Homeschooling Through Illness ~ Written by Alecia Baptiste.
There is nothing like illness to put a huge monkey wrench in your homeschooling plans. Or any kind of plans!
Many years ago, when my children were much younger, I spent two years battling severe fatigue and just feeling bad all of the time, and being scared because no one in conventional medicine could give me a clear diagnosis of what it was.
I was eventually diagnosed with adrenal fatigue, and I later learned that I had a chronic dental infection. After that tooth was extracted, my world changed!
But during the two years of my illness, I continued to homeschool. There were literally days when it was a battle just to get myself out of bed, much less care for, AND teach my children.
Though it may have seemed foolish to others to continue homeschooling, I was actually very blessed to have had my children at home. My oldest son was able to help with the younger kids. I didn’t have to juggle two little ones at home along with school schedules.
We were able to have a very relaxed pace.
Since that time, I’ve encountered many homeschool moms who have some type of health challenge. Often along with illness, comes the guilt that they aren’t the “good” mom that they could be— if they were well.
They compare themselves not only to other moms, but they compare themselves to their “healthier self.”
Some feel bad that their children have to take on a lot more responsibility at home. Some struggle with feeling like a slacker, or thinking that others perceive them that way. And most struggle with feeling isolated.
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Being ill can be a lonely place.
It can seem as if no one understands.
It can feel as if no one even cares.
In a world where everyone is so busy living life, being ill certainly doesn’t fit in our schedules. And often, having a sick friend, doesn’t fit into our schedules either.
I remember feeling so alone. Even when I finally became desperate enough to ask for help, most people were simply too busy.
Don’t get me wrong, we did receive some help from time to time, just not consistently. We also experienced so many miracles during this time of our life.
It was a hard time, but it was also a blessed time. It’s a time I greatly cherish as it has made me the woman I am today.
But it was still hard.
I’d like to share a few nuggets of wisdom that I’ve gained from going through this difficult season.
For the mom who is ill
Be kind to yourself. Rest when you need to. Don’t expect to do what a healthy “you” could do. Accept your limitations.
Recognize that when you don’t feel well, your perspective may be skewed.
Mole hills become mountains when added to your health challenges. A kid with a bad attitude, or your husband coming home an hour later can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
When you feel this way, take a moment alone to get some perspective. It’s probably not as bad as you think. Having a friend to text for perspective would be great. Meditate for 5 minutes. Journal. Go for a walk. Lie down for a few minutes. Read something uplifting. Pray.
The life lessons your children are learning are more valuable, than anything they can learn in a book!
Do less, for greater impact. Illness can be a blessing when it forces us to be thoughtful about what’s really important to us and encourages us to focus our limited energy. It can be the ultimate “bootcamp” for simplifying your life.
Let people help you. That includes your children.
Spend time daily giving thanks.
Illness can often be like a dark cloud hovering over you. You must be intentional about recognizing the good in your life. It’s there.
Don’t feel guilty about what you can’t give your children. There is much you can give them over time, but no one can give their children everything.
It’s ok to consider others forms of education if homeschooling becomes too much. Homeschooling isn’t the only good way.
To those who have a friend who is ill
Stay connected.
Visit. Call. Text. Listen. Please don’t allow awkwardness, or not knowing what to do, or wanting to make it all better, to keep you from doing the one simple thing your friend needs from you.
She needs friendship. And honestly, sometimes she may not have the energy to reach out to you. Just let her know you care even if she’s unable to respond right away.
Offer to help in some practical way.
Don’t say, “Let me know if I can help.” Most moms don’t like inconveniencing or burdening their friends, so they don’t ask for help.
Here are some ideas:
- Offer to take the kids for a couple of hours once a week.
- Offer to bring a meal.
- When you’re planning to run errands, see if they need you to pick up anything for them.
- Don’t feel guilty about not being able to do more. Every small act of kindness can have HUGE effects.
Don’t try to cure, or diagnose her.
It’s not your job to save her.
Tell her she is an amazing mom.
Point out the awesome things she’s doing with her children. Help her to see the wonderful life lessons her children are learning.
Pray for her. Miracles really do happen when we pray. I’ve experienced many!
Are you homeschooling with illness? How has your homeschool changed because of your illness? How has your family been able to experience peace, and joy in the midst of this difficulty?
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I love what you wrote, “It was a hard time, but it was also a blessed time. It’s a time I greatly cherish as it has made me the woman I am today. But it was still hard.”
I agree. I’m currently coping with post-partum depression. I’ve seen my doctor and am on meds that are helping, but it is still a daily struggle. I understand completely what you’ve written about trying to cope. What I am learning in all of this is to move slowly. If I consciously move slowly through the day we do well. When I try to hurry we fall apart. And I loved your “miracles” post. I believe in miracles, too.
Anne, it’s a good that you are aware of what helps. Continue to give yourself permission to move slower than you’d like. I pray that as you walk through this difficult season of postpartum depression, that you are given wisdom, and peace. And of course I pray for HEALING. Thanks for sharing your story!
Great post, Alecia! I had 3 terrible months a few years ago where I had Pneumonia that wouldn’t go away and just walking from the couch to the bathroom was enough to tire me out. We homeschooled anyway, and were blessed with some amazing friends who showed up with meals and even cleaned the house a few times. Every mom needs help under these circumstances, and to remember all the goos stuff that’s going on despite everything.
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Erin, you are so blessed to have amazing friends. It reminds me of how important it is to cultivate great friendships when things are going well. Glad your better!
Alecia Baptiste’s latest post: Healing through Forgiveness
Amen! I have a son with cancer (he’s ten) and 3 younger children and we’ve public schooled for a while but will be homeschooling in the fall. As someone who wasn’t ill but had to battle alongside someone who was, it’s tough to reach out even to just talk to someone. And, since we’ve reached a few ‘quiet’ months, I have struggled with being ‘awkward’ and not reaching outgo those mommas we’ve gotten to know at St. Jude as well. It’s a great reminder to drop the guilt and do what we can to support and accept support from each other!
Yes, Jill! Reach out! You all need each other. I’d love to support you as well.
Praying for complete healing over your precious son. May he know that he is greatly loved and cared for by his Creator. Amen.
Alecia Baptiste’s latest post: Healing through Forgiveness
Does morning sickness count? I’ve gone from being Supermom to being this lump who can barely face cooking meals. Lots of good encouragement in this article, though. My kids could help a lot more than they do–I’ll draw on that particular resource.
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Oh my Kessie! Yes! Morning Sickness counts. With 4 kids of my own, I remember feeling completely useless in the early months of pregnancy. I will admit, that often you don’t get the same support with morning sickness since it’s not considered an “illness”. But if you let your husband, your children and friends know you need a little extra help, I know they’ll be happy to lend a helping hand. Listen to your body. There’s so much going on inside your body to support your little one!
Glad you found something you could use from the article! Blessings, my friend!
Alecia Baptiste’s latest post: Healing through Forgiveness
I agree- someone saying “let me know what I can do to help” is really not that helpful since then the person has to come up with something (if they are even brave enough to ask if the person really meant it). It is better if someone who wants to help says something like “I can help with ____ or ____. ” That way it lessens the burden on the person needing help. Also, something very small like a phone call or a card dropped in the mail (even if it just contains a message like “I don’t have the words to express myself but I just wanted you to know that I care” or something along those lines is AMAZING help to someone suffering. It might seem like a small thing but it is not just a small thing to someone suffering.
Very wise words Nola. You sound like you’ve had some experience with this subject. I’m sure you have more you could share. 🙂
Alecia Baptiste’s latest post: Healing through Forgiveness
Thank You so much for sharing this. I’m definitely in the midst of this struggle with all of those feelings. I’ve suffered with endometriosis and fatigue for years and now that I’m at home with 3 children under 4 years and starting to homeschool I’m plain exhausted, overwhelmed, and feel like I’m not getting anywhere. Just keeping the littles fed and happy is a huge achievement . While I know there’s nothing wrong with that, it is discouraging knowing I don’t have energy to do more. The isolation of it has forced my husband and I to sit down and talk about what God wants us to do, we are even thinking of hiring a mothers helper so I can get the rest and energy I need to be a better person and mother. As you mentioned, sometimes we need to accept that we have limits and can’t do it all and sometimes we need to call in backup and that’s ok.
WooHoo!!!!! I’m sooo glad your getting some help. That’s not failure. That’s wisdom.
Funny, I talked about mom’s accepting their limitations in a recent blogpost: http://aleciabaptiste.com/youre-not-lazy-youre-just-human/
Praying for complete healing over your body. May you be energized with supernatural power that comes from our Maker. May you overflow with joy and peace, that makes no sense. May you know that you are deeply loved by our Creator–TODAY! Sending you hugs!
Alecia Baptiste’s latest post: Healing through Forgiveness
This post really resonates with me. We just started homeschooling in January. A month later, I was in a car accident and severely injured my hand. Ten weeks later, it is still completely non-funtional, although the pain is mostly gone. We have to squeeze school in around my physical therapy and other medical appointments, but we are in a new groove now. I have an infant as well, so we’ve hired babysitters to care for him since I can’t safely do so. It is very hard, but having the help with the baby (plus meals and rides to therapy) has been so helpful. And the beauty of homeschooling means we can catch up if/when we need to!
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God bless you and yours, Shauna. This sounds so difficult–be gracious to yourself!
Shauna, I’m so sorry to hear of your accident. But I’m so glad you’re allowing so many people to help you. Praying that your hand quickly responds to the therapy. Also praying that this becomes a precious time in your life where you encounter many unexpected blessings. The best ones are usually disguised as a challenge.
Alecia Baptiste’s latest post: Healing through Forgiveness
I am a future homeschooler.. My first baby is due in July 😉 but I have chronic illness (although I am slowly healing) and your words have just been so soothing to me facing being a mum who can’t do what other mums do. I have low energy levels, I have chemical sensitivities that keep me out of many places, I can’t eat what other people can. Now I have pregnancy groin pain and I can’t clean my house much at all so it just feels like gosh how am I going to get ready for the baby and then deal with the lack of sleep of a new baby in the state my body is in. My husband spends so much time helping and caring for me. I totally get the whole “people are busy and it’s easy to feel alone in it” thing and it’s so nice to just read some words that I can relate to and make it feel like other people are in this too!
Kylie, I cannot tell you how happy I am that my words have brought you comfort and helped you feel less alone. Congratulations on your new baby! Praying that your body continues to get stronger! I’d like to invite you to join one of my online mentoring groups where we can continue supporting you on your mothering journey. 🙂
Alecia Baptiste’s latest post: Healing through Forgiveness
Excellent article! We had just moved half way across the country when I became very ill. Lots of Drs., Specialists along with all sorts of tests happened over the next several months. I was in bed, sleeping 15 – 20 hours a day with no explanation as to what was wrong. Eventually, I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome but told there was no cure. Yup, the guilt at what I couldn’t do for them was unbelievable but it was during that time, my kids learned so many valuable life lessons. Cooking, laundry as well as how to deal with major life interruptions. To add to it, we were at a church that felt I wasn’t parenting my kids well enough and let me know it. That added to it all but we pushed on through. We now have a new church which is a real blessing to us. Two of my kids have graduated from hs’ng and gone on to college. The youngest is in his second last year. I too was grateful we were homeschooling as having them in school would mean a lot of extra pressure on me (having to have them at school at a certain time, all the homework, groups etc. that would need to be done would have made it worse for me). Loved the flexibility hs’ng offered us in that situation.
Wow! What a story Linda! How are you doing now? Praying that the “incurable” is cured by the Great Physician. He has the final word!
Alecia Baptiste’s latest post: Healing through Forgiveness
Homeschooling is the better option when someone is suffering with some illness. Through homeschooling one can stay at their own home and earn education eliminating tedious efforts to travel to a school, which is far away from your stay place. And the child will be in parents supervision, its none other than parents can take care of their own children.
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I appreciate this article. I have homeschooled thru illness and I see positive and negatives. …could definitely relate to the lonely part…good to be reminded that’s a normal feeling…after I had my son (now almost 2), I lost a battle to ulcerative cokitis and became severely ill….hospitalized several times, then my whole large intestine removed, then another surgery to give me an internal pouch to replace my large intestine and the surgeon made an error putting me back at square 1. I had to wear an ileostomy bag a year, then another surgery this Novemeber to again give me an internal pouch….all while caring for my children 2,4,6 and homeschooling the 6 year old in K, and first. It’s insane and it’s only God’s Grace that got me thru, and many prayers and support of the body of Christ….even reading back on what I wrote I marvel at what God brought our family thru. …but sometimes you need a break too and this year I may put my daughter in school and that is ok too…
Thank you for this article, especially the part about being grateful. These things are so true, from my own experience having a chronic illness these many years and cancer, with four surgeries two years ago (I’m currently in remission.) Another thing, I might add is – don’t necessarily expect to do all the same activities, with your children other home educating parents are, or even those activities you used to. If you don’t have the same amount of energy, you just can’t always continue. For awhile I had to let my husband do most of that with our kids. So they got special Daddy time. Eventually we had to stop with our son’s Boy Scouts, our daughter’s girls club and our homeschooling choir for the last couple years of High School. But don’t worry about any of that because your children can learn to be helpful (more chores) and more self sufficient. Both my teens took over some of my cooking duties for meals, and began working more on mastering their skills for their career interests toward the end of their high school years. They decided to work on getting a driver’s license and looking for a job…the kinds of things young adults should be doing. God can provide for them what we, as parents lack.
I’m in the trenches right now. This is sp helpful. Ive haff a couple friends suggest I put the kids in school. But I still feel called to have them home. I’m praying this illness will come to ab end soon and that the path God had set me on leads to healing. Is given me a new perspective. Before I had a lot of “I have to…” this. Now that I can’t they have turned to” I want to..” or “I wish I could…” thoughts. Same activities and responsibilities but children perspective. Pressing for healing and that this painful journey will be offset soon and il be on the mend and able. We’ve done bits of school from my chair but now I’m in bed so I’ll have to put homeschool off until I see my Dr next week. He’s supposed to have solutions. Then during the recovey I’d that I’ll homeschool from bed. I’ve switched up what we are going to do at least until i’m on my feet again.
God bless you and yours, Kat!