The following is a post by Kari Patterson of Sacred Mundane.
It was one word that caused the seismic shift in my mindset. That forced me to wipe the school slate clean and reevaluate. It came out of left field, but then again it confirmed everything I’ve ever wondered–and agonized over–with regards to my son. The word?
Asperger’s.
It’s true, for the almost 8 years of his life I’ve wondered at my son, who is marvelous and baffling all at once. Unique can’t begin to capture the glorious idiosyncrasies of this man-child. I’d marveled at how a 7-year-old could be at a high school reading comprehension of science and history, and yet be barely able to legibly write his own name? Why the social frustrations? The incredible intensity? The overwhelm and overstimulation in public places? The extreme need for calm, home, steady, routine?
It never occurred to me that there might be a name for this. And, to be fair, things weren’t bad, so there was no need for alarm. Most of my son’s Asperger’s symptoms are strengths. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. The challenges are, well, challenges. Every child has challenges. Every child has special needs. So when I found out that Asperger’s was part of my son’s make-up, I re-read Jamie’s fabulous piece, All kids have special needs.
And, as always, her words were like life to my soul. Then I marched straight to the library and picked up Simplicity Parenting.
And another single word brought revelation and perspective to my heart and life:
Simplicity.
For young children (4-10), when did we begin believing our culture’s lie that we need more, more, more?! More enrichment classes, more youth sports, more activities, more socialization, more books, more toys, more programs.
Amazingly enough, what I needed most, in order to effectively nurture and teach my son … was less.
Less stimulation. Less media. Fewer outside activities. Fewer toys. Fewer choices. Fewer words (by me). Less commotion. Less exposure to adult issues and stressors. Less of me hovering over them ensuring they are happy.
They need to be surrounded by virtue and simplicity. By a few wholesome book choices. By a few open-ended toys (the less the toy does the more our children’s brains do!). A few carefully chosen activities.
And then, in a few areas, a bit more:
More of me, just listening. More of me, just smiling.
More free playtime with dirt and rocks and sticks. More opportunities to experience the best catalyst for creativity and imagination: boredom.
Simplicity Parenting was exactly the antidote I needed for the toxic rush of our hurried consumer culture. Reading this book was like finally eating what I’ve always hungered for but never quite known that I needed. Specifically, Payne suggests a simplicity regimen that includes 4 steps:
- Environment
- Rhythm
- Schedules
- Filtering out the adult world
I cannot say enough about this 4-step simplification process. We are only a month into our Asperger’s journey, and every child is so unique, I don’t presume to know what will work wonders for you.
Simplicity isn’t a cure-all. But I wholeheartedly recommend Simplicity Parenting if you are, in any way, looking for how to put the simple back into your homeschool … and into your life.
As I type these words my husband is napping (restful Sunday afternoons reclaimed!) and my children are happily playing with the simple toys that were recently unearthed in my colossal de-cluttering and toy reduction. A clean, uncluttered house is just one of the beautiful byproducts of a simplicity swamp-out.
Our rhythm and schedule are finally in tune. My soul feels like it just took a deep breath. My son–and daughter–are happy and thriving. A simplification overhaul has already dramatically shifted the climate of our home.
Yes, we’ll continue to address challenges, and not every day will be uninterrupted digging for bugs. But it’s remarkable what a simplicity shift can do for the whole family, not just the “special” kids. If I could recommend one parenting book as you begin this year, it’s this one.
Your turn: What situation in your home or family’s life right now could use an infusion of simplicity? Thanks for reading.
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I loved this book too. Time to re-read it!
I would gift this book to my daughter who is a mother to two girls, 4 and 2, and is expecting a boy in December. She is trying to live simply in this age of more, more, more. I so admire her for taking that stand when everyone around her seems to be caught up in the “go, do, more” mindset. Thank you for the chance.
I’ve been feeling myself bulk against the world’s idea of child rearing for a few months now. Maybe it’s because my now four year old’s next expected step is preschool full time? He loves it. But I somehow feel like I’ve catapulted him into the world of standardized learning before he even gets to actually just play! One of his first comments? “They never let me play” What a heart breaker!
Right now I’ve just been bringing my requests before God. Requests to build a better life than the one my husband and I have been rushing to build these last five years. A much more simpler life.
Have you looked at Montessori for your 4yo? It’s not for everyone but my younger son thrived in a good Montessori preschool. Go visit one. They are all about simplicity, play, socializing, and experiential learning.
It’s funny – because we are walking this road with our 7.5 almost 8 year old. We just found out he has sensory processing issues. Possibly other things as well? But he is unique to us and our family and we love him the way he is. 🙂 I will be getting this book no matter what! Thanks for the give-away.
We could really simplify our environment. Fewer toys, less stuff. With my 5 and 2 year olds, I find it hard to take that leap, but know it would bring more peace to our home!
Ours would be to declutter more. I’ve been working on it but still have a ways to go!
Simplicity of mind! Not to be worried and pressured, but to be secure in faith, in imagination, in freedom and in my children. Would love to read this book!
We could use some more pairing down on toys. I am always cleaning out but it seems we still have so many!
I also have a kiddo on the spectrum and could use an infusion of simplicity in our lives.
This had been on my to-read list forever. We struggle so much with rhythm, our days are so chaotic!
Thank you for sharing this! Our family is currently simplifying in all areas of life but I would say the one I area struggle with the most is being still. So we have freed up time by simplifying activities, simplifying the home, simplifying meal times and yet I still find myself unable to just relax and be with my kids uninterrupted in thought and action.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. It is so great to finally figure out (or at least get on the path of figuring out) what your kids need. We just moved to a new country overseas and I am sure my girls would love and appreciate some simplicity parenting. Thank you for the chance at a giveaway!
My house needs a major decluttering, so this would be awesome!
I also just found out that my son has Asberger’s and the topics in ‘Simplicity Parenting’ are exactly the things God has been laying on my heart, lately. Thank you for sharing about your struggles and what God has been doing in your lives! I will be checking out that book!
I loved Simplicity Parenting. It was the first book that I read when I started becoming interested in simplifying our lives. I have since pared down the toys, clutter, and general noise in our home and I have to say, it made a world of difference.
2 of our 5 children are spectrum kids and we have been working on simplifying for 2 years now. I would love to own this book! Thanks for the chance.
House hunting. It is easy to get carried away with what could be (and what we can’t afford) and not remember our priority of simplicity and simpleness.
I loved this book as well and would love to own a copy so I do not have to check my desire to mark it up and highlight! I think I am due for a reread as the holidays and a new baby approaches!
Thank you for this. I’m quite certain I had Simplicity Parenting on my “To Read” list several years ago. I might even have checked it out from the library, but the hectic in our days kept me from reading it. I am homeschooling 3 boys — almost 11 yo, almost 7 yo and a 5 year old — with big energy and ideas. At these ages, I’m still experiencing a very real need to simplify our lives and routines. I would greatly appreciate the book if I were to win. 🙂
I have wanted to read this book forever it seems. Always checked out.
We have always tried to live a simple life. And for some odd reason I feel like this year we have gotten a bit off track. Perhaps its because we finally have a house for the size of our family, maybe even a little too big. When we moved in I found empty corner rather … disconcerting and began filling them. Now I miss the empty spaces. Especially in the kids rooms. And our home school? I know that could use some simplifying. Anyway, thanks for this opportunity.
I’m homeschooling my oldest for kindergarten this year because I wanted her to have another year to be free of homework and hustling from one activity to the next in full day kindergarten at public school. This book could be a great way to help me build the foundation for this year (and possibly more years) of homeschooling.
I can’t tell you how many times I have recommended this book! I just read it again recently, followed by another fantastic book, “Do Less”, and I was on a roll of cleaning out and simplifying. I no longer spend huge amounts of time cleaning up and reorganizing (ie, shifting crap around!). I now have the free time to read more to my kids, and I don’t dread the thought of someone just stopping by the house! My kids are able to pick up after themselves because they aren’t overwhelmed at the mass amount of toys. They have watched me donate carloads, and this time they were able to let go of things too, finally! The thing I struggle with is trying to explain to them about why we don’t need more stuff. I know it’s natural for kids to want more, but with the holidays coming, I need a way to prepare them for our “Simple Christmas” that still has a magical feel without them feeling let down. They are 7 and 9, so they understand giving to others, and we regularly donate to our church’s toy drive and the food pantry, and give to Heifer International. But how do you show a kid that they have ENOUGH, especially when our society says we never have enough!? (oh, and we don’t have cable, so they aren’t bombarded by advertisements, but one trip to Target negates that!)
I have wanted to (and struggled to) simplify our lives for a while. This book would be a great starting point for me! Thank you for sharing your experience with us!
Moving, being between homes, schooling where we find ourselves. I just have to keep reminding myself simple and as much routine as we can maintain will get us through. I keep thinking I need to read this book to help us through this transition.
We always seem to be busy doing something. Sure those things are educational but I often get that nagging feeling we should be still instead of busy.
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