Written by contributor Sarah Small of SmallWorld at Home
I have never, in a fit of the frustration that is unique to homeschooling moms, threatened to flag down the proverbial Big Yellow Bus.
But here is the flat-out honest truth: I have wondered every now and then if I should. My oldest son attended public school for kindergarten and first grades. As far as I know, he never desired for one second to go back. But there were times when he was in high school that I would think,
“Is this all going to work out right? What if we’ve messed up his whole life by homeschooling him?”
My daughter loved the Junie B. Jones and Ramona Quimby books. Most of the action in these series occurred at school. Such fun things happened there! Parties, plays, recess, glitter-laden Valentine’s cards. Walking home on tree-lined streets. Crossing the street with Henry Huggins. When she was nine, she saved up all her birthday money to buy a “Play School” kit, complete with name tags, report cards, and a chalkboard. Her dolls and younger brother would be her classroom, and I must say she was a natural teacher.
Sometimes I used to think, “This little girl would love to be in school.”
She’s in middle school now, and again, many of the books she reads and movies she watches take place in a school setting. She knows that kids in public school don’t randomly break out in song a la High School Musical. But every once in a while, she’ll say, “I think it would be fun to be around a bunch of people every day.”
And again, I wonder, “Are we on the right track?”
And then there is my youngest son, who is ten. I would be surprised if he has ever had a yearning to go to public school. For him that would mean giving up climbing trees in the middle of the morning, hopping on his bike at lunch break, and munching a snack while doing math.
But in public school, he would be the leader of the pack—the social pack, that is. He would be friends with everyone, and the teachers would roll their eyes and excuse his talking in class because he’s so darned likable. He’d be the prom king and the boy every girl wants to date. Every now and then, the thought crosses my mind:
“Is he missing some calling in life by not being in public school?”
I will admit to having these kinds of thoughts throughout these 11 years of educating my children at home.
Don’t we all wonder, every now and then, if they are missing out on something? It doesn’t take much for me to snap out of the “missing out” funk. We can watch the nightly news or peruse a few blogs to read stories about public education that make our toes curl. Hearing stories of abuse in my own area school system is certainly like throwing a bucket of cold water over my head.
But truly, it’s the positive results of homeschooling that convince me much more than the negative reports of what’s going on in public schools.
I have the benefit of seeing an outcome: my firstborn, my most experimented-upon guinea pig, is in college. Thriving in a college that is three hours away from home. I can tick off a list of all the things any parent wants:
- his grades are excellent
- he has self-initiative
- he has a good rapport with his professors
- he has friends
- he can navigate in a large city without getting lost much
- he seeks out cultural events
- he eats at least two meals each day
- he can do his own laundry.
Any parent would be satisfied with this outcome.
But the measure of success is so much more that what one sees on the outside.
Here’s the thing: He is embracing life.
He never learned that life is drudgery, that “school” is about waiting for the next Valentine’s Day party. He did not spend 12 years in monotonous routine dictated by the ticking of the clock and the buzzing of alarms.
He never learned that books make you sleepy and teachers are boring people, and that it’s always safest to fly beneath the radar. 
Photo by Princess K8 He has a deep love of learning. He never learned the art of regurgitation. He’s responsible, yet he has a heart of adventure. He’s willing to take risks, and he’s not worried about what people think. He’s unique and confident in his uniqueness. Because he grew up surrounded by unconditional love, he is emotionally secure.
Any fears that he would be labeled a weirdo because he was homeschooled are put to rest. No one cares; no one asks. And as much as he loves college, he enjoys being home with us, as well.
My husband and I have remarked to each other several times that, had we met our son in college, he would be one of our best friends. We would want to hang out with him. And what’s really awesome? He would want to hang out with us, too.
That bus can just keep passing us by. Whatever doubts I have now and then dissipate when I take but one minute to reflect on what really matters.
No regrets.
Thank you so much for this! These were my very worries and concerns this week…. that I called up a veteran homeschool friend to get reasurrance I’m not “screwing my kids up” by homeschooling them 🙂 how great to hear of your son’s success in college – definitely gives me hope as I journey through homeschooling my 5 and 6 year old girls!
Thank you for posting this! I am just beginning to homeschool my daughter and I’ve received the “Why?” question asked almost incredulously when I have told some friends. I have questioned myself, am I doing the right thing? But time and time again I hear about the horrors going on in public schools, I know my own lack of education received when I attended, and my daughter is thriving. That’s the big one, she’s not even 5 yet and she knows all that’s needed for the Kindergarten year! And she’s happy. I do want to try to find some play dates or play groups where she can interact with other kids some, but she loves to learn at home and she is learning so much. I’m thankful to know I’m not the only one who occasionally questions their decision, but what you shared about your son in college gives me such hope for my daughter’s future! That is a goal I am going to keep in my mind so when the doubts come I can just remember the goal! 🙂
Beautiful post! I know homeschool parents worry about choosing the path less taken, but it seems to me that these are the same parents who are preparing their kids for life better than a public school could.
I absolutely love that you feel like had you been in college and met your son you would be friends. That is wonderful and a testament to how well you raised him.
Thanks for sharing your worries. It’s always nice to know you aren’t alone in fretting over such a major decision. Even after doing it for 11 years!!
I love this post! It was so encouraging to me as I can remember my mom saying on frustrated days of homeschooling, that’d she’d send us out to public school if we couldn’t get things in order. At times I’m tempted to make the same threat, since we have committed to homeschooling, it’s an empty and foolish threat on my part. My very social daughter talks about going back to the private school she attended for K4, for the sake of the class birthday parties and Christmas concert etc, not about learning. Some days it’s hard not to get discouraged, but I’ll always remember your comment about being friends with your son at college – I hope my kiddos grow up with a love of life and learning that it sounds like your son has. Thank you for sharing this with us! 🙂
I do think about this sometimes. I think my 6.5 year old would have fun going to school. However, when I assess the trade-offs I don’t think it’s worth it.
As I am considering homeschooling my preschooler in the next year, I am thinking the same exact things, then I remember all the things I disliked about school, and what restricted my child self from learning to my potential, and then I don’t worry as much. Thank you for this honest post, it’s good to know that homeschool pros struggle with the same things.
Thank you – if just for the first sentence alone. At merely 5 years old, I have ALREADY threatened the boy with the dreaded yellow bus! Followed by hours of guilt, at least next time I know I am not the only homeschooling mother who has gone down that path. I live in a community that has been homeschooling for at least 25 years (a Muslim-American community). Their children, who are now college age, and the children on down from them, are my biggest motivator when homeschooling – they are phenomenal. Like your son, I would want to be their friend were I their age. Articulate, fun loving, studious, creative and more, they carry themselves with a dignity rarely seen in say 12 year olds these days. Thanks for this post and much success to your family!!
Thank you so much, Sarah – for writing this and encouraging all of us moms of littles!
Awesome. I don’t homeschool yet, but posts like this give me the courage to try. Thanks!
I really appreciate having the perspective from someone who has seen the success of homeschooling. Our oldest went to k – 1/2 of 1st grade and the second oldest went to pre-k before we decided to homeschool. This is our 3rd year and I love how it works for our family. Even on the stressful days and having 6 under 9 home all day I know its the best choice my husband and I made for our kids.
As a former public school teacher, this post is so helpful/interesting to me. I started informally homeschooling my daughter this past fall when she was almost 3 because she wanted to go to school so badly and was too young. Now I have discovered how much I love it and I am thinking about continuing. She still really wants to go to school however, so we are trying to make a decision. Thank you!
I subscribe to and enjoy your regular blog. I loved the things you love about homeschooling your children. In fact, I wished I could be home schooled when I was a girl. But I think you’ve really given the public school system a bashing. While I had problems in school now and then, and a few teachers I outright disliked, I had excellent educators, and my public school education served me better than that private school education that many of my adult friends had at great financial expense to their parents. I, too, have a teen aged son in college, doing all the right things, on another coast. I seriously considered homeschooling him, and did a great deal of research with friends who home schooled their own very bright kids, but he wanted nothing to do with it. Even when he struggled, he preferred to do so in the hustle and bustle of public school. With my other children that may not be the case.
Homeschooling is great for the people who choose it, but it’s not right for everyone. I never learned that life was drudgery, because my parents modeled that it’s exciting and full of challenges.
The idea I am trying to express, is that all parents teach their children, whether they do so formally or less so, whether their child attends public, private or home school. All parents should be putting the time and effort into making learning, choice and adventure part of their child’s everyday life.
I’m glad you have a son doing so well, Antoinette, and that you made the right choice for you and your family. That is all anyone could hope for!
I think Sarah did a beautiful job here of sharing what’s been right for her family and her kids, and I don’t see any type of bashing in this post. We live in an imperfect world – with neither homeschooling or public schooling being the “ideal.” It’s all about finding what is right for our own families.
Blessings,
Jamie
I love your last line “All parents should be putting the time and effort into making learning, choice and adventure part of their child’s everyday life.” I didn’t consider the post “bashing” but it did feel a bit like the opposite of homeschooling is hating learning, books, and a life of drudgery.
Like you, I was never homeschooled and I always loved learning – still do! Loved reading, thought life was exciting and enjoyed being challenged by my teachers and my peers. People need to do what works for them but it is unfortunate that so many homeschooling parents seem to equate public school with disengaged kids who have no desire to learn.
Like you, I was public schooled all the way. I LOVED learning and loved all my teachers. I read for hours in my free time, and was even reading Shakespeare by the time I was 10. However, I did go on to become a public school teacher, so maybe I was just born that way! However, I did experience such terrible bullying that I considered early graduation, or at the very least, dropping out and getting my G.E.D. I was bullied for being smart and for being a virgin – things I hope my daughters are when they are teenagers and things I hope they can be proud of! The one reason I am really considering home schooling is because I want them to be confident of who they are. Otherwise, I think public school has a ton of advantages. Still, the socialization there sucks…at least it did for me. I am still really debating. But you are right. I don’t equate public school with drudgery; I do equate it though with vicious and immature children. I guess we all bring our own experiences to the table!
Hi….enjoyed reading this….I have graduated two children from our homeschool and had the same questions many times during those years. I have had the same wonderful results and it has all been so worth it….both my children have turned out to be wonderful, free thinking, life loving, responsible young adults. I am just about to start homeschooling our youngest this September…homeschooling is a lot of work but so worth it!!!
This is so well written (and formatted). Love everything about it. Doubts are normal. I didn’t face them so much in earlier years, but they certainly creep in the farther we go. It’s wonderful to hear the testimony of those whose HSed kids are (successful) in college. I feel we are on the right track and must simply continue the course. To turn back would be a waste.
What a lovely story! I always enjoy hearing about HSers who have grown up. My oldest is not yet 13 but I already have such a feeling with her and with the others of loving who they’ve become. I *like* being around them. Other adults and kids alike really enjoy their company. And they love to learn and are just neat people. 🙂 We must be doing something right!
Getting to be with our kids and LIKING it is such a gift!
What a wonderful post! It’s so nice to hear success stories of homeschool! I love that everyone has spent so much time thinking about what is the is the right path for our children and ourselves. I have definitely had times that I wonder if I am cut out for this or if my children are missing something by not being in public school. More often, however, I realize that they can get the personalized attention that they need and the consistency that I feel is important, at home (we move a lot due to my husband’s career). I love posts like this because it reaffirms my choice and allows me to know there are so many others out there who have the same questions. Thanks so much!
I am on the other side of the fence, where my children are currently in Public School, but we have a goal to start homeschooling, this summer, with my son (he’s a high schooler next year). Believe me… your children are not missing out on anything. Somedays, I really think the only thing the school, my kids go to, cares about is Attendence #s and the scores on the Map tests. Oh, and Fund-Raising….ugh!!! Instead of trying to find out why my daughter still can’t read at the age of 9…. These are the things that keeps me on track of attaining my goal…which is, to bring both children home to be educated.
Katy–Best wishes as you work toward achieving your goal!
Yes! We started homeschooling 3 years ago and I wonder from time to time if this is the best thing for my children. But, you are right. We just had schools being locked down and the parents unable to get to thier children for hours and hours, due to shootings north of us (in Los Angeles). I looked at my husband and laughed out loud, “Yet, one more thing to which we don’t have to subject our children.”
Many of my children’s “friends” who attend school are sneaky, liars, rude, foul mouths, downloading porn to their parents computers, Googling things they shouldn’t be AND people ask me, “What about the socialization?” My only response, “You say that like it’s a good thing?!?!”
We can’t go to a restaurant without people coming up to us and telling us that our children are so well-behaved. They never fail to use “thank you” and “please” to the servers and the servers/owners/managers always thank US for coming in.
Thank you for this article. I think it hits a nerve in any homeschool parent.
YES! YES! YES!
thank you!
Unlike my sister, I never wondered for as much as 1/1000 of a second about the “yellow school bus”. There were many reasons we homeschooled, the first being that we wanted the best “education” for our children. However, I honestly see no other choice that maximizes education. The state schools steal from others in the name of “free” education, a clear violation of the 9th commandment. The “choice” we have is to defund these “free” schools. If people want to have schools for their own philosophies they can either homeschool or start private schools but please, please don’t allow the state to usurp the clear responsibilities of the home and church in educating children for one blessed second MORE!!!
A homeschooling Dad of his kids all the way to college (never having them in a state school for one second!)
Thank you so much Sarah. Just the encouragement we moms with younger children need to hear.
Honestly, my children have no interest in going to public school. They are way too independent and creative in their thinking and everyday routines to want to sit down and do what someone else wants them to do for the better part of their day.
Even my two especially social children have expressed no interest in going.
Certainly, they do stuff I need and want them to do throughout the day but they know my job and my commitment is to support their learning, to help them grow in skills and experience in what they are interested in doing.
My husband and I also feel that if our children want to spend most of their day elsewhere (at this young age) then something isn’t right at home. Home should be “where it’s at” and we strive to make this reality.
Sarah, I love this post! Thank you for the reassurance. There are days we all need it.
I didn’t worry at all about “missing out” because of homeschooling until we moved. Our current home is in a rural area with a teeny tiny homeschooling community and not alot of resources unless you want to spend all day driving in to the city. We also have no neighbors within a quarter mile and the kids have no neighborhood friends anymore. So the “missing out” that we’re having trouble with is the social thing. It wasn’t a concern back in the suburbs, but here it’s more of a problem.
I love Love LOVE this post! We are still relatively new to this – only our second year – but I definitely share some of your views here. Very inspiring, well done! 🙂