The following is a guest post by Laura Grace Weldon, author of Free Range Learning.
A note from Jamie: This post wins the award for longest article ever published on this blog, but I found all of Laura’s words so insightful and worth including. I hope you’ll take the time to read it and be encouraged!
I never planned to homeschool. I am the daughter, niece, and granddaughter of excellent public school teachers. I cheerfully volunteered in my children’s classrooms and worked on parent committees. I believed in doing my best to change a flawed system from within.
Yet I kept seeing school wasn’t a good fit for my children. Our four-year-old already knew how to read, but had to practice sight words in preschool anyway. Our sweet but inattentive second-grader was deemed a good candidate for Ritalin by his teacher.
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Our fifth-grader could do college level work, but due to cuts in the gifted program had to follow grade-level curriculum along with the rest of her class. Our freshman was an honors student but detested school, not only the hours of homework but the trial of dealing with a few teens who were harassing him.
We became homeschoolers overnight when those teens pulled a gun on my oldest in the school hallway, telling him he wouldn’t live to see the end of the day. School officials, who had done nothing to ease the harassment, didn’t even call the police.
The next morning every reason I had to avoid homeschooling stared me in the face. So did my kids. They were eager to learn on their own terms.
Here are a few of the misconceptions homeschooling erased for me.
1. Education that counts happens in school.
My kids were growing up in an enriching home. We read aloud every day and enjoyed wide-ranging conversations. We went to parks, museums, and plays. But I was raised to believe that formal education is something separate and measurable.
Still, I saw that my kids learned most eagerly when filled with the aliveness we call curiosity. That’s true of all of us: learning sticks when we’re interested. When we’re not, much of what we learn tends to become inaccessible after the grade is earned.
Hard as it is to believe, studies show that that shallow thinking is actually related to higher test scores. (Maybe we acknowledge this reality when we prepare kids for tests by saying, “Don’t overthink it.”)
When we’re curious we not only retain what we learn, we’re also inspired to pursue the interconnected directions it leads us. I saw this the summer before we began homeschooling.
My eight-year-old, the one who barely paid attention in school, was playing with balsa airplanes brought to a picnic by a family friend who piloted his own plane. Other kids gave up after the planes broke, but my son worked to fashion the pieces into newly workable aircraft. This gentleman showed him a few modifications and the unlikely looking planes flew.
After that my son was on a quest. He loaded up on books at each library visit, telling us about Bernoulli’s principle, aviation history, and experimental aircraft. He begged for balsa to make models of his own design, which became more sophisticated as he overcame earlier mistakes.
The next time we met up with this friend, my son was offered a ride on his Cessna. That was the highlight of his summer. His interest in planes eventually waned, but not the knowledge he gained. He’d taught himself history, science, math, and more importantly, shown himself just how capable he was.
His pursuit is what researcher Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, calls a growth mindset. It’s the understanding that achievement comes from purposeful engagement, that talent and smarts are not fixed traits but are developed through persistence.
A growth mindset is linked to resilience and accomplishment throughout life. That’s education that counts!
2. Kids have to follow grade-level standards.
I once thought homeschoolers had to follow conventional school standards. You know what I mean–if it’s second grade it’s time to learn about ancient Rome, multiplication, and adverbs. For my family, an overly schoolish approach never made sense. I can give dozens of reasons, but here’s one that springs to mind.
Kids develop unevenly. They may be way ahead in reading and struggle in math, able to make up imaginative stories but not coordinated enough to easily to write or type them. If they don’t advance evenly in school, quite a bit of attention is focused on where they’re lacking (extra help, easier and more repetitive work, labels, poor grades).
But outside of school it’s easy to emphasize their strengths while other areas are mastered gradually without ever being considered “deficiencies.” This has a basis in current research which shows that children are remarkably good at self-regulating. They’re cued to ignore information that’s too simple or too complex, but instead are drawn to learn from situations that offer the right amount of challenge.
For example, it’s well known in the homeschooling community that many kids aren’t ready to read at five or six. Some aren’t ready until they’re several years older. In school that’s a crisis, because every subject is taught using reading. The child who can’t read not only grows disheartened, he also feels stigmatized.
But as a homeschooler he remains immersed in a learning-rich lifestyle whether he reads or not because homeschooling is infinitely adaptable. Stories abound of homeschooled children who move quickly move from non-reading to zipping through Harry Potter books once they’re ready.
A recent study showed that homeschooled children whose parents don’t push them to learn to read, but instead emphasize the joy of reading, end up with kids who are avid readers no matter if these kids started reading early or late.
In our family, we found our kids eagerly accomplished far more in a whole range of subjects over time. “Grade-level” expectations were, to us, limitations.
3. The parent has to be teacher/coach/principal.
Being a mother to my children has always been richly rewarding (okay, maybe not in the colicky phase). I didn’t want to take on other roles. Turns out I didn’t have to. We found homeschooling to be an immediate stress reduction. My kids got enough sleep, woke rested, and don’t have to rush through the day.
Instead they had ample time for conversation, reading, indulging in art projects and experiments, finding the answers to questions, and going on adventures. Our lives were guided by fascination, not bells. Much less control on my part was required.
I find that our cultural emphasis on adult-led activities is somewhat counterproductive. We assume children benefit from the newest educational toys and electronics, coached sports, lots of lessons, and other adult-designed, adult-led endeavors. Well-intentioned parents work hard to provide their children with these advantages although there’s limited evidence that all this effort has value.
We do this because we believe that learning stems from instruction. By that logic the more avenues of adult-directed learning, the more children will benefit. But studies show that a child’s innate drive to creatively solve problems is actually impeded when adults provide direct instruction.
This experience is repeated thousands of times a year in a child’s life, teaching her to look to authorities for solutions, and is known to shape more linear, less innovative thinking.
Research also shows that a child’s natural motivation tends to diminish in adult-led activities. Unless they’ve been raised on a steady diet of ready-made entertainment, children are naturally drawn to free play and discovery-based learning. They make up games, daydream, pretend, and launch their own projects–freely seeking out adults for resources and guidance when necessary. They are naturally drawn to achieve mastery.
My kids have shown me how motivated self-direction can kick into high gear in the teen years. They’ve earned their own money by shoveling stalls, which they spent to buy and restore a vintage car, go on a month-long backpacking trip, and build a bedroom-sized recording studio.
And they have stick-to-it-iveness–devoting years to pursuits like a bagpipe band, wildlife rehabilitation, farming, and their own intensive scholarship. Homeschooling has helped us foster a young person’s growing need for independence while providing useful guidance.
4. I can’t afford to provide a decent education.
Like many new homeschoolers, I thought I’d have to replicate everything from music class to chemistry lab. I knew I’d never have the time, energy, or money.
But we quickly discovered that the community around us is filled with people eager to impart skills and knowledge to the next generation, almost always for free.
They’re found at ethnic centers, museums, libraries, colleges, churches, service organizations, plus clubs like those for rock hounds, ham radio enthusiasts, and astronomy buffs. My children’s lives have been illuminated by spending time with biologists, potters, engineers, geologists, entrepreneurs, archaeologists, organic farmers, model railroaders, meteorologists—the list could take up this page.
People seem honored when asked to share a little of what they know. It’s sad that young people are customarily segregated from adults doing fascinating things right in their own communities, especially in the teen years when they so desperately want role models.
We’ve also gotten together with fellow homeschoolers for countless field trips, enrichment programs, game days, clubs, and learning co-op classes.
My kids have re-enacted Shakespearean duels, toured factories, sheared sheep, raced sailboats, learned chemistry from a Ph.D chemist, debated Constitutional challenges, competed in robotics tournaments, built a hovercraft of their own design, calculated the position of the stars, played with world-class musicians, and spent an afternoon with an astronaut after winning a science contest. All free or practically free.
When certain subjects got really challenging we easily bartered with an expert or found a community college class to cover it. And we’ve saved thousands by relying on the remarkable resources of our library system.
Sure, I envy those homeschooling families who learn while bike riding in Ecuador or rambling through European castles. But I realize my kids haven’t missed anything despite my penny pinching, especially since studies indicate two-thirds of school kids say they’re bored in class.
Deep scholarship and hands-on learning are simply another homeschooling perk.
5. Homeschooling will deprive my kids of friends.
I realized the school day isn’t really set up for socializing, although we’d come to rely on school as a source of same-age friendship.
Sadly, according to Beyond the Classroom by Laurence Steinberg, less than five percent of school kids belong to peer groups that value academic achievement–while pressure from prevailing peers steer young people toward underachievement.
And it turns out studies show homeschooled children have better social skills and fewer behavior problems than their demographically matched schooled peers.
Homeschooling families also tend to be more active in the community. Initially it took me a while to get used to homeschool gatherings where kids hung out with a wide range of ages and abilities. Sure, they’re kids and not beacons of perfection, but I was pleased to see so much overall good cheer.
As for friends, my kids kept many of their school friends. They also made more as we widened our circle of acquaintances. Many of their new friends were around the same age but some were decades older, bringing perspectives shaped by widely varying experiences. They offered my children a route to maturity they couldn’t have found in school amongst kids similar to themselves.
Their friends include a Scottish gentleman in his 70’s, a group of automotive restoration enthusiasts, a wildlife rehabilitator in her 60’s, fellow backpackers, people with differing physical challenges, Christians, Buddhists, atheists, and–well, you get the idea.
These friendships happened because they had the time to stretch in all sorts of interesting directions.
6. Homeschooling is an experiment.
Like any other parent, I’m driven to provide my children with the essential ingredients that lead to lifelong happiness and success. Late at night, unable to sleep, I’ve entertained my share of doubts.
What if homeschooling will limit their chances? I finally realized I was looking at it from too narrow a perspective.
Schooling is the experiment. For 99 percent of all our time on earth, the human race never conceived of this institution.
Our species nurtured children close to extended family, within the rich educational milieu of the community, trusting that young people would grow into responsible adulthood. Worked like a charm for eons.
Taking my kids out of school liberated them from the test-heavy approach of today’s schools, one that actually has nothing to do with adult success.
Instead of spending over 1,200 hours each year in school, they could devote time to what more directly builds happiness as well as future success. Things like innovation, hands-on learning, and meaningful responsibility.
That doesn’t mean I lost all my doubts. Some days (all right, months) I worried. It’s hard to unlearn a mindset.
But now all four of my kids are in college or launched into careers.
I sat at a recent dinner with my family, appreciating our closeness. My kids take on challenges with grace, react with droll wit even under pressure, and haven’t lost their zest for learning. We laughed as their lively conversation covered Norse mythology, caddisfly pheromones, zeppelin history, and lines from new movies.
I’m not sure how much I can credit to homeschooling, but I know it’s given my kids freedom to explore their own possibilities.
And that’s more than enough.
What homeschooling misconceptions have you struggled with and how did you overcome them?
This is a great post. I have a question however, how does one become connected to a community that does not offer itself up. I would love for my grandson to have some of the same opportunities that you wrote about for your children and I know they must exist, but being a little bit of a hermit myself, it is difficult to find the outgoing people who are willing in this area to spend time with children unless they pay admission fees to all sorts of things.
I’m naturally more on the hermit side too! Start with the people you know, they’re your knowledge networks (here’s more on how to do that http://lauragraceweldon.com/2013/04/15/activate-your-knowledge-networks/). Widen to include activities in the community around you (here’s more on how to do that: http://lauragraceweldon.com/2011/10/26/bringing-kids-back-to-the-commons/) and don’t forget service work (more on how to do that http://lauragraceweldon.com/2013/06/27/40-ways-kids-can-volunteer-toddler-to-teen/)
Laura Grace Weldon’s latest post: Homeschool Worries: Erased With Research & Experience
I am a grandmother of four children. One of my Daughters-in-heart is homeschooling. How marvelous it is to read your comments about your experiences, sharing ideas, offering each other support, even asking for help with challenges you face!
You all are fabulous! Keep it up!!!
*I can’t afford to stay home.
I think this is one that many people have difficulties with in this modern “2-income” age, and my husband struggled with this as well until he saw the money that we were saving. We only have one car, which means only one car payment ($200-$600/month), only gas for one person to drive to work ($200-$500/month), no daycare expense (before & after school) ($200-$500/month), no insurance for the second car ($40-$100/month), no new tires for the second car ($100-$500/year). We also decided we didn’t really need cable TV ($20-$200/,month) or a cell phone for everybody in the house ($20-$200/month). I have learned over the years many ways to save money on toiletries and groceries (i spend about $500 less a month since i started staying home), and what about all of those “lunches, snacks, and beverages” the average person throws down on each day on their way to, and while at work ($1-$10 daily for Starbucks/$5-$20 daily for lunch). i spend so much when i was working on these kinds of things that i no longer spend. there’s also no fees for enrollment ($200 per kid/year), no need for school wardrobe purchases every year (who knows anymore $300 per kid/year), no school supplies expense (we gather these when needed on sale), no gym clothes or special shoes for the gym floor. you get the idea. after staying home for the first year, i even found a job that i could do from home. it’s a small paycheck, but it’s all gravy because i don’t have to spend it on any of the things mentioned above.
i also save money on the doctor bill (and gas to get to and from) because my kids aren’t getting sick all the time from the germ factory or from eating crappy processed food all the time, but that’s another story.
Excellent post! Far from being too long, it was well thought out, well cited, and well crafted.
Aristotle said, “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.” This is a large part of what is wrong with modern education. Filling the mind with facts, without guidance on practical application.Aristotle said, “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.” This is a large part of what is wrong with modern education. Filling the mind with facts, without guidance on practical application.
Hi,
I just wanted to write to let you know how much I always enjoy your articles! Thanks for writing and sharing. I often repost it on my business website for Learn Beyond The Book. Happy Homeschooling!
Boy oh boy is this pretty much my story too! However, I do work outside the home as does my husband and we homeschool. It’s been an adventure, but we’ve had to be creative in pulling this off. Also, the more I’ve been at this, the more people I’ve met that are doing the same thing in wild and creative ways. http://homeschoolandwork.blogspot.com
Nita’s latest post: Summer School for Homeschoolers
“Hard as it is to believe, studies show that that shallow thinking is actually related to higher test scores. (Maybe we acknowledge this reality when we prepare kids for tests by saying, “Don’t overthink it.”)”
All of my siblings and I were homeschooled through 8th grade and then went to public high school. We had to learn how to take multiple choice and true/false tests “correctly” because we often disagreed with the “right” answer. As an example, when taking a driver test, my sister had to answer the question “It is never okay to break traffic laws.” They wanted “true” for an answer (and that’s what she put) but she couldn’t stop thinking of all the different times it could be necessary to break a traffic law in order to save a life.
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My biggest reason to homeschool was simply to spend more time with my children. Between Guides, Scouts, Taekwondo, gymnastics, soccer, art, swimming, skating, & drama classes (I’m probably missing a couple more but you get the idea); if my children attended public school on top of this every week, I’d never see them. What I find bewildering is when parents’ say that they can’t wait for their children to go back to school after holidays or even a weekend.
Violence and abuse in school by students and faculty were also factors in our choosing to homeschool. My friend’s 8-year old son was stabbed to death by a fellow schoolmate when he tried to break up a fight. I was wondering, did the school or your family take any action to prevent the child who pulled a gun on your oldest from doing it again, or worse? Do you know what has happened to this child in the years following?
Horrifying beyond words to hear about the your friend’s eight-year-old who was killed for trying to break up a fight. Horrifying.
You asked if the school or my family tried to take action. I explain that a bit in the link, early in the article. (Here it is again: http://www.wired.com/geekmom/2012/12/school-violence-homeschooling/). What I didn’t explain at length is that at the time is that my job was teaching non-violence and conflict resolution TO SCHOOL SYSTEMS. I offered this to our entire system, for free. They weren’t interested. They said it wasn’t necessary. They discounted every sign of violence in front of them. The kids who were harassing my son were immigrants and the ethnic/religious tensions in the community were intense. I proposed a community discussion with religious leaders of all denominations. School officials and the mayor again poo-poohed the need for any such thing. There were active gang fights on school grounds that included adults coming from surrounding communities, but still the people in charge would do nothing. As for our family, my son continued to be harassed somewhat after leaving school. Bottles were thrown at our car when we were at a gas station. Our home was broken in to. Our problems died down before we moved away, less than a year later. I don’t know what happened to the young men who caused him problems. I’d like to think they have grown out of their anger. I hope that’s true. I wish their school had been more willing to hear their cries for help.
Laura Grace Weldon’s latest post: Homeschool Worries: Erased With Research & Experience
Thank you for posting this.. sure is what I have already experienced..
odd to me how SO many criticize HSing & NEVER do I do that to them..
(UNLESS they start it ! 🙂 I’m not known for being submissive.
I also don’t care ONE min. if my kids grow up to work for someone else. AKA attend college.. I would rather they were led to do what God Desires for them.. if they included college , ok.. if not.. no biggie 🙂
This is an excellent article. I also liked that she gave links for validation.
educator’s latest post: Educational Tips And Sources That Inspire
What a great post! I can’t convey how much I love it.
I enjoyed this post a lot, however, I was hoping to see one of the myths listed as: “You’ll never have any time to yourself if you HS” because that is one of my biggest worries! I know, totally selfish. But that, and just not being organized enough to teach our three (6, 4 and 2) are my concerns. Do you have any advice for me? I have been kind of thinking that I would like my kids to experience the school atmosphere for primary school, in order to learn what school is and understand the structure, etc. And then, I would feel that we could make the decision together as to whether Hs-ing was the road to choose in later years.
Like one of the other moms who commented, I am living overseas and HS-ing is unheard of here, and there is also no such thing as gun or knife violence in the schools…yet. I’m sure bullying is common, however. If we moved back to our country (Canada) one day, then I would feel more inclined to hs for sure.
Have you ever written a post on what an average day or even week in the life of a HS family looks like?
Thank you! I really appreciate all the effort and research you put into this article!
I really enjoyed your article. I also recommend “The Teenage Liberation Handbook”for any one with a kid 10&up. This article reminded me of one of the great things that happened with my oldest home schooler. She will frequently refer to knowing someone from “high school” and it may be a 50 year old engineer, a 72 year old retired doctor or a 30 year old software developer. Her study hall was the local coffee shop and she quickly befriended many of her unsuspecting (i.e. they did not know they were in class!) counter mates and never hesitated to access their specialized skills and knowledge when they were willing to share. Thanks to this experience she is well socialized and can get comfortable in most any group or gathering.
Great post! I love hearing the success stories and that those moms had doubts too! I am just pulling my kids from public school, they are going into 5th and 6th grades! I am anxious, and excited. I have no idea what I’m doing-but in my gut I now it’s right. Thank you for this bit of reassurance.
As a current public school teacher I really liked the insight in your article. I am preparing to send my 5 year old to Kindergarten next year, and with the way the schools are now being run (testing, practice for testing, more testing) I am worried that his excitement and curiosity will be a horrible fit for the “traditional” school setting. I love teaching, and hate what the school system has become. I’ve even considered trying to start a school that is based around the information you wrote about above, allowing children to learn through experience and in a way that integrates “the basics of reading, writing, and math” into more complete lessons and ideas. If only there was a way to turn today’s schools into places that actually create a love of learning rather than the “testing factories” I have watched them become.
Laura,
Thank you for this article. I feel blessed to be able to homeschool all three of my kids after they attended public school for many years. I am seeing such a difference in all three of them, for the better! Much better, in fact.
I thought I’d share my 12 year old son’s thoughts with you. He told me just yesterday that people always criticize homeschoolers because they don’t get socialization. He said “Mom, when you’re at school you get in trouble for socializing”. Wow, from the mouths of babes! I said “Good point, babe, good point”!
As mothers, we all question just about everything we do. There are days when I wonder if I’m making the right decision to homeschool. But there are a lot more days when I witness one of my children saying something to someone or just grasping a concept that they just learned (because of the opportunities given to them at home) and those days overshadow all doubt that I have that this is the best option for my children.
Thanks again for your article. I’m sure I’ll read it again on one of those few days of doubt.
Nichole
What homeschool misconceptions have I erased?
How about the definitional label ‘homeschooling’.
Most people call: 1) Homeschooling – the education of children in the home.
2) Private schooling – direct parent funded education which is pep to the public
3) Public schooling-government funded education which is open to the public.
This is nonsensical. Are we defining the type of education by: the person to whom it is available, the provider of the education, or the person who pays for it? These distinctions quickly become a mess.
We ought to return to the historical definitions: 1)Private Schooling: Education which is funded, controlled privately and which is not generally available to the public. This includes all types of private tuition, including parental tuition.
2) Public Schooling – Education which is open to the public and paid by the public and is offered by the public. Like a pub, but educational. This includes what we currently call ‘private’ schools.
3) Government Schooling- this is education provided by and directed by the government which is available to the public on government premises.
Private tuition is not odd and doesn’t need a new name to make it sound experimental. As the author above rightly notes it has been the mainstay education of almost all of our ancestors. Public education has been provided for quite a long time. I forgot which pope it was who inaugurated it in the west but the scholastic monasteries have always offered it to a certain degree. The Greek Academy also offered it.
The odd thing, which is on trial, is government education. Since the revolting Spartan experiment, government education was first seriously floated by the French revolutionary government and taken to its modern excess by Ottoman Von Bismarck. According to H.G. Wells in his Outline of History. The extreme nationalism and Hegelian/progressive morality of the Prussian education system was the major cause of WWI and probably WWII. The classical liberal free education movement claimed that education should be free from government control as opposed to free of charge (no public education can be free of charge unless the teachers are unpaid charity workers). They claimed that it would provide an incredibly dangerous free propaganda apparatus to any group that could infiltrate it.
And… The rest is history. The classical liberals have been fully vindicated. Government education has become the biggest menace to the public good. Remember Tolstoy’s insight that it is not the great men that create history but a public who is willing to follow and empower them.
Ps I’m writing this on a phone and don’t have time to remove the typos.
This is great information! Homeschool lets you live outside the box! It makes me sad that so many families don’t realize that and are trapped in the “school at home” box or the “I could never homeschool” box. Thanks for the great post! I love your blog!
Alyssa Marie Thys’s latest post: Awesome But Underused Boys Names From the Old Testament
I’m very thankful that any need I have to replicate public school at home only last less than half a school year. I am also thankful to have post that encourage and solidify our commitment.
April’s latest post: Ecuador #10: The people
Reading about your experience in “regular” school affirms my choice to pull my oldest in 1st grade. We were headed down a similar path. I had been a PS teacher and sincerely hoped that working from the inside would change the system. Then I had children of my own and hoped that working as a volunteer and going to school board meetings would change the system. When the teacher was uninterested in stopping my child from being bullied at lunch (and skipping lunch many days because of that bullying), I brought him home. Now I homeschool all 3 of my boys and enjoy them (almost) every single day!
Great post! I loved it when you said, “Our lives were guided by fascination, not bells.” Amen!
Michelle Caskey’s latest post: Train Your Son to be a Great Husband
I’ve seen tons of “top 10” (or 20, or 50) lists for homeschooling. Yours is BY FAR the best. It’s relatively complete, yet succinct.
Wonderful post thank you! Also a huge fan of “Free Range Learning” with my copy sitting right next to me on my desk. 🙂 And thank you for posting the tragic event of your child being threatened at school. The safety of our schools absolutely was a factor in our decision to homeschool. I volunteer for an organzation that is working tirelessly to ensure that our next generation does not encounter these type of tragic events. If you’re at all interested Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America (www.MomsDemandAction.org) is working towards sensible gun safety solutions. We’re moms, dads, grandparents, gun owners, non-gun owners, aunts, uncles and everyone in between. We’d love anyone who’s interested to join our efforts.
THANK YOU! <3
This is our first year homeschooling, and I have witnessed amazing progress in both my children (4 and 6) since last August. At this time neither can read, and many in our life are extremely concerned about that. I keep explaining that I am teaching for comprehension, retention and the ability to use their knowledge anytime/anywhere they need it. I have explained that they will read, when they read, and not to worry about it. I cannot thank you enough for #2, because this is just one more thing to show my nay-sayers. 🙂
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