Written by Kara S. Anderson
A few weeks ago, I made a commitment that we were going to finish the last six weeks of school STRONG.
We were going to buckle down on math, and finish the things that were lingering out there.
I was so serious, that I put it on Instagram. I wanted some accountability.
Pretty much as soon as I did this, my daughter ended up in the hospital for three days. This was after a trip to the emergency room, returning home, and then heading back.
She got home on my husband’s birthday, which we barely celebrated. We still owe him a cake.
Two minutes later it was Mother’s Day, and then came a dead car, a broken toilet, and finally, a window that just exploded.
So as I sit here typing this, my question is obviously, “If God really wanted me to buckle down on homeschooling, why does He keep giving me all this other stuff to do?”
This is not a new idea, of course. My favorite resource when I need to remember that God never intended us to shove 36 hours of homeschooling, parenting, housekeeping, work, etc., into a 24-hour day is Sarah Mackenzie’s Teaching From Rest. (afflink)
In it, she writes:
“Take a hard look at the 168 hours in your week. Now consider your non-negotiables: sleep, eat, shower, pray. Plug in meal preparation, rest and church on Sunday, and enough wind-down time at the end of each day to ensure a good night’s sleep. See what’s left? You don’t get any more than that, sister.”
Crap.
Although I know that’s true, I kind of hate it.
Because I always feel behind on something. And sometimes the things that fall off the to-do list are the BIG things.
Tuesday, my day started with pre-caffeine pajama toilet plunging. Guess what happened to Bible Study?
Wednesday my son’s window shattered before I had even gotten out of bed. So math was delayed by careful glass clean-up and multiple phone calls.
I can’t beat myself up about this. The window needs to get fixed; we need a car because not having one is keeping us from being able to fulfill commitments and get where we need to go, like … work.
So I don’t think my problem is priorities.
I don’t suspect yours is either, although I know a lot of you are in the same place as I am – always feeling behind – dealing with disappointment as another school year wraps up and you didn’t fit it all you wanted to.
It’s a terrible feeling – and the countdown clock has only gotten louder for me as my kids age and I’ve started to focus on the number of years before they leave home.
It’s all enough to paralyze me if I let it, and yet, I know I am trying. I know my heart is in the right place for these kids. I want to give them everything, it’s just that life keeps getting in the way.
Rhythm lost
Earlier this year we moved. It shifted everything.
I just realized this past week that I have yet to bake cookies in this house, and we’ve been here six months.
Is it any wonder, then, that school hasn’t yet found its rhythm?
And the harder I push, the harder I get push-back – not from my kids, necessarily, but from LIFE.
There is simply always something beeping, breaking, brewing or barfing (<— usually pets.)
We can’t ignore those things. What kind of parents are we if we teach our kids division, but neglect to buy groceries? Or if we drill them on capitals, but never take them to the dentist?
Any homeschool parent who has been at this for more than 15 minutes knows that home education is different. We’ve all heard that unlike school, homeschooling is a way of life.
But the standards and old rules are still deeply ingrained. Learning still looks like a kid with a pencil, even if that kid is perched in a tree.
Press pause
When I’m able to press pause, I remember that learning can look all kinds of ways, and can happen anywhere. I remember to look at my kids and see that they are healthy, happy, engaged, smart, funny …
But then I also remember I need to make a radiology appointment.
I feel a little frazzled most of the time lately, and I can point to the exact origin – GUILT. Guilt weighs on me so much that every few months I have to go to get my neck fixed. The diagnosis: “stress.”
It doesn’t help that in 2019, we have people bashing working homeschooling parents. What I see from the working homeschool parents I know is so much effort to get it right, to find a balance … to keep their kids first …
Slinging mud then is just a toxic smokescreen and P.S. I don’t often see dads criticized for working. Ahem.
Intention and effort
And so this is where I find myself, on a Wednesday, when I am writing a post instead of baking cookies; instead of teaching my kids Latin, instead of calling the radiologist:
I am doing the best I can.
I wish it was better and more, but I am working on that – not the better and more part, but the guilt part.
Because now I get to log off, and I get to be with my kids. And dragging residual guilt into our time together isn’t going to help anyone.
I bet you are doing your best too. Not THE BEST. (That’s fancy internet nonsense curated by people with more free time and less puking pets and exploding windows than you and me).
We are real parents, giving real effort, 24 hours a day.
I want to believe that intention and effort is enough here.
I’m sure that LOVE is. But as homeschooling parents, we need to show ourselves love too.
We know this is still a path less chosen. There will be plenty of people who will tell us that what we are endeavoring to do is too hard; that we aren’t capable; or that we aren’t doing it right.
When we add our own voice – the voice of guilt – on top of that, we’re dooming ourselves to failure, or at least to missing out on the beauty in the mess.
I wish I could tell us all that we are enough, and that when we look back, we’ll wish we spent all these hours worrying just enjoying our kids.
The very reason this is so hard in the moment is because we desperately want to get it right.
But then, doesn’t that prove that there is no one out there more perfect for the job?
How do you deal with homeschool guilt? Where are you finding beauty in the busyness of life?
Originally posted on May 29, 2019
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Balm to my soul. Thank you Mama for the reminder
Aww. I’m glad. <3
Kara’s latest post: Passions, Pressure, and Letting Our Kids Let Go
Gracias, me siento tan real, saludos desde México
Spot on! I am seriously considering homeschooling my son and this piece reflects one of my major concerns:what if I don’t have time to do everthing else (perfectly)? Bring on those exploding windows, I say!
Gracias nuevo amigo!
I completely agree. And I really struggle with “enough” especially as we isolate and I have an only child and can’t “outsource” anything social. Introvert problems.
I am starting a slow clap for you on this one, friend. Beautifully written. Perfectly said.
Shawna Wingert’s latest post: What I Learned When My Son Used A Wheel Chair
Thank you, sweet friend!
Thank you for writing! I’m an introverted homeschooling momma of five-under-ten…and life feels impossible sometimes! 😉
Loved this!
Thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement. As a grandmother raising a 7 year old, we “chose” homeschooling for her as the only option for a child grieving the loss of her mom. Others have questioned our ability and the necessity of homeschooling. I can say unequivocally it has been the right decision for our situation. Who can say it is the wrong approach? For those who “choose” to do so, way to go! It should always be whatever is best for your family. Plus, the amount of material covered or not is secondary to what is really learned…..love of God, family, neighbor…..the truly important things.
Those years with little ones are so physically intense. Lots of love to you!
Yes, to this guilt that never lets up, and the feeling I am never doing enough. So thank you so much for the encouraging words today!
Thank you so much for these wise words! I eat, sleep, and breathe guilt far too often. I love your phrase “my best, not THE best.”
Yes – two entirely different propositions! 😉
Kara’s latest post: Passions, Pressure, and Letting Our Kids Let Go
Homeschool does not mean that learning has to take place in the home. I ‘homeschool’ my grandson. A hike is a science lesson. A trip to the grocery store is math. A drive in the car is storytime (a history lesson) or he reads to me. When we get home he writes in a journal or works in a workbook while I unload groceries. Everytime something unexpected comes up it is an opportunity for problem solving. When people ask why he isn’t in school, no matter where we are, my grandson says, “I am in school right now. This is my classroom.”
It’s odd, but I was thinking of my years in public school last night and recalling that we never ever got through a textbook, actually about half way. There must have been a lot in each book that was never covered in our education. And we didn’t have the one-on-one help from the teachers that we needed. So, mom, stop feeling guilty. Your kiddos are getting a well rounded education.
Needed this today…thank you .
I second, Lauren! “Balm to my soul”, truly, is what this article is for the homeschool mama. I needed it so! I’m sending it to my sister right now! Thank you!❤️🙌🏼
I hear ya! I’m dealing with the same thing right now. When I feel guilt taking over and stealing all the good stuff from our homeschool, I try to take more walks, listen to good podcasts, re-listen to Teaching from Rest, and pull out a favorite board game or a read-aloud everyone will love for a good hard reset.
Celeste Orr’s latest post: “Homeschooling Like a Boss: Balance is a Myth, Relationships First, and more” with Kara Anderson
Hi friend! So excited to be part of your podcast today!
Kara’s latest post: Passions, Pressure, and Letting Our Kids Let Go
My Xmas tree is still up. Need I say more?
Ha! I hear you on that one.
THANK YOU!!! This morning my head has been processing how to fit the rest of “school” in for the year, but my heart has moved on from school for the year. Feeling guilty about not “finishing” is hard to get over, but this year just needs to be DONE!! Thanks for helping us not feel alone in our feelings!
Yes. Sometimes we’re just done before we’re done. I think it’s OK to move on. I think this is a listen to your heart thing for sure! <3
Kara’s latest post: Passions, Pressure, and Letting Our Kids Let Go
People are bashing working homeschooling parents? I didn’t know that was a thing. Well, that stinks:(
This was exactly what I needed. Thank you for sharing your heart and words.
Yes! It is so encouraging to hear that the struggle is real, no matter the differences. The timing of your post, for me, is perfect. God bless you.
Just put my kid to bed at 11:30 pm. Thanks for the encouragement—you’re blessing me today (or, uh, TONIGHT).
I feel you on that loss of rhythm. We also recently moved and it took nine months to find our groove again.
But, man, finding the groove was worth it because it releases the guilt! For example, we always have multiple books in the works, and one of them is always a long-form-fiction. When we finish it, we pick another, but that’s just it: WE *PICK* another–it doesn’t come from a curriculum list, so there’s no pressure to “finish”. It’s just, oh, we finished that one, so let’s pick another of the same genre. Much of our rhythm is like that. When we finish one science activity book, then we pick another (and cookbooks count as science!).
It’s not a magic fix–I still go to bed worrying about whether my pre-literate littles ought to be drilling sight words (and the answer is no)–but rhythm helps.
Oh! This is good to know. We’ve been here 6 months now and I am craving rhythm.
Kara’s latest post: Homeschooling like a boss …
Great post!! Thanks for sharing such a great informative post it really helpful and amazing so keep it up and all the best…Your posts are always easy to understand and Helpful…..
I can so relate to the sentiments you describe in this post! I feel like so much of our school year contains a constant battle between what I want to be doing (homeschool-wise and regular-life-wise) and the stuff that gets in the way of it all. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone in these feelings and happenings! Sending gratitude and a hug your way. <3
“I feel like so much of our school year contains a constant battle between what I want to be doing (homeschool-wise and regular-life-wise) and the stuff that gets in the way of it all.” <—- Yes! That's exactly it.
Kara’s latest post: Homeschooling like a boss …
So good! Thank you for posting this. I’m a working homeschool mom who also has a husband that’s gone 15+ hrs a day. Our life is a lot like walking on a tightrope. Always need to review and correct the balance between work and family and school – life. Guilt is a big problem.
I love your writing style, Biz Maven buddy! You are authentic and your children are blessed to have you teach them all about this crazy world. Thank you for your beautiful life. ~Gretty E.
“…always feeling behind – dealing with disappointment as another school year wraps up and you didn’t fit it all you wanted to.
It’s a terrible feeling – and the countdown clock has only gotten louder for me as my kids age and I’ve started to focus on the number of years before they leave home.”
IT’S LIKE YOU TOOK MY THOUGHTS RIGHT OUT OF MY MIND AND WROTE THEM FOR ME.
🙌🏻
Thank you for writing this. I completely relate and don’t feel so “alone” about it now.
“I wish I could tell us all that we are enough, and that when we look back, we’ll wish we spent all these hours worrying just enjoying our kids.” —-yes, I needed this reminder ❤️