Written by contributor Sarah Small of SmallWorld at Home
I have never, in a fit of the frustration that is unique to homeschooling moms, threatened to flag down the proverbial Big Yellow Bus.
But here is the flat-out honest truth: I have wondered every now and then if I should.
My oldest son attended public school for kindergarten and first grades. As far as I know, he never desired for one second to go back. But there were times when he was in high school that I would think,
“Is this all going to work out right? What if we’ve messed up his whole life by homeschooling him?”
My daughter loved the Junie B. Jones and Ramona Quimby books. Most of the action in these series occurred at school. Such fun things happened there! Parties, plays, recess, glitter-laden Valentine’s cards. Walking home on tree-lined streets. Crossing the street with Henry Huggins.
When she was nine, she saved up all her birthday money to buy a “Play School” kit, complete with name tags, report cards, and a chalkboard. Her dolls and younger brother would be her classroom, and I must say she was a natural teacher.
Sometimes I used to think, “This little girl would love to be in school.”
She’s in middle school now, and again, many of the books she reads and movies she watches take place in a school setting. She knows that kids in public school don’t randomly break out in song a la High School Musical. But every once in a while, she’ll say, “I think it would be fun to be around a bunch of people every day.”
And again, I wonder, “Are we on the right track?”
And then there is my youngest son, who is ten. I would be surprised if he has ever had a yearning to go to public school. For him that would mean giving up climbing trees in the middle of the morning, hopping on his bike at lunch break, and munching a snack while doing math.
But in public school, he would be the leader of the pack—the social pack, that is. He would be friends with everyone, and the teachers would roll their eyes and excuse his talking in class because he’s so darned likable. He’d be the prom king and the boy every girl wants to date. Every now and then, the thought crosses my mind:
“Is he missing some calling in life by not being in public school?”
I will admit to having these kinds of thoughts throughout these 11 years of educating my children at home. Don’t we all wonder, every now and then, if they are missing out on something?
It doesn’t take much for me to snap out of the “missing out” funk. We can watch the nightly news or peruse a few blogs to read stories about public education that make our toes curl. Hearing stories of abuse in my own area school system is certainly like throwing a bucket of cold water over my head.
But truly, it’s the positive results of homeschooling that convince me much more than the negative reports of what’s going on in public schools.
I have the benefit of seeing an outcome: my firstborn, my most experimented-upon guinea pig, is in college. Thriving in a college that is three hours away from home. I can tick off a list of all the things any parent wants:
- his grades are excellent
- he has self-initiative
- he has a good rapport with his professors
- he has friends
- he can navigate in a large city without getting lost much
- he seeks out cultural events
- he eats at least two meals each day
- he can do his own laundry.
Any parent would be satisfied with this outcome.
But the measure of success is so much more that what one sees on the outside.
Here’s the thing: He is embracing life. He never learned that life is drudgery, that “school” is about waiting for the next Valentine’s Day party. He did not spend 12 years in monotonous routine dictated by the ticking of the clock and the buzzing of alarms.
He never learned that books make you sleepy and teachers are boring people, and that it’s always safest to fly beneath the radar.
Photo by Princess K8
He has a deep love of learning. He never learned the art of regurgitation. He’s responsible, yet he has a heart of adventure. He’s willing to take risks, and he’s not worried about what people think. He’s unique and confident in his uniqueness. Because he grew up surrounded by unconditional love, he is emotionally secure.
Any fears that he would be labeled a weirdo because he was homeschooled are put to rest. No one cares; no one asks.
And as much as he loves college, he enjoys being home with us, as well. My husband and I have remarked to each other several times that, had we met our son in college, he would be one of our best friends. We would want to hang out with him.
And what’s really awesome? He would want to hang out with us, too.
That bus can just keep passing us by. Whatever doubts I have now and then dissipate when I take but one minute to reflect on what really matters.
No regrets.
Do you ever wonder if your kids are missing out by being homeschooled? Do your kids ever wish to go to public school?
About SarahS
I read all these posts and i get excited about homeschooling my kids. I have two kids currently in public schools. My daughter is 12 and my son is 13 and let me tell you this, My children have been nothing but really unhappy and depressed . I’ve been thinking about homeschooling my kids, i know they are older now and i really do not know how to start doing this…I am very depressed watching the teachers fail my kids over and over even though i help them with every homework,essay,questions etc… I know my children are smart and do not deserve this failure in life. Can someone please tell me how to start homeschooling please? i feel if i leave my kids at these public schools they are going to grow up and be on depression pills and never accomplish their dreams in life, and i would never see their little faces with a smile like when they are at home with me. Help me please.
First…great blog. Enjoyed reading it! Thanks for the encouragement.
To the poster….first, breathe! You can do this. It will be a transition for you guys, and your kids will need to “detox” a bit from public school life so give yourselves lots of grace! You might start out (especially if you were to start now vs say September) by going to museums or something “educational” together. Start with some field trips to have fun and “get to know” each other again.
As far as what to teach….there are lots of curricula out there for homeschoolers. You could do online, workbooks, literature based…it’s really your choice. I use a literature based one (Sonlight) but we have four boys that will reuse it, so the cost isn’t as much when spread out (plus I don’t mind spending money on books.
). So just sit and think about what you want them to learn (world history was a big thing for me…I felt it had been lacking in my education) and then search for what will fill that for you.
Don’t aim too high right now. It’s ok to go a bit low to get a feel for where they are educationally. It would be better imo to need to add on (say reading or math), than to have it too hard and stress everybody out from the start.
I hope this helps and that you guys enjoy!
Texana and “me” offer great advice. I’d also recommend googling “deschooling.” There are lots of articles that will pop up. Since your kids have been in public school for so many years, you’ll ALL need to break away and not rush back into school-at-home. You’re doing a lot already by reading blogs, researching, and asking questions! Eventually you’ll come upon the kind of homeschooling that is a good fit for you and your kids. Maintain flexibility and enjoy the journey!
Sarah at SmallWorld’s latest post: The Carnival of Homeschooling
Just… do it. I pulled my eldest out in 4th grade and have never regretted it. Neither does he! He NEVER wants to go back. Look for local groups for support for yourself and friends for your kids and just remember that you can most definitely do at least as good a job as the public education does. And? You’ll most definitely do a BETTER job.
tracey – justanothermommy’s latest post: Sweeter than Honey…
Oh, Daisy, I’m so sorry you’re in that situation! First, I would Google homeschooling and your state. That way, you will know what to do to do this legally. Then, just do it! Maybe you could start over the summer. As Texanna said, decompress from public school for a while. Take them to the library and let them get books on any subject that interests them. They don’t need book reports or anything like that. Just let them learn on their own.
I believe that your children will do remarkably well. Try homeschooling for a while. See how you like it. There are so many benefits to doing this, not the least of which is building up their self-esteem after so many years of negativity.
Best of luck! You’ll do just fine! Remember: you taught them to walk and talk. You can do it!
I love homeschooling too- but my oldest daughter has never experienced public school and she does get teased for being “weird”. Sometimes she wants to go to public school just to feel normal. I tell her that it is not a valid reason to try to appease rude and unsympathetic people. She is very social, and has never met an enemy. She tries to please everyone- all the more reason to not send her to school. But sometimes- for an instant- I wonder if one day at school would help her understand that normal is not all it’s cracked up to be.
Aadel in KS’s latest post: My Father’s Dragon Lapbook
We homeschooled before we moved to another state, and I entered public school in 2nd grade. Even as a gifted student, I was truant in 5th grade and was finally pulled out in 6th for half a year because I hated school. Loved learning. Hated school. Devoured books. Hated school.
Fast forward. One of my final college classes as an elementary ed. major was Exceptional Learners, where I looked forward to getting some training on gifted education — the area in our school system that failed me. The class covered mostly learning disabilities, plus gifted, blind/deaf, and other “exceptions”. When the professor (head of the Ed. Dept.) went around the class and asked each student which “exception” they’d like to be placed with for his/her practicum, I said “gifted”. Her response flabbergasted me so much I wrote it down and have never forgotten it: “Gifted teachers aren’t really teachers; all of the kids want to be there anyway.” Wow. Such ignorance and bias from the head of the entire department? If I’d had any doubts, that sealed it: my kids would never be in public school. Even (especially?) after teaching in our school system (and later, at my alma mater), I’ve never looked back.
We started easing into “school” activities this month, but my 4½ year-old can already read and do simple math. Send him away to school so he can get in trouble if he feels like jumping up and down when he counts? Heck, no.
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Standing ovation with a round-of-applause!!!!!
Loved what you said about meeting your son in college and being friends…I actually started crying.
Thank you.
LOVE this! Thank you so much for this post! xoxo
Meghan
http://www.thetuckerstaketennessee.com
Only OCCASIONALLY do I wonder. And then I remember all of the crap that they would be “required” to do in public school. I remember that the socialization in ps isn’t free – it’s structured and segmented and supervised. No thanks! I do wish I could find some good book series’ that aren’t all about school, though.
tracey – justanothermommy’s latest post: Sweeter than Honey…
To the poster thinking about homeschooling her 12/13 yr olds- go for it! I have a brother who was failing in school, and had all sorts of discipline issues at school when he was in 8th grade. My mom pulled him out of school early in the year (late September). She had NO plan, she told him he needed to figure out his life. Anyways, after sitting around complaining for a few weeks he took the initiative to purchase an math video game. He taught himself calculus, trig, and computer programming over the following months. He was put back in public school the following year- but continued learning these things on the side. At the age of 18 he started his own web design business that has flourished for the last 7 years– along with many other pursuits. Basically, he taught himself more during his 1 year at home (and learned more about himself, his interests, his drive) and was able to straighten himself out. It set his life on a different, much better course! Go with your gut and HS!
I enjoyed reading this, it brought a tear to my eye!
A most excellent and honest post. Although we’d always planned to home school — we sent our oldest to public school and now after 6 months, I feel like this is the biggest decision of our lives. Ya know? I think…this decision is going to determine who she will be, and at times, although I feel homeschooling is the best option, it is scary to think that I am setting the course for her life. But, that’s what I’m supposed to do. Crazy.
I’ve been giving homeschooling serious thought for many of the reasons you mention. Additionally, we’ve begun to look at preschool options for my two year old (eventually three year old…sigh) and the ones that resonate with me philosophically are way out of our price range. So, for many reasons, homeschooling seems very attractive. But I see my quick learner, who devours books, gravitating towards the preschool classroom attached to the local rec center, loving the bus we take at the national park, and sometimes worry about what she won’t get to experience. I have to remind myself that there are tradeoffs for every choice, and a close family, a good education, and an undampened love for learning are things she will hopefully experience by learning at home, at least for a while. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you so much for your honesty and willingness to share your thoughts. This really hit home with me, just last night I had a freakout about the very subject of your post. Nothing like a well written piece to shake me out of my little drive to negative town.