Written by contributor Sarah Small of SmallWorld at Home
I have never, in a fit of the frustration that is unique to homeschooling moms, threatened to flag down the proverbial Big Yellow Bus.
But here is the flat-out honest truth: I have wondered every now and then if I should. My oldest son attended public school for kindergarten and first grades. As far as I know, he never desired for one second to go back. But there were times when he was in high school that I would think,
“Is this all going to work out right? What if we’ve messed up his whole life by homeschooling him?”
My daughter loved the Junie B. Jones and Ramona Quimby books. Most of the action in these series occurred at school. Such fun things happened there! Parties, plays, recess, glitter-laden Valentine’s cards. Walking home on tree-lined streets. Crossing the street with Henry Huggins. When she was nine, she saved up all her birthday money to buy a “Play School” kit, complete with name tags, report cards, and a chalkboard. Her dolls and younger brother would be her classroom, and I must say she was a natural teacher.
Sometimes I used to think, “This little girl would love to be in school.”
She’s in middle school now, and again, many of the books she reads and movies she watches take place in a school setting. She knows that kids in public school don’t randomly break out in song a la High School Musical. But every once in a while, she’ll say, “I think it would be fun to be around a bunch of people every day.”
And again, I wonder, “Are we on the right track?”
And then there is my youngest son, who is ten. I would be surprised if he has ever had a yearning to go to public school. For him that would mean giving up climbing trees in the middle of the morning, hopping on his bike at lunch break, and munching a snack while doing math.
But in public school, he would be the leader of the pack—the social pack, that is. He would be friends with everyone, and the teachers would roll their eyes and excuse his talking in class because he’s so darned likable. He’d be the prom king and the boy every girl wants to date. Every now and then, the thought crosses my mind:
“Is he missing some calling in life by not being in public school?”
I will admit to having these kinds of thoughts throughout these 11 years of educating my children at home.
Don’t we all wonder, every now and then, if they are missing out on something? It doesn’t take much for me to snap out of the “missing out” funk. We can watch the nightly news or peruse a few blogs to read stories about public education that make our toes curl. Hearing stories of abuse in my own area school system is certainly like throwing a bucket of cold water over my head.
But truly, it’s the positive results of homeschooling that convince me much more than the negative reports of what’s going on in public schools.
I have the benefit of seeing an outcome: my firstborn, my most experimented-upon guinea pig, is in college. Thriving in a college that is three hours away from home. I can tick off a list of all the things any parent wants:
- his grades are excellent
- he has self-initiative
- he has a good rapport with his professors
- he has friends
- he can navigate in a large city without getting lost much
- he seeks out cultural events
- he eats at least two meals each day
- he can do his own laundry.
Any parent would be satisfied with this outcome.
But the measure of success is so much more that what one sees on the outside.
Here’s the thing: He is embracing life.
He never learned that life is drudgery, that “school” is about waiting for the next Valentine’s Day party. He did not spend 12 years in monotonous routine dictated by the ticking of the clock and the buzzing of alarms.
He never learned that books make you sleepy and teachers are boring people, and that it’s always safest to fly beneath the radar. 
Photo by Princess K8 He has a deep love of learning. He never learned the art of regurgitation. He’s responsible, yet he has a heart of adventure. He’s willing to take risks, and he’s not worried about what people think. He’s unique and confident in his uniqueness. Because he grew up surrounded by unconditional love, he is emotionally secure.
Any fears that he would be labeled a weirdo because he was homeschooled are put to rest. No one cares; no one asks. And as much as he loves college, he enjoys being home with us, as well.
My husband and I have remarked to each other several times that, had we met our son in college, he would be one of our best friends. We would want to hang out with him. And what’s really awesome? He would want to hang out with us, too.
That bus can just keep passing us by. Whatever doubts I have now and then dissipate when I take but one minute to reflect on what really matters.
No regrets.
Thanks so much for this article. It was an encouragment to me as I am taking two of my kids out of school (we have done both public and private). Sometimes I get down on myself and my kids. None of us are high achievers when it comes to school. Yes, two of my kids are good students and get all A’s. I’m not sure if I really value this! My sister just called to me that her second child (as was her first child) was just admitted to one of the best HIGH SCHOOLS in the country. It’s grades, test scores, and interviews that got him one of the coveted spots. I’ll admit, I had a pang. It hurt when she told me. I felt disappointed in our lack of accomplishments. My kids are not on that road of “success” or “achievement”. They really won’t be now that I’ll be homeschooling them. In my heart, I just want them to find their God-given gift and go with it. I want them to love Jesus, and to walk humbly before Him. I want them to be men of integrity. But in weak moments (as when my sister called), I doubt myself, and I wish I had chosen the path of academic excellence and high academic achievement. I’m struggling and I’m not so sure I’ve made the best decisions for my kids. Thanks for sharing what matters. It encourages me!
I am so happy that I have stumbled upon this blog! ! We are struggling with the idea of homeschooling our 8yr 2nd grade graduate. Every point you talked about is my fear. She’s an A student, class social butterfly that all of the teachers and students rave about. I fear her personality changing or her becoming depressed by not having friends around. Then I know that her anxiety levels during times when inclement weather causes lessons to get behind which means being rushed to leatn or memorize just to pass the tests.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and journey.
Love this
I could second what you already know… I’m a successful homeschool graduate (I did grades 1-12 at home) and now I’m preparing to start homeschooling my oldest (grade 1). She’s very social and she did Kindergarten at school, so I admit that sometimes I think maybe she’d have more fun at school… but school isn’t just supposed to be fun. I want her develop that love of learning that you talk about, and I also want to encourage her curiosity and develop skills that I know I learned as a homeschooler that my school friends didn’t (self-discipline, housework, baking, cooking, etc). Thanks for sharing!
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Hi.
I love your blog. You must be thinking what I am thinking. yesterday I was on fb and a friend posted their child finishing up valentines day things. I am not a huge valentines day advocate. I would rather not celebrate it, but I do not judge others for enjoying it. Just not my cup of tea. What I did not like is how you stated, waiting for that valentines day party. I could stand the emphasis on Valentines day. Its all fine and dandy to have fun, but jeez let up on it a little. Not only are they waiting for that one event, they are all learning that we all must get valetines from people we like, and the anxiety build up. What if you are forgotten. Anyways I also remember the anticipation for the 100 days of school. I love celebrations but it was like the one thing to look forward to And schools are limited but I am glad I took that big leap of faith and started homeschooling. It was a lot of anxiety and I realized now looking at my daughter, yes she misses having friends but she is so happy.
Its not easy but its fulfilling. Its not in vain, not just doing something to do it.
So glad I came across this article! My eldest is 4, and while we have been loosely schooling at home, I feel like this is IT, as she would be going into preschool at a public school. I constantly wonder if we are doing the right thing. But then I remember how I felt about school… The things I learned and the things I didn’t. And the problems my husband had because he’s dyslexic, And it makes it easier.
As does your article! Thanks for the pep talk.
Thank you for this! I am about to start homeschooling my would be first grader. I must say that I was feeling the anxiety with the Back to School rush but after reading this piece, I feel more at peace. I know in my heart this is the right path for us, but my family has NOT been very supportive. Thank God my husband has been on track with homeschooling since we first discussed it. He has been my rock through this! 🙂
What a wonderful and encouraging post. My youngest starts Kindergarten this coming fall. He has Cystic Fibrosis and we’ve decided to homeschool him. The school near our home does NOT have a full-time nurse on staff and we are not comfortable with sending him into such an environment. Now our older kids (12 n 10) want to homeschooling with him this coming school year. They are not liking the new schools they had to start this year (we are a military family ). We are hoping to find what would work best for all of our children since most kids learn differently. This post has encouraged me to find what is best for my babies, wither it’s home, private or a different public school. Thanks. 🙂
Great post! I could have written the same thing. We have been homeschooling for 21 years, and as of May 2016, four of my five children will be college grads. My youngest is still at home for one more year. We started homeschooling when my oldest was 9 years old, and I had those same doubts and fears from time to time as the older kids were growing up. However, I have now seen them tackle college, and later the Army, overseas travel and humanitarian work, employment and self-employment, marriage… and like yours, they are leaders; they are well-liked and respected by peers as well as teachers, bosses, etc; they are responsible; they are adventurous; they are compassionate; they have their heads on straight; they love their parents and siblings. No regrets at all.
Anyone who has the least little worry needs to do just one thing: Read John Taylor Gatto’s excellent book, An Underground History of American Education…with a highlighter in hand. It is long…but SO worth every minute! Once you realize what school is REALLY all about at the root level, you will never, ever, EVER wonder again.
Thank you so much! We’re in our 3rd year of homeschooling with a 6th grader and a 3 year old. I have many years ahead!!
I’ve often had the thoughts you mentioned – will I mess them up? Is this right?
Thank you for sharing your heart.
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Wonderful post … especially the part about him being someone you would hang out with and vice versa. That’s really pretty great! In honesty, I definitely remember making mention of the yellow bus option on a few rough days early on. I’m now at this same stage of the journey that you were when you wrote this post and feel very much the same way:).
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