Written by Shawna Wingert of Not the Former Things
When my children were younger, we read together every night.
I worked long shifts and was away from them for most of the day. Reading was our time together. It transitioned my boys to bed.
It was one of the sweetest parts of our day.
Then, I stopped working and we started homeschooling.
I was determined to do it “right.” I spent tons of time learning about all the benefits of reading aloud to my boys. The more I learned, the more pressure I felt.
The lists of classics and required books for each grade level made me feel like a failure.
My oldest son LOVED it when I read him a history textbook, and my youngest requested a very well worn copy of a Scooby Doo Mystery every single night for a year. I felt shame over not reading the “right” books.
“Twaddle” was a word I had never even heard of, until it already seemed like it was too late.
But I believed it was important, so I pressed on, determined we would be read-aloud champions.
And it was no longer fun. It was now a ‘thing.’ It was a requirement. It was what a good mom should do.
My first major stumbling block came with my oldest.
When I tried to transition him to more classical fiction, he balked. He loves non-fiction. Having high functioning autism may be a part of this, but I am the same way.
I prefer reading books that are actionable and practical – but never mind preference, this was about what’s best. I pressed on.
I required. I pressured. I scheduled time.
And then we found out that my youngest has dyslexia. Reading aloud became an absolute necessity for him to learn anything at all. Reading aloud math, history, science and geography every single day made reading for pleasure with him a thing of the past. Even bedtime became a read-aloud disaster.
More pressure. More requirement. More feeling like a read-aloud failure.
Finally, in total defeat, I decided to let it go. I figured we just weren’t the read-aloud family. We weren’t going to snuggle up for tea every afternoon and pull out Narnia, or have sweet times cuddling at bedtime with my sons begging for just one more chapter.
I gave up and gave in.
I truly believed I had failed to provide my children a solid foundation in character development, imaginary play, and overall learning (because I can be a little dramatic, yes, but the sense of failure was real).
Then one day, my husband mentioned to my oldest that he would like to listen to the Percy Jackson books on audio with him. My son had been fascinated a few years prior with this book series. Although it’s fiction, it has a ton of history mixed in, which worked well with his nonfiction mind.
Nearly every night since, he and my husband have gone on a drive while I get his little brother to bed. They listen to a fictional book together, make jokes about the characters, and discuss any issues that come up.
They both genuinely enjoy it.
It wasn’t long before my youngest felt left out, and asked for the same thing. So he and my husband picked out a book to listen to, just the two of them, when they are alone in the car together. It’s their own thing, and it’s a big deal to my little guy.
Finally, one day, it occurred to me that this is reading aloud. It also occurred to me that I was missing out.
At my request, the boys picked out a book they thought they might both enjoy. We began to listen to it every single time the three of us were all in the car together.
Seven chapter books later, we are still going strong. Some days, I even load them in the car, get ice cream, and drive around – just to listen to the book and have them both settled and calm.
It’s become a beautiful part of our day.
What has surprised me is that the more they have both become accustomed to listening and engaging with the stories in the car, the easier it has been to tackle reading aloud at home.
Granted, for my oldest, it means we read in his bed together, and you can often find me reading to my youngest at the park, or in the bathroom while he takes a long bath. (Still no snuggles on the couch with tea, but it works!)
We are reading together. More importantly, we are enjoying it.
If you feel like a read-aloud slacker, I want to encourage you. Yes, reading aloud is a good thing. But it is not a measure of you as a mom. It is not the key to the homeschooling kingdom. Your children will not be criminals if you do not have a set read aloud routine.
And, keep trying. Find the ways that work best for your children, and for you.
Like anything else in homeschooling, you might have to figure out how to make reading aloud your own.
That, and adding ice cream to the mix never hurts.
What kinds of creative ways have you found to make reading aloud a part of your family life?
Inspiring homeschool links
Reading while my very wiggly boys are eating is practically the only way we would get big chapter books done!
I love this idea, Jennifer!
We have a “morning meeting” first thing each day. For us, this has become a time of centering before we begin our day. We’re all cuddled on the couch, in jammies. It’s very laid back. I incorporate hymns, folksongs, poetry, Scripture memory and our read alouds each morning. We have one core read aloud that we’ll read from each day and then I rotate through other reads every day of the week. For instance, Monday – poetry, Tuesday – science, Weds – ancient history, Thursday – American history. I just read snippets at a time – I figure a little is better than nothing, right?!
Also, Jamie wrote an article once that shared if we just read 5 minutes every day…at the end of the year that’s a lot of minutes! That was such a freeing thought!
Also, lots of audio books here too! And my youngest, who has layered special needs and attends public school, loves bedtime read alouds still. That’s how he gets his read alouding in! When they enjoy it – it’s much easier to stick with!
I really appreciate your sharing how you rotate through reading aloud throughout the week. I think I will try that!
Thanks,
Shawna
Thank you so much for posting this, I need to read this today. I have been struggling to get through a read aloud with the children. As much as I enjoy the snuggle time, they are not too crazy about the books. Focusing on the wrong books. I need to chill and let them pick.
We do read some together out loud and they take turns while having breakfast but this is a brand new part and we will see how it goes.
Really appreciate your honesty!
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Thank you so much for sharing your struggles too, Jen. I was a little nervous about writing this one, so having another momma admit that it can be tough is encouraging.
It sounds like you are off to a wonderful start in the new year!
Shawna
Hi Shawna. Thank you for another great story. We “sneak” in read alouds (both audio and mum-read) at all sorts of times – particularly when my son is struggling – such as nighttimes when he cannot sleep, doctors’ waiting rooms, crowded family events that are just too much. A really gripping story seems to have an almost hypnotic effect on him and his anxiety calms right down.
I love that you have found a way to make reading aloud a respite. That is wonderful!!!
I also do much of our reading aloud during lunch or dinner. Also, if we get off track with reading aloud, I try to think of some of their favorite books and reread them.
That’s great, Laura! Thank you for sharing.
Shawna
So good to read your post, I have a read-a-loud confession too. There is this idea that reading-a-loud with kids is some sort of poetic moment in each day and the ultimate parenting goal. “Read to them before they are born and they will recognize your stories and be lulled into a comfort zone when they are born.” Well the first reading-out-loud opportunity that we totally tossed out of the window was bed time stories. My first born wanted supper, bath and bed. Stories after his afternoon nap were a much better fit. He was quickly followed by a brother and a sister and another brother… and bedtimes were literally… collapse into bed time… a story would only re-awaken a second wind and hours more imaginary play. We still read in the afternoon, long after my kids have grown big enough for nap time to be thrown out of the window. We conquer heaps of books reading a chapter at a time, at the breakfast table and the lunch table and the dinner table, waiting for the last person to finish eating and the last dish to be washed. But as a longtime home-schooler, and eighteen years of mothering… bed time stories have just never been a big part of our routine.
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Thank you for sharing your read aloud confession too! There is this sort of “right way” to do it expectation that can be very defeating. I appreciate your willingness to share your experience – it is very encouraging.
Shawna
This is so timely for me. I miss our read aloud times and have been pondering how to restart them. lots of good ideas here. Bedtime, I’m too tired, he’s 12 now and staying up later. Maybe while I’m cooking dinner – he can read, then do some of the cooking while I read, etc. Good post.
Thanks Robyn. I love your cooking dinner idea! I appreciate your sharing.
Shawna
Shawna @ Not The Former Things’s latest post: Reading Aloud In Our Home
Wow, this was so good to read. We have four kiddos (6, 5, 3, and 1), and I have SO struggled with this. And like one of the comments above, once it’s time for bed all I want to do is get them in bed before I collapse. And then I feel bad looking back over the day realizing I didn’t read to them. I love the idea of always have an audio book going in the car. I might even try to start audio books while they’re eating breakfast and/or lunch as well. Thanks for your post!
Oh my goodness, four little ones! I can imagine it has been a crazy time trying to figure out how to incorporate reading aloud into your already so busy days. I think the audio books are a great place to start.
Thank you for your kind words.
Shawna
Shawna @ Not The Former Things’s latest post: Reading Aloud In Our Home
Ugh, “twaddle”. The biggest guilt trip of all time for homeschooling moms. I’m always second-guessing myself, even as we’re laughing our heads off at Ramona the Pest, or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Is this twaddle?
I read aloud before bed, because it’s the only chance to do it. (We babysat another child for 9 months. He disliked things like sitting still.) We don’t have any learning disabilities, and reading aloud helps us all settle down and laugh together. Sometimes I’m too tired (or angry) to read, so I take those nights off. :-p
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If Ramona is twaddle, then I am in big trouble. 🙂
Thank you so much for your encouragement and honesty.
Shawna
Shawna @ Not The Former Things’s latest post: Reading Aloud In Our Home
I read once somewhere (I really need to find it again) that a college professor surveyed his students about who had read the classics as kids/teens. The ones who had, and enjoyed them, were the same ones who also read and enjoyed all the popular “junk” novels – they read whatever they wanted and enjoyed it all. The students who had their reading controlled more were less likely to read anything at all. I’ve followed that with my own kids – I veto a book here and there for a specific reason (i.e. my Oz loving 9yo is not allowed to read “Wicked” until she’s older because it has sex and the F-word in it), but mostly, my kids read what they want with plenty of classic read-alouds in the mix. To them, a book is a book is a book, and they’re all good!
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Thank you. Just thank you… <3
Carly – you are so very welcome.
🙂 Shawna
Shawna @ Not The Former Things’s latest post: Reading Aloud In Our Home
Thank you for this! We are a read-out-loud family, sometimes… Half the nights they “camp out” and watch a movie during bedtime and the other half is the traditional “pick a book and read” before bed.
Some school days we do not even manage to squeeze in a book and often I find myself “busy” with chores or what “I think” we need to be doing. However, when they pick a book from our shelf or a book related to the week’s theme, I have learned that what I am doing can wait (unless it means burnt food or a COMPLETELY unreasonable time) and I stop and read per their request whatever their heart desires. And if it is a bad time for mommy to stop whatever it is she is doing, we come to a solution and agreement and I read it when I am available.
I feel less guilt about scheduling it or reading the “perfect/required books” because I know I have given the time and heard their request.
Well said, Terri. Thank you.
Shawna
Shawna @ Not The Former Things’s latest post: Reading Aloud In Our Home
I always thought that read a loud time should be so romantic, but at least one out of three of my children complains almost every. single. day. We do it anyway and once we start it goes well, but the complaining gets to me. I don’t remember it being like that when my Mom used to read to myself and my siblings.
Where do you get your audio books?
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We used to get them through Learning Ally – a free service for children with learning disabilities. We found it to be useful, but sometimes not as engaging because of the audio quality. We finally broke down and subscribed to Audible. It is a little pricey, but less than buying all the books, and incredibly easy to use!
Shawna @ Not The Former Things’s latest post: Reading Aloud In Our Home
Love, LOVE, LOVE the idea of using audio books for read aloud. Why have I not thought of this!! Thank you!!
I love reading aloud to my children and they love being read aloud to, so that is not a problem. But like you said, let’s not pressure ourselves and others over the correct way to do it or over what we are reading or not reading. It is meant to be enjoyed and savored for all. Even if this means the kids lying on the floor and coloring while I read. I read aloud some part of the homeschool curriculum to my son every day. Usually science, history, and literature. Then we usually have another book for bedtime, but I am less consistent with this. All I know is that my dad reading aloud to my siblings and I after dinner is one of my most treasured memories. And when I ask my children what is one of their most treasured childhood memory, they mention reading aloud. And that is really what it is about. Making memories and creating bonds.
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