Written by Jamie C. Martin of Simple Homeschool and Introverted Moms
A note from Jamie: Fellow introverted homeschool moms, are you craving more calm, less guilt, and a renewable source of joy for the new year? If so, I would LOVE to invite you to join my Introverted Moms’ Community, where you’ll find all of the above and much more! Membership is open through next Mon, Jan 11th, and you can find all the details here!
Only years after becoming a mother did I fully understand myself as an introvert. (afflink)
My comprehension came painfully, mostly by trial and error:
- I would say yes to that group playdate, only to find myself completely drained for hours afterwards.
- I loved people, but certain overwhelming, crowded situations didn’t seem fun at all–especially with excitable kids in tow.
- I needed, oh how I needed, to be home when nap time arrived each morning for my babies–none of this dragging them around so I could accomplish more.
Would you rather listen to this post?
These days not only do I know more about what being an introvert truly means, I celebrate it and the gifts it offers my family.
There’s a different brand of new year’s intentions for those of us introverted mamas, especially if we’re an introverted homeschool mom–who by the very nature of the calling we’ve chosen have decided to surround ourselves with demanding, (usually loud) people all day every day.
If that isn’t courageous, I don’t know what is.
Here they are, the new year’s resolutions for an introverted homeschool mom. Will you join me in taking them?
1. This year I will adhere to that famous quote by Socrates: “Know thyself!”
I will take a personality test and explore the results a bit. I will read more about what it means to be an introvert.
Photo by Susan Corpuz
2. I will focus more on my strengths than my weaknesses–because my introversion benefits my family in so many ways. I am thoughtful, intentional, deliberate, and a good listener.
3. This year I will examine each opportunity that comes my way and consider this question:
“Will this opportunity honor the person God created me to be? Will it replenish or deplete my inner resources?”
4. After examining the opportunity, I will know what to do and say yes or no accordingly.
5. When I say no, it will be without guilt. When I say yes, it will be with enthusiasm–because I’ll know I’m acting in my sweet spot.
6. Sometime this year I will say yes to something scary and out of my comfort zone, because if famous introverts like Lincoln, Gandhi, and Rosa Parks teach us anything, it’s that boldness and courage are not the realm of extroverts alone.
7. This year I will plan my homeschool days in ways that nourish the core of who I am.
Math time will not be more important than Mommy time–each will have their proper place, and I will not sacrifice the essence of who I am on a self-made altar of perfectionism.
8. This year I’ll remember that it is not selfish to need a break from my children, and I’ll pat them on the head on their way outside while I sit down for 15 minutes with a cup of tea and my thoughts.
Photo by Sam Howzit
9. I will retreat to the bathroom or basement (or anywhere else with a lock on the door) when things get loud and out of control.
I pledge to replenish my secret stash of dark chocolate in said location.
10. This year I’ll do my best to remember that productivity is not the be all and end all to my days.
Getting Things Done may make for a good book title, but it doesn’t necessarily make for a good life.
11. I will seek to understand the personality of the little ones under my care, as they blossom and bloom in front of me.
If I have extroverts, I will celebrate and nurture their exuberance. If I have introverts, I will teach them to value and honor their nature and I’ll enjoy the unique bond we share together.
12. This year I’ll make the effort to go out with close friends, even when I’m exhausted at the end of a long day of mothering…
…because I need to finish an uninterrupted conversation occasionally.
13. After a couple of hours with these wonderful friends, I will come home and happily get into my pajamas…and exhale.
And the times I choose to stay home it will be without guilt and with a book in hand.
Photo by Jaime Morrow
14. When I’ve had little sleep and/or little patience, I will declare it a “movie morning” – and put on something educational for the kids to watch.
We’ll call it school for the day, because it’s better for them to lose a day of phonics practice than for Mommy to completely lose it around them.
15. On the days when nothing works, when I completely screw up, feel totally drained by our schedule, and emotionally exhausted from the constant noise, I will forgive myself.
I will not hold myself responsible for all my kids’ issues. I will allow imperfection in my home, my homeschool, and myself.
I’ll go to bed early, get up, and try again tomorrow.
Because what my kids most need from their introverted homeschool mom this year is for me to be here…
… and that I resolve, with love, to do.
Download the calendar to see what’s coming this semester in Introverted Moms:
What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!
Weekend homeschool links: January 1st
As a newly discovered introverted mom of eleven (I always thought I was an extrovert because I love people, until I took a personality test), thank you so much for this- especiallu #8, 9, 14, &, 15. I’m saving this post!
Shelly I also always thought of myself as an extrovert and did not take a test, but noticed lately how much I enjoy being alone more than in a group. (and I only have 6 but, my brother has 10)
For ages, I considered my personality to be a defect.
Just in the past few years have I come to realize that perhaps the Lord made me this way!?!
It’s so freeing – and I’m just now beginning to feel content with how I’m wired.
SO good. And such great links.
I needed this. A million thank yous.
– Kate 🙂
Kate’s latest post: The New Year….and some Animals
I could have written this! Even to the name. I read it through to make sure I didn’t reply in my sleep. LOL It is so freeing to realize that GOD MADE ME THIS WAY! He has a purpose for me and my not-defective personality.
So glad to hear this is a freeing realization for you, Kate!
I have been reading your posts and guest post for the last several weeks having stumbled across you’re blog looking for advice on homeschooling. I’ve learned so much, it is greatly appreciated and I look forward to your posts. Today’s post was so perfectly designed for me to read today. Our first day of homeschool. Thanks for this post to start my day with!
One of the most important things you said is that it’s okay to need a break from your kids sometimes. Some people make you feel like a horrible mom for saying it.
Shelly’s latest post: When God Answers
Thank you so much for posting this Jamie, it is very timely! I hadn’t thought much about being introvert vs extrovert, until a few weeks ago someone brought it up and I realised that yes, I am an introvert, and my daughter is too, and that is why homeschooling works for us and why she’s an absolute mess and totally stressed when she goes to school… I’ll keep this post handy throughout the year as a lovely reminder on how to make the most out of this wonderful homeschooling adventure of ours 🙂
Sara’s latest post: So what’s been happening?
I just felt called to tell you how much your blog means to me. I read it every time! You are such an inspiration in my life. I thank you for living out load.
Today’s post was extra special to me. I will print and post on my office wall.
Thanks, Jamie!!
Sending love,
Jai
These are great, Jamie!
I have always looked at introverts/extroverts as where you get your energy from. As an introvert, I get my energy from being alone. If I can see it this way, I don’t feel as though I am taking time away from my children, but re-charging myself, so I can “get back in the ring”. You can’t run on an empty tank.
I love Myers Briggs, but also find the Enneagram profoundly illuminating.
Yes, “Know thyself” – a great quote to begin with.
Have a great Monday!
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Thanks for including the link to your past article about introvert moms homeschooling extrovert kids. I already achieve most of the 15 resolutions included here, but sat thinking “what about my kids?” I enjoyed reading about how sibling playdates are fuel for extroverts. I’d worried a lot that I didn’t run my extroverts around enough and wondered if sibling contact was enough fuel for their personalities (there are currently 7 kids here at home). It’s good to have a confirming opinion that it is. I do try to get my crew out and about, but if I’m out too much, I really lose my mind. East, west, home is best is so very true for me.
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I think in my pre-mommy life I was definitely an extrovert, but all of that energy goes to my children and husband now, and there isn’t a whole lot left over for anyone else! My friends and family don’t understand why I am not constantly out and about, and why we enjoy so much time at our home, and it is because I don’t have any energy left to rush around to accomplish “stuff” just to say that we are doing it. I have one extrovert (I think!) and one introvert, so it is interesting trying to balance their needs with my own. Thanks for this list!
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I felt the same way heather. I have very little energy to give beyond my home. But I still feel like i’m an extrovert, but perhaps borderline?
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Oh my word, YES! I am going to print this and post it for a reminder to myself!!! Thank you so much for this, I needed it today!
Amy Schaffner’s latest post: Letting Go
I love these resolutions! I need to work on #14… I will often just keep pushing myself until I have absolutely no more energy to give. We are not yet devoting much time to schooling, but it still doesn’t do anyone any favors. Great post!
I’m telling you, being an introvert is where it’s at! And we’re in such great company, too.
xo
PS — That J is looking so much like Steve!
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Can you hear my heart singing?? Oh how I love this! Those top 3 introvert clues stopped me in my tracks. Oh I have been there so many times! Thanks for this beautiful post; it’s a keeper! Also, I put that book, Quiet, on hold at the library. Going to go get it today! 🙂 Thanks, always.
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#14 – This! I am learning to let go of the guilt that I normally have when I ‘just can’t do school’.
I had my “ah ha” moment a few years ago when I finally realized why I was so drained at the end of many days. I’m an introvert and I spend most of my days with 3 young children who talk to me all the time. Carving out some peaceful down time (that doesn’t always involve chores) is critical for me to maintain a reasonable level of sanity. I sometimes forget this key fact and, therefore, need good reminders like today’s post. It’s also helpful to know that there are more out there (at least somewhat) like me. 🙂
I’m a major introvert and it has been the hardest part of homeschooling for me. (I also have a husband who works at home.) It has gotten easier as my daughter has gotten older (she’s seven now). But the first four or five years when she was so needy all day… It was difficult.
I do what I have to do to get my introvert time because an unhealthy mom cannot be a good mom. I can’t give what I don’t have and the only way I can get what I need is with extended periods of time alone.
I also think this is probably one of the reasons we ended up with an only child. God knew that even though I was willing to have a number of children, I wasn’t cut out for it. 🙂
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I love this post. I’m an introvert home schooling mum of two and I struggle with my children’s extrovert needs and yes, I have and still do put myself in social situations that totally drain me so my children can get their needs fulfilled. Guilt does bite me often but I will read the related blogs to this post for support and insight. Thank you
WOW! EVERY SINGLE word of this fits me! I carry SOOOOOOOO much guilt because of feeling ALL of the feeling you talked about!!!!!! This will my go to list when guilt and worry set in!!!! Thank you soooooo much for this!!!
Oh yes! To all of this. But especially movie mornings, which I may have initially read as “movie Mondays.” Not sure how that could have happened 😉
Sounds good to me, Kara! Plus you could teach about alliteration as you get the video ready! 😉
Thank you for this! I am an introverted Mama who feels called to homeschool my kids next year and I am absolutely terrified. This article helped!
Love this, I’m an introverted mama who plans to homeschool! I particularly like 5 & 6, no guilt for saying no and having courage to try new things. Great reminders!
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This brought tears to my eyes. I have always Known I am introverted but have spent the last year discovering I am moreso than I thought.I spent a lot of time learning about personality types last year and the Ievel of peace in my home and family has Skyrocketed as I am better able to understand our nature (all of my family is introverted!). I highly recommend reading The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle. So much great information to help undestand and accept the way God designed our children.
Also, I’m going to print these out and ask my husband to read them (he is introverted but not as much as I am) and put them in my homemaking binder to read regularly. And I just discovered the bliss of premium white chocolate baking Squares. Yum!
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So blessed that you would want to print this out, Tessa. Thankful it touched your heart!
Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes. I would add “refuse to feel guilty” about all of the above, especially hiding away from my awesome kids when I can’t take one more “I need” without morphing into Monster Mom. And those extroverted kiddos — one of my biggest challenges in the early years of homeschooling was balancing the needs of my extroverts to plaster themselves to my body and talk to me constantly in order to recharge their own batteries, with my need to get away and sit in quiet for 30 minutes and recharge my own. Which is why even my 14yo has a 7:30 bedtime to this day! (He’s an early riser and fellow introvert, so he gets his alone time in the morning, which works out great for everyone.) Thanks for this article — it helps to know that others out there are fighting the same battles!
A definite yes to the no guilt, Janine – so important!
one of my biggest challenges in the early years of homeschooling was balancing the needs of my extroverts to plaster themselves to my body and talk to me constantly in order to recharge their own batteries, with my need to get away and sit in quiet for 30 minutes and recharge my own.
This is SO my life right now! Thanks for articulating it so well. It’s nice to know I’m not the only to feel this way 🙂
I just wrote a post on being an introvert and a homeschool moms! It is more common than people realize, and it really needs to be addressed because homeschooling is a busy lifestyle. Thanks for your thoughts!
Lisa’s latest post: Introvert moms and homeschooling
I took the personality type test. It was more flattering than I thought I deserved. I also like the movie day when one is tired. There’s always some educational video, but it’s good to have a dual reason for using them. A very good blog and thank you for sharing it.
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