The following is a post by contributor Angie Kauffman of Real Life at Home.
We never set out to be homeschoolers. I had never even heard of homeschooling until I was in college. I was working on my first degree in education, and when I heard about it, I thought it sounded ridiculous. How did people think they could teach their children at home when I was spending years in college to become a credentialed teacher?
Life is often funny like that, isn’t it? I can still picture sitting in a class thinking how insane that was.
Little did I know that my views would soften once I started having children. Eventually, they would soften so much that I would not only stop thinking that homeschooling was insane, but I would think it sounded like a pretty good idea for my family.
Our educational career begins
While I’m sure I will receive some gasps from some readers, my two oldest children began going to public school when they were each three years old. Both had special needs that were being addressed at a developmental preschool run through our county’s special education services. Not only did they attend five afternoons a week, but they even rode a small bus to and from home.
We loved the preschool and the staff. They became like family to us. Homeschooling was definitely not on my mind. This seemed like a great fit for them, and we were happy.
Elementary school troubles
When my oldest son began elementary school, accompanied by a paraprofessional to assist him due to an Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD, things still seemed to be going well. It was only after he got just a little older and our other son entered the school system that things got problematic.
It became more and more obvious that both of my boys needed more one-on-one instruction time, as well as to be able to move at their own pace. They were both struggling with school, and it broke my heart. This also came at a time that we were going to a different church and becoming friends with other people who homeschooled.
Although I was reluctant to begin homeschooling, every sign seemed to be point toward it. At that time, my kids needed a slower pace, more individual instruction, and a lot of time to grow.
My oldest, who was then eight years old and in second grade, told me one day that he would like to be homeschooled. When I asked him why that was, he said, “When I try to work on my work, it takes me longer than the other kids. When I finally really start to work, the teacher says it’s time to put everything away and start on the next thing.” He paused and looked defeated, “I just want to finish something.”
That was it. We needed to homeschool.
Transitioning to homeschool
While I would love to say that we dove into homeschooling with glee, that wouldn’t be true. It was a hard, emotional transition. There were tears and regret from more than one family member.
We were committed to giving it a try for at least a year, so we soldiered through it. There are definitely things that I would have done differently to ease the transition, but we made it through.
We learned, changed, and began to thrive as homeschoolers. Our youngest child became school aged, and she joined in. She was our only child to never attend public school.
While we had doubts along the way about whether homeschooling was still the best choice for us, we remained committed. Our children blossomed by taking things at their own pace and having extra attention.
Learning to be committed to our kids instead of committed to homeschooling
Even though our family had the occasional ups and downs with homeschooling, we loved the flexibility it gave us. I imagined homeschooling all three of my children through graduation.
I was surprised when, after our fifth year of homeschooling, our youngest child asked to go to school for third grade. It turned into a summer of prayer and discussions. I wasn’t sure how to let go of homeschooling one of my children. We had been so committed to it that it felt like we were betraying the homeschooling ideals that we had learned to embrace.
I finally realized somewhere along the way that I couldn’t be committed to public schooling, and I couldn’t be committed to homeschooling. It was too much pressure and being so set like that seemed to lose the point of enjoying a freedom to choose what was right for each of my children. I just needed to be committed to doing whatever each of my kids needed, not to some educational ideal.
It was in realizing that my top commitment is to my kids and their needs that I have found a peace and joy in our educational decisions.
What are some of the things that you never expected to do, but you did them because it was what your child needed?
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Thank you for sharing your story, Angie! It definitely resonates with me this morning.
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I’m so glad that it was just what you needed to read today. Thanks for taking the time to leave a note. I appreciate it!
Angie Kauffman’s latest post: 10 September Activities for Catholic Families {Free Printable}
This is really good. Although I love homeschooling and if it’s up to me it’s what we’ll always do, I hope to be sensitive to the needs of all my children as they grow up and make the best decisions for them that I can in each season. This is a great perspective.
Thanks so much, Erin. I will admit, I have found it hard to do what my kids want when it isn’t the same thing that I want. Sometimes I’ve had to basically say that I’m the parent and I know what is best for them, even if they don’t think it at the time. And, other times, I’ve had to shift my own thinking.
Angie Kauffman’s latest post: 10 September Activities for Catholic Families {Free Printable}
Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds very much like mine. I came from a family of public school teachers and studied to be a secondary English teacher. I remember my cousin talking about home schooling her daughter in the early ’80’s and the entire family being in an uproar. My husband and I even planned our 3 oldest children’s birth dates so they would be able to celebrate them during the school year. When our oldest son was born I stayed home to care for him and a neighbor hired me to “home school” her daughter to prepare her for an all day Kindergarten. I taught her to read in 4 months. I knew it could work. And then our oldest son started first grade in the public school and it became very clear that it wasn’t the best place for him to be – he had fine motor skill and sensory integration issues – his teacher couldn’t get his pencil grip off so he could sharpen it, how could she teach him to read? We brought him home. That was 14 years ago. I’m entering my 15th year of home schooling and now have 4 children. That boy is now a junior at one of the top 150 colleges in the nation, has a 3.8 GPA, was asked to be a teaching assistant his sophomore year, is the president of his housing group, and had a summer internship with a congressman. God is so good!
Thank you so much for sharing your story, especially about your son’s successes. I worry about how my oldest will do when he is older. He’s in 9th grade right now. I worry whether college is feasible for him, as well as about what he will do for a career. But, I suspect even without the special needs, I would still worry. But, it just makes it an extra worry. Thanks for taking the time to share about your son.
Angie Kauffman’s latest post: 10 September Activities for Catholic Families {Free Printable}
I had my heart set on homeschooling but my son, only 4, has decided to attend a Sudbury school. He starts next week and I’m all kinda of stressed out about whether it’s really best for him, but it seems to be what he needs at least right now.
I had never heard of Sudbury schools before, so I had to look it up. That sounds really interesting. I would be interested to hear what he thinks of it. Is that the type of school you intend to keep him in, if homeschooling never comes back into the picture?
I’m sorry that you won’t be homeschooling right now, especially since your heart was set on it. But, just know that there is still plenty of time and you can’t know what will happen in the future. As I said in the post, I never dreamed we would homeschool, and this is our seventh year. Life has a way of surprising us. I love that the option of homeschooling is one that can always be there as an option, even if your son wants to go to school right now. When my daughter asked to go to school, I assured her over and over that, while I wanted her to give it a fair try for the first grading period, that she was free to decide after that to come back to homeschooling. I have reminded her of that many times since then. Not in a pressuring way, but in a way that I want her to know that it’s always there and she’s always welcome to return.
Angie Kauffman’s latest post: 10 September Activities for Catholic Families {Free Printable}
Thank you so much! This post is the most encouraging one I’ve ever read regarding making the decision to homeschool after having been in the public school system. My two oldest children are currently in the public school system, 4th grade and 1st grade respectively. My 4th grader is dyslexic (receiving services via 504 plan). He’s doing so well, but everyday is a challenge. I’m feeling led to explore other options for him (diligent in prayer), and homeschool is at the top of my list. It used to scare me to death but not anymore. On the other hand, my 1st grader absolutely LOVES school and would nearly be “devastated” if she had to leave. I have a lot of friends who homeschool. I’ve heard it said so many times “one family one plan,” meaning homeschool for all the children in the family. I’ve really struggled with that and definitely haven’t been encouraged by other homeschool families about embracing homeschool for the oldest while the next one remains in public school. Thank you for your transparency, encouragement and grace in writing this post!
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Thank you for your encouraging words about the post. I really appreciate it!
When we first started homeschooling, one of my sons wanted to go back to school, while the other wanted to continue homeschooling. I just couldn’t get into the mindset that they could do different things, so I basically insisted that they both had to go to school or they both needed to be homeschooled. I just couldn’t imagine doing it one way with one and another with the other at that time. It certainly is easier to go with just one method for everyone. But, I’m glad that I accepted that it was okay to do different things for different kids by the time my daughter wanted to try public school. Her desire to try it was so strong that I think if I had refused, it would have been one of those things that she would have brought up at every holiday for the rest of our lives once she was an adult. I just didn’t want that to happen. I figured she needed to see firsthand if she would really love it like she thought she would.
Angie Kauffman’s latest post: 10 September Activities for Catholic Families {Free Printable}
Oh, I will add that I really was glad, in the end, that I didn’t give in to my one son’s requests to return to school. It wasn’t right for him at the time, and I knew that. He needed more guidance and one-on-one instruction.
Angie Kauffman’s latest post: 10 September Activities for Catholic Families {Free Printable}
Bravo, it is so important not to tie your identity to any one educational model. And also not to judge others for doing what’s best for their family. Great post.
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I think it can be difficult not to tie your identity to your educational model when you’re a homeschooler. It’s such a lifestyle choice. When my other two children (other than my one that goes to school) started taking a couple of classes at the local school a day, I panicked a bit. They’re still classified as homeschoolers and we still are homeschooling, but I worried about what would happen if they ever all went to school all day. Not only would I worry about them, but what would it mean about my own identity? I suspect I’m pretty safe in knowing that I will still be homeschooling for a quite some time, but it was a funny thing to have to worry about.
Angie Kauffman’s latest post: 10 September Activities for Catholic Families {Free Printable}
Homeschooling was totally what I never thought I’d do but did because it was right for my kids and my family. We’ve been happily homeschooling since the beginning and for now there is no signs of stoping! Awesome job doing whats best for your kids! Thanks for the article!
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So glad to read this grace-filled article. While we’re in our ninth year of homeschooling three kids, I have considered sending the oldest to school because he’s suggested it. He hasn’t been *sure* so we haven’t pursued it. But I, too, am more committed to being my kids’ mother than to being their primary educator at this point.
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I homeschool our hi func autistic 16 yr old and my 7 & 11 yr olds go to public school. My 16yo was in an awesome inclusion program through 5th grade but we knew he could not do middleschool. We thought he would go back for high school maybe. Nope. He is doing awesome. It is interesting how my perspective is for both homeschooling and public schooling (i couldn’t care less about grades and attendance and know exactly what each kid’s strengths and weaknesses are) and the raised eyebrows I get from both communities because we do both. Autism, ADD, homeschooling, public schooling – it all teaches US, too, not just the kids.
Thank you for this. I’m a former public school teacher who has wanted to homeschool since our first child was born. We officially started homeschooling this year with him for kindergarten (after sending him two mornings a week to a church-based preschool.) Our youngest, however, has special needs, and though the preschool was willing to take him, we made a very hard decision this summer to enroll him in the public school’s special education preschool, where he was already receiving PT/OT/Speech services. We’re on our third week of that (just two mornings) and I still have mixed feelings – guilt, relief, fear, … Needing to remember it’s about what they each need, not a label or educational ideal.
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Yes – “Needing to remember it’s about what they each need, not a label or educational ideal.” Amen to that! 🙂
Angie Kauffman’s latest post: 6 Ways to Make Learning Portable: Portable Homeschooling
YES! I love this. Thank you for sharing!!
Why does it often seem easier to maintain an attitude of mutual exclusion rather than being open to what is best? We are fairly new homeschoolers, but our stories are very similar. My oldest (12 yo) has Asperger’s. He and his (10 yo) brother went to preschool and public school through the 4th and 2nd grade. When we had concerns of the oldest entering middle school and his younger brother quickly becoming disenchanted with learning when he had once been eager, we knew it was time to do something different. We are beginning their seventh and fifth grade years, much more aware of their strengths and weaknesses. They now have a 4 year old brother who decided on his own he was going to preschool twice a week. Next year we plan on all 3 being home to learn as a team, building on their individual interests and strengths. But who knows? I can well envision a day when one of them may approach us about returning to a more traditional school. I pray I have the courage and wisdom to do what is right for them.
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You’re right! LOL Our stories are very similar, aren’t they? Sending prayers to you!
Angie Kauffman’s latest post: 6 Ways to Make Learning Portable: Portable Homeschooling
Thank you. I needed to read this today. Both my children opted to attend school this year. We are 4 days in and I’ve been questioning my decision endlessly — making myself (and my husband!) crazy. You can justify a decision either way, but sometimes you just have to really listen to your children. I feel I was given a gift in homeschooling them and do not need to abandon those ideas just b/c they are in school from 8-2. As homeschoolers we know that ‘school’ and learning happen all the time. I have shifted and now feel like I can use our afternoons and evenings to really focus on the things that are important to our family. But, oh, it is an emotional journey, this parenting!
I just love this: “I have shifted and now feel like I can use our afternoons and evenings to really focus on the things that are important to our family.”
Angie Kauffman’s latest post: 6 Ways to Make Learning Portable: Portable Homeschooling
Thanks for sharing! I am starting my first year of homeschooling for my oldest child of four. She is starting 6th grade and wanted me to homeschool last year but I thought it was for all the wrong reasons. I never thought in a millions years I would be homeschooling but I do believe that if God brings me to it, he will see me through it!!! I also have a 4th grade daughter a 2nd grade son and a 2nd year preschooler on the autism spectrum. Excited to see what the journey ahead holds for us!!
This is how I was raised! There were four of us kids, and each of us were homeschooled at some point and then attended private and public schools along the way. My parents’ motto was to evaluate each child each year. I experienced all 3 of those types of schooling options and I feel like I received a great education! I definitely plan to be in tune with my son’s needs instead of getting hung up on philosophy 🙂
That’s so cool to hear. It sounds like your parents must have been very attuned to what each of you needed.
Angie Kauffman’s latest post: 6 Ways to Make Learning Portable: Portable Homeschooling
Thank you. I have been struggling with defeat, guilt, fear, and so many other emotions when my oldest son (who has never been taught in a public school) was sent to our local (not my first or 101st choice) school. So far he is loving it but I still worry if he’s getting what he needs educationally. I needed this today. Thank you for honestly sharing your struggles and triumphs.
I really appreciate your thoughts and completely agree with you. I am in charge of my child’s education and I don’t hesitate to outsource if needed. However, in the area we live in I would never consider public school an option. My daughter, who lives just blocks from us with her family, is in a different district that I might have considered… Sometimes it is not about philosophy. It’s just about being prudent.