Jamie Martin, editor of Simple Homeschool, also blogs about motherhood at Steady Mom
“Once upon a time, there were four girls, who had enough to eat and drink and wear, a good many comforts and pleasures, kind friends and parents, who loved them dearly, and yet they were not contented.” – From a story Marmee told her daughters about some “girls” she once knew
Last autumn I decided to return for the first time in two decades to a book I once loved: Little Women. I have fond memories of Meg, Beth, Amy, and the sister I identified most with, Jo.
As a teen the hopes and ambitions of these young women captured my imagination. How would life turn out for them? Would they find the men of their dreams? Would Laurie end up with Jo? I had my eye on a certain boy at the time myself (he’s now my husband ;)) and the girls’ romantic notions fit my own.
Reading the novel as a 36-year-old, however, was a new experience. This time my focus turned toward the awe-inspiring mother, Marmee. After all, I’m in the midst of raising my brood just as she did.
Her four daughters had vastly different opinions in almost every area of life, but they agreed on one thing–their love and near adoration for their mother:
“Glad to find you so merry, my girls,” said a cheery voice at the door, and actors and audience turned to welcome a tall, motherly lady, with a “can-I-help-you” look about her which was truly delightful.”
I aspire to this same level of love and friendship, admiration and respect with my children as they mature. How did Marmee manage to keep her children’s hearts during their adolescence, and how can we adapt her strategies to our 21st century lives?
Here are my takeaways:
1. Nurture by nature.
“Beth was too bashful to go to school; it had been tried, but she suffered so much that it was given up, and she did her lessons at home, with her father.”
Marmee treated each of her girls as individuals. She let them develop according to their own gifts and inclinations–instead of trying to fit them into a box of “proper” societal expectations.
Painfully shy Beth was allowed to homeschool because she couldn’t bear to be around so many others. Socialite Amy, on the other hand, adored and enjoyed school until a misunderstanding led to her learning at home as well.
It wasn’t that Marmee didn’t have high hopes for her children–she did. But her goals for them centered mainly on character development.
She knew her daughters could reach those goals and retain their originality at the same time. There wasn’t the fretting over who they weren’t as much as there was the celebrating of who they were.
Can we do the same?
2. Allow the gift of childhood.
“Yes, Jo, your little friend is very welcome, and I hope Meg will remember that children should be children as long as they can.”
The March sisters spent hours creating and performing plays, writing and reading aloud their own family newspaper, and spending time outside.
Even as teenagers Marmee encouraged their play. There was no shuffling them out to lessons multiple times a week, no hyperscheduling involved.
How can we translate this into our modern lives? We apply it to the boundaries we develop–around screen time, extracurriculars, and our general pace as a family.
Modern life may rush at a certain speed, but we direct the tempo within our home–fast or slow. By embracing a steady rhythm, we provide our kids time for relationships within our walls to deepen and time for imagination to take root.
3. Model the qualities we hope to cultivate.
“I am angry nearly every day of my life, Jo; but I have learned not to show it; and I still hope to learn not to feel it, though it may take me another forty years to do so.”
Marmee refrained from too much lecturing. She chose her words and her timing well, and she modeled how she wanted her girls to live. Though their own family struggled financially, Marmee served her community and provided opportunities for her daughters to do the same.
She shared her flaws–confiding in impetuous Jo about her own flares of temper that she’d learned to control through discipline, help from her husband, and prayer.
To encourage their love for and study of Scripture, Marmee inspired her girls with the gift of a beautiful Bible on their pillows Christmas morning. Love, not fear, made her daughters want to follow in their mother’s footsteps.
Winona Ryder as Jo–accepting Professor Bhaer’s proposal
The March household centered around the relationships within it, tight-knit bonds woven by a woman constantly checking the pulse of the atmosphere within her home. She began this culture when they were little, and her girls enjoyed it enough to keep it as they got older.
Marmee reaped exactly what she sowed, and so will we.
The question we need to ask ourselves is this: Are we planting and nurturing the seeds that will lead to the harvest we hope for?
“Touched to the heart, Mrs. March could only stretch out her arms, as if to gather children and grandchildren to herself, and say, with face and voice full of motherly love, gratitude, and humility, – ‘O, my girls, however long you may live, I never can wish you a greater happiness than this!'”
Which March sister do you most identify with: Meg, Jo, Beth, or Amy?
Originally published on January 21, 2013.
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I think I’ve always identified the most closely with Meg – maybe because I’m also the oldest of four children! Enjoyed the lessons you shared in this post!!
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I have never read the book 🙁 but my 3 daughters LOVE it, and I love this post! Great examples and tips to incorporate into my life as a mom!
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I’ll admit, I’ve never read it! It’s on my list now. I am in my 3rd reading (in a row…don’t want to miss a single detail) of “Leadership Education” by Oliver and Rachel DeMille. I now understand how important it is to go back and read the classics I missed, and to continue my own education, for my own sake and for the education of my children. I think I’m going to love “Little Women”.
Yes, Lori! You really will love it.
Jamie~Simple Homeschool’s latest post: On raising Little Women (or men): What we can learn from Marmee
Loved this post!! Thanks for sharing!
What wonderful quotes from the book. I especially liked that anger one. I’ve always enjoyed the movie, but now I think it’s time I read the book!
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What a perfect timing – I started re-reading “Betty und ihre Schwestern” as it is called in german three days ago .It was my absolute favourite when I was , I think, fourteen.
After your beautiful post I hardly can’t wait for the evening to come to make a cup of tea and enjoy the story once more from a different perpective. Thank you!
i used to swear that i was a “jo” in my youth but in reality i have come to accept i am a “meg.” i love being at home and taking care of my girls. i spend much of my time reading and brainstorming on how all of us in our home can create habits of growth spiritually, physically and mentally. i think this post is genius!
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Little Women was my absolute favorite book in the 8th grade. I remember checking that “huge” book out the library often! I named my eldest daughter Josephine (my own Jo!) after Jo March. It is a name I have always loved because I loved the qualities in that character. I have not read that book in soooo long. I think I may pick it up again after all these year…….nice post! 🙂
I’m so happy to find all these other LW fans out there!
My favorite book of all time! I have yet to read it as a mother though (my oldest is 3.5) Now I’ll have to! 🙂 thanks for the post.
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In high school i tried out for the part of jo but a loving director pulled me aside before the cast list was posted and told me that i was going to be marmee and that although many fail to reckognize it she is the true heart of the story. At first i thought she was just trying to make me feel better but the deeper i got into the story the more i knew she was right. This ended up being my favorite role and show and the one that has always stuck with me.
Thank you for this post
What a lovely little article thanks for sharing:)
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My grandmother sent me a copy of Little Women when I was in second grade. I think I’ve read it a dozen times. I love your perspective and now I think it’s time to read it again!
I just read this book in the week between Christmas and New Year! I love that I am a Jo – fierce, stubborn, fun and full of dreams and stories – I cried as I read Marmee’s advice and guidance to Jo, feeling as if she were talking to me. What a great book! I have Good Wives to dig into next 🙂
This was my favorite book growing up. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve read it. Twenty? Thirty? Somewhere in that range, and I’ve seen the 90s version of the movie as many times. I don’t have daughters, only sons, but my older son has read the book because we had it sitting around the house.
I think I most closely identified with Meg. But I most wanted to be like Jo.
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Oh, we love that movie at our house! My daughters and I watch it every year during Christmas time. Even though it isn’t *really* a Christmas movie, it just makes our holiday more special.
I definitely identified with impetuous, tomboy, bookworm Jo…..with a side of shy, musical Beth. As an adult, I have a tendency to read Gone with the Wind every couple of years……but always have to follow it with a “Little Women” chaser. And once I read LW, I have to read “Little Men” and “Jo’s Boys” too! I think if I re-read it right now, I’d identify very much with Meg’s trials as a new wife: cooking, cleaning, raising children, being a wife, being hospitable, and budgeting.
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I was a HUGE L.M. Alcott fan growing up. I devoured her books. I always identified with Jo. I always thought I “should” identify with Meg as I was the oldest of 4 children myself. Now I have my own 3 little girls (would love a 4th). I hadn’t thought to reread it since I’ve had my girls but I think I must. It will be interesting to read it from Marmee’s perspective.
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This was one of the books I read out loud with my mother. I always identified with Jo and still do as an adult. I can’t wait until my daughter and my son are old enough to sit and read this out loud with me.
I really love this post. Beautiful.
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I loved Beth the most, but I was most like Jo….and I am still mad she didn’t marry Laurie! = )
Anyhow, I was amazed when reading it as an adult how different it was. I did relate to Marmee more and the marriage advice was incredible.
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I just re-read LW for the first time in years this past autumn, too, and experienced the exact same thoughts about Marmee. Marmee is definitely my literary mother-heroine. I would love to mother my girls in the same way she mothered hers…and I hope and pray my girls will love me as hers love her.
I have always identified most with Beth. And I cry like a baby every time I watch the movie or read the book. It’s one of my favorites.
I identified most with Jo growing up, and probably still do now. I’ll be checking this book out on our trip to the library tomorrow. I burst into tears reading #2. It was something that I always longed for as a child and then teenager. I’m learning to play now through my kids!
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Love Little Women, but it has been years! I should put it up for a reread. I do love rereading classics because, like you, I glean such an entire different experience reading them as an adult, a mom, and a homeschooler! Thanks for these lessons. So good!
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Jaime, Louisa May Alcott is a treasure trove of wonderful wisdom. The old-fashioned girl, eight cousins, rose in bloom are also wonderful reads. I read all three last year and love them!
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I must confess: I tried reading this book as an adult and couldn’t get more than a few chapters in. I think it was something that I needed to read as a kid and I have long since missed my window. I found the tone of the book to be sanctimonious and overbearing. I couldn’t draw any kind of inspiration from Marmee because I found her to be far too cloyingly perfect. I *want* to like the book–everyone does!–but I just can’t.
Try reading “March” by Geraldine Brooks next. It’s novel from Mr. March’s perspective and is an excellent counterpoint to the original “Little Women”
One of the best books written. 🙂 I haven’t re-read it since I became a parent but now I see I will have to! Thank you for sharing, LOVE this post! 🙂
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I loved Little Women when I was 12, and your post has inspired me to re-read it. It might just be the next read aloud I share with my little women. Oh, and to answer your question: I am a total Beth!
so beautiful. and really where my heart is at these days as I parent my own young adult.
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I read this book a couple of years ago, and actually read the whole huge thing, which I never had before. God used it to nudge my heart to write fiction. So many wonderful lessons can be learned through the trials and misadventures of the girls, while the reader learns from the wisdom and experience of Marmee’s gentle voice. I loved it. Thank you for writing about the classics!
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I’ve always loved Little Women, but reading it after becoming a mother, I appreciate it even more. Can’t tell you how many times I got teary-eyed re-reading it! What a lovely post. I’ve always loved Marmee and my own mother actually chose “Marmee” as the name my kids call her instead of Grandma, since she loves Little Women as much as I do. I think I’m a mixture of Jo and Amy. I’d like to think I’m all Jo, but silly, selfish Amy often rears her head 🙂 (Not that Amy’s all bad, by any means!) Thanks for this delightful read.
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thanks for this! how inspiring to think of taking the “pulse” of my home. i notice myself doing that as i slow down to enjoy my children & what we’re doing here at home, largely at your encouragement, jamie!
thank you for staying true to your heart’s calling.
love it.
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I read a great biography of Louisa May Alcott last year, Louisa May Alcott : the woman behind Little women by Harriet Reisen, which you might enjoy. It was so eye-opening to me about how difficult it was to live and mother at that time, and how Louisa’s mother kept their family together through so much suffering. It raised my impression of Marmee even more!
I’ve also read parts of Louisa’s published journal, and it was fascinating!
I’m definitely a Jo. I reread this book every few years – so near and dear to my heart
but I haven’t read it since becoming a Marmee myself (digs through books to find it)
I read it so long ago I can’t remember! Great post – it’s inspiring me to reread it.
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I can remember reading this book in the third grade – because I got busted by my teacher for reading it under the desk while she was teaching! I was (and am) a serious bookworm! I always loved Jo when I was a girl – although in reality I was as painfully shy as Beth. This past fall I read it again and was struck by the amazing life lessons it taught. Marmee’s marital advice to Meg when she and her husband were struggling with raising the twins is still so applicable. When I got to the end of the book where they are all at a picnic at Jo’s school I burst into tears (mind you, I was listening to an audio-book at work!). God has recently opened my heart to adoption and foster care, and I hope I can be as loving and open and willing to take in the kids that come my way as Jo was!
Since I have a boy, you inspired me to pick up Little Men and it’s every bit as inspiring in how they raise all those boys! Thanks for reminding me of these classics!
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I love Little Women. What a great blog post! Makes me want to go read the book again and I’m sure at age 48 with 3 boys, I would see it differently than I did when I was a teen!
Anne
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What a delightful post, and what delightful followers you have. Such a peaceful place!
“…trying to be orderly and failing utterly. The Bhaers did their best to have lads behave well at meal times and generally succeeded pretty well, for their rules were few and sensible,… But there are times when hungry boys cannot be repressed without real cruelty, and Saturday evening, after a holiday, was one of those times.”
-Little Men Ms. Alcott has written the most edifying parenting manuals!
I am more like Meg or Beth. I have aspirations like Meg did. But I’m also a homebody like Beth. I am content with being at home and doing my work in silence. But of course that happens in a blue moon since I have a little man. Great perspective on how we can be like Marmee.
One of my favourite books and certainly my all-time favourite movie. I’m sure I have it memorized. As a young girl, I identified with Jo – headstrong, aspiring writer, dreamer, impetuous, hot-tempered (hangs head) – but as a mom of 5, I’ve read it as you have – gaining wisdom from marmee and hoping to be my children as she was. Thanks for a lovely post!
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Brillant!!!
Thank you for illuminating a favorite book and for your continued insights into the complex role of mothering. Becoming a mother brings so many gifts into one’s life, but it also challenges us to really look in the mirror….not at our reflection, but at our inner self. As I try to model certain behaviors for my children, I’m constantly challenged by my own issues and shortcomings….but like all mothers….I forge on! Thanks so much for your encouragements and insights.
I loved reading Little Women as a girl and even now, I read it every few years. I have had the same change of viewpoint as I now have my own 3 daughters. I, too, hope to be more like Marmee — what a great example she is to me now!
Love this post! A big part of what makes a book an enduring classic is the universal truth of human nature and the strong character qualities that make those stories really live beyond their time period. The fact that Marmee instills good Christian qualities in her girls by being a good example is what keeps me coming back to this book again and again. It’s been a long-time favorite, but I just recently re-read it with my oldest daughter (11) when we did a series on classic books for girls. I have always identified with Jo because I’m also a writer, but this time I actually found myself thinking about how I can be more like Marmee! I even wrote about it on my blog at the time. I’m raising 3 girls myself now and hoping to have this kind of success with them. Thanks for sharing your insight!
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I love this post so much. This is one of my favorite books. I read it over and over when I was young. You’ve pulled such great lessons from the story. I clearly need to go back and read this book again.
I LOVE Little Women, and I love rereading classics with my children, one of the treasures of homeschooling! I read them so differently as a parent. My husband might be a little tired of hearing me talk about how much I admire the parent in the Little House books (and others!)
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I read this book for the first time in 6th grade and have read it several times since then! I don’t know if I actually identify with her, but my favorite character is Jo, as well.
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Lovely!
I definitely identified with Jo. Amy was too prissy, Beth too angelic, and Meg too dull. But, of course, I still loved them all.
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A lovely post! Little Women has been one of the books of my heart since I was 9. I always identified with Jo when I was younger, but my recent read-through of the book again (with my daughter) made me realize how strongly I now identify with Marmee and how much she’s shaped my understanding of motherhood. I recently wrote about this for Literary Mama…if anyone is interested in reading my reflections on how parenthood changed my reading perspective, here’s the article link: http://www.literarymama.com/litreflections/archives/2013/12/marmee-through-the-window.html
This is lovely! As a big fan of Little Women, I just had to tell you how I appreciate it!
This is so nicely written. I was struck, too, when I came back to the story as an adult by how my opinion of Jo’s choice in husband changed. As a teenager I was shocked at her refusal of Laurie and her acceptance of that boring German professor. Laurie was so perfect! But as an adult revisiting the story, I saw more and understood more. I saw how Laurie wasn’t a good match for Jo in the way he was for Amy. Ah, maturity and insight.
Love this. I relate quite a bit to Jo. I am now also enjoying “Little Men” on netflix which is a continuation of “Little Women”
Wow, what great insights! I love the idea of our children as seeds. Little Women is my favorite book and now I am excited to read it from a mother’s perspective. Thank you!
“Marmee”, a biography of Abba Alcott by Sanford Salyer is a lovely read as well.
I loved Little Women when I was growing up, and always felt a little like Amy when I was younger. I really love the thoughts behind this, great post!
I identified with Jo the most, but also Beth in many ways. I was still distraught when I read it recently and she turned Laurie down. He may not have been right for Jo, but I did not feel he was the right person for Amy or she was for him! I loved the adult wisdom hidden in the book that I totally missed as a child. It is worth a re-read as an adult!
I just re-read this too and what a change from 14 to 34! Wasn’t Marmee wise? I wanted to fold over every other page to remember what to say for certain situations! She inspires me!
Jamie, this post was so meaningful to me and I wanted to take a moment to thank you for the thoughtful message that you shared. I was really struggling with my frustration and fatigue. My husband and I adopted our little ones this past year 9, 4, 4, and 6 months. My twins are both special needs and require great focus and patience, of which I was running in very short supply. I picked up Little Women the night of your post and began to read. (It is a very old copy from early 1900’s that I have never even opened) What a joy it was just to open the cover and smell the history of those pages. I very unexpectedly found peace in the words of Marmee and the young ladies. I was seeing real similarities between the joy of learning that Jo, Amy , Beth and Meg had to that of my own kiddos. I was also comforted by the challenges that each girl had to overcome, and with the support of the entire family they were able to carry on with confidence in knowing that they had an entire group of loving supporters to lift them up when they stumbled. Their flaws were ok to have and to share. That was my lesson learned. Thank you again for being a constant inspiration during my journey. -Andi
I have never finished reading this book, but it’s definitely one that I should finish reading as an adult. I think I may enjoy it far more than I did when I tried to read it as a teenager.
Lovely article! We can indeed learn a lot from Marmee. I read the book as a child and have re-read it many times since.
I identified most with Beth, as I loved my home, and my dolls, and wasn’t too fond of large groups of people. LOL
By the sounds of it, I may be the only girl who ever read those books,and thought that Jo was right to refuse Laurie! I hated that so many people (with the exception of the wise Marmee) put pressure on her to make a choice she knew was wrong not just for her, but for Laurie as well. Mr. Bhaer was a much better match for her. 🙂
I was just going to post a “favorite literary mom” bit on FB and searched to see if there was anything on Marmee other than the actresses cast to play her ( I don’t think anyone has done her justice) when I came across this. Little Women is my favorite and most re-read book although I haven’t read it in years. I struggled with temper just as Jo did and always enjoyed writing…I even have a custom made Tshirt that says “genius burns,” a reference to Jo’s furious bouts of writing up in the garrett. Like everyone, my heart was broken for Laurie when Jo turned him down, but I knew she was right. And I loved Professor Baer and think the “under the umbrella” proposal one of the most sweetly romantic in all of literature. Thanks for all the good memories this piece evoked.
Thank you for this lovely post I grew up reading this Jem of a book , acting it out in appropriare artite of the time whi h we would make 😉 acting it all out even with my siblings and dear freinds , we even had our own version of The Pickwick Papers, and would verre off with our own characters and stories. We even did a whole book study every Wednesday on it with fellow Homeschooling familys.
I would have to say I am a mix of Beth -her empathy and kind heart and loves to care and serve. And her health struggles. And then Meg- for her motherly manner , but loves to socialize in proper functions and events And I love to bake and cook and host And take care if my dear hard working husband and four miracle babies. And a Touch of Jo, I love to write working on an allegory, love to let my creativity from God take flight , with a Touch of strong will ♡♡♡
I can’t wait to pick my copy up and re as it again now that I am older and raising my miracles , 2 little women 2 little men ♡♡♡ God Blends! !
My WEB link got all messed up so here lol and that is suppose to say God Bless ! But thanks to Auto Correct it all comes out hilarious
lol 😀 JoAnnaGlutenFreeChef
http://joannaorganicchefandhealthenthusiast.blogspot.com/
I could never decide if I was Jo, Meg, or Marmee when I was little. But when I read Little Men, and Jo’s Boys as an adult, I see that I am Jo. Like Jo, I grew from a lively “tomboy” into a nurturing mom and grandma. There are always children around me. My nieces and nephews loved spending weekends with our daughters, hubby and me. And now, the grandchildren and their cousins are here for many sleepovers. They ask to learn cooking, crafts, sewing, knitting, painting, origami, dance, cheerleading, and more. I will never be a lonely old woman. And, I love to show the children my original editions of Little Women and Jo’s Boys from 1886. Back then, the books cost $1.25 each. I don’t know which grandmother originally bought them, but they have been passed down through the family for generations.
Her character was definitely inspiring! We were thrilled to be able to tour Orchard House in September while vacationing from Texas. Understanding more about the real Alcotts and how their home life influenced her work, and the fact she didn’t even want to write Little Women was surprising! I’ve enjoyed a few autobiographies since our trip and that has all been eye-opening too! Her father Bronson had a strict schedule for their daily duties which began with a cold shower! Our homeschooled kids certainly didn’t want us to add that to our mornings!
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I love Jo. I loved her even more after reading Little Men. I identify with Jo, though I was Meg growing up, the oldest of four girls. Jo shares my heart and mind, my struggles and my love. (We are both foster/adopt moms too). But I would also like to be Marmee to my five kids – three of which are boys 😀 They are teens and we have a good relationship. I homeschool them, and that probably is a big part of it. Little Women has always been one of my favorite stories (including the movie with Susan Sarandon and Winona Ryder).
I loved this book as a child and am reading it to my 11-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter now. They’re both really enjoying it. My daughter Josie (a definite Jo!) even dressed up as Beth for favorite book character day at school. Thank you for sharing these lessons. I greatly admire Marmee as I read this book as an adult and mother.
Ohhhhhh, I’m a Jo. To the never ending frustration of my mother who wants me to be a Beth or even a Meg… she got me ???? I went on adventures and stubbornly fought to do things my own way. I didn’t marry right out of high school (like most from my hometown) but found a surprising spouse later on who is the best fit for me. I recently had a daughter and (apart from the initial freak out over WHAT to do with a girl after raising a very boyish boy), I realized that if Jo could handle a few girls in her school, I can do this ???? (but my husband wouldn’t let me name her Jo – probably for the best)
Love this, Naomi!!