Intentional Mediocrity: A Homeschool Not To Do List ~
Written by Kari Patterson
“Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.” -GK Chesterton
Okay, this quote doesn’t top the charts of most-inspiring, but this idea has helped me immensely through the last 15 years of motherhood, homeschooling, and juggling the never-ending demands of ministry life.
Prefer to listen instead? Check out Episode 69 of the Simple Homeschool podcast!
Like you, I’ve been asked many times: “How do you do it all?”
And my answer is always: “I don’t.”
On those glass-is-half-empty days, when I’m discouraged and my perspective is skewed, I feel as though I don’t do anything well.
Dinner’s made, but it’s chicken and rice again. Laundry’s done, because I no longer fold. Kids finished school because I told Heidi to skip the Base 2 math problems (again). The house is tidied but the sliding glass door has so many smeared handprints I can barely see through it.
But eventually I remind myself of Chesterton’s wisdom and the power of intentional mediocrity.
Truth: We can’t be awesome everywhere.
I remember reading Michael Hyatt’s book Platform years ago, where he teaches the importance of exceeding customer’s expectations, of “baking in the Wow” to every aspect of your business. And I remember writing this realization in my journal that day:
“I can’t be awesome everywhere. I can’t ‘bake in the Wow’ in every area of life.”
Truth: Some things have to be neglected.
Sadly, many people only “bake in the Wow” in the business world, or in the areas of life that are visible to others, but neglect the hidden places, the small people, or the health of their souls. We’re all in danger of mis-prioritizing which areas are worthy of Wow.
We’re wise to give it some consideration so we don’t drop the ball on what really matters.
Our task as parents and home-educators is to thoughtfully and intentionally choose where we will “bake in the Wow” (i.e. focus our attention) and where we will deliberately and confidently choose mediocrity.
If we don’t do this we’ll be enslaved to perfectionism, or convinced we must be failing since not everything is awesome.
One simple exercise that can help: A well-chosen Homeschool Not To Do list.
Of course my priorities will likely be different from yours. There’s freedom, friends! But as a friend sharing with a friend, here’s a bit of what this looks like for me.
Creating a Homeschool Not To Do List
- I don’t extra-clean before company comes over. I keep our house medium. Clean enough that you feel welcome (and aren’t grossed out!) but not so perfect that you’re impressed. My goal is to welcome, not impress.
- I don’t fold laundry, except Jeff’s.
- I don’t work out. Prayer walks alone, hikes with the kids, and house-cleaning have to suffice.
- I don’t make elaborate meals. Simple and healthy, that’s it.
- I don’t try to keep up with fashion, for myself or my house. I try to keep myself and home looking nice with tasteful choices, that’s it. (Side note: I switched to Stitch Fix for this very reason. No more shopping, ever!)
- I don’t cook breakfast or lunch. I keep simple items on hand, and the kids can take care of this themselves.
- I don’t worry a lot about school subjects outside the 3 R’s. Other subjects are electives.
- I don’t watch TV or keep up on news and media much.
Hopefully, this Homeschool Not To Do list helps me focus more on what matters to me most:
- I will listen to my children and others as much as I can, truly seeking to understand them as much as possible.
- I will read, to myself and to my children, excellent books that draw my mind to beauty, courage, and truth.
- I will sleep eight hours a night and observe a 24-hour restful day each week.
- I will spend the extra time and money to create nutritious meals that strengthen our bodies and immune systems.
- I will discipline and train my children to be a blessing to our family and others.
- I will seek to love and serve the people in my immediate sphere — friends, neighbors, church family.
- I will respond to immediate, pressing needs when I’m made aware of them.
- I will follow the FlyLady and clean what she tells me to clean. 😉
Every single one of the things on this latter list is really time-consuming. Listening and seeking to understand others is time-consuming. Taking time to sleep and rest is time-consuming. Cooking nutritious meals is time-consuming. But worth it. Why?
Because it’s also life-giving.
Again, your list will look different from mine, but it can help to actually sit down and figure it out: Where do I want to be intentionally mediocre so I can give myself fully to “bake in the Wow” where it counts?
Perhaps being present with others and listening to them doesn’t seem like a “Wow” thing to do, but you know what? In a world that’s hurting and divided and discouraged, isn’t that what most people, including our children, are longing for?
Let’s bake in the Wow where it matters most.
Is this article an encouragement? Reply via email to let us know or leave a comment below!
What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!
Homeschooling on an Empty Tank
Love this! I definitely need to work on choosing what not to do and seeing it as a choice to give the love and attention to more important things.
This was awesome…a concept everyone, homeschooler or not, needs to embrace! Often, we try to be “superwoman” then end up falling flat on our faces, exhausted, discouraged that we haven’t done the important things, and not sure how to fix it. But this is the solution! Spend some time prayerfully considering what God want you to do…and not to do.
Thank you, Debbie! I agree!
Kari Patterson’s latest post: A Surprise Birthday Podcast
Thanks, Nicole! So glad it was encouraging.
Kari Patterson’s latest post: A Surprise Birthday Podcast
Thanks so much for this post. I’ve loved your wisdom and perspective over the years. During this time of rest, reset and planning for a new year, this was just what I needed to hear. I read every word and took a big deep breath.
Oh thank you, Debbie!
Kari Patterson’s latest post: A Surprise Birthday Podcast
Thank you so much for this post! I was feeling guilty last week, because our garden isn’t awesome and I could have/should have done so much more. I need to focus on what is important in this season and be faithful with what God has given me now!
Oh my goodness let me show you a picture of our garden! It’s ginormous and … so full of weeds! I totally resonate with you here, I would love a gorgeous immaculate garden but it’s not going to happen. It’s okay!
Kari Patterson’s latest post: A Surprise Birthday Podcast
Ok this mama needs to know what’s on your breakfast lunch list!! Pretty please!!
Haha, well it helps to have 2 big kids—my daughter (12) makes eggs, turkey bacon, and toast for everyone for breakfast. Saturdays she makes homemade crepes & waffles. And she does all the baking now. Yes, I’m spoiled by her! For lunch I just keep chicken salad on hand and they make sandwiches, fruit, and easy veggies like carrots & peas. Of course I did more when the bigs were little but still kept it super simple.
Kari Patterson’s latest post: A Surprise Birthday Podcast
Hello!
I’m a fellow homeschooling mom, and I love your blog! I’m also working with a small non profit magazine that goes out to home schooling parents mostly in Alberta, Canada.
I came across your article here: https://simplehomeschool.net/homeschool-not-to-do-list/
…and I would love to have your permission to reprint it in The WISDOM Family Magazine.
We of course will give you full author credit with directions to your blog in a bio. I’d love to send you a copy of the magazine, too!
Please let me know when you have a moment.
Thanks so much,
I love this so much! I was literally thinking today (before reading this post) that one of the biggest ways I feel I serve my family is being the listener. Especially this past year, which has been so challenging for everyone, I have tried to just be available to listen to anyone who needs to vent their frustration and sadness, or share their excitement over something good that has happened as well. This does not contribute obviously to our family’s finances, or to the cleanliness of our home, or anything else that is very measurable, but it definitely contributes to the mental and emotional well-being of the family, and it does take a not insignificant amount of time. I was so excited to see it listed as number one on your list as well. Obviously, since I am reading this post a month late, you can see that timely reading of blog posts is not on my to do list, but I do enjoy catching up on them when I can! Thanks for your perspective!
Yes! Thank you for this, as I am struggling with next year’s homeschool planning, and knowing once again this year I will Not be able to do it all, especially with a toddler, I will now mindfully pick where to put the “wow!” And let go of the guilt. Thanks for your thoughts and inspiration! ❤
I am just curious if anyone else has an intentional not-to-do list that is different than this one?
I choose to work out every day because if I don’t I’m a mess.
I always do extra cleaning before company comes because I want to give my best (not judging those who don’t do this…)
Our state requires more than the 3 Rs.
And as the home of people with crazy dietary needs, its hard to not cook every meal (one is tube fed, one is celiac, I am auto immune and cannot have grains, and my husband is diabetic).
So. I’d like to know if someone else has a not-to-do list because I’m coming up short on mine.
This is one hundred percent how I homeschool. I was laughing while reading it to my husband. He said I’m pretty sure you could have written that, & his name’s Jeff. I occasionally feel guilty for not having it all perfect. Thanks for the gum ball!
My sister calls this “reasonable excellence” and encouraged me to embrace it when I returned to teaching with young kids at home.
Such a great reminder to live for our capacity and not for people pleasing or exceeding our limits. We are human and can only do so much. Prioritizing what matters in each moment and season will serve us best! Thank you for this lovely piece of writing. 🙂