A Homeschool Mom’s Fearful Experiment

A Homeschool Mom’s Fearful Experiment ~
Written by Jamie C. Martin

I’ve failed again;
I know it.
There are a million ways
I’ve shown it.

I’d been feeling so good about our progress,
Then you came home and said you couldn’t fill out the form.
All of the other kids did, but
you weren’t sure how to spell the words.

My heart smashed flat like a grape under siege at a winery.
I could barely breathe. Sick to my core.
Over-reacting? Yes, I’m aware.
Does that make it stop? Never.

You see, my child,
I care so much and know so little.
I have no real-life role models for this journey and
you are my Mad Scientist experiment.

What I want for you is wonder, play, delight, childhood.
What I want for you is different.
But different is scary.
Terrifying, in fact.

There’s comfort in sameness.
Comfort, even, in following the crowd off a cliff.
At least everyone’s together.
A pile of bodies at the bottom to cushion the blow.

But on our side of the mountain, there’s no trail.
We ascend or fall on our own.
We’re the mapmakers, the pioneers,
not even knowing our destination.

I try to remind myself to look up
at the unfolding view,
instead of obsessing over each step.
Yet the fear of stumbling is real.

I remember this each time I see you fill out a form,
a young man now.
We figured it out together.
You were my student, now I’ve become yours.

You teach me that adulting doesn’t always have to mean struggle.
That a foundation of love covers a multitude of tiny cracks.
It turns out that some of life’s best discoveries
happen in Mad Scientist home laboratories.

The raw, rough materials,
quite ordinary on their own,
combine into something much greater
than the sum of their parts.

It’s alchemy,
magic in motion.
You jump off the cliff,
and rise.

*****

The above was inspired by an incident that happened years ago with my son Jonathan, and I surprised him with the poem during the FINAL EPISODE of the Simple Homeschool podcast, ready for you now!

In this episode, Jonathan (homeschooled K-12) also gives those of you feeling worried about your kids’ future an encouraging pep talk from his perspective, having graduated two years ago. And we recap the most popular episodes he and I have recorded together, including:

• 5th most popular – Ep 110: When Your Homeschooler Refuses to Do Something
• 4th most popular – Ep 104: Did you “miss out” because of homeschooling?
• 3rd most popular – Ep 106: The “S” Word, Socialization
• 2nd most popular – Ep 105: What Is Relationship-Centered Homeschooling?
• MOST POPULAR – Ep 109: Reasons to Homeschool (There are a lot of them!)

Listen in to the final episode of the Simple Homeschool podcast (Episode 128) right here!

And just to clarify, no, I’m NOT leaving you all Jamie-less as you navigate your own homeschool mom’s fearful experiment! You’ll still find me right here on SH as well as sharing my original quotes and poetry on both Facebook and Instagram. With you on the journey, Jamie xo

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!