Six years ago, after I became a mother for the first time, I began getting to know other mothers in the community where we lived.
A few of these seasoned moms homeschooled their kids. Back then, I didn’t know anything about homeschooling. Like many, I thought it seemed just a little…different. Odd. Strange.
Prefer to listen instead?
Most of the time when I overheard these women talking about their educational choice, and why they were doing it, the reasons seemed to have one thing in common.
Can you guess what it was?
Fear.
It wasn’t always spelled out like that. Sometimes it sounded more like this:
- Have you seen the state of public schools recently?
- My kids might get involved with the wrong crowd.
- My kids might be influenced in a negative way.
- My kids might be teased and bullied.
- My kids might be abused.
- You never know when they’ll be another school shooting.
- My kids might not get the attention they need.
Fear. It’s a bad motivator and a worse master. It’s not strong enough to see you through the long haul of homeschooling–the ups, the downs, the daily challenges. (By the way, fear is also the worst reason to send your kids to traditional school–as in the fear of homeschooling and taking full responsibility for your kids’ education.)
Fear is just simply bad news.
At times I could see the point behind what these homeschooling friends were saying. But I didn’t want to make decisions in my life based on fear. I decided to look into homeschooling, to see if it had anything else to offer.
And then I was blown away.
Why had no one ever told me about how incredible this could be? How it could offer such a unique and amazing education for my children? Forget fear, this was plain and simple a wonderful opportunity–an adventure we could embark on as a family.
I made a list of my own motivations. Why was our family doing this?
Here are some of the reasons:
- Belief that individualized education is better than institutionalized education
- Freedom for our children to progress at their own pace, without being labeled as either slow or gifted
- Freedom for our children to pursue their own passions and interests and enjoy “self-directed” learning
- Belief that this is what God wants for our family at this time
- Freedom to bring an international focus to our family’s education
- Belief that thinking independently is of greater value than learning to “perform,” and a more valuable skill to have in the “real world”
- Promotes a strong sense of family relationships, provides enough time for individualized attention for all the children
- As a mother, no one is more committed to my children’s success than I am.
I wrote this list so I could focus on homeschooling’s benefits, its opportunities, its blessings.
I wrote it to reread on difficult days–days when I question, days when I doubt.
Days when I fear.
Our children’s emotions feed off the atmosphere we create in our home. If we create a culture of fear, we feed them fear. If we create a culture of confidence, we feed them confidence.
Which do you want to provide the nourishment for their souls?
I recently came across this quote in the excellent book, Simplicity Parenting. The words, by journalist Ellen Goodman, ring so true that I find myself considering them regularly:
“The central struggle of parenthood is to let our hopes for our children outweigh our fears.”
May we have the courage to banish fear from the doorways of our minds, our hearts, and our home schools.
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love this – I’m definitely bookmarking this and pulling it out on OUR bad days. This is our first year homeschooling, and we’re really enjoying the student-led aspect of it!
Has anyone ever had a problem with State interference CPS your family, due your choice to homeschool?
Another question i have is..
My daughter struggles with keeping up with the public education pace. She also struggles with math. Not her best subject. Gets very low C’s on average. What happens if we home school and we can’t get her grades up in math? If she continues to be a C/ borderline D average in math? She is in 7th grade and up until 5th grade all her grades were A’s and B’s then Something happened with Math. She struggles with almost all of it.
What a great post!!! It is definitely going in my link it pile. So often it is fear that sends folks crashing and burning when they discover their fears were unfounded!!! Of course our kids could be happy in the right school and of course they would get an education and make friends but that isn’t the reason for homeschooling, when you can see your children thrive on love and attention all day, when you know that you are the only one patient enough to sit with the beginner reader that just isn’t beginning, or let your inventor create from recycling all day and call it “technology school.” I know that my kids aren’t getting the perfect education – they wouldn’t get that in school either… and I know some days are really not the best, they wouldn’t be in school either, and some days we don’t cover everything, they wouldn’t in school either. But my kids are getting the very best education that we can give them in the very best environment for them to learn and discover, because we really believe that their education is our responsibility and the time we spend with our kids now is an investment in their lives enabling them to be creative and caring, contributing and committed adults one day.
Loved this post. I am considering homeschooling, in fact very excited about it but at the same time I am scared to death I wont do a good enough job. I am pretty certain I will be great at it, no one loves them more than I do.
Thank you much for this post. I really needed to hear this at this point in our journey. First official year homeschooling 5yr son & have 2 daughters 2yrs & 7 months. Never a dull moment.
Lovely post. Just lovely. I think it also taps into another ‘thing’ that homeschooling parents have to deal with – coming up with ‘excuses’ for why you do it. People expect you to say you have problems with the local schools, or the school system in general etc. I wrote a post about why we were choosing to home educate when we first started last year, and it pretty much boils down to – because we want to.
http://nobeatenpath.com/?p=1640
As I said in that post:
‘At the end of the day I am not worried – I know we have made the right choice, and what is more, as it is a choice to do something we want to do rather than something we should do or have to do, it is a positive one. ‘
That is the vibe I got from your article. So thank-you: for bolstering me 🙂 but for also pointing out that for many people, choosing to educate our children at home is not always about reacting to negatives but is often about choosing to embrace positives.
lovely post andsomething i agree with 🙂 i am doing homeschooling- just started and its fun and interesting and needs commitment. i can onkly do it for a few years as school is obligatory and homeschooling against the law here
I don’t believe it’s neccessarily fear. I think a lot of the feelings motivating those questions may be fear, but there’s also another possibility: Wisdom. If you observe the public schools in your area, state, or country lacking the safety, education standards, or behavior standards you would expect, then of course, keeping them home to homeschool would be a WISE thing to do. Wise parents keep their children AWAY from situations they believe are dangerous.
The reasons you stated are huge motivating factors for me to homeschool. I went to public school for all but one year, and I’m well aware of what is going on in many of the schools in this country through the news. Wisdom has led me to be aware of and judge the situation for what it is, and I often spread the web addresses around to parents who should know what’s happening. This is not fear, but vigilance. Protect yourself, and protect your children.
That isn’t to say that I don’t recognize the golden opportunity that homeschooling is. As bad as public schools can be, homeschools can be amazing. For all the reasons that public schools are undesirable, homeschools can be wonderful. Recognizing how terrible things can get doesn’t prevent us from making the lives of our children great.
The word “dangerous” is a key one in your post. If your public schools are actually dangerous, then it is wise to keep your children out of them. The public schools in our area are not dangerous. They just don’t offer the same advantages as homeschooling.
I grew up in a small town and went to both a private Christian school and a public school (for high school). The public schools were not dangerous. My parents wanted me to have a different kind of education, though. One that offered both textbook and spiritual learning. It was good for me to have that solid foundation. It was also great for me to have the opportunity to attend public school which was much more similar to what I experienced in college.
I’ve found that one of the most challenging things as a parent is to create a foundation and not a bubble and having the wisdom to know the difference.
I honestly don’t believe the danger of public schools is isolated or restricted. From what I’ve read and seen, it is the rule and not the exception. So much goes on in public schools that we never even hear about. I’ve read news stories from across this country that would curl anyone’s toes. About everything from kindegartners on up to high schoolers. This environment isn’t restricted to the schools either. It reaches out into our neighborhoods and our streets. There’s an intersection 5 minutes from my house where someone was murdered a few months ago, and I live in a decent, middle-class neighborhood. In a world like ours, a bubble is one of the best things to provide children, and “sheltered” is one of the best things they could be. From inside the bubble, learning about the world’s dangers from a safe place is the proper way to deal with it. Not a “sink or swim” attitude, relying on the fact that nothing bad has happened in the area before.
It’s probably fair to say we have a difference in opinion on parenting and that’s okay. 🙂
I’m not judging here, because you sound like the vast majority of the parents that I know. But, I’m here to tell you that it’s not dangerous out there, or not anymore than it was when we were kids and a heck of a lot less dangerous than many places in the world. Safety is an ILLUSION – being so safe as to prevent any harm at all is its own danger! Kids need to learn how to deal with life, real life, just not the one where there are never any skinned knees. At some point, your kids are going to have to leave and be on their own… at at that point, they need to know how to deal with life as it is, not as we’d like it to be. Should we work to keep our kids safe? Of course. Seat belts and bike helmets are great things! Should we worry about the insanely remote chance of kidnapping or murder to the point where we prevent our kids from playing outside with pals or going to the neighborhood park with their friends? No. That is doing something far worse than the murderers or molesters do – it is taking away their childhood. I want my little girl to be confident and capable of handling herself in any situation – to know what to do and not freak out when it happens. THAT is to me what preparing my child for her future is, not keeping her so sheltered in the little bubble that the world overwhelms her. What happens when she goes to college? My husband is a professor at a large state university… and college kids today simply do not know how to deal with life. They’re expected to go from protected bubble kid to full on adult in a matter of days… and many do not make the transition well.
I’m not the only one thinking this…
http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/
Take a deep breath. Enjoy life and let your kids enjoy their childhood! There is nothing more scary than fear itself…
Except that woman sends a single-digit-aged kid around on the city subway with no adult along for the ride.
There’s not keeping your kids in a bubble, and then there’s being unbelievably foolish. Full-grown women are assaulted and full-grown men mugged on those trains all the time. What makes anyone think the kids will be left alone?
If she knew the difference between proper parental protection and the bubble, it’d be one thing. Plainly she doesn’t.
My dad was career Navy and over about a six-year span, he was deployed on the USS Nimitz. We didn’t have a ton of income and couldn’t live in base housing for part of that time, so my stepmother started working graveyard shift at a motel so she could be home in case the school called during the day. This meant she was asleep during the day on weekends and during the summer. (I don’t actually think this part was wise of her, because it meant we had half the supervision we were supposed to have, and I was 11 and my brother 7 when my dad deployed. But never mind.)
She had an ingenious solution to the whole problem of us being able to go out and play. She let us do it, but we had to check in with her every half-hour. If we failed to check in on time, that was it and we were in for the day.
Someone living in a safe neighborhood or one with a moderate danger level (as in, you don’t have gangs or drive-by shootings) could try something like this. The kids would still get unstructured time outside, you wouldn’t be hovering over them, and you’d still know if something went wrong.
It’s not a matter of EITHER keep your kids in a bubble OR become guilty of criminal neglect. There are other options along that spectrum.
Four years, not six years. I thought about it again. Plainly I have not had enough caffeine yet today. 🙁
I agree with your comment whole-heartedly.
The dangers of public schools are not only physical either. Even if you live in a “safe” area, you still should protect your kids from mental and emotional influences and dangers.
I completely agree with your comments. Of course there are many reasons why we choose to homeschool. I don’t think there is anything wrong with admitting that some of those reasons lie with the state of today’s society and educational system. There are situations in which it would be downright irresponsible not to “fear” for your children. Does that mean that every school is horrible? Of course not. However we must be realistic. I went to public school and loved it! I had a wonderful experience. Unfortunately, I know the system has changed and things would be very different now for my five year old. This is not me being paranoid. I come from a family of educators. So many things happen that no one ever hears about. Many times it is because the school principal is too preoccupied with making their school look good on paper. They don’t want to draw negative attention to the school. They prefer to make pretend horrible things are not happening within their walls. To think that these things would never happen within your community is naïve.
That being said, I do wholeheartedly believe that homeschooling is not just a way to educate- it is a way of life. “Traditional” schooling may be an excellent option to for many families. It is just no longer an option for our family. We love homeschooling in every respect.
Love this! Can I admit that I am afraid of both homeschooling and public school? I see benefits and drawbacks to both and really wish there was a way to combine the two.
Yep, you can admit that Kristen. I wrote this article, but there are still days when I’m scared as all get out. 😉 It’s all about courageously pursuing what you believe is best for your family.
What’s best can also change over time, and that’s ok, too! Homeschooling itself is not what brings the listed benefits—it is how a mom runs her homeschool. Quality varies drastically, but no one is there to question our claims of success. This is first in my mind as I determine how homeschooling fits into the picture with my family. It’s not an automatic winner because, due to life factors, sometimes a different option is better than how I can run my homeschool at that time. I remember my homeschool years as a child being very lackluster. I got behind in some areas, and a lot of the enrichment experiences my elementary schools provided disappeared. Those actually matter. We spent a lot of time outside and reading during a public school year and didn’t need 30 more hours of that a week. It was withering. We didn’t live in a great area at the time, and my parents really were doing what they thought best. Still, I will never forget how mediocre it all was. It’s ok to say, “You know, these babies and my PPD (or whatever challenges you face) mean that (stated benefits) are not happening. But that’s ok because there are other options that can bring me to a place where I can see those benefits in my homeschool again.” Black and white thinkers in this area can cause problems for themselves and others.
Great post. Mine is out of fear quite honestly. I have 5 children, one about to graduate..yay! I have nothing against public schools. I went to one, I have 3 others in one now. But our 10 year has high functioning autism and daily living skills are what is important to us to become a functioning member of society.
Education is not a one size fits all. He has a individualized educational plan but it’s still not the way I believe he learns.
We have alot to think about and this helped me. Thanks
Great insight Jamie! I believe ‘fear’ can be such a common motivation among well-meaning parents and they don’t find the inspiration and positive philosophy of an alternate method of education that can transform their focus into offering children a totally different approach to learning which can far outweigh what the traditional school setting has to offer. Good thoughts… also the interesting to think about the other side of fear when we doubt homeschooling because we are afraid of it not ‘being enough’ for them. Love this post! thanks for all you do on simplehomeschool… I’m always grateful to learn & read more!
I think it probably is best to have some healthy “fear” about some things. Unfounded fears are foolish. Worrying about everything that “might” or “possibly could, maybe happen” is foolish. Not leaving your small children home alone because you are “afraid” they might get hurt, not letting them play unattended in the street because you are “afraid” they might get hit by a car are good fears. So, similarly, not sending your children to a public or certain private school because you don’t want them to see things that “vex their souls” on a daily basis or will absorb attitudes that WILL be harmful to them in the long run is a healthy “fear”. I do agree that you need positive reasons as well, but not all negative reasons are bad. Maybe calling them concerns would be more apt.
Totally agree!!
Love this. Totally agreed!
I am just starting the Homeschooling journey, officially in the fall, for First Grade. I have met many HSers and Christian-schoolers who are so fearful of their children being “stained” by the world. While we absolutely must protect our children, I don’t think that HSing or Christian school is the only way, nor should your main motivation for HSing or Christian school be to play “keep away”.
Wrote a similar post a few weeks back: http://www.katieorrblog.com/2011/02/h-word-part-1.html
Great idea to have your reasons written out to go back to!
Love this post Jamie! I find many people assume we homeschool because of things we don’t like about the public school system — I think a lot of us have probably encountered that, “Oh, you must homeschool because you hate the school system …”
But actually, we just love homeschooling. We love seeing our children learning every day. We like just being together!
“But actually, we just love homeschooling. We love seeing our children learning every day. We like just being together!”
Yes, Kara! That’s it.
I enjoyed this article. The public schools in my area are great so unless my 10 month old shows signs of being a late bloomer or slow learner, I will probably not be doing any homeschooling. But I like to keep my options open. I am a big believer in not making decisions based on fear. Unless I am about to get hit by a bus 🙂
Thanks for your insight. I think a good motto is this: Don’t take counsel from our fears.
Great way to put it, Jeri! So hard to do at times. 😉
Great post. Even though I am homeschooling my daughter, I have taught public middle school for 17 years and continue to teach part-time. Recently on one of the HS boards I belong to a mother said she didn’t want her son to be forced to sit next to drug addicts in the public middle school, so they homeschooled. Please. Yes, there are dangerous areas in this country, and the schools in those neighborhoods may be dangerous, too, but public schools are not filled with drug pushers and murderers. I chose to homeschool my daughter because it suited her needs, and I feel that I can give her the kind of education she requires, which the public system cannot. However, my son is still in public school, because it suits his needs right now. You are right to examine the positive benefits homeschooling can bring, because there are so , so many.
I agree that the best reasons to HS are because of all the positive aspects of HSing instead of the negative aspects of SOTH (school outside the home). The biggest reason we HS is because it is quite simply a wonderful way of life for us!
That said, I do think Laura has a point. Saying that those parents are ruled by fear is a bit unfair. Bullies, unsafe conditions, bad messages and administrators that push test scores above what’s best for children are all very real concerns in even the “best” schools (and among my friends in the Twin Cities area, every one claims that her child’s school has been deemed “best”). I went to “good” schools and what I went through definitely had an effect on my decision to HS. Listening to what was going on in our good, safe, well respected, small town elementary school was also a factor.
We should always make choices based on reaching for the good instead of running from the bad, so I definitely agree with your post! Just thought I’d pipe in with that too. 🙂
I completely agree, Alicia! We all face the same battles, often on a daily basis, and have to choose from which perspective to focus on. I think it is part of our job to consider what is going on in schools and then make a decision out of joy and confidence.
I knew what you were going to say before I even clicked over! I’m currently preparing to give a talk about home schooling to our pre-school moms group at church and this is one of the points I want to address with them. Don’t home school out of fear, but out of a desire to please God by discipling your children and providing them with the best opportunities and the best teacher in the world, their mom!
Thank you for sharing these thoughts.
I was easily driven by fear at the start of our HS process – fear of what others might think when I tell them we are homeschooling (I taught at two of the oldest, most respected boys’ schools in the country before having children and am surrounded by family members who work in the education system)
Now, my response to why we homeschool is that we have chosen to take on/deal with the challenges of homeschooling rather than the challenges of school. And although, as many have mentioned, every day is not perfectly calm and productive I am peaceful and very happy with our decision!
Simply one of your BEST.POSTS.EVER! XO, ;0)
Thank you so much, Teri!
I have to confess that after reading your list of reasons not to homeschool, fear was probably the driving force that brought us to homeschooling our little ones. I don’t think that I ever identified that until now. But, I can with confidence say that fear isn’t what would hold me to homeschooling. The time I have spent with my kids in our first year has been amazing! I think that is proof that God works all things for the good and I am thankful for His faithfulness even in my weakness.
That is awesome to hear, Stephanie. Wonderful!
Jamie,
Great post and plenty of food for thought. I have sat with similar moms who have or had fears about violence, drugs, peer pressure, bullying, drinking, etc. I wouldn’t say it was actually FEAR that made them choose to homeschool, but a healthy concern about the reality of what exists in all school settings at some level. Alongside discussing the negative aspects of an institutional school setting we always come back to the positive benefits of homeschooling. Most of the homeschooling parents I’ve met over the last 13 years of our homeschooling journey have been led to homeschool for reasons that fit their child/ children and support the kind of family life they want to live. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and FAITH to homeschool your children and some fear and doubt is normal… It just shouldn’t rule the roost!
Deb
Jamie,
Great post and plenty of food for thought. I have sat with similar moms who have or had fears about violence, drugs, peer pressure, bullying, drinking, etc. I wouldn’t say it was actually FEAR alone that made them choose to homeschool, but a healthy concern about the reality of what exists in all school settings at some level. Alongside discussing the negative aspects of an institutional school setting we always come back to the positive benefits of homeschooling. Most of the homeschooling parents I’ve met over the last 13 years of our homeschooling journey have been led to homeschool for reasons that fit their child/ children and support the kind of family life they want to live. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and FAITH to homeschool your children and some fear and doubt is normal… It just shouldn’t rule the roost!
Deb
Absolutely, Debbie. Faith can and should conquer fear. It’s all about what we choose to focus on.
I love this, list of reasons why she home schools! I think it’s beneficial to make that list and revisit it on the “hard” days when things just aren’t going as planned or when family or outside forces push extra hard. To remember the why for our own families! *smile*
We love the freedom home schooling brings and the rate at which children can grow in all different areas of their lives. The main goal we have in our home is that they grow up to fear the Lord and fallow Him with all that they are and have within!
Thanks for sharing this with all of us. I appriciate it. Not to mention being interested in why others not only choose to but continue home schooling their blessings from the Lord. Grow in God with us. Sincerely, Mommy of two little blessings & so much more!
Great post! I am thinking I should make a list, so I can look at it on our bad days. A major reason I started homeschooling was out of fear.
I think making your own list is a great idea, Jenny. And I think fear knocks on all of our doors–at times we all allow him entry. But each day is a new day!
Thank you Jamie. I have been thinking about homeschooling and fear has been a motivator. Yet my desire to spend more time with my daughter and give her a free-er, more individual education motivates me more, helping her to have a desire to learn more than learn what will be tested in our state.
Right now I’m being motivated more by a fear of not making it financially if I should quit my job or go down to working part-time. We have debts to pay off that will take a few years. 🙁 So I am torn. My full-time job is paying for her to go to a Montessori pre-school right now, so I at least feel good about that.