Q&A Friday: Do you think homeschooling is a lonely lifestyle?
Written by Jamie Martin, editor of Simple Homeschool and writer at Steady Mom
I often write that homeschooling is not for the faint of heart–it always takes courage to choose a different direction from the majority. And though there are serious benefits to the lifestyle we’ve chosen, there are also sacrifices we make when we decide to home educate.
Recently Weiyun Lee asked this question on my Facebook page:
“Has anybody ever felt that homeschooling can sometimes be a lonely route to take? This is our first year, and overall I have to say it’s been a rewarding and exciting journey.
But every once in a while, it does feel like the path less taken and we as parents need to shake it off, pray for strength and persevere on.”
Our experience of whether or not homeschooling feels lonely could depend on a variety of factors: our personality type, the homeschooling support in our neck of the woods, our location, the relationships in our life or our kids’ lives, and so on. What has your experience been like?
That’s our question for the day:
Have you found homeschooling to be a lonely lifestyle? How do you deal with the loneliness and challenges? Any advice for Weiyun Lee or others who may feel like her?
I was a little worried that it would be kind of lonely, but so far it has been great. I too live in an area where the few homeschooling groups available were strongly Christian based, and since my family is not Christian, it wasn’t a good fit for us. I decided to start my own secular (or rather not based on a faith) group and it has been wonderful! We are now 15 families strong and it happened that most of us have kids the same age (all around the K age) so we can do a lot together. The best part has been doing play dates where the kids just play in the yard or playroom and all the mommies sit around and chat! We also have a group of friends who are not homeschoolers, but good friends who meet every Friday for dinner and games. This has been a great outlet for my husband and I and something we look forward to every week 🙂
We are embarking on our second year of homeschooling in a couple of days and my kiddos are 8 and 12. Even though my 12 year old is a natural introvert (and so am I) it has been somewhat lonely at times throughout the past year. What we have both learned though is that “putting yourself out there” while very scary the first time gets much easier the second, third and so on and so it’s been just recently that we’ve connected with other families in our area. My 8 year old being the complete opposite of us is a total extrovert and actually helps me connect with other moms even when that fear of “putting myself out there” creeps in.
It’s so ironic because I was inspired by friends around me who assured us that homeschooling was the best thing to do. While they were right, today all my friends who did homeschool, stopped, moved or somehow disappeared on us.. I feel like I’m the only one left. Homeschooling became my top priority, call it a passion, for I love seeing my kids succeed.. just that I have no one to share it with, really. It is indeed easy to get “lonely” since our school is to the most part at home and I feel most comfy at home, so once school is over all I want to do is relax, and not go out and “socialize”. While I don’t mind being alone, I am always on the look out for my boys to have company. They do make friends easily, on the playground, park etc. what is missing I think is friends they can see on a regular basis. We are not originally from the states and just recently moved so I also miss having my long term friends that all would have kids now.. (on the other side of the world) My boys go to school once a week and I did start talking to other parents, and will definitely make effort to maybe meet so the boys can enjoy some playtime. Time will tell.. This is our 3rd year, I have s 7, almost 5 and 3 year old.
This is my second year homeschooling and yes, I feel lonely sometimes. My daughter enjoys being homeschooled, but I worry that she doesn’t have “enough” friends… This is our second year going to a once a week family started and run community homeschool co-op, which really helps combat loneliness, and is a great place to have fellowship with other parents, and other kids for my kids!
Yes!! We are in our 4th year (ages 10, 8, 6). My mother lived with us for 6 years and since she has moved to assisted living I can’t believe how lonely I am. I am concerned less for my kids since they are involved in a co-op, a church, and have several neighborhood friends who home school. Lately, the issue has been with me. I have made a list of my besties and have made a promise to myself to arrange something each week with a friend; just for me, not a get together for my kids. They’ll have to come along, of course, but I need the adult conversation. 🙂
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Hi I am a 5th grader who has been homeschooled since 2nd grade and to answer your question yes, it is extremely lonely. My dad travels a lot so my mom won’t let me go to public school. And my only friend is Michelle she’s in 7th grade and she’s my cousin who lives in a different state but we don’t visit all that often. And 80 percent of the time I want to commit suicide. I’ve recently talked to my mom about visiting Michelle more but she won’t make any promises and I’ve also talked to her about going to public school but she said no. And I honest to God don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if I should talk to my dad about it too and try to work something out or talk about visiting Michelle more OR commit suicide. And if your not homeschooled you won’t understand the feeling of loneliness. So can I have some advice?
I don’t suggest homeschooling.
And I’m also not getting enough education. Because I physically won’t make myself do school I need my mom to make me go to public school, I know it will help me a lot. Like I said I’m in 5th grade (I’m 11 years old) and I don’t know my times tables because I slacked off a lot in 3rd grade. And my mom thinks that if I go back to school I’ll go back to 3rd grade and she could be right but that’s not all MY fault. I want my mom to ask me what I want for a change. I’ve also asked if we could take me to a therapist but she said no, my whole family needs a therapist really. And I’ve starved myself for 2 days and my mom hasn’t noticed, and I have a feeling if I started cutting myself she wouldn’t notice either but she might. She also could say Michelle is a bad influence because she cut once but if I’m going to cut you can blame it on me not her. I seriously wish my mom would just listen to me. I want a normal life, because right now I feel like I don’t have a life. But just to let everybody know, I’m going to ruin my life. I’m going to start cutting, take a bunch of random pills, and try to commit suicide. And I don’t know if that will help or make it worse but it’s worth a shot. And I’m probably going to end up going to Hell too. But that’s my choice, because right now I feel like I’m going through hell.
Are you okay? Have things changed? I’m very worried and concerned about you.
Last year, I was part of a small (three families) homeschool co-op and homeschooling didn’t feel lonely to me. This year, however, there is no one else in my city homeschooling, and no one that I know with children over the age of 3 at home (my kids are 2, 4, and 6). We live overseas, and the expat community is small enough that I’m pretty sure I would be able to find anyone else who didn’t have their kids in school.
School days here are pretty long (even kindergartners aren’t home until close to 4 most days because of the long bus rides), so it’s very difficult for us to see anyone else during the week – by the time other kids are getting home from school it’s almost time for me to start dinner prep!
We’re coping with this in the short term by scheduling a two-month trip back to the States to visit friends and family, but once we return in November reality is going to sink in. I think it will be hardest for my eldest, since he was the only one in the co-op last year. I don’t know exactly how we’ll make it work, especially since I’m due with #4 around Christmas, I’m guessing we’ll just have to do more things on the weekends.
For me, for this year, homeschooling does mean that I’m a bit lonely.
For me myself I am lonely whether I homeschool or not. My son has autism and that further complicates my loneliness because it affects my whole life. I live far out of the way so many ppl won’t come over, and I can’t reciprocate by coming to their home because my son is a runner and will throw tantrums. My daughter is neurotypical, and a few ppl, even homeschoolers, have suggested I place her in school since my social situation is hard. But I have listened to ppl before, ppl, including homeschoolers, who had reasons why my son should not homeschool, and now, going into 2nd grade, I had to go thru the difficult phase of pulling him out and questioning myself for what I was doing. I personally see things a little differently. Autistic children are part of the real world as are adults on the spectrum, we are her family. Her most important social lesson will be accepting that we are unique and not treating us the way many neurotypicals do without realizing it. It takes time to find friends, but in the mean time, I can keep hosting play dates with neighborhood kids after school or on weekends. If I do not homeschool just because no one else does, no one ever will around here. If you remain strong in what you do and can demonstrate that it has a way of working for you, the person with the depressed, bullied child might be tempted to reach out to you. When my daughter is my age, she will not have any of these playmates around, she will be faced with the fact that her brother is autistic.
Secondly my husband’s native language is Spanish and I can speak a very decent amount of it, I can hold a conversation. Being overwhelmed and not thinking it thru I spoke only English to my daughter her first 3 years, and then suddenly got a hard time from everyone on her lack of Spanish. So now I am painstakingly learning more Spanish and teaching it to her. Since she and I are both dominant in English and my husband, who has to be reminded to speak works quite a bit, I began to realize homeschooling would give her an advantage, even over Hispanic children in school, because they soon come to understand Spanish but not speak it as well, because they live in an English speaking world. I want my daughter to speak both languages well, and teaching languages is a very important factor in the richness of your social life. As a teen I spent hours memorizing Spanish verbs, and now as an adult I am able to communicate with ppl I otherwise would not be able to communicate with.
Finally I hold myself to the fact that it takes time to find friends and if anyone dislikes me for homeschooling he or she is not a real friend. Unless someone takes the time to research my point of view then certainly his or her opinion is not worth a penny of my time. You cannot please people regardless of what you do, so why sell yourself short just because other ppl do not agree with you?
Hi, I have only flicked through a couple of previous comments so I apologise if I seem argumentative but I came across this site as I was googling loneliness for homeschool children, the comments I’ve looked at around talking about the parents loneliness, is anyone considering the child’s loneliness, I ask this as I am such child however I’m no longer a child I am now 33, but the loneliness I felt back then still stings and has effected my whole life, I have zero friends am socially retarded and struggle daily with trust issues! I truly wish homeschooling was banned and traditional school made legally required for all! It is a very lonely existence and while some go on to university good jobs plenty of money so the parents can sit back an feel proud there are the others like myself who as soon as able to escape an enroll in college go to college but skip most lessons because being with people becomes the most important thing, float for years not knowing what they want to do, and realise years later that that thing their parents did TO THEM not FOR THEM was more about what the parent wanted, how the parent felt and had absolutely nothing to do with the child, how the child felt and how the child ends up because by then the parent can sit back and say, I gave that child the best start possible it’s up to her now what she does with it!! Well no its not, the psychological damage done effects and continues to effect long after your job is Done!!
Well, me myself as the student, I’m 14 years old and I’ve now been homeschooled for almost a year. I do feel lonely sometimes, but it’s not that bad when my family are at my side.
I like doing my work alone though, because back when I was in school I would just be distracted, bullied, told off for nothing etc, so I got to the point when I just didn’t want to go anymore. Most of the time, teachers didn’t really solve anything as it kept going on and on. I’m glad my parents took me out for those particular reasons, because I have now also discovered that I had no real friends or support at all. So overall it can be lonely sometimes, but I don’t really mind as long as my education is fine and I can finally be myself without judgements.
My younger brother is also homeschooled and has been for over 2 years, due to bullying in 4 different schools.
Overall, me and my brother are happier.
Hi my name is Noah I’m in 10th grade and I would like to say first off is that I am happy and I Love my family we are missionaries in Canada witch is mostly catholic there are no societies or homeschooling groups I am one of three brothers and frankly I struggle with
Homeschooling my parents are all in the ministry working . i am an extrovert and wish that I could actually meet people with school and i struggle seeing realatives have relationships and friends and I get jealous but I am in my bible and I know he will get me through th challenging times of horrible yet sweet homeschooling
Like my cousins witch are Christian schooled