I want to homeschool, but I don’t want the responsibility.
Written by Jamie C. Martin of Simple Homeschool
Often I take a look in Google Analytics to see what brings people to Simple Homeschool. Many readers arrive after an online search, on the hunt for information about a certain topic. Common searches that bring readers here include simple homeschooling, homeschool encouragement blog, waldorf homeschooling, and making the first homeschool day special.
But my heart dropped a little when I read that a few people found this blog after typing in “I want to homeschool, but I don’t want the responsibility.”
Fear of responsibility on the homeschooling path isn’t uncommon. After all, so our thoughts tease, if we send the kids to school and things aren’t going well, there’s someone else to blame. But if we grasp this calling fully by the reins, we know in whose direction fingers will point if results aren’t in line with the norm.
Would you prefer to listen to this post?
Even typing that makes me anxious, so I know that for others just starting out, the feelings come with even more intensity.
Homeschooling isn’t for cowards, you know.
I want to homeschool, but I don’t want the responsibility.
There’s no magic formula for anything in life, including home education. Here are a few thoughts to remember when you get frightened by the enormity of the task ahead.
1. Just take responsibility for loving your child–today.
Childhood experts generally agree that parents are the ones who know what is best for their toddlers–little ones need love and security above all else. That need doesn’t change just because a child turns five.
The foundation for a strong learning experience is relationship. That’s why so many children don’t get the education they deserve–relationships, in the classroom or at home, are in turmoil.
Most people feel confident that they can love their child, but question whether they can educate their child.
In reality, they are one and the same.
Thinking about all the years from age four to high school graduation is enough to make any mom swoon. That’s why I only ask myself what I should do today.
So don’t research a physics curriculum if your child is seven. The future only offers fear. Start with today’s responsibility–it’s simple.
2. Question the system.
Most of those reading this post grew up within the traditional school system. As such, we’ve accepted certain beliefs about education that may not even be true–beliefs we never were encouraged to question.
This is especially true for those who have just started considering homeschooling and haven’t had time to research alternative educational philosophies.
Some of the things we may believe:
- “Experts” are required to teach children.
- I’m not qualified to do this.
- I haven’t learned something until “they” agree that I have.
- School has to be boring.
- There are just certain things that must be learned, whether you like it or not.
- This (curriculum, style, philosophy, etc.) is just the way education is.
The educational blueprint that is standard today did not even exist two hundred years ago. What is now the norm wasn’t always.
This doesn’t mean that the system is always the enemy, never has successes, or never does anything positive. It just means that it isn’t the only way. Learning doesn’t have to be this complicated. For those just beginning to question the system, I highly recommend the book Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto.
Photo by Rebecca Wilson
3. Your children’s education is your responsibility no matter where they go to school.
Homeschooling is absolutely not right for every family, in every situation, every year. But your child’s education most certainly is your responsibility every moment of every day–no matter where she studies.
This was impressed on me when I first began learning about British educational reformer Charlotte Mason. She took issue not only with poor parents who sent their children to work too early, but also with rich families who hired governesses and then considered their job “done.”
Mason rightly believed that the goal of education was not to merely fill a child’s mind with certain facts. I found myself giving her an internal standing ovation as I read these words:
“The question is not, –how much does the youth know? when he has finished his education–but how much does he care? and about how many orders of things does he care? In fact, how large is the room in which he finds his feet set? and, therefore, how full is the life he has before him?”
4. Accept (& even embrace) that there will be gaps.
Was your education perfect?
Nope, mine either. Though most of us graduated from traditional schools without knowing all, many homeschooling parents deeply fear that they won’t be able to cover everything.
Let me put it to you straight – you won’t.
Are we trying to raise intelligent robots–or children who discover their passions and purposes in life? In spite of No Child Left Behind, children are being left behind in vast numbers each and every day.
Your responsibility, Mom and Dad, is not to produce perfection.
Your responsibility, as a homeschooling parent, is simply this: to nurture, love, forgive, believe, pray for patience, deliver grace, spread the feast, feel the fear, act in courage, get up tomorrow, and do it again.
How have you been able to embrace the responsibility of taking on your children’s education?
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That was the final thing for us in deciding to homeschool my children. I knew it wouldn’t ever be prefect, but it’s our responsibility to make sure our children are learning as best as they can and why not, we’ve helped them learn everything since birth, we CAN do this!!!
For me the best thing about homeschooling our children is that they now love to read! By 2nd and 4th grade our 2 older children hated reading because they didn’t enjoy what they were forced to read in public school. It broke my heart they they hated it so much. Now, they love to read so much that they are constantly researching things and learning new things on their own, simply because THEY want to. That makes my job easier!! Once in a while I will ask them “What is something you would like to learn more about?” When they decide they go research, read and learn everything they can about it. Sometimes they will write a few paragraphs, sometimes a paper and sometimes they will just share all they learned with us. It is very common for out 2 older children now 11 & 13 to spend close to 2 hours reading each day.
In the end I know they now love reading, and there isn’t much the cannot learn if we miss something if they know how to read and have the desire!
Your title gripped my heart. This was the first of homeschool posts that I’ve read ALL THE WAY THROUGH in a while; not skimming over the content.
With 6 children, all levels, it IS most days overwhelming to know that I’m “doing it right”.
Thanks for the encouragement.
I have only been homeschooling for a few months, but I can readily admit that I do not always “want” to. I find the task to be overwhelming at times!! However, I am very fortunate to have a strong faith in my God to provide me with the strength, wisdom, patience, and the desire to handle the task that He has called me to do. Without Him, I would not have entertained the notion to begin with! My husband and I believe that regardless of how we sometimes feel, we must trust that God will continue to equip us for the task of raising our children. He’s called our family to take on this role, so we trust Him. The responsibility IS great, but we do not (and–we dare not) do it alone 🙂
Absolutely, Demetria!
Knowing my calling is what I put every ounce of faith in when the overwhelming days come and the fear thoughts knock on my door.
Thanks so much for your comment.
Seriously, the responsibility of raising kids at all is scary if we think about it! 🙂 I love #3 and AMEN! I just take it day by day, and lots of prayer!
Jamie, this is beautiful! Such good encouragement for everyone, no matter where their children are learning right now. We really are responsible for our kids’ education, no matter where they learn. And instead of this truth being scary, it’s really freeing. How cool is it that we’re given the task of raising the next generation?
Great post, friend.
Thank you, Tsh, for reading and taking time to comment!
I echo Tsh. Beautifully written. Every word.
AMEN!!!! Thank you for writing this!!!!! I am a former public school teacher now homeschool teacher and am finding it very hard to “break” the norm and teach my children a “different” way than the schools. Teaching them to love learning is way more important than stuffing facts down them. So, thank you for encouraging and inspiring all of us! 🙂
I always love to hear from those who taught traditionally as well – thanks, Laura, for sharing your experience. And for your encouragement, too!
What a great post! It is so true that you can easily get wrapped up in what a responsibility homeschooling is, to the point that it is intimidating. But it is our responsibility to be involved in our child’s education. I actually find that now my son is educated at home, by me, it is sometimes less stressful because I know what is going on, rather than second-guessing what is going on at school.
before homeschooling (this is our first year) i never got how homeschooling and parenting go hand in hand (and sometimes are one in the same). discovering that for myself this year has been such an encouragement to me. we have our curriculum, but we also learn about things and deal with issues as they come up in life. what a relaxed and interesting way to learn! and our family has bonded so much throughout the process.
our daughter will be attending a school next year (for language and culture reasons), but i definitely plan on doing some things at home (even if it’s just reading all the books we can get our hands on).
“But your child’s education most certainly is your responsibility every moment of every day–no matter where she studies.”
amen!
Fantastic post! I was nodding all the way through.
I’m printing this out right now. You just said perfectly every thought that I had been wrestling with for the last four and a half years (since the day my daughter slipped into my world and changed everything). I especially like #3. Everything surrounding my children is my responsibility. Why should their education be any different?
Exactly! Our kids do completely change our whole worlds, don’t they?
Thanks, Kristen!
Point 1 –
“Most people feel confident that they can love their child, but question whether they can educate their child. ”
My brain immediately said:
“Living is learning and when kids are living fully and energetically and happily they are learning a lot, even if we don’t always know what it is. ” – John Holt 🙂
Love John Holt, Jessica!
It blew my mind the first time I began reading some of his thoughts. He had such a wonderful respect and love for children.
This is one of my favorite posts you have written here. I think this is one of the biggest issues that comes up when people ask me about homeschooling. I often hear, “I don’t know how you do it. I could never…” And I often lack for how to answer. It is hard to explain the fullness of how I feel it is the best choice for my children, their future, our family and to fulfill our calling/stewardship as parents. I appreciated your lines ” Homeschooling is not for cowards” and “Embrace…that there will be gaps.” Thank you for this post.
Yes, I always think “I could never do it, either.”
I still think that many days, but that doesn’t change my commitment to doing it. The good stuff that changes lives and makes a difference isn’t always the easy stuff. But it’s still the best stuff.
Thanks for your encouragement, Linda!
Thank you, Jamie. Your reply here is key: “the good stuff that changes lives and makes a difference isn’t always the easy stuff (it rarely is)” and I agree, “it’s still the best stuff”. Remember: “The gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few” – Matthew 7:14
I’m another that doesn’t always read the whole posts on blogs, but I read this whole post, and thank you. We are in our first year of HS our daughter (15). Highschool isn’t the easiest place to start, but it’s where we started. Granted much of it, she does on her own, but there is a big chunk that her father and I have to have a role in. And we have another little guy (2) that will be HS from the start. That is where I feel the most overwhelmed. Some HS blogs show them filling their days with the most awesome adventures, I feel that I won’t be able to do that. I know that in time and with much prayer, I too can be a great HS MOM!!
Thanks for this post today. Keep up the good work.
I just wanted to encourage you NOT to do it all! I have a 3 year old who is the third and I, too, see what everyone else is doing and feel like I should keep up. That is, until I remember that now is the time that I can spend taking her places and doing things very loosely. There’ll be time to really focus later 🙂
Very very true, thank you 🙂
I absolutely agree with Amanda, Katie. Your son (& daughter) will have the most incredible childhood just by having the chance to be with YOU.
The amount of hours you’ll get to invest in him is so much greater than what he would be getting in a traditional classroom, and together you’ll be able to create the education that suits him (& you) best. It will be beautiful! Your courage to start where you have inspires me today.
Be blessed!
Oh, this is so very well said. Sometimes I begin to panic if life intervenes and we don’t get to everything I had planned for the day, but then I take a step back and look at my child and see that he IS learning everything I want him to learn: curiosity about the world around him, a hunger for knowledge, compassion for others, and practical life skills.
I agree, I think one of the best posts on homeschooling I’ve read in a long time. On the occasions that I’ve fantasize about sending the kids to school I’ve found part of the fantasy is relinquishing that responsibility. But that’s a fantasy.
Thanks for writing so succinctly.
Oh Hillary – you have that fantasy also??
lol-I almost felt guilty writing it. Erased and wrote it again! Yes, when we’re having one of those day I fantasize about public school and it’s usually only about the “baby-sitting” factor 😉
I’m with you, ladies!
Don’t forget all the books we could read AND books we could write while they were away….
(Shhh, don’t tell anyone I said that!) 😉
Strangely enough, the decision to homeschool was an easy one for me. I love to learn and always had a passion for it – do learning WITH my son is going to be an exciting challenge.
Then there is my son. He WANTED to be at home. In spite of his truly bright nature and energetic desire to learn, he hated school. He couldn’t talk to other kids and be as social as he wanted (I hate that the principal herself asked me about “socialization”), and he wasn’t at the pace he desired.
I have watched an 8 year old spend an entire week researching sharks, saving information from different sources, tracking down pictures, and having FUN learning something new. I know it doesn’t work for all kids, but we’re running on a mostly interest based curriculum. The only thing that doesn’t go into that is math and some science. I can handle that.
You just have to figure out what works for your kids and roll with it. Some like the structure of a planned curriculum… and some have wandering minds. I firmly believe each type of personality has great value.
This is a great post, Jamie! I think it is looking less and less likely that we will decide to officially homeschool, but I firmly believe that my kids’ education is mine and my husband’s responsibility, so matter where they go to school. It boggles my mind when parents just send their kids off to school everyday without a second thought about what they’re learning, how they’re learning it, etc. It’s still ultimately our job and our responsibility, as parents. That helps me to feel better about any “gaps” that might be there in the education they receive in public school, because I know that their public school education is far from being the only education they get.
Yes. This is what I wanted to say too – that even if I didn’t homeschool, but sent my child to public school (or wherever) that their education would STILL be MY responsiblity. One of my husband’s biggest frustrations (he teaches middle school) is that parents expect him to be a miracle worker but they don’t want to be held accountable for helping their own children with their learning, with social/life skills, etc. A school system and a teacher – even one who genuinely cares about your child- cannot replace the parent.
An excellent post – it is sure to encourage many parents who fear homeschooling all the way through high school! As a former public school teacher I realized my “best” students were those whose parents were very involved in their children’s lives. I became one of those “involved” moms for 3 years when my eldest child attended a private school. We were troubled by the duplicity in the schooling system and took our child out of school and homeschooled her and the younger children.
Nothing replaces an interested and involved parent. Despite this, the decision to homeschool is not cast in stone. It is our best choice for our children for now. We trust Him for guidance as we navigate our children through the high school years.
Nadene, I’m curious what you mean by “the duplicity in the schooling system.” Would you mind elaborating on your experience a little bit? I’m wondering if this is what we’re going through right now, as amazing as my daughter’s Charlotte Mason school is.
Just curious. 🙂
I refer to duplicity in the children in the school. Even though the school board, the teachers and parents, the curriculum and ethos were selected for Christian/ Charlotte Mason/ (or whatever) principles, we found that the children were just that – children. Even though the teachers mentored and disciplined the children, our child was regularly exposed to peer influences and doubtful, immature society. I respected the dedicated teachers and the headmaster, but wanted my child to respect others, be sincere and grow in those values and principles our family stood for.
This is our first year of homeschool. I really needed this post today, I feel like I have not done much (they are both in Kinder) this year except figure out how to help them learn. I have had to learn for the last five months what kind of “learners” they are because until we started I really had no idea. This was very encouraging to me because I often visit other homeschool blogs and feel as if we are not doing what we should although we are following our curriculum. (Heart of Dakota) Thank you for reminding me that I am able to educate them because I love them.
What you are doing is absolutely perfect for the age of your kids – truly, Kimberley!
You are setting them up for the best future success just by investing your time with them, even when that doesn’t look the least bit “educational.”
We too are using heart of dakota, and I love it, that is when we do “structured” schooling. I have a 5yo and 21mo. I see what everyone around me is doing and think I”m not good enough because most days I see her as only 5 and think she doesn’t need to be rushed into formal learning at this age, rushed to grow up. And I don’t need to be stressed while trying to balance the grabby 21 mo and missing the fleeting moments of babyhood. When I”m not doing as the world is though, I think I”m failing. And then there are these moments like tonight after nursing the babe to sleep I walked by my 5yo room and through the sliver of a light through the crack I hear and see her. Reading a book to herself. Sounding so clear. She’s learning. It doesn’t matter how it happens just that she is. And that I’m here to witness it in the simple moments.
I loved where you said homeschooling is not for cowards. That is certainly true. My husbands family believes I am not ‘qualified’ to homeschool my children because I am not a certified teacher. It takes a lot of courage to kindly stand up for what I believe is right for our family.
Thank you for writing this. It was just the encouragement I needed!
Wow Jamie! Such a great post — and a great reminder that as homeschooling parents, we don’t have to do everything the way it would happen in school, we just need to do what works in our home for our own children. I often get hit with feelings like “I’m not doing enough,” and when that happens next time, I will return to this post. Thanks, as always, for the inspiration!!
Wonderful. I’m home-schooling my oldest (of three) Kindergarten this year and struggle to stay focused with two younger ones at home. Writing about teaching them to LOVE LEARNING is very motivating. I just asked my daughter, “What would you like to learn about this week?” and she immediately said, “How the sun sets and why do roses have prickles?” How fun will it be to discover these things and more. Hugely encouraging…Thank you!
Thank you so much for this article!! It was just what I needed., along with all of the wonderful comments! We are planning to HS after this year and my oldest will be in 6th grade. We just got all of the info on the middle school and what the curriculum covers and I started to panic a little that we wouldn’t be able to teach “enough”. Everything about your article hit home and gave me that reassurance (as well as my husband’s ability to re-frame my thinking), that all will be ok.
I am so grateful to be able to get insights before we “officially” start to homeschool! Thanks again!
I have to tell you that your article really hit home for me.
I have 5 kids and one has autism. We have toyed with the idea of homeschooling because he is not getting the services he needs and is not being taught the way HE learns. We feel at 10 he should be able to tell time, count money, know life skills. These are more important to us than some of the curriculum they are teaching him.
Plus he is in a zone half of the time bored and not focused.
When you quoted Charlotte Mason it all made sense.
I worry about how i can keep him focused here at home if I taught him. I do doubt if i can do this but your post was what I needed to hear.
Thank you
MArisa
I too loved the article as I recently broufht my son out of the 6th grade in Middle School as he too has Autism and it was making him more anxious, scared and angry which he would redirect on us. Now that he is home I feel stuck with how to begin. I came this close to re-enrolling him but I do feel God is calling me to take on this new journey. He shuts down before I can even get him to try. Would love ideas in how to reach him. I know he needs structure but he is fighting me and having a hard time with the expectations and his strong attachment to me as Mom. I didn’t bring him home for his behaviors to become worse.