A note from Jamie: I’ve been thinking about this post lately while riding the waves of sibling rivalry. Can you relate? For many of us, the hope of close sibling relationships is one of our reasons for homeschooling. These words from Stefani remind us why. This post originally published on May 5, 2010.
One for all and all for one!
That was the solemn promise of the Three Musketeers.
It’s the unofficial motto of Switzerland.
It is also one of the driving ideals behind many homeschooling families’ decision to learn at home.
Homeschooling is a promise that we, as a family, are in this thing together–all of us championing each individual, and each individual giving his best for the family.
Each day of living and working alongside each other in a home learning environment, our children are learning to empathize, to celebrate the achievements of others, to respectfully disagree, to encourage, sacrifice, and lead. Beyond academics–they are also learning how to be parents, spouses, professionals and citizens.
Let’s face it though, when we are educating children of different ages, personalities, needs and goals, we often find ourselves running in six directions at once–a far cry from the unity-building that we dreamed of.
So how can we honor the individuality of our children and at the same time foster family togetherness?
It helps to be intentional about creating an atmosphere of brotherhood. In the same way that we surround ourselves with good books that inspire a love of reading, we set out to create an environment that is rich in opportunities to grow loving relationships.
Here are some of the ways that we make family unity a core subject in our homeschool.
Party Down
We celebrate each other’s accomplishments. When one of our boys has mastered his “times 3” facts, added a new specimen to his beetle collection, or learned all the letters in the alphabet, we are quick to honor the occasion with a special meal, a kitchen dance party, or a construction paper card.
The lesson: A brother’s victory is a victory for us all.
Edify
We catch each other when we fall. When a music performance doesn’t go particularly well, an experiment goes awry or a “contraption” doesn’t work as intended, we help our boys to find real, concrete ways to help their brothers get back up and press on.
The lesson: A brother’s defeat is a call for reinforcements.
Show and Tell
We talk to each other about our goals and ideas, and we involve each other in our efforts. Even our littlest family member learned early on that a brother is a powerful ally in learning endeavors.
When he began learning to read he would say, “Brothers I’m going to try to read now, come and watch me!” The older boys listened with baited breath while he sounded out “c-a-t…. caaaaaaat.” When he finally pronounced “cat” the room erupted with “You did it! That’s great! Do another one!”
The lesson: It is always easier to gather up the courage to tackle a difficult task when you know that your brothers are beside you.
Viva La Difference
When our oldest boy has a karate belt test, we are all there to grip our seats and will him through it, even though none of us understands a word of korean or knows if he’s doing his moves correctly.
The lesson: I care about what you care about because I care about YOU.
Put Your Backs Into It
We work toward common goals. Plant a small garden together. Work together to put on a variety show for family or friends. Tape up a big piece of paper and, together, draw a new world. Put on gloves, grab some trash bags, and clean up a favorite hiking trail or park.
The lesson: We are strong as individuals, but we are unstoppable as a team.
Practice Trickle Down Education
Often, as a homeschooling mom, I feel like the full weight of my children’s education rests squarely on my shoulders, when in truth I have strong young men to help me bear the load. Once a child learns a new task or idea, we encourage him to share it with his brothers.
An older boy can read to a younger one. He can teach his little brother to set the table, count by fives or play chopsticks on the piano, and in doing so he comes to understand that his knowledge holds real value not only for himself, but for his family.
The lesson: Each new bit of wisdom gained is a treasure to share.
Cherish
My older boys are having a blast reliving some of their greatest hits in homeschooling through my youngest. They love seeing their old easy reader books come out again. I often hear, “Oh I remember that one! I loved that one!”
They reminded me when our youngest was learning the letter B that it was time to make butter again, just as they had done at his age. We put cream in jar and shake it in a B shape while singing, “B is for b b b butter!”
When we are working together to help our youngest learn something new, my older boys are learning that childhood is precious, short and worth cherishing. They are learning that having a younger person around is a real gift!
The lesson: Our siblings multiply our opportunities to savor the best parts of growing up.
“Help your brother’s boat across, and your own will also reach the shore.” ~ Hindu Proverb
How do your foster strong sibling relationships in your homeschool environment?
I echo everyone in saying…wonderful post! I love this blog because the ideas are concrete, but not complicated! Truly simple homeschooling. Thanks for reminding us about one of the most important things we can teach our children, it is easy to forget!
.-= Paula@Motherhood Outloud’s last blog: School, Intentionally =-.
I loved this post and agree with every bit of it. I love the “life lessons” summing up each point. My three boys are each other’ best friends and my heart melts when I see them loving, caring for, and encouraging each other. If the past 10 months has been any indication, our daughter will be just as loved and cared for as well. I may link your post to my blog if you don’t mind?!
Stefani – your words are inspiring. Although my boys were never homeschooled and 2 of the 3 are out of high school I treasure the photos and the lessons you have showed about how a family can learn and treasure what makes even the most trivial of things a celebrated event. I can also relate to it as the oldest daughter of three girls. As we have gotten older my sisters have been my rock and they are a beautiful reflection of who I want to be… I want that for my boys as well. Thank you for your post. :0)
Hi Stefani, I miss your posts, I keep checking Blue Yonder for new ones. Will you be back there?
Love this post. I needed this reminder to stay positive and work through the kids arguments with them. And I realize now, my tone has been all wrong when convincing the girls they need to come to their brothers baseball games lately. Instead of bringing up that he had to go to their dance/gymnastics meet/whatever girly thing, so they have to go to his game, I should be telling them how much our support means and encouraging a positive lets have fun and get excited feeling.
Thanks
Thanks for this awesome post! You have such a way with words and present it in a way we can remember it. I’ve written about sibling rivalry on my blog too, but not in the way you have addressed it. Love the pictures too 🙂
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Beautiful post! We strongly desire this oneness. Not all days meet our goal but this is encouraging to read and gather the vision again.
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I’ve found that traveling together also helps us form strong family bonds. We are all together for two or three weeks and build many, many memories that we share often with each other.
Love this post! My girls (3 and 5) are best of friends and truly love and care for each other. I feel so lucky. However for the first time, we are seeing the seeds of rivalry with the oldest. My youngest is learning a bit faster than my oldest did and since there is only 20 mths between them, it often means that they are learning similar material. Thats hard for the oldest whose always viewed her sister as little. We try never to compare and to celebrate each one’s victories and accomplisments individually. So far, we’ve managed. If their learning patterns continue in this way, I hope that we can continue to foster both of them in a way that keeps their relationship strong.
11 year old and 8 year old brother and sister: He can do things much faster and efficiently than her sister because he is older.
How do I help them play as a team?
My boys are 10, 8 and 5 and I have a 2 year old daughter who is the apple of her brothers’ eyes. We don’t homeschool yet (will be homeschooling my youngest son starting in the fall), so summers are very important to us. People often ask, “What do you do with 4 kids all summer?” and I say, “Nothing!”. What I mean by that is we don’t do structured sports, activities or camps in the summer. My kids spend enough time apart during the school year…summers are when we can all be together every day.
Those are great ideas. It’s hard not to wish that my parents had done a better job of fostering the relationships among their kids.
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beautiful post – I am about to start homeschooling my 5 year boy old this fall and will have my 2 year old boy along for the ride.
Great article! Thanks for posting!
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Some time ago, I did need to buy a house for my firm but I did not have enough cash and could not buy anything. Thank goodness my brother proposed to try to get the loans from trustworthy bank. Therefore, I did so and was happy with my car loan.
It is a good article also check this link: http://www.indiaparenting.com/raising-children/131_6586/tips-to-strengthen-sibling-relationships.html