5 things I’d do differently if I started homeschooling now ~
Written by Jamie C. Martin
They say that hindsight is 20/20, don’t they?
Well, it’s been over eleven years since my family took our first timid step on this homeschooling path, and incredibly, it’s still the path we’re on. I look back with few regrets, grateful for all the imperfect choices we made that led us here.
However, my decade of experience has also given me perspective, and there are five things I might do differently if I could go back to those very early years.
I wanted to share them with you today:
5 things I’d do differently if I started homeschooling now
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1 – I would read aloud LESS.
This sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Everyone knows reading aloud is THE thing you do to form lifelong learners. I completely agree.
Yet I know now that it isn’t the amount of reading aloud as much as the habit that matters.
Back then I had internet envy each time I saw a post about someone reading to their kids for HOURS, their littles begging for more. Meanwhile mine might not have made it through one picture book before starting to argue. Those days I felt like a failure.
But guess what? It was still plenty. All three of my teens are avid readers (via print and/or audio), who recently began to tackle this 1,200 page history tome.
Moms of littles, cut yourselves some slack when it comes to reading aloud.
2 – I would use screen time MORE.
We have been slow adopters of tech for our kids when it comes to phones, internet access, and social media, and that has been the right decision for us.
But when my children were younger, I was so worried about their relationship with screens that I didn’t give myself enough grace.
Here are a few ways I would go back and use screen time more:
- allowing them a limited time (15-30 min/day) on certain educational apps–like Reading Eggs
- letting them watch more educational shows or movies on days when we really needed it (2 hours or more on hard days, sick days, husband travel days, etc.)
In hindsight I see that with the right boundaries in place and a strong family culture, kids can easily grow up with screens and not be addicted.
3 – I would start copywork earlier.
Copywork is the practice of copying quotes, sentences, or Bible verses, which helps a student improve their handwriting and spelling from a young age. As a family who practices mainly interest-led learning, there were plenty of times when I agonized over my children’s writing ability.
Copywork, even just one sentence a day, is a small, positive habit that yields great rewards, so I wish I would have started it earlier.
4 – I would pay attention to the academic objectives that kept me up at night.
I was initially drawn to homeschooling because I wanted my young children to love learning, and I saw how the traditional system’s forced requirements often stamped that love out of kids.
My theory was that if my children maintained their love of learning it would eventually make my job easier, as I wouldn’t have to prod them through their entire education. That theory held true, and it’s incredible to have teens who still love learning!
And YET:
There were times when it really troubled me that a child hadn’t reached a specific academic milestone by a certain age, but I didn’t do anything about it. I feared that putting even small requirements in place would kill love of learning forever, so I ignored my own concerns.
I’ve learned, however, that a child’s love of learning is resilient, and paying attention to my own concerns would not have damaged them. Looking back, I would have used intentional bribery more (see point #4 of this post) to ensure that any minor skills that kept me up at night would be addressed, because here’s the truth:
How you feel about your homeschool matters just as much as how your kids feel about it.
You deserve to be at peace as much as your kids deserve a love of learning.
5 – I would pay attention to my own personality’s needs.
The number of years I pushed myself WAY beyond my natural limits are too many to count. I put ridiculous expectations on myself of how much I needed to do, of who I needed to be.
This is why I wrote my book, Introverted Mom, with hope that other introverted women would understand and honor their uniqueness at an earlier stage in the game–and to see the response of mothers telling me their lives have been deeply changed by it has been such a gift.
Now during homeschool days I take a short mid-morning break as well as a lunch break, and I make sure that our homeschool days end at 3pm no matter what.
I needed these breaks and boundaries all along, and I see how they make me a better, more patient mom the whole day through.
After over a decade of homeschooling, I’m amazed that I can only pinpoint five things I’d change if given the chance.
It’s been an adventurous journey, a wild rollercoaster at times, yes, but I’m still overwhelmingly grateful to have stayed on for the ride.
To think about: What would you do differently if you started homeschooling now?
What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!
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Thank you so much for sharing your perspective! It is so hard some time to reconcile one’s principles with how to practically parent and homeschool. Since your book came out, I’ve been thinking about what I need (as an introvert with 4 kids!) and it has been really helpful to reframe things instead of just thinking about what the kids need. I’m 5 years into homeschooling and the thing I am working on this year is not PUSHING everyone, including myself, to spend more time outside! Outside time is so important, and I need to provide space for it, but we also love inside stuff and that is fine too . . .
Thanks, Jen! It’s funny how we create our own rules and “shoulds” at times–whether that’s about outside time or whatever it might be–we can be so hesitant to fully embrace our homeschooling freedoms. I hope this encouraged you that you’re on the right track!
Jamie very insightful post! As I get older and the homeschooling years are flying by, I’m often asked by those just starting out advice to give. I think your thoughts here are worth passing on to those just starting the journey. What I most appreciate is the fact that I don’t hear any remorse or regret in your words, which can quickly lead to discouragement. In turn I hear a heart of gratitude for the time spent whether it was executed perfectly or not so perfectly, it all counted towards a Love of Learning!
Yes, Nora, so true! We also need to give ourselves grace that we did the best we could way back when, and then just continue to apply what we’ve learned to our here and now.
This was lovely to read, and I’m finding many of these tips resonated with how we’re currently homeschooling. I always plan for too many read alouds but with a 2 & 3.5 year old it’s really hard to get through as much I’d like to. Thanks for making me feel better about cutting myself some slack!
I just picked up your book and I’m looking forward to reading it as a fellow introverted mom.
You’re so welcome, Isis! I’m glad it was an encouragement and I hope the book is as well!
I would love to have a copy. This sounds like something I should read.
You can find that right here, Mattie: https://amzn.to/2r4QmQQ
Yes, number four is a good one! There are times that interest led just won’t cut it and then it’s good to have the confidence to step in and direct!
Number 4 is gold! Homeschoolers in Singapore have to take government exams twice. And I have worried about how to meet the exam requirements without killing off any interest! Hearing this advice from a more experienced mum helps so much!
Oh I’m so glad, Serene!
I love this. Super timely. I can completely relate. How do you get those kids up to speed? I too did tons of read aloud and little formal academics and now spelling/writing keep me up at night!
I absolutely love Primary Language Lessons for copy work, grammar,dictation, etc and my 2nd and 3rd grader love it too. Touch type read and spell help with both typing, reading and spelling online, also explode the code (either workbooks or online is a favorite too. Although their online is archaic software. Hope that helps.
I love old pictures of your boys in shirts I recognize. <3
Right?!!
I think about this now and then, two years post-homeschooling for 19 years. I would actually read aloud more… and we read a LOT …. and I would keep reading all the way through high school. I would take fewer co-op classes and, instead, do small groups of 3-4 students in my home. I would do less screen-time, especially for my youngest, who got the most screen time. I would do more trips. I’d start practicing for the ACT sooner (I despise standardized testing, but it’s an unfortunate necessity), actually teaching… TO THE TEST — which galls me to even say. I”d also do more copywork and do it earlier. I’d have more discussions about current events around the dining room table. I’d listen to my gut more, listen to my kids more, and ignore the general homeschooling public more. And I’d put my kids in every single online Brave Writer class!
Sarah at SmallWorld at Home’s latest post: 2020 in Review (Part 1)
So lovely to hear from you, Sarah!! I hope you are all doing well!
Thank you so much for this post! It is my first year as a homeschooling mom after leaving brick and mortar schools. I have plenty of anxieties trying to unschool them, as well as walking this new journey in peace. Your words were very much needed and helped me today immensely. Simple and well stated. Thank you for shoveling a lot of my worries away.
You’re so welcome, Nicole, and I’m so glad it was a help!
Thank you so much for your posts. They have been a lifeline to me as I have started homeschooling my third grader this year. I have two questions. I love the importance you place on students’ interests in learning. Can you give me some tips on that please? And secondly, what are the advantages of copy work ? Thanks so much!!
Thank you for this! I am wondering if you used any resources for copy work? I want to add that in to our daily routine.
I enjoyed reading this post. I’m learning more and more to pay attention to #5 especially! It can be hard to listen to my own heart sometimes when it comes to my kids; to silence the voices of what others are doing or saying is important when homeschooling. Thanks for sharing what you would have changed.