Never let your schooling interrupt your education.

At the heart of homeschooling

//  by 

At the heart of homeschooling

Written by Jena Borah of Yarns of the Heart

When we began homeschooling,  I was very idealistic. My kids were going to enjoy their childhood, nurture their love of learning, and be free from school stress. They would grow up to be emotionally healthy adults with every chance to succeed.

Then we hit the first roadblock: ME. Having little children at home 24/7 was exhausting. Realizing their educational future rested on my shoulders was terrifying. Accepting the full responsibility of their emotional development was crushing. At least parents who send their kids to school have someone to blame if things go wrong.

Let’s face it, homeschooling is not for cowards.

My husband came to the rescue many times. He took the kids to the park, the pool, or the grocery store, giving me a break and time to reflect.  I’d grab my favorite books and my journal and work through my fears.

I came to realize this central truth: If our homeschool has any hope for success, I must maintain my heart for my children.

What Does it Mean to Have a Heart for My Child?

Photo by Duska Cornwell

1. Unconditional Love

He is a child who is emotionally vulnerable, and I am the parent, laying the foundation of self acceptance and emotional health that will last his lifetime.

My love does not depend on how well he behaves. He can kick and bite me, but I will not withhold my love from him.  I will always be there with a hug, a kiss, and kind words.

I must never forget that I am not only parenting him right now; I am also parenting the next several generations. What my child learns from me will continue to my grandchildren and my great-grandchildren.

2. Sacrificial Giving

I don’t always want to sit in the car for two hours while my child is at a rehearsal, or pay big bucks and drive an hour every week to provide lessons, but it doesn’t matter what I want. This is my child’s future. This is my window in time to give her what she needs to find her path.

3. Unwavering Confidence

I believe in my child’s worth and potential, no matter what.

I must remember to speak words of confidence in him and belief in his bright future. Every night for many years I would kiss my children goodnight and say, “You are a treasure and a blessing from God.”

A View from Down the Road

Photo by Jena Borah

My children are not grown yet, but my oldest is in college and gives me hope that my idea of “maintaining your heart for your child” is on the right track.  He believes parents are the key to successful kids. Among the people he knows at college, only a handful are confident and positive about life. Being smart is secondary. All his friends are smart, but few are emotionally strong. Of course, I had tears in my eyes as he said these things.

My next child turns 18 soon. I think her Terrible Twos lasted 12 years, then flared up again around age 15. But I tried to keep my head and maintain my unconditional love, sacrificial giving and unwavering confidence in her. Today she is self-controlled, competent and confident, and we enjoy a close relationship. She’s excited about college and ready to move into adulthood.

My third child just turned 16, and I am still thick in the battle for my mind and attitude sometimes. But our foundation of deep love and respect has made these teenage years not as difficult as they could be.

Let’s be realistic–even parents who do “everything right” can have a child turn away and follow a destructive path.

We can’t guarantee our kids will turn out okay. All we can do is control our own behavior, living a life of no regrets–full of love and hope for the little ones in our home.

In case you’re wondering, here are the books I relied on:

Now I’d love to hear how you maintain your heart for your child.

Originally published on February 19, 2010

About Jena Borah

Jena Borah homeschooled her three children all the way to college. One of the original contributing writers to Simple Homeschool, she encouraged us all with her interest-led philosophy.

Read all her inspiring SH articles here.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Embejo

    I can’t say how much I am enjoying this blog. It’s provided much needed encouragement and has come at just the right time….I’m home schooling our children. We have one daughter 7, and three sons 5, 2 and 1 month.

  3. Emily

    I’ve really enjoyed this site! Over the past week, I’ve found myself coming here daily for a dose of wisdom concerning homeschooling and mothering in general! Thank you for your encouragement today. I find myself feeling overwhelmed by the end of the day and realize that’s just when I need a little time to myself. When i get this balance, I find I have so much more patience and energy to pour into my kids! I’ve just started homeschooling…my oldest will be ready for “kindergarten” in the fall.

  4. Aimee

    this was beautiful and encouraging…thank you so much for sharing and inspiring me to remember that the relationship is the most important thing….a POSITIVE and RESPECTFUL relationship. I’ll read this again and again.
    .-= Aimee’s last blog: Multiply Your Love =-.

  5. Prairie Chick

    Thank you so much for this post. It went right to my heart and made me breathe a big breath of… I don’t know what exactly, but it made me breathe. In this rat race world where people are running in every direction I just sit here with a dazed expression on my face and wonder if we are extreme, this pulling back, this drawing together, this taking time, lots of time, to just be, and learn, and laugh together. But no. There is a still small voice within that says I will have no regrets. That years down the road when each one of us are pursuing our individual paths, we will bless the ties that bind, and we will be the richer because of it. I deeply enjoyed this post.
    .-= Prairie Chick’s last blog: The Peasant Princess Project, Part VII =-.

  6. Donna

    You are right on here. No matter how hard it may be at times, these are the things that are most important and that will get you through. Thanks for the reminder!

  7. Stephani

    Thank you for this inspiration. I printed a copy of this article right a way so that I could read it over and over again. With so much in life going on we sometimes forget what is the most important….

  11. Kara

    “All we can do is control our own behavior, living a life of no regrets–full of love and hope for the little ones in our home.” – yes! yes! YES!

    Thank you for this beautiful post and for opening up your heart as an experienced homeschooling mom … it is nice to hear the thoughts from someone further along in the journey than I am. Our oldest is in 2nd grade this year, but I know that the teen years will be here before I know it.

    Wonderful post!
    .-= Kara’s last blog: Today on Simple Homeschool: At the Heart of Homeschooling =-.

  12. Kika

    This is my ninth ‘official’ year of homeschooling and I continue to learn and improve (I believe and thank goodness). One of the biggest challenges for me at this current season of life is giving more selflessly. My kids are branching out and we already volunteer lots so its a busy time but when I start to feel grouchy about this I am quicker to recall that as a parent we are called to be selfless… not let ourselves fall apart, of course… but I am learning to give more of myself when I’d rather not, to cheer on my son at basketball even though a few quiet hours at home would feel nicer to me, etc. At 38ys old sometimes I realize I am just like a toddler – determined to get my own way, or else:) Growth is so good. What a joy to know that I will never stop growing even as I encourage and facilitate growth in my children.

  14. Jessica

    Thank you, for this article. I find myelf trying to keep my sanity on a daily basis with my three young children whose ages are 5, 4 and 1. My oldest seems like she’s 5 going on 16! It’s hard sometimes to remember to celebrate and embrace your kids when your overwhelmed by temper tantrums and attitudes. I love my children with all my heart, and I need to try harder to make sure they know that. Thank’s for the reminder.

  16. Leslie

    “Having little children at home 24/7 was exhausting. Realizing their educational future rested on my shoulders was terrifying. Accepting the full responsibility of their emotional development was crushing.” um, this is me exactly right now. Thank you for this timely post. Especially coming from a mom whose children are close to grown, it’s great to hear your advice and perspective.
    .-= Leslie’s last blog: Some Thoughts on Behavior =-.

  18. Jena

    Hi Everyone! Thanks so much for all the wonderful comments. Living through the early years of parenting and homeschooling can feel overwhelming, even hopeless. So I am overjoyed that my journey is giving a little help. It’s easy to get bogged down on all the little details and the millions of things that need to get done, but if we can boil it down to what’s really important, we won’t lose our way. That’s what kept me afloat, and I’m thankful to have the opportunity to talk about here on Simple Homeschool!

    And by the way, I LOVE to answer questions, so feel free to ask here in the comments or at my blog.
    .-= Jena’s last blog: My First Post on SimpleHomeschool.net =-.

  19. Vanessa

    “All we can do is control our own behavior, living a life of no regrets–full of love and hope for the little ones in our home.”

    I love this statement so much, I think it is going on the refrigerator for awhile! I do not homeschool, but we do like to live simply and close. Thanks for the great words of encouragement and inspiration.

  21. Vina

    I’m so thankful for the honesty about homeschooling, as someone who is looking into it absolutely terrified.

  22. Jenn @ Beautiful Calling

    The timing of this new blog couldn’t have been better, I feel as if the Lord orchestrated it just for me!
    I am so clueless about homeschooling though we aren’t “officially” starting until September we are practicing right now 🙂

    I love that homeschooling isn’t simply about numbers and memorizing facts, as I am slowly learning!
    .-= Jenn @ Beautiful Calling’s last blog: Feeling Munchy? Home Made Potato Chips =-.

  23. Jennifer Jo

    I think it DOES matter what we (the homeschool parents) want. I don’t give up my wants for my children’s interests, but I do work hard so that our wants line-up—our interests have to mesh and blend together. So even though I might not always WANT to spend all my days hanging out with my kids, I do, overall, WANT to be with my kids. Does that make sense? (It’s like love—it’s not always a feeling.)
    .-= Jennifer Jo’s last blog: The morning after =-.

    • Ellen

      Nice to see this. I want to be with my kids, and I want to enjoy these days, and mostly I do. But we have to balance everyone’s needs and desires. Sometimes I feel like homeschool moms talk so much about sacrificing for our kids that it feels like if you’re not doing that as much as humanly possible, you need to step up your game. It’s kind of overwhelming.

  24. Stefani

    This is perfect in every single way – so simple and so richly true. I might just have to print it out and read it over and again at the start of each day! Thank you for sharing your heat with us Jena!

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