Written by Sheila Petruccelli of Sure as the World
The last time I wrote a guest post for Simple Homeschool, I wrote about setting an intention to start the new year. I touched on our current year’s theme of “setting sail” and briefly mentioned our arrival in “unchartered waters.”
Unfortunately, that was only the beginning of the story. Shortly after that post was published, we found ourselves completely shipwrecked.
I have homeschooled my boys from the beginning, and I am very well acquainted with the ups and downs of living and learning under the same roof — all day, every day. I know there are good years and not-so-good years.
But this … this was different. Nothing was working.
Nothing.
When I could catch my breath, get quiet and be honest with myself, I had to acknowledge the dread I felt in the pit of my stomach every morning.
Somewhere along the line, I had lost my joy.
There was yelling – crazy yelling. There were mid-morning phone calls to my husband that became so frequent, he admitted to watching the clock and gritting his teeth around 11 a.m. everyday.
It was not pretty. Not pretty at all. I’m embarrassed to say this went on for much too long. I was stuck in a downward spiral that seemed to have no end.
Until, one day it stopped. Or to be more accurate, I stopped. Right in the middle of our semester, I stopped teaching. I knew I needed to recapture (and maybe? perhaps? even refine and redefine) the reasons we started homeschooling in the first place.
It wasn’t a question of stopping homeschooling all together. Sending them to school never entered the equation. (Well except for that Tuesday morning in October. LOL)
I wanted my boys home with me. I wanted to homeschool.
But I also wanted a sense of joy to permeate our days. I knew things had to change. And more than that, I knew I had to change.
I ate more than my share of humble pie last year. Things I said I would never do? I did. Things that I thought would never happen? They happened.
As I began to let go what didn’t serve me or my boys, my joy began to come back with the tiniest of baby steps.
I am just starting to put words around the lessons learned from this “grace year” – which actually, as I look ahead, is turning into “grace years.”
Ahem. Humble pie? Yes, I would love another slice.
Here is what I can tell you:
1. Be the change you want to see.
At one particular low point, I asked myself the deceptively simple question, “What do you want?”
I was surprised by the answer I wrote down in my journal:
“I want to create an environment of creative, intentional learning between the hours of 9 a.m. and noon.”
Wow! Looking at that statement I realized two things:
#1 Creativity and intentionality were paramount.
#2 I wanted some boundaries.
For these things to take hold, I knew I had to do more than want them. I had to own them.
Before I could bring these qualities to my boys and to our homeschooling in any real and meaningful way, I needed to bring them to myself. This was going to take awhile …
2. Be honest. Brutally honest. Especially with yourself.
Admitting I wanted more from my days than solely homeschooling initially felt like abject failure. This was not logical, but it was true.
Once I could voice this need, I had a place to channel that angsty energy. Turns out, I wanted to go back to school myself. (Oh, the irony.)
3. Be a curious observer in your own home.
When I could begin to let go of a little bit of the blame I was piling on myself, I could finally begin to ask the question: “What is working?”
Two things: Friday Filmstrip (Basically, Netflix and You Tube documentaries that we watched on Friday mornings.)
And afternoon Story Time (Audio books from the library or Audible.)
So for a good three months, we scrapped everything else I had planned.
Everything. Else.
I quelled the trepidation by telling myself that my relationship with my boys was more important than anything else.
Anything. Else.
4. Be where you are.
This was perhaps the hardest lesson – because, honestly, I wanted to be anywhere else than where I was. At one point, I defined this period as “treading water.”
A reader on my blog, kindly reframed this as “floating.” Floating felt much better.
5. Be brave.
Repeat.
Have you ever found yourself at this sort of desperate point with homeschooling? What steps did you take to bring back joy?
Inspiring homeschool links
This post actually made me cry a little. I just love this. And I understand. So much. I am weeding out those things in our family life/schedule that create discord. And that means if I am wrapped around the axle(as my mechanic husband would say) about something educational it is an automatic warning sign that things are headed down the wrong path. Love this story and you.
Saying these things aloud is so important, because we always think we are the only ones who feel this way. Silence and isolation don’t help anyone or anything. This year has been a bit of a non-starter as well and I am trying to sit in the middle of that discomfort and ask the tough questions.
Because, really, it’s never the math curriculum’s fault. LOL No matter how much I want it to be.
Love to you friend.
S
sheila’s latest post: Simple Homeschool!
My experience exactly. When I re-evaluated our days and my goals, and embraced some personal projects that had nothing to do with homeschooling, things started reaching a new calm in our house.
Hannah’s latest post: Ordinary Deaths
I really think that’s it. We need to fill our own wells with things that have nothing to do with homeschooling. It took me a long time to learn this and in some ways, I am still learning it.
sheila’s latest post: Simple Homeschool!
Every year I go through this with my 15 yr. old son because he learns so differently than I did and than his siblings. We started the year with him doing some unit study activities with his 13 yr. old sister, and he would throw a fit every time he had to do researching and writing. He HATES learning that way. I tried to compromise and ask him if he’d like to use the same books his 16 yr. old sister did last year, but he bristled at the textbook idea, too. I almost got angry with him, but I caught myself and reminded myself that not everyone learns the same way. We worked together to figure something out and came up with using LOF and journalling for Language Arts and math, Khan Academy for astronomy, and Netflix for military history. It may not sound like much, but with how much self-directed learning he already does, so far it’s working out just fine.
So glad you found some solutions.
I know that is one of the biggest reasons I homeschool: learning flexibility. Not easy to figure out by a long shot, but ultimately worth it.
Thank you for your story Shelly.
sheila’s latest post: Simple Homeschool!
Thank you for being brave and writing about this, Sheila. Hard-earned wisdom perhaps, but very good advice.
Thanks Cathy.
“Hard-earned wisdom” – I like that and appreciate the truth it conveys.
Maybe I should have it tattooed on my forearm. LOL
sheila’s latest post: Simple Homeschool!
When we hit various junctures in homeschool we put everything on the table, including homeschooling itself. Turns out, we all flourished in that environment for a number of years and then it was time for us to do something else. I have learned that for the good of our children and our family as whole, it is good to sometimes even question the “givens.”
Yes. This is so true.
If we don’t periodically question the “givens” are they really the bedrock we think they are?
Admitting to the questioning, however, is so vulnerable. But it is a place of truth, for me anyway.
Thanks for these thoughts Ann.
sheila’s latest post: Sunday Selections
Sheila:
I cried when I read this. I got to your posts by way of several links from another article sent to me by a friend. It is completely where I am in schooling my 4 children, one of whom is an 11-year old boy with incredible anger issues. What truly spoke to me was how important my relationship is with my kids. As a type A mom who tends to focus on ‘checking everything off’, this has been incredibly difficult for me, and has lead to more screaming in my household (too much of it on my part) than I ever could have imagined. Although we have been homeschooling for 6 years now, this is still the most difficult work I have ever done. Thanks so much for your wisdom and validation– it was there at exactly the time I needed it.
Oh, Kathy, I got chills when I read your words.
I don’t consider myself type A, but boy is there ever a proving and a hustling in how I do certain things – especially when those things are tied to my identity.
When I am in the crazy yelling place, I try (try, try, try) to be kind to myself and be curious as to why I’m yelling.
What is the underlying issue? What is pushing my buttons? And what am I trying like blazes to push down and ignore?
Tough questions and I will admit I don’t always ask myself . . . hmmm . . . like today for instance?!?!?
And just an aside, did you read Jamie’s post on homeschooling a child with anger issues? That is vulnerability and truth-telling at its most tender. http://simplehomeschl.wpengine.com/hardest-part-jamie/
Best to you.
Sheila
sheila’s latest post: Sunday Selections
If what you’re doing isn’t working, try something different. Scrap it and start over if you have to.
As long as he’s writing daily, doing something science related, learning some social studies, and doing math, I’m good. He does his annual state mandated test next week, and I’m thinking he’s going to do really well. He finished art class with some really deep thoughts yesterday. Blew both me and the teacher away.
This was so wonderful to read because we do have to sometimes take a step back to really see the whole picture. It’s so hard to see it when you’re buried in the trenches of it all.
One of my most stressful years of homeschooling my kids ended up to be their best homeschool year to date because they were doing really well, but I was so stressed I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. I use that as a reminder to myself that things are not always as bad as they seem at the time.
I loved hearing your story and the wisdom you shared here!
Crystal Green’s latest post: 7 Frugal Ways To Make Homeschooling Fun