Written by Hannah Vanderpool of Praying with One Eye Open
I’ve noticed something about my fellow homeschoolers. As a family’s kids get older, the parents tend to get quieter online, at least where homeschooling is concerned.
It’s probably not because they’ve run out of ideas for how to incorporate science into their teenagers’ days, or because there aren’t plenty of funny one-liners they could report.
It’s probably because those of us with older kids sense that our teens need increased privacy, and that, before long, their educational journeys in our homes will come to an end.
And, anyway, if we think about it, we’re just glad blogs didn’t exist when we were their age.
I’m one of those moms who felt like there was plenty to discuss when I was homeschooling 5-, 6-, and 7- year-olds. But now that my husband and I have a teenager, I suddenly feel at a loss for what to add to the online conversation.
There are stories I can’t tell these days — struggles that will stay between our own four walls out of respect for my kids.
The truth is that when I talk about homeschooling now, I end up talking about me, not math. I write about how I hope all the years at home have served my kids well, hoping I’ve done enough of this or that, or that I’ve said enough “I’m sorrys.”
Will the future be kind to me, I wonder, as I see this strange and sweet chapter nearing its last few pages?
I don’t know. But what I do know is that, for the last ten years, I’ve been homeschooled along with my kids, and I’ve had to learn my own share of lessons.
Here are 10 things I’ve discovered in my 10 years of homeschooling:
1. Really learning something takes time, sometimes more time than you think it should.
And that’s ok. Getting impatient with yourself or your kids doesn’t make a new concept sink in faster. It just makes all of you angry, and then sad.
2. Boredom can be a hallway on your child’s way to an imaginative room of possibilities. Or it can just be boredom.
If it’s the former, push through. If it’s the latter, go to the library or Sonic, and be done with it already.
3. People learn (and homeschool) in a variety of ways.
Letting your kid watch a documentary on an interesting topic is not fake homeschooling. It’s one legitimate way to discover something new.
And it won’t turn kids who read into kids who stare off into space and mumble.
4. But books are something special.
That hasn’t changed, right?
5. Criticism has its place, but that place is further down the table than you might think.
I have helpfully critiqued my kids’ writing, math, and public speaking with gusto, and, you know what? I’ve never seen it get through to them the way starting a sentence with, “Here are all the things I think you did well” seems to.
The effectiveness of the whole praise-before-criticism thing always catches me off guard until I think about receiving feedback on my own writing projects. Then it makes perfect sense.
6. Sometimes it’s okay to quit on a boring read-aloud.
It really hurts me to type that, but it’s true.
I’ve done it and the homeschool police didn’t show up at my door. Also, my kids mostly finish their own books as teens, so it didn’t cause them to be quitters.
7. Homeschool moms are just women who need to eat sometimes.
And sleep. I trust that needs no further explanation.
8. It’s perfectly grand for homeschooling parents to have interests outside of homeschooling.
In fact, it can be a way for us to model for our kids the idea of going after something we love, even if (especially when?) we aren’t getting paid to do it.
9. Love covers a multitude of (homeschooling) sins.
It is okay to get things wrong sometimes. Everyone does. Even teachers in brick-and-mortar schools.
You and your kids will survive.
10. The time goes fast.
And super slow. But mostly fast. There have been many days I wanted to teleport to the future because, math!
I still do, sometimes.
But more often, I want time to slow down because my son sounds like a man when he talks now, and I still have some more things I want to say…
What lessons has homeschooling taught you so far?
Inspiring homeschool links
I appreciate the candidness. In fact I had to shed a tear on your last note about your son. I am living that and it frightens me to think the time is short and there is so much I haven’t communicated or acted upon. I pray each day I put my best foot forward, even though I am so imperfect as a mom and teacher.
Remember, it’s ok to make mistakes. I’m right there with you.
Hannah’s latest post: 10 Things I’ve Learned in 10 Years of Homeschooling
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who felt that way about that lasts line. {sigh}
Kris @ Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers’s latest post: Weekly Wrap-Up: The one in which I was sick
Thank you for this post. Especially about how you have learned to critique over time. I am still in the early days. But I’m still very aware how fast the time is going.
I should say I’m still learning how to critique. Baby steps!
Hannah’s latest post: 10 Things I’ve Learned in 10 Years of Homeschooling
Thank you for the encouragement. I was just thinking yesterday why my blog posts seem to concentrate on the 5 year old but not the 13 and 12 year old, and I believe you hit on it. I do respect my children’s privacy (or at least try to). I would rather concentrate on the relationship rather than blogging about it.
Yep.
Hannah’s latest post: 10 Things I’ve Learned in 10 Years of Homeschooling
Oh I love this post… all of it. Why oh why did I take so long to learn #6!!! Our kids range from six to eighteen and their is a vast difference in the way they school… I don’t think I have ever blogged about my kids personally, but I do blog about their schooling and much more about what they are doing… as they get older I am a lot less involved in their schooling. There really isn’t to much to write about the last year or two of high school because I suggest a pile of books and they read through them, and eventually they look at their math book and figure it out… and honestly SAT preparation means sitting before practice tests and writing them – so not nearly as exciting to blog about as making a space station out of a soda bottle or what to pop in your nature notebook. I do sense a dramatic change in our lives as this summer I will be driving my two eldest to work daily for summer jobs… somehow the whole team won’t be together and it is going to be a big adjustment for all of us. So yes time goes far too fast, and I kind of wish it would all last a little longer, but I know they must grow and move on and it is exciting to see them do that!!!
se7en’s latest post: Se7en + 1 Myths Homeschoolers Need Not Believe to Stay on Track…
I agree. We have to let them grow up.
Hannah’s latest post: 10 Things I’ve Learned in 10 Years of Homeschooling
I think the first one is the lesson I’ve learned the most in 7 years of homeschooling. Learning does take time and that’s why I don’t even attempt to cover every subject every day. And if we go off on a tangent, that’s great! Sometimes that’s the best kind of learning.
Camie’s latest post: Autumn Care Package
I feel like at least 50% of the last ten homeschooling years has been spent on tangents in our house!
Hannah’s latest post: 10 Things I’ve Learned in 10 Years of Homeschooling
love this list. I love hearing from veteran homeschoolers, because it puts everything into perspective. As we are just starting out ,well, on our second year, but I still feel like a newbie, these tips help me stay grounded and make me feel less panicky!
Elaine’s latest post: Weekly Wrap-up: American Revolution, First half
Thank you for sharing your story and your experience! It helps so much when you hear from someone who’s been doing it for so long!
We are in our 4th year of homeschooling now, actually being among the pioneers here in our Eastern European country of Latvia. But so far quite a few lessons learned. The main one – try to enjoy the moment and treasure it rather than get stressed about the academics.
What will my kids remember when they’ll look back into our homeschooling years… Trying to keep this in perspective.
I am reading through this on January 29, 2016. Your comment caught my eye because we prayed for Latvia this week. Honestly, I don’t know anyone from Latvia or much about your country, but my God does! Anyway, I loved reading that there are homeschoolers there. I hope you are having a wonderful year of learning together!
beautiful and all so true
I have been homeschooling for 30 years…. First our own children, and now our grandson. I wouldn’t trade one day of our children’s godly character, for 10 years of things they “may have” missed out on, by not attending public school. God IS a God of grace, and I just make a habit of praying,” Lord, you know I’ve done my best, please just use what you will to prepare them for whatever YOU have ahead for each of them, IN SPITE OF ME!” He has never let us down!
Yes, this sums it up. I have graduated one and have twins who are in their sophomore year of high school. So much stays private to respect my teens. And there is so much angst for me as the days fly by and the end of our homeschooling draws near. We are the last homeschoolers standing out of about a dozen families who all started together, and it feels very lonely at times, but I would not trade it for anything. Thanks for the encouragement.
I have been a homeschooling mom for 20 years. Yikes! That makes me feel old. It has taking me a very long time to relax a bit with having a tight schedule and to do more hands on fun. Like biking, hiking and truly enjoying our farm experience. And the perk to this is much happier kids and mom.
Be flexible. Life happens and sometimes the best lessons aren’t the ones you planned.
Love this post and the thoughts you have concerning homeschooling! I want to write about homeschooling, after 20 or so years, you would think I have something to say. But I find myself writing less and less about it!
I do have 5 kids who have graduated now from a combination of homeschooling, public school, private school, and online school. I suppose I could write about all of that, but well, I just can’t seem to write about those things. I am proud of each of my kids who have graduated now, each are finding their way in the world and doing well. Some things come to an end and its a good thing. We are supposed to be working ourselves out of a job, but it is sort of bittersweet isn’t it? As they grow older and books that we loved to read together now are books we read separately.
thanks for your thought provoking posts!! You have learned well in your years of homeschooling!! heehee…
Always have chocolate stashed. 🙂