Written by Kara Anderson.
Oh February.
I am not the first, nor will I be the last homeschooler with a few years of experience to say that February can be a really hard month.
A lot of us tend to get off track. As parents we doubt ourselves. Our kids seem extra stir-crazy.
But this February, my family got waaaay off track.
Like miles and miles off track.
Like if it were on an actual train that had been headed to say, Alaska, we instead rode it to Maine and then crashed into the ocean.
Surrounded by ice and confused lobsters, I wanted to give up.
That’s just silliness, but here’s what really happened:
First, we took a trip. Which was supposed to be a good thing. And it was!
But we returned on a Sunday, and I had surgery that Wednesday.
I’m pretty sure I still had sand on my feet and saltwater in my hair when they wheeled me into the OR.
(Also, I was hyperventilating.)
I thought it would take me a few days to bounce back from my procedure, but by the second week, I could feel myself fighting a dark cloud. Everything was a mess – the house, laundry, meal planning…
School was a disaster, unless you count lots of hours of Minecraft and Harvest Moon.
I still felt crummy.
(Some surgery complications …)
I wondered briefly if I would get back to myself at all.
One day, I got so frustrated that I decided to clean our school shelf and I ended up in bed for three hours in intense pain.
It was probably the lowest point we’ve had in a really long time school-wise, and if I am being honest, no magical switch has clicked yet. We’re still fighting our way back from it.
Here’s what that looks like right now:
- We are just moving slowly. Sloooowly. Like snail parade … or a sloth conga line. The house is still kind of a mess. We aren’t doing a ton of schoolwork each day. We have cut back on everything but the absolute necessities.
- We bought some new stuff. I have heard, and you probably have too, that this is never a good solution to homeschool overwhelm. But we didn’t spend a lot. We didn’t throw out a whole curriculum and start a new one. We just bought a couple of new things to make school sort of different and novel and interesting again and to allow my kids to work a little more independently for a bit.
- I am trying very, very hard to take my own advice and not try to fix it all at once. Meal planning is still a mess. A lot of people still haven’t gotten their Girl Scout cookies. It’s amazing how little clean laundry you really need to get by. Turns out they sell underwear everywhere.
- I’ve switched my perspective. Ready for this? We “took February off.” We will homeschool into the summer. Or maybe we’ll start back a month early. I am giving myself permission to write off February and instead focus on the future.
- My kids were still learning, by the way. In fact, all of our “time off” gave my kids a chance to discover and pursue some new passions – Alcatraz! Cake Decorating classes! Free, unstructured time will do that.
- I’m also focusing on getting better before I try to do more. Good idea, right? It took me a whole month to think of it, but after a Mommy Meltdown it became really clear – school is not going to go well or be successful if I am doubled over in pain. It just doesn’t work.
- As we begin again, I am finding so much wonderful inspiration out there – Jamie’s recommendation to buy this planner. Good books. More time for art. The chance to get outside again.
And every day, we get a little closer to where I wish we were. It isn’t perfect, but it’s real life, and my kids have become very skilled at making tea, plumping pillows and telling me again and again that it’s going to be okay, and that I should take my time and take care of myself.
So I guess this month I’ve learned a lot too, which proves that even in challenging circumstance, we really just can’t stop learning.
Have you ever had a season when your homeschool got way off track? How did you deal with it?
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I’m having a scary (for me) surgery in a couple weeks. As I read this I thought, “This isn’t what I want to hear!” But maybe, it’s what I needed to hear. Maybe I need to lower my expectations of what will get done during my recovery. Or at least be ready to let go of the ideals that are in my head if we need to. Life – it’s never dull.
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Oh Kara — I’m sorry. I know stuff like what I wrote can be upsetting if it hits too close to home. I hope everything goes very well for you, and I do agree that lowering expectations is helpful!
To say school got off track this year for us is an understatement! Thanksgiving day our lives turned upside down with a major car wreck. I was in the hospital for just over a week and could not put my right foot down till sometime in January. We got back to schooling the first week of January from my bed… My daughter visited me in the morning brought me breakfast in bed then we would do one or two school things then it was back to Netflix for me and Minecraft for her. Now or schedule is a little less relaxed and I make my own breakfast, but school is still done with me in bed, and Minecraft is still a large portion of her day. We might not make it to the end of our math book this year that’s OK God had prepared me to possibly take two years on this year’s curriculum anyway.
I’m so sorry Donna, and I am so glad that you are doing a little better. We actually have a book that we’ve been working on for almost 2 full school years — we’ve really enjoyed it, but taken it slooooow. I hope things keep improving for you every day. <3
Our world was rocked last year. On the advice of a friend, we did documentary school–checked out every documentary the library owned and watched them one after another. I felt badly to sit in front of the TV, but we learned AMAZING things.
I’m wishing you joy in your journey.
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This is actually a brilliant plan and my sister and I have both done it before. You think it’s just until you get back to normal, but then you realize it’s actually a very valid and helpful way to ingest new information!
Ooh. I hadn’t thought of this idea! I’m going to check our library’s website now 🙂 I hope things are better for your family, Anne.
Love this idea, Anne — will have to try it.
Kara, great article. We have been off-track for nearly a year. A move away from the only home she’s ever known was not the best thing for my ASD kiddo. We made a few attempts to get back to a routine — new school room, set-aside the curriculum, working on getting to know our new home state — but we’re not checking off all those subject boxes in my head. Switching perspective is good advice. There are weeks when we’ll get a little school work done on Saturday instead of the weekdays, or nights instead of days. Sometimes you just have to work with what you have and trust that things will even out in the end.
Anne Marie, I am so very glad you posted. I have a daughter with ASD and we are struggling with defiant behaviors right now due to some medical problems she has. My older daughter has severe dyslexia and a rare digestive disorder that appeared in June. Every day, until mid-January, she was sick to her stomach and could not focus long enough for us to accomplish anything. I have spent every day this school year feeling guilty. Every day I have to flex things and think on the fly in order to make any progress. Sometimes it’s really hard to be joyful in small progress. I am currently adjusting my expectations and methods to see if there is a better way for us to build an exit track as our current train is a crazy train running at high speed in a constant loop.
Thanks for sharing this . It was a blessing to read ,not that you had a bad February , but that I am not alone. I really appreciate you sharing this. I was pregnant with twins and then right before Christmas I lost both of our babies. It was truly a rough time and still is some days. I feel so bad if I take any time off but reading this helped me a lot. So thank you and I hope and pray you are feeling much better now !! Hugs ~ amy
I’m so sorry for your loss Amy. Prayers and hugs headed your way. <3
So very sorry for this tragic loss. I lost one of my triplets shortly after they were born and it was devastating. We do not have to understand God to Trust Him.
Oh I needed this so much! Good for you for being able to organize your thoughts into a post and being open to share some grace. I had a lot of good things but they trumped school. We are not good at multitasking in my family and when we do a play or go on a trip it’s all hands on deck and school gets less or super ugly. This week I have tried to get back to normal but everybody is still tired and recovering. So next week…
Hi Adriana! I know what you mean — it can be hard to find that balance! We’re so lucky to get to try again next week!
Oh my goodness, Kara. You described the feeling perfectly – Everyday we get a little closer to where I wish we were. Thank you so much for sharing your reality, and your tips for getting through this season. So well done!
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Thank you, my friend.
I feel like this has been us from the start of our homeschooling 3 years ago. Three weeks into our first year my brother moved into our house because of some military/PTSD related issues. Along with that came my sister in law and nephew and an extra dog staying here 4 days/week. That was so hard because it’s just plain hard to homeschool without that whole privacy thing you get when nobody else lives in your home. After a year and a half of feeling like we were totally failing left and right, my brother unexpectedly died and the rest of that school year was how you can probably imagine- sad and not productive. I was also not feeling great at all and it turned out that I had polyps galore in my uterus so I had to have a hysterectomy. We took it easy and thought this current year would be the best ever. I planned like a maniac in August and we started but quickly realized that we HATED sticking to those plans. In came “structured unschooling” which I am still trying to get used to and not flip out over. I still feel like ol’ fat failure most days. Especially when I am being lazy and not doing the work that it takes to unschool successfully. Because seriously, with my kids unschooling quickly turns into Xbox and Netflix if I am not organized and fully engaged and acting all enchanting and learny. Our house is a mess and I am finding out that even though I WAS trying to abandon the whole clean house gig, I truly don’t thrive well in a messy environment and the kids don’t either. Sorry for the life story! LOL
Oh sweet lady — Don’t be sorry at all. You are wonderful, and your love for your boys shines. I’m so sorry you have been though so much.
On the documentary note, I like these (age appropriate of course) – http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/films/
And YouTube has a bit of EVERYTHING. Do a random search on YouTube for whatever you want to learn about, and see what comes up. I’ve seen the suggestion to search for artist/illustrator demonstrations. There’s a gold mine of Eric Carle stuff, for example.
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And just found this in the last 5 minutes. Authors and illustrators – yay! http://www.scholastic.com/teacher/videos/teacher-videos
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First things first: a sloth conga line would be AMAZING.
Second, I heart Dahl. That’s some fantastic homeschooling right there. And I think I saw some D’Aulaires peeking out, too. You’re rocking it, you just can’t see it yet.
Third, feel better! Spring IS coming. Sunshine soothes the soul and, somewhere in there, motivation always returns.
(No one likes February anyway!)
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February has always been my least favorite month!
When we were way laid a few years ago with Mommy health issues, I finally started just using the wall calendar to document my day. Using what I had, nothing special. My husband was getting concerned we weren’t learning and I knew we were, but had a hard time proving it. (He never questioned my need for rest, just my ability to actually homeschool. If we said we were schooling from home, we needed to keep our word & school from home.)
Very little in the curriculum was getting done. Sloooow & discouraging progress. So I began documenting, not for the state, but for us. Up where we could all see it. Did I read to them? Up it went. Did the kids play store with play money? Up it went. Did we watch an educational video? I wrote it down. When they helped me fix food, when we visited a garden, when we planted our own seeds, when we learned to sweep the floor, when we built Lego creations, when we actually pulled out a math sheet, it was all documeted. And I made sure to write down things we did on Saturday and Sunday, too.
Because it’s all learning. And because my husband and I both needed to see that learning was actually happening, that I wasn’t making excuses just so I didn’t have to send them to public school (well, at that time, only one was old enough for public school) and simply calling playtime “unschooling”.
And it worked. It encouraged both of us. We now had confidence that we really were allowing our kids to grow & learn — from home. That was the only year I documented on a wall calendar that way. But it was SO helpful. It was also the only year we were more officially unschoolers. Our family prefers a curriculum, though it is still somewhat loosely held. But that year, unschooling was really all we could handle. Having grown up in the traditional school system, unschooling was strange to us. But putting it up on the calendar allowed us to breathe a sigh of relief. This isn’t what we hoped for, but we ARE learning. *Whew!*
This comment is very helpful! I love the idea of jotting down what we do every day. Thank you!
I wish I would have read articles like this before I had my last baby, who never slept and had horrible tummy issues that made her cry all day and night! Took me a long time to let and give myself grace. But I still have to remind myself to let go of the schedule and relax every time the toddler is crying all day from teething or once again I have not slept much, and appreciate all the different learning that happens with my kids when they have time to pursue their own interests. Sometimes those independent interests surprise me and we end up adding new things into our days!
Oh gosh, I needed to read this. Our world got upended in December when I unexpectedly became a single mom (it’s temporary, hubby’s got immigration problems). This whole situation was really my worst nightmare. So we’re adjusting to my three kids being in daycare, hubby not being here, and me working. My house is a wreck, I’ve resorted to canned and frozen dinners a lot, and I’ve got laundry in a pile in the youngest’s bed (he sleeps with me). This whole thing sucks. But we’re slowly adjusting. I am finding that organization and routine are absolutely key. I’ve got our lessons pretty much planned out for the next 46 weeks. I had to restructure our entire system during my days off. The first week has gone pretty smoothly. Hopefully it’ll continue and we’ll stick to it. I’m slowly feeling my way through. I have to admit, I am finding that I’m a lot more capable than I thought I was. Things will get better. The Lord has us in his hands and all his plans for us are good, though we might not understand them at the time.
we got a bit off track- so we did more poetry tea times and the little kids built a fort 🙂
Much love winging it’s way to you from England, Kara.
Your book basket looks wonderful! We love D`Aulaire`s here. I have the Norwegian folk tales on pre order.
I am struggling with some health issues too, but also mainly with the care of an elderly relative. It’s hard not being fully in control, isn’t it!
February is always hard, but I can see how you could get off track with everything that you’re going through. I always think, (during each pregnancy) wow, I don’t realize how much I’m doing until I just can’t do it any more.
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I had brain surgery within a month of starting school 2 years in a row. The second year totally took me out (I chalk it up to being older .) It took me a while to realize I had to let go and just do what was necessary for that day. And to allow myself to heal, that was the hardest part. But we did eventually get back on track both years. Great post!
<3 This post is just the post I needed. I have been doubting that homeschool was still the right choice, the best choice for my kids. On May 6, 2015 my husband had a life changing, catastrophic car accident. There were many, many dark days. He wasn't even able to come home until October 23. He now requires full time care and cannot meet any of his own needs. There have been weeks when we spend more time going to see doctors than we do at home. Some weeks we have school, some weeks we can't.
I found this post today and realized, we are doing just fine. No, my kids aren't schooling like public school kids, but that was the point of home school. I teach, they learn, grow, explore. Sometimes that teaching is out of a book or from a worksheet, but sometimes it's from a magazine in a waiting room, a billboard, a youtube video. Before I was doubting my ability and now I know we will be just fine!
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God bless you and yours, Christi!
Boy do I relate! Imagine the 39 year old me on bedrest with triplets while homeschooling my 7, 9, 11 and 13 year olds. Objective: keep babies love until safe for them to come out. What could have been a nightmare God turned into something I never could have imagined. The year was 1996. The beginning of the Internet. My kids were tasked with the homeschool project of finding great websites to use. They collected thousands. On a whim, I submitted the idea for a book of great educational websites using my kids lists to some publishers. Amazingly, McGraw Hill published a series of 4 books called Cyberspace for Kids. Imagine this homeschooling family’s delight at seeing the books on display in the local Borders book store about a year later! You never know God’s Plan but we know He is Good.
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I think we had that books as kids!
Oh Kara it’s so good to know that we are not alone!! We have to derail here and there sometimes to catch up with things, with rest, with life and I love knowing that my kids are still learning even when we miss homeschool days! Thank you for this post!
This was so very timely. I also had surgery in February but it was on the opposite coast I live on. The kids spent a month with grandma. Now we are all back home and I can’t seem to get things going again. I spend most of the day in bed and just ‘trust’ that they are getting things done. I was just starting to freak out about it yesterday and was praying about maybe putting them back in school because I was obviously failing them at home. I guess I needed to see that I wasn’t the only one and that others weren’t as perfect as I make them out to be in my mind. We will make it (may be schooling all summer, but). ????
You’re children are learning more than you realize; they are learning to work together to run a house when mom can’t. My 4 children had a similar experience 3 years ago and through it all they became the best caretakers ever. Take a step back and ask yourself what you are trying to teach them, my ultimate goal is to teach them to be better people and do for others more than themselves. They will survive through this season, don’t be so hard on yourself. And remember children are constantly learning even when a book is closed!!
Spell check changed your to you’re…ugh.
My husband died tragically on Labor Day 2015 while we were on family vacation. We, my 6 & 7 year olds and I, would have started our 2nd official homeschool year. We had such a great first year and I’d already sent in our notice of intent for 2015-2016. I can’t even explain what those first months were like. God carried us but we barely pushed through some school work. I remember being so worried they wouldn’t test well and I would have failed them, my late husband, and myself. They did fine!!!! Not off the charts but I was beyond pleased and thankful that I had proof there had been progress, during our darkest days!! Go God! I had a new appreciation for the “more is caught than taught.” I went into this school year with shakey confidence but full of hope, not only about our 2016-2017 homeschool year, but for our future and community no to terms with our “new normal.” We honored the first anniversary of my husbands’s passing with a trip back to the OBX for labor day 2016. It was hard and healing and so necessary for my entire family’s well being. I remember thinking we just need to get through this 1 year anniversary and then throw ourselves into our schooling. “This will be a redemptive homeschool year!” October my mom is hospitalized and has been living with me and my kids since December. I don’t have the time, heart, or words to go into detail about ALL the other ways life is so different since losing my husband. Widowhood is an awful season…I deeply grieve as a wife and for my children who’ve lost their daddy, I’ve been thrust into single parenting which is scary and hard. My husband handled all the business workings (bills budget) of our home and was the best handyman ever.
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful for all that God has done and will continue to do. I am just worried we are too far behind. I can relate to remarks about tv (thankful for the science, history, and pbs channels) and video games). I’ve done my best to maintain other normalcy like staying active in our church, co-op, his karate, and her gymnastics. I have even had pro-homeschool family member suggest I put the kids in public school. I realize our situation isn’t ideal but putting them in public school is the last option I want to consider. My late husband and I believed homeschool was the best choice for our family. While I am super worried, I don’t believe that is the solution and felt a little “kicked while I’m down.”
Thanks for posting something so relatable!
God bless you and yours, Lolly! I can’t even begin to imagine all you’ve been through and are going through. Have you looked into Thomas Jefferson/Leadership Education? You could find it to be a very freeing philosophy given all that you are being asked to carry. It is such a healing philosophy as well, especially for those who have had a trauma happen in their earlier years as your littles have had. They likely need more time in Core Phase before they are ready to progress, but progress they absolutely will with your love and care and God’s help.
Here are a couple of posts that might come in handy, as well as their Facebook group:
– http://simplehomeschl.wpengine.com/core-phase/
– http://simplehomeschl.wpengine.com/top-educational-goal-tweens/
– http://simplehomeschl.wpengine.com/inspire-not-require/
– https://www.facebook.com/groups/TJEdDiscussion/
–
Girl!! I am late to this party but I needed to see others in a similar boat. Our journey has taken more of a slow skid than one big crash… We have a home based business and the juggle became a struggle. School has taken the back seat more times than I can honestly admit, even to myself. I am just now really facing how much I’ve let slide the last 2 years. And now here we are. I am stirring us up and setting short term goals as well. I knew immediately there would be no quick fixes here. Patience and prayer will get us there! I am really sharing this for the next mom that comes so you know that you’re not alone. Don’t give up. Let go of the guilt and dust yourself off. 🙂