How I taught my kids to clean so I could stop cleaning ~
Written by Jamie C. Martin, editor of Simple Homeschool
Lean in closer, let me share a secret:
I don’t clean too much anymore…and I love it.
Why am I whispering? Well, I guess it doesn’t feel proper for a busy homeschooling mama to admit something like this.
Prefer to listen to this post instead?
Over five years ago, while reading one of the books that has become a foundational part of our homeschool, Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning, I came across this quote:
“A significant part of Love of Learning Phase is to learn to work like an adult, thus many responsibilities can be given to Love of Learners. Still, Love of Learners need to be trained to do jobs well, so we recommend that Mom be released from any cleaning and instead be given a training and supervisory role only.” (page 121)
As my kids were ages five, four, and three at the time, I’m pretty sure I snorted at this impossible and lofty way-too-far-in-the-distance aim that seemed unlikely to ever appear on my messy home horizon.
But now Trishna is 11, Jonathan turns ten on Labor Day, and Elijah is nine. Life looks different around here–far from perfect, mind you–but definitely different. And one variation is the amount of time I spend cleaning.
Looking back, I can see we went through the following phases of cleaning to reach where we are now.
The Phases of Cleaning in the Martins’ Home
Phase I. Young kiddos = Parents clean alone
How long this phase lasted: 5+ years
Young children equal survival mode for parents, and cleaning isn’t the top priority.
What is, exactly? Maybe sleep? Or the ability to take a shower? You know this phase. Solidarity, mamas and papas who are in it.
In this phase you do what you can, when you can. You clean when something strikes your attention, or come up with a method that works for you. FlyLady.net might be an option for those who find it appealing or perhaps once a month cleaning might work well.
In this phase you aim for tidy and hygienic, not picture-perfect. (Well, my advice is to never aim for picture-perfect when there is homeschooling involved!)
Phase II. Getting rid of the clutter
How long this phase lasted: 1 year
Eventually–when toddlers turned into preschoolers–and sleep wasn’t such a distant memory, I began to have the desire to get rid of extra stuff.
I’m beyond convinced that this critical investment in time and energy enabled me to reach the place I’m in now (where I no longer clean much). It would be impossible for my children to adequately care for a home overflowing with clutter.
I’ve written about the case for once a month decluttering here if you decide to investigate it.
Phase III. Teaching my kids to clean
How long this phase lasted: 1-2 years
When my kids were over the age of six or seven, I wanted them to learn the basics of house cleaning. Prior to this, they helped with tidying and doing little jobs here and there.
We began. One day each week we made that our lesson time for the day. At first I tried cleaning with them all together (which I wrote about here), but I found that chaotic.
Instead I worked one-on-one with each child individually in a specific area (typically bathrooms, upstairs, or downstairs). The other two kids would play or read individually until their turn.
By making our cleaning time a weekly priority, I wasn’t trying to fit it in around the edges of our lives. I gave some of our best moments to it, which helped me have patience during the process.
Phase IV. Turning the cleaning over to the kids
How long this phase lasted: 1 year
A year ago I started to feel the need for another change in our cleaning habits. Though I like having structure at home, I also get inwardly restless when the same routine lasts too long.
As my kids got older, I also wanted to set aside our current cleaning day for learning time instead.
By this point they had the basics of cleaning house down (to a child’s standard, keep in mind), so we instituted a new routine: Each morning after breakfast and read-alouds, we clean for 12 minutes.
Every child is assigned to one area of the house: upstairs, downstairs, or kitchen. They keep this assignment for an entire season (spring, summer, fall, winter). This enables them to reach a level of mastery before switching to a new area.
Is this a perfect system? Uh, no.
We’re talking about a regular family here–meaning kids who some days don’t feel like doing their jobs (and a mama who some days doesn’t want to do hers, either!) I also have to reduce my standards so I can be happy with the current best my children have to offer.
But is it a good system for this season of life? Completely!
Not only are my babes learning necessary life skills and contributing to the family, but I am freeing time for other tasks that also bless the family–ones that I had set aside during the years of caring for young children.
Phase V. Adjusting as needed
A few months ago I wrote out a list of everything I still do around the house. I put a circle around each of those tasks that Trishna, Jonathan, or Elijah would be capable of doing instead. This included cleaning up after dinner, making breakfast, taking over the laundry, and so on.
I divided these jobs up, taught the children how to complete them, and turned them loose!
Now: Before you picture me eating cookies on the couch, or scrolling through Facebook while my awesome kiddos (& they really are awesome) work all day, rest assured that I still keep busy.
Plenty of tidying up still falls to Mama throughout the day–tasks that need to be accomplished or helped with. And when we have overnight guests we all pitch in to do a longer deep clean.
But recently, as the children do their daily 12 minute cleaning, I’ve been able to devote time to decluttering projects that have been on my imaginary to-do list for ages. It feels so satisfying to finally cross some of them off.
To pay or not to pay?
Each family will come to their own conclusion about whether or not to pay for chores.
Most of my kids’ work they do without pay, but we did offer them the chance to take on an extra paid responsibility (currently $5/month) if they wanted to.
One child is in charge of trash and recycling for the house, one child in charge of laundry, and one child lost their paying job after too much complaining. When I feel they’re ready I will invite this child to try again–until then they continue on with their other non-paying duties as usual.
I remember thinking, a few years ago, that I needed to find the “one right way” to teach my kids housework if we were to be successful. But like most things in life, I’ve found that with consistency and effort many routes can lead to the same goal.
Don’t look at this post as a formula to follow, but just a collection of inspiration and ideas to choose from as you find what’s right for your own family.
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If you enjoyed this post, check out Jamie’s new book, Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy.
“I am thankful for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home…. I am thankful for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby.”
~ Nancie J. Carmody
Originally posted on July 28, 2014.
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So helpful article! I have three kids. Two boys and a girl. I love them and I love to take care of them and the house but the work is too much for one. I will be so glad to tech them how to clean their rooms and to help me along the house. Thanks for the useful article!
I’d love to hear what things you have them do in that 12 minutes? And how strict are you with things getting done correctly and what do you do if they aren’t? My kids do do most of the chores but I feel like I’m always battling them doing them correctly. Thanks for the post! Blessings!
Following. I want to know too:).
Bekki@a better way to homeschool’s latest post: Emotional Boys? What is a Mom To Do?
If there’s a job I feel like maybe they aren’t completely confident in yet, I’ll tell them to come find me when they’re done so I can “check their work.” Then I’ll just take a peek and have them do anything over again if necessary, but I do try to make sure to not have unrealistic expectations for them.
I have four kids at home, 7 mos, 4 yrs, 6 yrs, and 9 yrs. I am starting homeschooling this next school year. My question is, do you have lists of what needs to happen throughout your house? It may sound silly but I was raised with a live in housekeeper and I still have not figured it out. So, I’d like to teach my kids, but I need directions, too.
I’m curious too Jamie!
I have a chart on my fridge for my five boys. They are older though…
Bekki@a better way to homeschool’s latest post: Emotional Boys? What is a Mom To Do?
Yes, I have a chart with general ideas broken down by each area of the home that the kids work in. For us that is upstairs, downstairs, and kitchen/dining room. The kids don’t really look at it, it’s just for my reference when I assign jobs in the morning before our 12 minute cleaning begins. It’s a loose structure that reminds me of what needs to be done, but flexible enough that I can change it around.
My favorite class when my son was homeschooling in high school was Independent Living Skills. I had an old home economics textbook I found in a yard sale, and used that for the text. He learned to do his own laundry, to plan, shop for, and cook a meal, and general cleaning. Though he was not happy to have the class at the time, he later thanked me when he married and his wife could not cook. He was happy to teach her what he knew and now she is a great cook, too.
Linda Sue’s latest post: Educational Shower Curtains for K-12 Students and Homeschool
What sort of consequences do you have when your children do not chose to complete their chores or completing them at a much lesser quality than his/her normal ability?
Great question, Holly. It depends on their age/phase of learning. With my youngest, who is in Core Phase, I would try to have us work together to complete a job until he is confident to do it on his own. If a bad attitude emerges, he might be sent to his room until he is willing to help. If you aren’t familiar with the phases of learning, this post will explain a bit: http://simplehomeschl.wpengine.com/core-phase/
I have five boys and have had all kinds of seasons of training in regards to chores and cleaning.
I’m currently teaching “Daily Goal Setting” and retraining cleaning. I LOVE the idea of both 12 minutes of cleaning and being captain of an area for a full season!
I’m definitely gonna weave that into our day!
I also love the concept of making the teaching of a cleaning job (or re teaching in my case) a priority.
Life skills are so necessary to master:).
Bekki@a better way to homeschool’s latest post: Emotional Boys? What is a Mom To Do?
Oh I’m so happy to read this. This has been a very uncomfortable phase for us…but my kids are 6, 5 and 3. My husband has super high, and I usually think, unrealistic expectations for our kids, but he said they should do the work so they are! We usually have to do a once a month deep clean…basically a restart. That pile under the bed would overtake the room if we didn’t pull it all out and start over. But I keep looking forward to the day when they can just do their chores without me standing there saying, “there’s a shoe. Now get the pencil. Now get the bear, etc.” Oh my, it’s still very painful with my two youngest!
Thanks for these ideas! My boys are 7 and 9. I love the idea of 12 minutes a day and that they get one job for a season. Instead of my kids arguing over who wipes the table and who sweeps the floor after meals, I will know assign each kid to a meal where they do both!! I think this will reduce the bickering!! I am not a homeschooler—I teach Montessori and my kids go to a Montessori school. I still get GREAT ideas from your blog!!
You’re doing a great job by teaching your kids to clean! Many mothers just do all the job by themselves, and their children grow up incapable to take care of themselves. This way you are preparing them for the world outside and you’re making sure they will manage to take care of themselves when the time comes. I think that in a household everybody should be involved in the cleaning and maintenance!
Amy @ Paul’s Carpet Cleaning Melbourne’s latest post: How to Keep the Dust to a Minimum
Love this post and your one on baking. I am looking forward using them with my son and eventually, my daughter. Just wondering if you have a printable (or post) on the cleaning portion of your binder?
It took a lot of reading and convincing from my husband to understand how much my kids can do. And it took me not being able to do it for me to totally relinquesh. Not anywhere near perfect and sometimes drives me crazy but yes kids can be in charge of cleaning!
Thanks for the great post and insight. It is great to teach kids these fundamentals early on in life.
Such great tips here! My 2 older girls (middle school) are great in the kitchen helping, and are also excellent at helping watch our toddler. But getting them to clean anything is like trying to run through mud up to your knees!
I’m going to try a few of these techniques this week, especially the 12-minute quick clean following breakfast!
Love these ideas. What are some examples of jobs you would pay for? My son wants to earn money but pretty much everything we have him do, he should do for free, since as adults you don’t get paid to do those things… Be are at a loss of what to pay him for. He’s 6.5, so he’s eager but not that capable yet. He’s just starting to really chores, like dishes, cleaning, and bringing in wood.