Written by Jamie C. Martin of Simple Homeschool
“I could never do that” seems to be one of the most common responses when it comes up in conversation that I homeschool my children. What does that actually mean?
I think when people say “I could never do that” they sometimes mean they don’t have the personality that fits a homeschooling lifestyle.
Prefer to listen instead?
But I’m not sure there is such a thing as an ideal homeschool personality. We all have our tendencies and our quirks–as any personality test will point out. (I’m an INFJ if you’re curious!)
Certainly knowing ourselves better helps us steer our homeschooling style to capitalize on our strengths and minimize our weaknesses. Since I’m most familiar with the introverted parent’s perspective–here are some thoughts about homeschooling as an introvert.
Introverts are not backwards, insecure, or unsociable. We simply fuel ourselves through thoughts, ideas, and time alone.
When tanked up and ready to go, we can enjoy people time as much as anyone else. But when we have nothing but people time, our reserves begin to dwindle, which leads to burnout.
“So stay true to your own nature. If you like to do things in a slow and steady way, don’t let others make you feel as if you have to race. If you enjoy depth, don’t force yourself to seek breadth. If you prefer single-tasking to multi-tasking, stick to your guns.
Don’t think of introversion as something that needs to be cured.”
~ Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking
An introverted parent can certainly homeschool and enjoy it. Being aware of our personality is the first step toward making our homeschool a success.
Blessings for the introverted homeschooler
1. You are the CEO of your home.
This means that as a homeschooler you, for the most part, control the schedule of your school days–granting you plenty of flexibility.
2. You may enjoy staying home more.
Some parents considering home education worry they might feel cooped up or bored at home. When my three kids were preschoolers, they needed daily outings to keep the peace among us all–otherwise our days felt seriously looooonnnnnggg.
But when they became a bit older, we stayed home more. I love this. If you’re also an introvert, you may find that you thrive at home.
3. You can make sure you fuel yourself.
Because you are the CEO, teacher, and principal rolled into one, you can ensure your inner needs get met.
Of course you will have a few challenges to overcome (coming up below), but even having one daily self-care goal will help.
I aim to fit in my writing time as well as reading one chapter of fiction each day. If I get those two covered, I’m usually equipped to handle whatever twists and turns come my way.
The challenges (& potential solutions)
1. You may feel drained from being around people all day.
Your children are people. People who live in your house. People who, if you choose to homeschool, will be around you all. day. long.
Every day.
Sounds like an introvert’s worst nightmare, right? But it doesn’t have to be.
Make sure your children have an afternoon rest time, no matter their age. Use educational videos to your advantage to give you the down time you need. Brainstorm to figure out what will help in your unique situation.
2. Group think.
I enjoy investing, teaching, and working with my children one-on-one. Their personalities and talents continue to grow by leaps and bounds, and I love getting to know them more each day.
But teaching “group lessons” around the table or embarking on messy craft projects are not this mama’s strengths. Having everyone start calling for me at the same time makes my head swim.
I make sure I have that one-on-one time daily. The other children play, work, read (or bicker!) elsewhere until it’s their turn. This fuels me and fuels them–a win-win for all of us.
3. The noise level!
“For, tomorrow, he knew… All the Who girls and boys would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their toys! And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!”
~ Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas 😉
If you have more than one child at home, your house is going to be VERY LOUD. As an introvert, this might make you want to run away, shout, or throw things (so I’ve heard…).
But you can deal with this! Having certain periods of quiet like I mentioned in #1 above will help. I also had success (not perfection, mind you, but progress) when my kids were younger in teaching them to whisper. When things got too much for the mama, I would declare it “whisper time.”
And this introvert literally put earplugs in on occasion when I thought I might lose it if the house volume didn’t go down a decibel or two.
4. Lack of time for yourself.
As an introvert you absolutely must carve out regular time for yourself. Otherwise you will be an unhappy homeschooler with unhappy students.
Can you hire help or have a weekly night when you drive to a coffee shop? We have varying levels of financial resources to invest in self-care, but with a little creativity and intentional thought we can nurture ourselves well.
Homeschooling works for the introverted parent. Set yourself up to thrive at home and you’ll form a foundation that allows those in your care to thrive, too.
*********
If you enjoyed this post, check out Jamie’s new book, Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy.
As an introverted mom, you support your kids but who is supporting you? Check out my Introverted Moms community here!
Originally published on February 18, 2013
Weekend homeschool links
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this! At age 34, I’m finally learning to embrace what it means to be an introvert. I have spent many years trying to understand why I feel the way I do. As a new homeschooling mom (3 boys! ages 5, 3 and 4 months), I feel a bit drained most days. I recently began brainstorming ideas on how to meet my own needs a bit better so that I can be a better mom all around. I really appreciate you sharing your experiences and strategies!
Thank you for a very helpful post. As a fellow introvert I can totally relate. I found Susan Cain’s book very insightful and if you’re an introvert well worth reading. She also has a chapter about extroverted parents with introverted children and how being able to understand the introverted child and their needs is very important, giving examples of some parents who navigated this difference well and one particular family not so well at all.
If you would like to find out more about this book, I recently wrote a post about it called ‘Knowing your personality.’ You can access it here:
http://www.allaboutmama.com/2014/03/17/knowing-your-personality/
Great article! We are introvert parents with 4 introvert kids, ages 24-10. Oddly enough, some of our best friends are extroverts ….we just don’t visit with them often! I looked up the Susan Cain book at our library — all copies checked out. I thought it funny they have audio books available….”OH the noise!” Even with 4 children, we had (and have) a quiet house and quiet in car. One of my homeschool friends lets her children go wild in the car–even the older teens. Within 10 minutes, both my son and I had a headache!
Thank-you for describing ME! My children are 10, 9, 8 and 6 1/2 and I have homeschooled from the beginning. I have only now begun to understand and embrace myself, I only wish I had know this years ago! Thank-you for describing me to a tee and for helping me to feel a bit more “normal”. 😉
Thank you so much for this! I remember reading it last year, and it was so reassuring! Now that we have officially decided to take the plunge and homeschool next year, this is on my mind again. Can I handle the noise and physical closeness without losing my mind?
Also, I am INFJ. Another reason to love your posts! 🙂
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I find myself going into the kitchen closer to dinner time and turing on the radio to drown out the sound of the kids playing games and watching TV in the living room. I’ll stay in there to wash dishes and start on dinner and use that time for myself. I also send my son and husband out sometimes on the weekend to go visit with his parents. Then I’ll use that quiet time to either catch up on cleaning or just to read/watch TV and not have to worry about anything else. 🙂
Thank you for this post! I’m an INFJ too! I have a four year old and a two year old (we are thinking of having more) and considering homeschool. So I really appreciate this post. And I appreciate seeing it can be done by another INFJ. My biggest hesitance towards homeschool is just worrying I’ll burn out, so I’m glad to see you are making it work.
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As an introvert I get this and have had to find ways to cope with five noisy children…they get louder as they get older. Taking walks alone, or with one or two helps as well as evening downtime and working out. I do find my patience lacking at the end of the day and I love the peace when they are all in bed and asleep 🙂
This post rings so true. I also am an INFJ and, with three kids 7, 3 and 2–at least two of whom are extroverts–there are days our homeschool is CRAZY, and mommy gets very cranky. I’m slowly learning things to cope, though. Thanks for a very helpful post.
It makes sense now why your blog is such a “ministry” to me….I’m an INFJ too! I often think I wish there was a place to hear from other INFJ moms to see what has brought peace to their homeschool. Most of us seem to be overwhelmed and frustrated. Every once in awhile I read a comment from an INFJ somewhere that gives the impression they’ve entered into a sort of peace that they’ve fought hard for(you sound like this type of person Jamie)- that they’ve found the system/routine/boundaries that they can usually thrive in. I haven’t found that yet- partly because I still wrestle with saying no to things I shouldn’t be agreeing to sign up for. Anyway, thanks for the post- very helpful and thought provoking!!
I look forward to the book! Being an introvert homeschooling an extroverted boy certainly has challenges!
Yes, Carol! I think you’ll find it to be a real encouragement.
I really needed to see this. I’m homeschooling grade, middle & high school while wrangling a 1 yr old that’s into everything & running a home based business. We just had social/extracurricular commitments that happened to fall every single day for more than a week, including throwing a birthday party & unexpected out of town visitors. I was beyond worn out and my introverted self had been desperate for a slow, quiet day. Thank you for the reminders about taking time and the idea of quiet time for everyone becoming a designated thing. This mom needs it!
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People are more aware these days that introverts exists. When I was growing up people thought of instroverts as “stuck up” at best and antisocial at worst. I only have one child, which helps, but he is a loud, extroverted, rambunctious boy with ADHD. The noise and constant motion are sometimes too much for me. He spends lots of time outdoors and has learned to play quietly (for a short period of time) with Legos. We go to two coops, but they are both small, about six families. One is a drop-off and I teach there. But when we’re done, I’m very done. My degree is in education but I never taught because I wan’t able to deal with all the people time. Instead I went back to school and became a librarian. That was perfect—mostly quiet, extremely organized and filled with other introverts! My son also gets to spend two afternoons a week with my mother, another extrovert, who is surrounded by introverts. They both immensely enjoy their time together. And my husband is also an introvert so he understands and will spend “man time” with our son. Anyway, thank you for the article and I look forward to reading your book!
You’re so welcome, Sarah!
I’m an INFJ too and at 47 I am homeschooling my two adopted children aged 6 and 7, and they are a whole different ball game (read LOUD!) from my biological children, eldest aged 20 and younger daughter of 15 in heaven already.
You are simply a life-saver – thank you!
Petra, from South Africa
Thank you so much for writing this post, and the homeschool mom personality quiz. I am introverted, but also have some extroverted-ness too. I am thinking about homeschooling, A few of the things I have worried about is being consistent, getting enough quiet time, and having enough social time for my introverted, with a side of extroverted girls. I love the idea to carve out time for me a couple of times a day and really use that time to refresh. I didn’t realize how much I need that time. And no wonder I would get stressed, when my kids came home from school. And group craft time…my poor kids….they love crafts, but craziness makes my head swim too. SO I put it off. I love the suggestion for one-on-one time. I have enjoyed those times with my kids. I guess I am more introverted than I thought. Thank you for all the tips and suggestions!
Thank you for this post..it really helped me understand myself. I feel validated -and not condemned anymore- for needing time alone and not being good at ‘table time’ style teaching. You have encouraged me so much!
I’m so glad, Klara! I hope you’ll check out my book, Introverted Mom, as well! It’s free right now for Amazon Prime users in the US!
Thank you so much for this post and the personality traits quiz! It is just what I needed today. We are almost a year into the pandemic, it is our first year homeschooling and I am ready to go crazy. The noise all day, the little demands and everything else that comes with having three strong-willed boys under the age of 6 can be quite exhausting for me. But this post has given me the inside to the changes necessary in our home to make everyone happier all around. Thank you so much!! God knew I needed to find this. A true gift! Thank you!
I’m so glad to hear this. Hang in there! xo
I’ve always been a homebody and have suffered with anemia that makes me tired most days.. I hate going out or having more than 2-3 days of planned activities. Just going for a hike with the kids can leave me drained for the rest of the day. I hate it because I feel that my kids are missing out. We moved to a new city 2 years ago and haven’t made hardly any friends. I don’t know if continuing to homeschool is best for my situation but I love the time I get with my children!
I’m not too much of an introvert, but I do have physical challenges. Also, I am not the mom but the grandma. My daughter has her own business but cannot afford childcare so I have been watching the little one since she was an infant. Now she is four years old and I feel we can start learning letters, numbers and reading. This is a very outgoing, kinesthetic child. Thank goodness there is only one. I have never taught this age before. I taught algebra decades ago to middle schoolers. Everyone thought I was crazy but honestly, I never had so much fun! I can see teaching a preschooler is an entirely different ball of wax! I need help!