When Your Teen Doesn’t Have a Plan – by Erin Vincent of Nourishing My Scholar
The summer when my son would be going into 9th grade, I was behind the scenes trying to get my ducks in a row. How do I homeschool high school? It seemed daunting and scary. I looked to veteran homeschool moms in forums and blogs to gain my answers. The consensus was to plan with the end in mind. If my son wanted to go to college, then look to what his choice colleges required. Same for a tech school.
This seemed simple enough.
So, I sat my 15-year-old son down to talk about how to plan his high school homeschool and what his plans for the future might be. What did he want to be when he grew up?
And that’s when everything went sideways. He had no grand plans for college or graduation or anything else. He had no idea what he wanted to do.
This kid still wanted to build legos and get lost in reading books of fantasy. With these questions, he shut down completely. I believe the idea of becoming an adult was overwhelming, and any attempt to reopen the conversation about future careers ended in him shrugging his shoulders and saying, “I dunno.”
This was not how I expected our conversation to go. I was frustrated. I remember being 14 with dreams of going away to college. This was also not what all the forums and blogs said would happen. Our homeschooled kids would have a plan or a deep dive into some interesting subject.
They would do dual enrollment or have their associate’s degree by the time they graduate high school. There was never an “I dunno” from the veteran moms’ kids. What was I supposed to do with that?
When Your Teen Doesn’t Have a Plan
I pivoted. We couldn’t be the only ones with no grand plans. I wanted my son to have a great education, but he wasn’t ready to make life-changing choices yet. That’s OK.
There is plenty of time to be an adult and very little time to be a kid.
I would give him a general college-bound plan just in case, and we’ll see where the rest takes us. We’ll use high school to be prepared for any direction.
I won’t let fear and anxiety over the future claim the joys we have today. Our time together is more important.
We will continue to read fantasy books and build legos for as long as that season is upon us. We will also plan and explore new things, Italian and History, because they interest him. Now, at 16 years old, he still doesn’t know what he wants to do, but that’s okay. I’m keeping the lines of communication open.
Homeschooling is a gift of relationships, time, education, and beauty.
If you’ve got a teen who knows exactly what they want to do and how they are going to achieve it, then that’s awesome, and I’m cheering you and them on from the sidelines! But if you are like me and have a reluctant teen who has no idea, that’s okay, too! I’m still cheering from the sidelines!
Remember, many 18-year-olds don’t know what they want to do for a career.
Don’t feel the need to rush. Seek their input about subjects and classes they may enjoy and choose the rest for them if you need to. Goals and interests evolve over time. Continue to pivot when needed.
Pray daily for guidance. Trust your intuition and trust your kiddo to mature and develop as they age.
Do what works best for your family. Have every faith that it will turn out right in the end.
How do you handle it in your homeschool when your teen doesn’t have a plan? I’d love to hear!
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Weekend homeschool links: September 8th
We’re almost there (8th grade now), and it looks like both of my boys know what field they want to work in. However, one of wants to stay a kid, so I think there will be a pushback in what we do with high school.
For now, I’m just focusing on one year at a time, one month at a time, one day at a time.
I’ve graduated 4, so far, and at least 3 of them started “high school” without a plan. I have a 16 yo now who doesn’t have a plan either. We simply kept our options open by studying a variety of subjects, serving in our community, and letting them be themselves.
The first is still finding her way, but she’s worked at a variety of jobs–gaining a lot of life experience.
The second was really focused from the start, and she’s changed and grown a great deal. She’s not doing what she set out to do at first, but she’s doing even better than she planned.
The third was very unhappy working on academics, so we graduated her early, and she got her phlebotomist’s license. She loved doing that for a while, and now she’s using that initial experience to learn and do new things in the medical field.
The fourth still doesn’t know what she wants to do. She loves classical studies, and she was accepted to her first-choice college, but she deferred her admission to serve a church mission, and that is giving her a world of experience that is changing her in profound ways. None of us knows what she’ll do when she comes home in a year or so, and that’s fine with us!
I read somewhere that kids change as much from 14 to 18 as they do from birth to age 4. I believe it. There’s no need for a kid to know what they want when they’re 14.
Thanks for sharing about your 15 year old wanting to build Legos and read fantasy novels! That plus video games is mostly what my 15 year old son wants to do as well, while my 9 and 11 year old daughters have been planning their futures since they were little. Every child is unique.
My 17 year old doesn’t know what she wants to do. I figure the Lord will show her and she can take her time. We are going to have her do her 2 year associates and work for my husband in his business, but the rest is a question mark. She’s kind of tired of people asking her what she wants to do! Thanks for this article!
Your thoughtful approach to homeschooling your teenager, even when they’re unsure about their future plans, is commendable. It’s essential to prioritize the relationship and allow them the time to discover their path. Trusting the journey is valuable advice for parents navigating these uncertain times. 🏫📚
Thank you for this!! I am in the same boat. I have an 8th grade boy who is also still into legos and novels. He doesn’t know what he wants to do, gives the same “I dunno” response. As of right now I am preparing for community college, but seeking God’s will and praying His will is shown to our son & us. I’m pretty flexible for a pivot whenever we might need to.
This is very encouraging. My 14yo is daughter #4 (of 5) and just finds thinking about the future incredibly overwhelming. She had grand ideas (quite unrealistic) until recently when our family started going through a lot of upheaval and now she just doesn’t want to think about being an adult or making decisions. So, she wants to sit and play Lego or dolls with her younger sister, read historical fiction, watch TV, talk endlessly about everything and anything (but only with me) and do mundane tasks, but not make plans. It’s so different to her three older sisters who all knew what they wanted at her age and were working towards it. I’m being pressured to pressure her, but she needs time. Thanks for sharing.