Written by Jamie Martin, editor of Simple Homeschool and founder of Steady Mom
Making the decision to homeschool can be challenging enough even in the best of circumstances, but add in other factors like special needs, and it can really become a source of worry for potential homeschooling parents.
I’m familiar with these concerns and insecurities; my daughter has a visual impairment as well as special social and emotional needs. Before she joined our family (at the age of four), I read online about fellow adoptive parents who had successfully homeschooled their blind daughter. It was just the encouragement I needed at just the right time–it made me think that homeschooling was not only possible, but that it could be the preferred situation for a child with special needs.
Recently I received this email from a Simple Homeschool reader, asking for our help:
“I would love to homeschool, but my daughter has autism. I worry that she will not learn the social skills necessary to be a successful adult at home.
Please know that this is a different question than the cliche socialization questions many homeschoolers receive, rather this involves a child who doesn’t know how to socialize and would often rather be in her own world than join her peers.
I’d love to hear from other parents who have homeschooled their children with special needs and found it to be a positive experience for their children and for themselves.”
I know many of you out there reading today have personal experience on this issue. Although the exact needs may vary, homeschooling parents of special needs kids share a connection.
We’re kindred spirits, in a way–navigating a path that isn’t often traveled. We have a lot to offer each other, which leads to our question for the day:
Do you have experience choosing to homeschool a child with special needs? If so, what has your journey (& your child’s) been like? What have been the challenges and the joys involved? What would you tell someone considering this path?
I don’t have personal experience homeschooling a child with special needs (although my oldest does have some fine motor delays, they are minor). However, I did teach special education in the public school for 8 years before I stayed at home with my kids. What I do know is that special ed teachers in our public schools are often overwhelmed with paperwork and big caseloads, and that can really impede their teaching. I truly loved my job and my students, but their educations often played second fiddle to meetings, paperwork, and system requirements. So, if you have a desire to homeschool your child, it will probably be a much better academic situation for them.
That said, I also saw how exhausting it can be for parents to care for a child with serious special needs. While homeschooling in any situation can be overwhelming at times, when you have a child that requires special attention 24/7 it can really take its toll. So don’t be afraid to look for and accept outside help. Check with your county and see if your child is eligible for some services even though you homeschool (like physical, occupational, or speech therapy). Use your support network to guard against burnout. And know that you know your child better than anyone else in the world : )
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I have 4 kids, one of which has Autism. I began homeschooling him last year half way through first grade. I agree with many of the posts that you have to look at this on a case by case basis. What are you expecting from the school? or what are you expecting from home based instruction? If you decide that home based instruction is best, there are still ways to give social opportunities to your child. You may also consider a partial enrollment in the public school. Perhaps some extra stuff like PE or music. This gives them the opportunity to attend school on a limited basis while still getting all of their academic needs met.
Consider outside activities such as sports, art classes, Sunday school, or even a home-school co-op once a week. There are also less formal ways like going to parks, skating rinks, etc. Use social stories or checklists for them to motivate them to interact and help with transitions.
I would love to tell our story, but I would be here all day. I have a 8 year old boy and I have done both with him. There were good and bad aspects for both. Every decision that I have had to make on our journey has been bathed with lots of tears and prayer and prayer from close friends. I am so thankful to how God has led us and touched my boys life. On days when things are hard and I look at how far I feel we have, I am quickly reminded to how FAR that we have come. Josh read to me his first two readers this summer. I can not even tell you how overjoyed I was to be the one to share in his success. He has to work so much harder than other kids at these things, but he just keeps going. One of the things home schooling provided was that I was able to establish a strong relationship with him and observe him on a daily basis in many different situations. This gave me the ability to help him in things that he struggled to communicate with me. So when he started public school I was able to let his teachers (general class, and lifeskills) know these things so they could better help him. Such as the fact that he was scared to talk to other kids because of his speech, or that he took everything literally and interpreted things and body language differently. They put him in groups of one – two others kids and facilitated interaction while playing games. They helped him build confidence and gave him words to use. He grew enormously. One thing that public school gave him that I have struggled with is consistency. They worked the same schedule on the same things every day; something that he really needed. I on the other hand have 5 kids and there is always interuptions and constant changes in schedule, that was not helping him retain what he needed. And the constant behavior struggles that we have had with him, got better. There was more peace in the home. But I did miss him. This year I am home schooling him. He wants to be home schooled. But I will probably take him into school some durning the week to lifeskills. I am in the process of deciding on that now. We don’t have much in our area for help, so the public school is really the best option for help in services. My advice would be first prayer. Decide what is best for your child. If my son got a ton of pressure from school and began to shut down, like he did the first time around (services given when he was 3/4) I would pull him out in a heart beat, because I want him to succeed. I expressed to his teachers this point when he started 2nd grade this last year. It is very important to stay involved no matter what you should do. I am so proud of my son. I tell him all the time, that he is perfect( he has struggled with comparing himself to others and thinking awful of himself) and God made him with a purpose and he will succeed.
I homeschool my 3 children dd 13, ds12 & dd9. My ds12 has aspergers and my dd9 has dyslexia and sensory processing disorder. My oldest was in school until the end of grade 2 and my middle child until the end of grade 1 and the youngest has never been to school.
Whilst at school my ds12 was always a bit of a loner and picked on quite a bit from the other children, and could never quite fit in. By homeschooling him I have been able to actively work with him at every social occasion and through this he has learnt rule after rule for dealing with social situations to the point that he has friends and mostly they don’t notice that he is so different anymore. Although he will still happily talk to you with his back to you which can be slightly disconcerting, other than that, it would be very hard to pick a social difference in him, if I had not homeschooled it would not have been possible for me to be there to create the number of rules which ultimately has lead him to find friends where he is accepted and to grow into a socially functioning boy. He would never have had these opportunities for such intense social training by simply being in a school yard.
I am a homeschooling mother of two special needs kiddos. Well, I only homeschool one child right now but, I struggled with the same question the first two years and this year it is in the back of my mind now and again. I did as has been suggested a few times though, I weighed his issues and his needs against what he would get in public education and what he would get here.
His anxiety level is pretty high (generalized anxiety disorder) and he has Tourette Syndrome, OCD, ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder. Not to mention he is hearing impaired. He is very much like having a an autistic child that can talk and tics. He is finally able to play, at almost 7yrs old, with a single child his age but, he hits a limit in terms of numbers of his peers and then withdrawals and disengages with them. He prefers the company of those he knows, followed by adults and then a peer or two. Which makes me sad but, the truth is, I was very much like him as a child and even now in my mid thirties, most of my “friends”, including my husband, are 7+ yrs older than myself! So, I can understand where he is.
As for my concern for socializing him in the right way being a special needs kiddo and homeschooling, I let him guide me. He knows what he is ready for. I simply provide him the opportunities to socialize with peers now and again. I encourage and sometimes give him a gentle nudge and see where he goes. He goes to occupational and physical therapy 2x a week and we all work in conjunction with concerns as well. I think it’s an issue that you need to consider what works for and against your child. I can tell you that the school district that I’m in, if he were to attend public school, he’s be a 1st grader this year, it wouldn’t be long before he’d be singled out, He’s shorter than 97% of the kids his age, wears aids, braces on his feet/ankles, tics, has severe anxiety & OCD, his hyper active, little attention span and can’t touch or eat certain things because of sensory issues, etc. He would be a walking target in school and all the growth we’ve worked so hard to achieve, maintain and build off of, would be lost. This is what made me decide that this was the right course of action for us. 🙂
Hello,
I homeschool my 5 kids 4 of whom are on the autism spectrum. You are quite right in questioning how to create social interaction for a child on the spectrum. That is a subject for my kids like physical therapy would be for a child with cerebral palsy.
It takes effort, thoughtfullness, and lots of love to help you child learn to be as socially appropriate as they can be. Also understand that they may retain quirks no matter what form of schooling we chose.
I will be speaking at the online Special Needs Expo, “Autism the new socialization question” http://www.ultimatehomeschoolexpo.com/SpecialNeedsExpo2011.htm
I hope my blog or this workshop can help you. As a parent that has homeschooled through thick and thin for over 10 years now I know YOU CAN DO IT!
God bless
Heather Laurie
SpecialNeedsHomeschooling.com
I have a 9 year old son with cystic fibrosis and mild cp. He has always gone to a small private school but we are doing half days this year. I will be teaching him science and social studies at home. He has a lot of difficulty with fatigue and that results in a never-ending cycle of make up work. The new schedule is working well. He is also gifted. He scores 99 on the IBTS for reading. It is a lot easier to let him work at his own pace for a few subjects and still get to go to school with the other kids.
What a wonderful question and I feel blessed that a friend sent me to this blog. Yes, homeschooling a special needs child is absolutely the best! My oldest has a form of Down’s Syndrome and was never labeled or put into a mold. He excelled beyond anything I read in a book. He didn’t speak clearly until well into his elementary years.
Several of my children are dyslexic and one has severe auditory processing disorder but can hear fine! Our success? I’ve homeschooled since 1986 (some of you were probably in middle school!) have five children, two graduated from homeschooling and YES it works!
My oldest son drives, has a good job as an electrician’s assistant and I’m going to share my testimony about how he helped our family draw closer to God in an audio I’m presenting at my Special Needs Expo in a few weeks. My second child graduated from college in 3 years with honors and wrote three novels with me (I’m a publisher) for the homeschool market and was dyslexic, although now she no longer is (did you know there is remediation and a cure for dyslexia?!!); and I continue to homeschool three others. I feel such a need to give back that I’ve organized the second homeschool special needs expo this year. The first was in January with many experts, this one is a mix with many successfully homeschooling mom. It is totally free in “real” time online. You are welcome to join us. I pray you consider homeschooling your special needs child. As an educator with a degree is specific learning disabilities I can tell you from experience the money allotted for our special needs kids never went to us. I pray that has changed but either way, no one cares or loves your kids as much as you do. I am so happy I have the opportunity to homeschool and pray you consider it.
Hello…you mentioned there is a cure for dyslexia, but didn’t tell what that was. I would love to hear more.
Hi Tricia, good questions! I met Tara Jenner who has training in brain development and she worked with my children. What happens is the brain is trained, to use a new neuro-pathway to get the information where it needs to go. Her website is http://www.TheBrainTrainers.net
I just found your question in my inbox emails, and it is perfect timing! She is speaking online at 1:00 ET on Tuesday, March 6th on the topic of reading. It is free event, but only available this one time live. The website is here: http://www.MediaAngels.com/expos
Hope this helps!
Felice
I too have a daughter who is developmentally delayed and ADHD. As far back as pre-school she struggled to “behave” at school. Every year until this school year the conferences with teachers, school administrators and special ed increased until the point came to me hovering around the phone waiting for the daily call from the vice principle to talk my girl out from under a table, a tree, or to ask her not to lash out at those around her. The final straw came when the teachers wanted her to see through a punishment for a misbehaving incident that occurred a full five days before, but had yet to be administered. That is when I had to ask myself and them: “do you want her to understand and accept the punishment for her actions (which after three years of trying has yet to penetrate), or do you want her to learn how to get over it”? Due to her high intellect she can not only perfectly recall the situation, but relive the emotions she had with them for long periods of time afterward. Basically, there comes a time when someone will need to swallow their pride. Now, as this first day of homeschooling drew to a close, we had at least three meltdowns, and no punishment or resentments from my side and hers. We also accomplished so much in one day that I am ecstatic to continue with this journey, even if other days are not as successful. She has not had to go through a new teacher who needed to learn her as I already do, and ignore or correctly redirect her emotions as they happen.
My other point is who else is going to be as loving, as accepting, as protective and screen their relationships as well as a parent? With her in public school I cannot count the number of times I suspected she was picked on by a mean spirited kid. And the network of moms I hang out with have the same feelings, and screen who their children are with just as much as I do in order to keep her in healthy relationships with other kids.
We don’t have as many difficulties as we could, my daughter is ADHD/gifted. From the time she was an infant we knew she was different. At school age, we sent her to school, and our life became one battle, one piece of chaos heaped upon another. I finally pulled her from public school midyear of first grade and began homeschooling, though that was never something I wanted to do. I will tell you that our lives are still fast paced, and chaotic. But…homeschooling has meant that I adapt school to her, instead of her falling behind because she can’t sit still in class long enough to prove that she already knows the information. Homeschooling allows me to pace school according to her needs. And when she is happy, feasting on information as fast as I can feed it to her, life at our house is much happier! My recommendation to someone considering homeschooling their special needs child would be, find a good curriculum (we love Time4Learning), know your child’s strengths and weaknesses, because you are their best advocate and remember that no one will love your child as much as you do. And the teacher/student ratio is incredible!
I pulled my son out of a self-contained special education class at our local public school in the middle of first grade. He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS and his anxiety had crippled him, turning him into a mute shell of himself. He stopped eating. He stopped sleeping. I thought we were going to lose him. He came back to us at home!
The best thing we ever did for him, as far as his diagnosis and needs were concerned, was READ, READ, READ to him. For a child who did not engage in imaginative play to the boy I have running around saving the world from various catastrophes that he invents daily, I’d say reading has been the key to unlocking what was inside of him all along! 🙂
He is quirky, no question, but no one would single him out in a crowd anymore. He participates in activities with and without us–his progress is simply a homegrown miracle, and I thank God for it.
I also have a daughter with hemiplegic migraine. Additional stress, heat, and activity can bring on attacks, so keeping her home has been helpful in keeping the attacks at bay.
At home, every child is special. As homeschoolers, we tailor the instruction we provide to each particular child anyway. IEPs? We have them! Our whole purpose in educating these precious children at home *is* an IEP. Meeting special needs at home is challenging, but not impossible, for most families. There are so many more resources now than just a few years ago.
For parents of children with autism, please check out http://playproject.org/ if you haven’t already. Dr. Solomon, the founder of the program, was my son’s developmental pediatrician and the first “professional” to suggest homeschooling. Wonderful man, great program!
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Thanks for the comments. I needed the encouragement. Sometimes, I also wonder and doubt whether I am doing the right thing for my child. So many people associate socialization as having many friends their own age with being good with socialization and this can be discouraging. But, I also try to remind myself just because someone is popular with their own age group doesn’t mean he is an expert in the skills of socialization. I have a child with Asperger’s syndrome and yes he has problems with social skills but in the school system there are kids who have problems with social skills too and they do not have Asperger’s syndrome. I see many kids out in public that are too busy with their Nintendo Ds games to socialize. Instead of socializing and playing with other kids they are busy playing with their game. An adult tries to speak to them and they are too busy to stop their game and talk. They are simply rude. There are some out there that have not learn manners. They do not say please, thank you, or your welcome. So for a child on the spectrum who is struggling and trying their best to learn these skills this might be difficult in an environment with 20 plus kids who don’t know the correct social skills themselves. They receive conflicting information. I know for us that it has not been easy homeschooling my child with Asperger’s but I think he is probably happier and doing better than he would be at school where he would probably be bullied by some child that does not tolerate somebody that is different than him/herself.
I am a public school teacher in Special Education. My husband taught JK at a Christian school, until last year, when we brought our Special Needs foster child home to do school there. He officially is diagnosed with ADHD but we are pretty sure he has other issues there too. Aspergers? OCD? SDI? Hard to tell. What was easy to tell was how badly school was failing him. Every single day he was melting down as he headed out the door to school in the morning, and then again at lunch, and then being kept after school to finish the work he didn’t do because he was so busy socializing. He was angry, tired, defiant and rude. One month after we began to homeschool ( my husband quit his job and stayed home), we saw a totally different child— calm , no more aggression, way less anger and tears. The rudeness and defiance melted away. Has there been hard days? Oh my yes!!! But we would do it again in a heartbeat to win back the heart of our little boy who were beginning to lose. Regular school was just too hard– the bullying, the constant need for perfection, the lack of individualization. It may not be the right choice for everyone. But you never know until you try!