm…new agey? at first, but stick with it. It’s awesome.
Thank you for this. 🙂
the older I get- the more INFP I get… I am working on making this work for my kids- 3 of whom seem pretty extroverted- the baby (5) seems to be more like I am. I appreciated this post
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Like so many others, this was exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you for all your thoughts and encouragement.
One question, though: I am fairly new at homeschooling (although I have 5 children ages 7 to 17, I have been homeschooling the youngest three (aged 13, 8, and 7) for only less than a year). I could really use some recommendations of educational videos! I love the idea of calling it a movie morning when I’m feeling overwhelmed, rather than fighting a vicious internal battle of wanting to give up, yet refusing to … So the determined perfectionist in me tends to push forward with school anyways – with grumpy mom as the teacher. Where can I find tried and true video recommendations??
Maybe this will help a little: http://simplehomeschl.wpengine.com/tv-shows-ages-8-12/
I’m so glad I stumbled upon this blog. I’m just recently starting to embrace my introvertedness. Regardless of how many of my friends and family worry about me being a hermit, I’m determined to be true to myself so my children understand it is okay to be yourself.
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Yes to all of these, especially the chocolate stash. I need to find a better hiding place, though!
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This blog post is washing over me with love and telling me that everything is okay. I needed this today! And I sent the kids up after lunch to watch a completely un-educational movie, “The Wizard of Oz” and I am not feeling bad about it because I need some quiet space to be a better person. I am seeking inspiration, planning the semester, and treating myself kindly because I need that today. Again, thank you.
You have no idea how wonderful it is to read this list! I took a personality test a few months ago and am at the beginning of figuring out what exactly it means for me to be an introverted mother of 4 boys (#5 is due in 6 weeks!). I have felt so alone in my struggle lately and it helps to know that other homeschooling moms have similar reactions to feeling overwhelmed. Thank you for this post. I look forward to working through these goals with you in 2015.
This is great!!! Is there a printable version??? 🙂
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Hi Jamie, thank you so much for always sharing so honestly. I have been following your blog for about 6 months as we prepare to start home schooling after our summer break here in New Zealand. We will be first time home schoolers after 6 years in the public school system, and I find your posts very inspiring and encouraging. I have 3 sons, twins aged 10 and an 8 year old. We are home schooling because we believe it is what is right for our boys in this ever changing world and we want to train them up in the way they should go and see them develop a close relationship with God and also with each member of our family as we work and live life together in a different way. I too am an introvert and need quiet and space. So hilarious that God has blessed me with 3 boys!! Thank you for your wisdom, thoughts and inspiration. I pray that your new year is a blessed one with your beautiful family.
Fiona
This is so great and encouraging!! Far too often, it’s hard to just accept and “feel okay” with our own introverted personalities because the extroverts in our lives make us feel like we shouldn’t be this way, that we should act like them, because that’s what’s right and praised. But it’s just not true–it’s just as okay to be introverted as it is okay for them to be extroverted!
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I love this!
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I am so thankful to have found your blog! You always share such great ideas, and I have found some really wonderful resources through your weekly links and guest contributors. Thank you for helping me begin my journey into homeschooling with confidence and excitement!