The 5 love languages of homeschooling

The 5 love languages of homeschooling ~
Written by Jamie C. Martin of Simple Homeschool and Introverted Moms

A few weeks ago an issue with one of my children kept me up late into the night. You know, one of those little things that you can’t quite figure out.

After pondering, praying, and a bit of crying, I eventually reached out to my friend and homeschooling mentor, Rachel DeMille.

In just a sentence or two I outlined the problem and asked if she had any advice. And in one sentence she solved it for me:

“What’s your child’s love language?” 

Hmmmm. Love languages? I had that filed back in my brain somewhere as it relates to marriage, but I had never paid it much attention when it comes to my children.

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And after some research into my child’s love language and a little attention in that area, this so-called “issue” pretty much vanished. Vanished, I tell you!

So what is a love language and how can I determine my child’s?

Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell articulated the five love languages years ago. They write: “Every child (like every adult) expresses and receives love best through one of five communication styles.”

We want to express unconditional love in each of these ways, of course.

But just like each child has a different personality, they also have a unique love language. Figuring it out can make a huge difference in the health of your homeschool.

I found this online quiz (recommended for ages 9+) invaluable to figuring out my kids’ love language preference–Trishna, Jonathan, and Elijah enjoyed it, too!

Here is an overview of the 5 love languages of children and ways we can apply them to our homeschool lives.

The 5 love languages of homeschooling

Physical Touch

A child who best receives love through physical touch desperately needs hugs, kisses, and pats on the shoulder. Not having enough can leave them feeling that they’ve done something wrong and that you are not pleased with them.

Ideas for homeschooling and teaching this child:

• let them sit on your lap for lessons or stories
• give them a back massage break for five minutes if they reach a challenge in their work
• for older kids or teens, give high fives and pats on the shoulder
• make sure to reconnect with physical touch after disciplining or difficult moments
• sit close while watching television or a movie
• roughhouse (tickles, wrestling, chasing) with littles who enjoy it

Words of Affirmation

Our culture has lost the art of giving affirmation. Words spoken well do not damage our kids, but fill them with confidence.

They powerfully communicate love, and even more so to a child (or adult) whose main love language is words of affirmation. (Hand raised here–it’s mine!) 

Ideas for homeschooling and teaching this child:

• take many opportunities throughout the day to encourage. “I love watching you work hard on your ….” or “I could see you being a great doctor” (or whatever career aspiration they’re into)
• leave a surprise note for a child to find under their pillow or in unexpected places (like when they open their math book)
• create a special loving phrase that is unique to you and this child
• in (or after) a difficult moment, share what you love about him or her
• speak out something positive about this child in front of others (spouse, neighbors, etc)

Receiving Gifts

Reading the chapter on gifts in The Five Love Languages for Children book gave me a broader concept behind the definition of a “gift.” It doesn’t mean shopping at the mall or spending tons of money. Instead, it suggested framing even the “essentials” I provide in a more special way.

For example, I usually buy new clothes for the kids in the fall. Instead of just bringing them out of the shopping bag when I got home, this year I placed each child’s new clothes inside a pillowcase and stuck a bow on the top with a special note. Then I put the pillowcases in their rooms after they were asleep, so they woke in the morning to new clothes.

Ideas for homeschooling and teaching this child:

• pick up a rock, shell, or cool object from a nature walk–then place it in a surprising location for them to find with a note from you
• don’t just buy “homeschool supplies” – take a minute to wrap them up and present the gift in a fun way
• bring home a small treat once in a while when you’re out grocery shopping–something that shows you were thinking of your child
• make their favorite meal and let them know you did it to bless them
• involve your child in the purchases you need to make for them: “We need to buy you a pair of winter boots – let’s pick them out together!”

Quality Time

Two of my three children’s primary love language is quality time, meaning I have my work cut out for me in spreading myself around! I feel like I’m with my kids all the time as a homeschooling mother, but that doesn’t mean it comes across to my quality time needing kids.

If I’m busy or distracted, it doesn’t register in their emotional bank accounts. We don’t need to do anything special, but even making dinner together while chatting goes a long way to keeping those love tanks filled.

Ideas for homeschooling and teaching this child:

• make eye contact
• put away screens and other distractions when with them
• include them in your errands – this child will enjoy what other kids might find boring
• sit together and look at family photo albums
• don’t send them to work on all assignments independently, even as they get older
• hang out without any agenda

Acts of Service

Acts of service doesn’t mean doing everything for a child and never having him take responsibility.

Instead it means recognizing that through your service this child receives your love. When you know this is a child’s main love language, you can put more effort in blessing them with the duties they struggle with most.

Ideas for homeschooling and teaching this child:

• don’t send your child off to work alone on their most difficult subject. Tackle it together.
• surprise your kid with a special breakfast on a regular weekday
• when your child is sick, show your love to them by the extra attention you offer
• try to respond quickly when this child asks for help
• every once in a while take over a child’s normal responsibilities (folding the laundry, cleaning his room, etc.)

Want to speak your child’s language?

This post barely scratches the surface on this topic, and if you’d like to go deeper make sure you check out  The Five Love Languages of Children.

Reading this book showed me yet another reason why I’m thankful to be a homeschooling parent–the extra hours we spend together each day give me even more time to get to know my children deeply, and be able to demonstrate my unconditional love in the ways that speak volumes to them.

And an unexpected upside? By loving our children well, we also teach them how to love–a gift that keeps giving for generations.

“Accept the children the way we accept trees—with gratitude, because they are a blessing—but do not have expectations or desires. You don’t expect trees to change, you love them as they are.”
~ Isabel Allende

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If you enjoyed this post, check out Jamie’s latest book, Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy.

Originally published on October 20, 2014.

This post contains affiliate links, which means I receive a small commission from some of the links on this page.

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what you need most!